According To Dick Morris/Winston Churchill, Nancy Pelosi Bombed Pearl Harbor

by Ken Layne

This is exactly like that book 'The Man In The High Castle.'
Toe-sucking prostitute-user and one-time Clintonista Dick Morris now spends his “work day” whining on Fox News about the mean Demoncraps, but he took some time off today to send us a very special email comparing Nancy Pelosi to Imperial Japan, OUR ENEMIES THE JAPS, during World War II. Why won’t Nancy Pelosi denounce Imperial Japan for doing Pearl Harbor instead of kowtowing to the Japanese even today, because of sharks and health care and Winston Churchill? [Some Wingnut Group]

 
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{ 71 comments }

ManchuCandidate March 16, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Jeez, Dick must get his history from Texan history books because from what I recall, US American eventually beat the living shit out of Imperial Japan unlike say Vietnam or that tie in Korea.

WhatTheHeck March 16, 2010 at 12:23 pm

But is she a Tiger shark or a Hammer-head shark?
I need to know these things in case I’m ever alone in the water with her.

Buzz Feedback March 16, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Churchill was a pussy w/o the A-Bomb. Fukk you Dikk Morris. KABOOM!

bhosp March 16, 2010 at 12:26 pm

LOL @ Was it over when Germany bombed Pearl Harbor?

Urbanachiever March 16, 2010 at 12:27 pm

But does he know not to get into a battle of wits with Pelosi when death is on the line?

Joehoya March 16, 2010 at 12:28 pm

I somehow ended up on Morris’ mailing list, and when he’s not sending out emails shilling for diabetes cures and other medical miracles, he’s writing screeds trying to drum up money for some right-wing astroturf group he’s probably skimming money from.

V572625694 March 16, 2010 at 12:29 pm

[re=531316]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But US America won against Japan/Pelosi in a TKO on accounta the nukes. So if Speaker Nancy uses the Nuclear Option, it’s all a karmic balance.

No it isn’t. Dick Morris is so full of shit it makes me feel sleazy just to read words he wrote or excreted on Fox.

ShamWow March 16, 2010 at 12:30 pm

I thougnt Ben Affleck did Pearl Harbor. Why doesn’t Nancy Pelosi denounce him?

Extemporanus March 16, 2010 at 12:30 pm

They’re remaking The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yik?! With Nancy Pelosi replacing Tawny Kitaen?!

Oh my god, Dick Morris is right — we are fucking doomed.

JMP March 16, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Mmm, the image of Pelosi actually treating the House Republicans like a shark, ripping into their flesh and tearing it apart, leaving them nothing but a bloody mess – thanks for the stiffy, Dick! Unfortunately I’m at work and need to get rid of it; I’ll have to conjure up thoughts of your fat, hooker-foot-worshiping ways.

Autoo March 16, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Other ways Pelosi is like Japan:

1) Wears a lot of red
2) Relatively small, geographically
3) Smells like sushi

schvitzatura March 16, 2010 at 12:33 pm

…go on raids against the opposition, always in groups, in packs

Wolf packs? Nancy, She-Wolf of das Kriegsmarine! Watch out GOP merchant marine (you have more to fear than just being snorkelled by E. Massa)!!

Or is it cossacks, they like to travel in groups.

Janjaweed? Winged Hussars? Some other form of shock cavalry, perchance, Dick?

Douthat would prefer it be Rohirrim, natch.

EdFlinstone March 16, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Its a real shocker thinking Dick Morris had to pay a woman to have sex with him.

Extemporanus March 16, 2010 at 12:35 pm

[re=531317]WhatTheHeck[/re]: She’s a Grizzly Bearsharktopus being ridden by a light saber-wielding Barack Obama.

MOG March 16, 2010 at 12:35 pm

If I were Nancy, I’d be flattered, Dick is scared of the hungry, nasty shark. And he should be. Get a real job, Dick!

bago March 16, 2010 at 12:37 pm

OK, that is the third “jap” reference in 2 days. Did Frank Luntz just discover that the teabaggers aren’t too fond of the orientally inclined?

