This is exactly like that book 'The Man In The High Castle.'
Toe-sucking prostitute-user and one-time Clintonista Dick Morris now spends his “work day” whining on Fox News about the mean Demoncraps, but he took some time off today to send us a very special email comparing Nancy Pelosi to Imperial Japan, OUR ENEMIES THE JAPS, during World War II. Why won’t Nancy Pelosi denounce Imperial Japan for doing Pearl Harbor instead of kowtowing to the Japanese even today, because of sharks and health care and Winston Churchill? [Some Wingnut Group]

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Jeez, Dick must get his history from Texan history books because from what I recall, US American eventually beat the living shit out of Imperial Japan unlike say Vietnam or that tie in Korea.

  • WhatTheHeck

    But is she a Tiger shark or a Hammer-head shark?
    I need to know these things in case I’m ever alone in the water with her.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Churchill was a pussy w/o the A-Bomb. Fukk you Dikk Morris. KABOOM!

  • bhosp

    LOL @ Was it over when Germany bombed Pearl Harbor?

  • Urbanachiever

    But does he know not to get into a battle of wits with Pelosi when death is on the line?

  • Joehoya

    I somehow ended up on Morris’ mailing list, and when he’s not sending out emails shilling for diabetes cures and other medical miracles, he’s writing screeds trying to drum up money for some right-wing astroturf group he’s probably skimming money from.

  • V572625694

    [re=531316]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But US America won against Japan/Pelosi in a TKO on accounta the nukes. So if Speaker Nancy uses the Nuclear Option, it’s all a karmic balance.

    No it isn’t. Dick Morris is so full of shit it makes me feel sleazy just to read words he wrote or excreted on Fox.

  • ShamWow

    I thougnt Ben Affleck did Pearl Harbor. Why doesn’t Nancy Pelosi denounce him?

  • Extemporanus

    They’re remaking The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yik?! With Nancy Pelosi replacing Tawny Kitaen?!

    Oh my god, Dick Morris is right — we are fucking doomed.

  • JMP

    Mmm, the image of Pelosi actually treating the House Republicans like a shark, ripping into their flesh and tearing it apart, leaving them nothing but a bloody mess – thanks for the stiffy, Dick! Unfortunately I’m at work and need to get rid of it; I’ll have to conjure up thoughts of your fat, hooker-foot-worshiping ways.

  • Autoo

    Other ways Pelosi is like Japan:

    1) Wears a lot of red
    2) Relatively small, geographically
    3) Smells like sushi

  • schvitzatura

    …go on raids against the opposition, always in groups, in packs

    Wolf packs? Nancy, She-Wolf of das Kriegsmarine! Watch out GOP merchant marine (you have more to fear than just being snorkelled by E. Massa)!!

    Or is it cossacks, they like to travel in groups.

    Janjaweed? Winged Hussars? Some other form of shock cavalry, perchance, Dick?

    Douthat would prefer it be Rohirrim, natch.

  • EdFlinstone

    Its a real shocker thinking Dick Morris had to pay a woman to have sex with him.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=531317]WhatTheHeck[/re]: She’s a Grizzly Bearsharktopus being ridden by a light saber-wielding Barack Obama.

  • MOG

    If I were Nancy, I’d be flattered, Dick is scared of the hungry, nasty shark. And he should be. Get a real job, Dick!

  • bago

    OK, that is the third “jap” reference in 2 days. Did Frank Luntz just discover that the teabaggers aren’t too fond of the orientally inclined?

  • ManchuCandidate

    It would be nice if the guy from SeVeN were real. Unfortunate the Universe isn’t fair.

  • ph7

    [re=531322]bhosp[/re]: Dick Morris: Zero point Zero

  • bago
  • schvitzatura

    public opinion = Operation Cartwheel? Morris likens this to Gaijin Shogun’s island hopping strategy?

    Tom Hanks wept…

  • Lascauxcaveman


    4) Looks nice in a kimono
    5) Fairly high-strung
    7) Drinks coffee beverages from a can

  • JMP

    And here’s a shocker; after googling the phrase, “”like going into the water to fight the shark,” all the results are from Dick Morris columns, or quoting him allegedly quoting Churchill; and most are from this year (Morris previously used it once in 2002).

    There’s nothing to indicate Churchill actually said it; which makes sense, as the analogy as Morris presents it is backwards, since Japan’s navy was the strongest and most dangerous part of their military.

  • Cape Clod

    There is no such thing as an “urgent” messege from Dick Morris. The drivel he generates can be read at leisure if you choose to do so.

  • predilectrix

    Who cares!! I met Dick Morris at a certain age gap web site lol and he thinks just like me. Namely, that with his self-loathing, hooker-wanna-be fixation, the only way he could debase himself sufficiently was to shill on Fox.

