Why You Should Not Mess With Drunk Lithuanian Engineers In Their Underpants
Thai anti-government protesters are continuing with their extremely unsanitary practice of pouring their own blood on things, in public. [ Bloomberg ]
President Obama will pull a "Nixon visits China" over at Fox News, which means that in just two short years we can expect him to resign from office in shame for completely unrelated reasons. [ New York Times ]
Conan O'Brien, the beloved comedian who nobody ever watched until they cancelled his show, may soon have another show for nobody to watch. [ Los Angeles Times ]
Michelle Obama has asked makers of various delicious salty mystery snacks to please make their products more "healthy," which is like asking Rumpelstiltskin to turn a pile of gold back into hay because it has fiber. [ Washington Post ]
Your Horrifying Environmental Disaster of the Week is brought to you by Fiji. [ BBC ]
This happened in Scotland, obviously: "Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way." [ BBC News ]