ManchuCandidate March 16, 2010 at 12:37 pm

[re=531326]V572625694[/re]:
It would be nice if the guy from SeVeN were real. Unfortunate the Universe isn’t fair.

ph7 March 16, 2010 at 12:38 pm

[re=531322]bhosp[/re]: Dick Morris: Zero point Zero

bago March 16, 2010 at 12:39 pm
schvitzatura March 16, 2010 at 12:39 pm

public opinion = Operation Cartwheel? Morris likens this to Gaijin Shogun’s island hopping strategy?

Tom Hanks wept…

Lascauxcaveman March 16, 2010 at 12:39 pm

[re=531333]Autoo[/re]:

4) Looks nice in a kimono
5) Fairly high-strung
7) Drinks coffee beverages from a can

JMP March 16, 2010 at 12:40 pm

And here’s a shocker; after googling the phrase, “”like going into the water to fight the shark,” all the results are from Dick Morris columns, or quoting him allegedly quoting Churchill; and most are from this year (Morris previously used it once in 2002).

There’s nothing to indicate Churchill actually said it; which makes sense, as the analogy as Morris presents it is backwards, since Japan’s navy was the strongest and most dangerous part of their military.

Cape Clod March 16, 2010 at 12:41 pm

There is no such thing as an “urgent” messege from Dick Morris. The drivel he generates can be read at leisure if you choose to do so.

predilectrix March 16, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Who cares!! I met Dick Morris at a certain age gap web site lol and he thinks just like me. Namely, that with his self-loathing, hooker-wanna-be fixation, the only way he could debase himself sufficiently was to shill on Fox.

Sussemilch March 16, 2010 at 12:44 pm

During the battle of Thermopylae, a small group of Greeks held the massive Persian army at bay, blocking the only road inland through which they could pass. This battle was depicted in the movie 300, with King Leonidas advocating “there’s no reason we can’t be civil, is there?”

That’s about what it is like, being Speaker of the House of Representatives facing the army of lunatics, except that Gerard Butler looks better in a skirt.

hoosiermama March 16, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Ken, you won’t even link to this “Some Wingnut Group.” WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?! Wake up sheeps! The Japanese are to blame for all our human tragedies and Pelosi is their emperor. I may be misreading this, but I’m having a hard time understanding much today, anyway.

WadISay March 16, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Here in the Upper Midwest, I do all my shark-fighting on land, and as of this moment I can honestly say that I am undefeated.

snideinplainsight March 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm

If I weren’t at work, I’d be posting a landshark YouTube link right now -

hoosiermama March 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm

March for America fashion tips, also.

Mista Eko March 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Vizzini also warned of the dangers of a Land War in Asia and of going against a Sicilian when death is on the line. But Wesley put poison in both cups, and then he died.

Please tell me this is also the fate of Dick Morris?

WIDTAP March 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Funny, I didn’t see Pelosi at all in the first episode of that new Spielberg and Hanks miniseries on HBO. But of course, there are both Hollywood commies dedicated to disgracing our troops and changing history to suit their librul bias. Maybe the Discovery Channel will have her on Shark Week.

Hooray For Anything March 16, 2010 at 12:48 pm

[re=531317]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Oh, I thought he meant these kind of sharks:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8R9GiLImSw

Cape Clod March 16, 2010 at 12:48 pm

[re=531346]JMP[/re]: So we can just say anything we want and give it credibility by claiming that Winston Churchill said it? Hmmm.

“Dick Morris is a fucking asshole.” Winston Churchill

La Cieca March 16, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Fun fact: if you do a Google search that includes the words “water” and “shark,” you will get a lot of results about snorkeling.

bago March 16, 2010 at 12:51 pm

This calls for a Megashark Infographic.

SayItWithWookies March 16, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Churchill also gave away Eastern Europe at Yalta, mostly because FDR was too old and feeble to fight the insistent Joseph Stalin. Isn’t there some sort of tortured metaphor Dick Morris can work this into as well? If you try to fight Pelosi, she’ll invade your Philippines and send your survivors on a Bataan Death March to the Siberian Gulag unless you volunteer to lift the seige of Stalingrad and defeat H — oh wait, Hitler’s also Pelosi. Damn. Well, she made the mistake of invading Russia, which Churchill also thought was a bad idea. And soon her overwhelming forces from Asia will push her invasion of herself back across the Dneiper and the Don, until healthcare makes its Battle of the Bulge last stand. And then when she defeats herself in Europe, she’ll be isolated in Japan. It all makes sense now.

american mutt March 16, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Lousy Smarch weather.

predilectrix March 16, 2010 at 12:53 pm

[re=531358]snideinplainsight[/re]: then follow it with John Belushi rousing the troops in Animal House.