  • Sussemilch

    During the battle of Thermopylae, a small group of Greeks held the massive Persian army at bay, blocking the only road inland through which they could pass. This battle was depicted in the movie 300, with King Leonidas advocating “there’s no reason we can’t be civil, is there?”

    That’s about what it is like, being Speaker of the House of Representatives facing the army of lunatics, except that Gerard Butler looks better in a skirt.

  • hoosiermama

    Ken, you won’t even link to this “Some Wingnut Group.” WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?! Wake up sheeps! The Japanese are to blame for all our human tragedies and Pelosi is their emperor. I may be misreading this, but I’m having a hard time understanding much today, anyway.

  • WadISay

    Here in the Upper Midwest, I do all my shark-fighting on land, and as of this moment I can honestly say that I am undefeated.

  • snideinplainsight

    If I weren’t at work, I’d be posting a landshark YouTube link right now –

  • hoosiermama

    March for America fashion tips, also.

  • Mista Eko

    Vizzini also warned of the dangers of a Land War in Asia and of going against a Sicilian when death is on the line. But Wesley put poison in both cups, and then he died.

    Please tell me this is also the fate of Dick Morris?


    Funny, I didn’t see Pelosi at all in the first episode of that new Spielberg and Hanks miniseries on HBO. But of course, there are both Hollywood commies dedicated to disgracing our troops and changing history to suit their librul bias. Maybe the Discovery Channel will have her on Shark Week.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=531317]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Oh, I thought he meant these kind of sharks:

  • Cape Clod

    [re=531346]JMP[/re]: So we can just say anything we want and give it credibility by claiming that Winston Churchill said it? Hmmm.

    “Dick Morris is a fucking asshole.” Winston Churchill

  • La Cieca

    Fun fact: if you do a Google search that includes the words “water” and “shark,” you will get a lot of results about snorkeling.

  • bago

    This calls for a Megashark Infographic.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Churchill also gave away Eastern Europe at Yalta, mostly because FDR was too old and feeble to fight the insistent Joseph Stalin. Isn’t there some sort of tortured metaphor Dick Morris can work this into as well? If you try to fight Pelosi, she’ll invade your Philippines and send your survivors on a Bataan Death March to the Siberian Gulag unless you volunteer to lift the seige of Stalingrad and defeat H — oh wait, Hitler’s also Pelosi. Damn. Well, she made the mistake of invading Russia, which Churchill also thought was a bad idea. And soon her overwhelming forces from Asia will push her invasion of herself back across the Dneiper and the Don, until healthcare makes its Battle of the Bulge last stand. And then when she defeats herself in Europe, she’ll be isolated in Japan. It all makes sense now.

  • american mutt

    Lousy Smarch weather.

  • predilectrix

    [re=531358]snideinplainsight[/re]: then follow it with John Belushi rousing the troops in Animal House.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=531364]La Cieca[/re]: EVEN MORE FUN FACT: If you Google the word “sharking”, you’ll get
    a lot of video results of Japanese guys pulling down the pants, skirts, and panties of unsuspecting Japanese girls in public.

  • ttommyunger

    Dick Morris…If a pussy farts in the forest and no one hears it, does anyone really care? I guess so; this jagoff’s drivel is still being reported.

  • Tommmcatt

    I applaud the use of the term “toe sucker” in relation to toe-sucker Dick Morris. In fact, I would go so far as to require the use of the term “toe-sucker” whenever the name “Dick Morris” is used, forever and ever, amen. Propriety demands no less.

  • snideinplainsight

    “We’re going to need a bigger vote!”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    The only accurate part about Dick Morris’s email is the “Dick.”

  • Gumboz1953

    [re=531317]WhatTheHeck[/re]: I think either one might ruin your day.

  • Autoo

    [re=531365]bago[/re]: AWESOME! Nancy Pelosi is my new fave supervillain!

  • La Cieca

    [re=531391]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: To be fair, his singsong voice and prissy attitude do evoke Morris the Cat.

  • doxastic

    So, in this instance, Hiroshima and Nagasaki would be…New York and San Francisco? Leave it to Dick Morris to make Osama Bin Laden look like a humanitarian in comparison.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Dickie Morris and Davey Vitter are living proof that prostitution is not, in fact, a “victimless” crime. Those poor girls.

  • doxastic


    1) Air of sexual allure mediated by extreme restraint, tragic disappointment
    2) Can’t drive worth a damn
    3) Inscrutable

  • snideinplainsight

    In 2008, voters in Delaware voted to send President Obama to Washington to fight for change — including for desperately needed health insurance reform. They expected Republican Representative Mike Castle to reach across the aisle to be a partner for change.