Extemporanus March 16, 2010 at 12:56 pm

[re=531364]La Cieca[/re]: EVEN MORE FUN FACT: If you Google the word “sharking”, you’ll get
a lot of video results of Japanese guys pulling down the pants, skirts, and panties of unsuspecting Japanese girls in public.

ttommyunger March 16, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Dick Morris…If a pussy farts in the forest and no one hears it, does anyone really care? I guess so; this jagoff’s drivel is still being reported.

Tommmcatt March 16, 2010 at 1:04 pm

I applaud the use of the term “toe sucker” in relation to toe-sucker Dick Morris. In fact, I would go so far as to require the use of the term “toe-sucker” whenever the name “Dick Morris” is used, forever and ever, amen. Propriety demands no less.

snideinplainsight March 16, 2010 at 1:10 pm

“We’re going to need a bigger vote!”

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 16, 2010 at 1:15 pm

The only accurate part about Dick Morris’s email is the “Dick.”

Gumboz1953 March 16, 2010 at 1:19 pm

[re=531317]WhatTheHeck[/re]: I think either one might ruin your day.

Autoo March 16, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=531365]bago[/re]: AWESOME! Nancy Pelosi is my new fave supervillain!

La Cieca March 16, 2010 at 1:32 pm

[re=531391]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: To be fair, his singsong voice and prissy attitude do evoke Morris the Cat.

doxastic March 16, 2010 at 1:34 pm

So, in this instance, Hiroshima and Nagasaki would be…New York and San Francisco? Leave it to Dick Morris to make Osama Bin Laden look like a humanitarian in comparison.

Capitol Hillbilly March 16, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Dickie Morris and Davey Vitter are living proof that prostitution is not, in fact, a “victimless” crime. Those poor girls.

doxastic March 16, 2010 at 1:40 pm

[re=531345]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:

1) Air of sexual allure mediated by extreme restraint, tragic disappointment
2) Can’t drive worth a damn
3) Inscrutable

snideinplainsight March 16, 2010 at 1:41 pm

In 2008, voters in Delaware voted to send President Obama to Washington to fight for change — including for desperately needed health insurance reform. They expected Republican Representative Mike Castle to reach across the aisle to be a partner for change.

Unfortunately, last fall Rep. Castle opposed reform and voted to let insurance companies continue jacking up premiums and denying care to sick people. As a result, we’re placing him into a specially-prepared glass tank filled with salt water and bloody chum, into which we will release a hungry Nancy Pelosi.

But it’s not too late for him to change his mind and put average Americans and the middle class ahead of corporate and special interests.

The next make-or-break vote on reform is just a few days away, it’s expected to be extremely close, and Rep. Castle could be critical. So for Day 7 of the Final March for Reform, our plan is to reach out to voters in his district and ask them to call their representative and tell him to SWIM! Swim for the shore!! Swim like his life depends on it!

Way Cool Larry March 16, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Hmmm, maybe this is why Lindsey graham was talking about the Dems being liquored up on sake….
http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/03/graham-pelosi-has-dems-all-liquored-up-on-sake-on-a-suicide-run.php?ref=fpblg

Lionel Hutz Esq. March 16, 2010 at 1:42 pm

December 7th, 1941, the day the Japanese tried to provide health care to everyone in Hawaii, a day that will live in infamy.

Lionel Hutz Esq. March 16, 2010 at 1:44 pm

The only good thing about Dick Morris is that it has long been proven that what ever he says, the opposite is true.

Zorg March 16, 2010 at 1:54 pm

[re=531346]JMP[/re]: Actually, Churchill never said it. Field Marshall Montgomery declared it to be a principle of strategy during a speech before the British Parliament in 1962. Other than that, the Dick is perfectly knowledgeable about nearly everything that’s happened, ever. Also.

Escape Goat Nation March 16, 2010 at 2:03 pm

[re=531424]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: For a laugh and a half go to NewsMax.com and look at the archive of Morris’s articles.

Joe the Plumber equals winning strategy for McCain.

Negative political ads work.

Sarah Palin is America’s Margaret Thatcher.

Sarah Palin pick is a stroke of genius.

Mr Blifil March 16, 2010 at 2:05 pm

More irrational vagina dentata fear from bloated bloviators, film at 9/11.

Skwerl Nutz March 16, 2010 at 2:05 pm

“like going into the water to fight the shark,”

Someone should tell that to the crew of the USS Indianapolis

JMP March 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

[re=531431]Zorg[/re]: Good to know that the quote does actually have a source other than Morris; just not the one he claims. Guess he wouldn’t want to give credit to one of the gayz; of alternatively is just a moron.

[re=531445]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Oh right; moron.

FlownOver March 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

[re=531431]Zorg[/re]: If you’ve met one o’ them commie fag limeys you’ve met ‘em all.

Chickensmack March 16, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Mr. Morris, but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”

populucious March 16, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Where else does one go to fight a shark but the water?

steverino247 March 16, 2010 at 2:53 pm

[re=531334]schvitzatura[/re]: Let’s see, so much cool cavalry to choose from…

Gaugamela: Alexander’s Companions

Eylau: French Cuirassiers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFKDnjjbB7o)

Waterloo: Scots Greys (http://www.britishbattles.com/waterloo/images/scots-greys-600.jpg)

Balaclava: 17th Lancers (with or without Errol Flynn http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXzCOlPHFmc&feature=PlayList&p=BD2B8669C4A162A8&index=0&playnext=1)

And if it’s Churchill you need, then may I suggest you try the 21st Lancers at Omdurman?

thefrontpage March 16, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Dick Morris is a delusional, sorry, wayward moron.

JMP March 16, 2010 at 3:26 pm

[re=531486]populucious[/re]: Well, you can try jumping over its’ tank with a motorcycle.

OK, sorry; the meme is old and tired, I know.

Neilist March 16, 2010 at 3:30 pm

[re=531346]JMP[/re]: Actually, the Japanese Army was the most dangerous part of their military. The problem was that the Nips parked virtually all of it in China, from about 1926 forward. And from about 1943 on, they couldn’t get it back, because our submarines were so thick on the inland sea that two bumped into each other under water.

The initial battles being aired on HBO’s “The Pacific” involved relatively few troops on either side. It is not until Iwo Jima that the US faced relatively large sized (20,000) units of the Japanese Army.

Extemporanus March 16, 2010 at 3:37 pm

[re=531357]WadISay[/re]: “He pulls a muskie, you pull a sturgeon. He sends one of yours to the Dells, you send one of his to the Big Fitz. That’s the Great Lakes way!”

DP March 16, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Dick is gonna need a bigger boat. MUCH bigger.

Citizen Kang March 16, 2010 at 4:03 pm

[re=531316]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

We’re soldiers; but we’re American soldiers. We’ve been kickin’ ass for 200 years. We’re 10 and 1.
-John Winger, Stripes

The numbers have changed a little bit, but the bravado is still there. Ahhh…America. As long as the sun shines on Pax Americana, our hubris is matched only by our appetite for food and reality TV. Surely, our sunset is many years off.

lawrenceofthedesert March 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Much to my surprise, Morris IS misquoting Churchill, who actually wrote, “Going into the swampy jungle to fight the Japanese is like going into the water to fight a shark” on p. 702 of The Hinge of Fate, Vol. 4. Winnie’s point is about jungle warfare, not land war, but Morris can’t see the jungle for the plants.

Lionel Hutz Esq. March 16, 2010 at 6:36 pm

[re=531391]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Actually, it was proven a long time ago, that Mr. Morris is, in fact, dickless.

[re=531445]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Remember, Dick published a book about how Bush’s Other Mother (Condelezza Rice), was the Republican’s only hope to prevent the current reign of Hillary Clinton.

If it wasn’t for the fact that Morris just spews what FOX News wants to hear, he wouldn’t have a job given that he is never right.

mustardman March 17, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Something like 25% of the Teabaggers don’t believe Hawaii is a US State anyways so why does it matter all of a sudden?

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