    Unfortunately, last fall Rep. Castle opposed reform and voted to let insurance companies continue jacking up premiums and denying care to sick people. As a result, we’re placing him into a specially-prepared glass tank filled with salt water and bloody chum, into which we will release a hungry Nancy Pelosi.

    But it’s not too late for him to change his mind and put average Americans and the middle class ahead of corporate and special interests.

    The next make-or-break vote on reform is just a few days away, it’s expected to be extremely close, and Rep. Castle could be critical. So for Day 7 of the Final March for Reform, our plan is to reach out to voters in his district and ask them to call their representative and tell him to SWIM! Swim for the shore!! Swim like his life depends on it!

  • Way Cool Larry

    Hmmm, maybe this is why Lindsey graham was talking about the Dems being liquored up on sake….

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    December 7th, 1941, the day the Japanese tried to provide health care to everyone in Hawaii, a day that will live in infamy.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    The only good thing about Dick Morris is that it has long been proven that what ever he says, the opposite is true.

  • Zorg

    [re=531346]JMP[/re]: Actually, Churchill never said it. Field Marshall Montgomery declared it to be a principle of strategy during a speech before the British Parliament in 1962. Other than that, the Dick is perfectly knowledgeable about nearly everything that’s happened, ever. Also.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    [re=531424]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: For a laugh and a half go to and look at the archive of Morris’s articles.

    Joe the Plumber equals winning strategy for McCain.

    Negative political ads work.

    Sarah Palin is America’s Margaret Thatcher.

    Sarah Palin pick is a stroke of genius.

  • Mr Blifil

    More irrational vagina dentata fear from bloated bloviators, film at 9/11.

  • Skwerl Nutz

    “like going into the water to fight the shark,”

    Someone should tell that to the crew of the USS Indianapolis

  • JMP

    [re=531431]Zorg[/re]: Good to know that the quote does actually have a source other than Morris; just not the one he claims. Guess he wouldn’t want to give credit to one of the gayz; of alternatively is just a moron.

    [re=531445]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Oh right; moron.

  • FlownOver

    [re=531431]Zorg[/re]: If you’ve met one o’ them commie fag limeys you’ve met ’em all.

  • Chickensmack

    Mr. Morris, but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”

  • populucious

    Where else does one go to fight a shark but the water?

  • steverino247

    [re=531334]schvitzatura[/re]: Let’s see, so much cool cavalry to choose from…

    Gaugamela: Alexander’s Companions

    Eylau: French Cuirassiers (

    Waterloo: Scots Greys (

    Balaclava: 17th Lancers (with or without Errol Flynn

    And if it’s Churchill you need, then may I suggest you try the 21st Lancers at Omdurman?

  • thefrontpage

    Dick Morris is a delusional, sorry, wayward moron.

  • JMP

    [re=531486]populucious[/re]: Well, you can try jumping over its’ tank with a motorcycle.

    OK, sorry; the meme is old and tired, I know.

  • Neilist

    [re=531346]JMP[/re]: Actually, the Japanese Army was the most dangerous part of their military. The problem was that the Nips parked virtually all of it in China, from about 1926 forward. And from about 1943 on, they couldn’t get it back, because our submarines were so thick on the inland sea that two bumped into each other under water.

    The initial battles being aired on HBO’s “The Pacific” involved relatively few troops on either side. It is not until Iwo Jima that the US faced relatively large sized (20,000) units of the Japanese Army.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=531357]WadISay[/re]: “He pulls a muskie, you pull a sturgeon. He sends one of yours to the Dells, you send one of his to the Big Fitz. That’s the Great Lakes way!”

  • DP

    Dick is gonna need a bigger boat. MUCH bigger.

  • Citizen Kang


    We’re soldiers; but we’re American soldiers. We’ve been kickin’ ass for 200 years. We’re 10 and 1.
    -John Winger, Stripes

    The numbers have changed a little bit, but the bravado is still there. Ahhh…America. As long as the sun shines on Pax Americana, our hubris is matched only by our appetite for food and reality TV. Surely, our sunset is many years off.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Much to my surprise, Morris IS misquoting Churchill, who actually wrote, “Going into the swampy jungle to fight the Japanese is like going into the water to fight a shark” on p. 702 of The Hinge of Fate, Vol. 4. Winnie’s point is about jungle warfare, not land war, but Morris can’t see the jungle for the plants.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=531391]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Actually, it was proven a long time ago, that Mr. Morris is, in fact, dickless.

    [re=531445]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Remember, Dick published a book about how Bush’s Other Mother (Condelezza Rice), was the Republican’s only hope to prevent the current reign of Hillary Clinton.

    If it wasn’t for the fact that Morris just spews what FOX News wants to hear, he wouldn’t have a job given that he is never right.

  • mustardman

    Something like 25% of the Teabaggers don’t believe Hawaii is a US State anyways so why does it matter all of a sudden?

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