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I’m Worth a Million In Prizes With My Torture Film, Drive a GTO, Wear a Uniform, All On Government Loan

  • Nancy Pelosi’s new idea is for the House to pass the Senate’s health-care reform by not voting for it. [Washington Post]
  • America’s remaining employed people would very much like to just stay in their jobs forever, quietly, not getting in the way, until death — but Things Have Changed and they will all be fired long before retirement age, which is now 70. [Reuters]
  • Texas has bravely removed Thomas Jefferson from its school history books, because he didn’t love Jesus enough. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • Iggy and the Stooges finally won a “rock & roll hall of fame” award, but Iggy’s the only one left alive, and he shared the honors (?) with Genesis and the Hollies and ABBA. [Detroit Free Press/NYT]
  • If your boner quits working, you’re probably going to die soon, from a heart attack. Sorry dudes. [CNN]
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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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52 comments

  1. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    A solid boner is like a dog’s wet nose: it means he’s healthy! Go ahead and touch it.

  2. Sparky McGruff

    [re=531147]JeffGoldblum[/re]: In Tess-ass, you only need one book: The bah-bull. It saves money, and makes teaching chemistry (bil-din’ Jay-sus bombs for abortion clinics) and math (rith-ma-tik) much easier.

  3. guangho

    Judging by the events of last Thursday my ticker is in tip top shape. However my cardiologist abruptly closed her practice after discovering for the umpteenth time that I am 17 years her junior. Oy those Caribbean lady doctors can be so fickle. Well lady doctors generally. Anyway I need a new health care provider so that my 32 year old heart which is moderately laden with schmaltz continues to function. Apply within.

  4. AxmxZ

    [re=531154]Sparky McGruff[/re]: Take thou also unto thee gasoline, and tar, and dish soap, and a rag soaked in alcohol, and put them in one vessel…

  5. guangho

    Speaking as a member of the Texas Board of Education Mr. (?) WadISay, I do not believe Calvin should do all the work of educating our students: Hobbes has to pull his weight too.

  6. Monsieur Grumpe

    I was fortunate enough to see Iggy Pop and the Stooges in a bar in downtown Detroit. The bar had no chairs, tables or anything that could be easily thrown which was a very good thing. Iggy rocked. Post Gabriel Genesis = meh.

  7. JMP

    The new Texas history standards are right down there with their biology standards. Along with their downplay of Jefferson, they’re claiming that the founding fathers were influenced by Christianity and don’t mention the separation of church and state.

    They put in emphasis on alleged violence of the Civil Rights movement, while claiming that Republicans were the champions of civil rights; there standards also include teaching that a free market economy is inherently superior. Most ridiculously, they also want schools to teach that McCarthy was right. Conservatives do just love forcing teachers to tell lies to children.

  8. slavojzizek

    This seems like a good place to note that I read an interview with Iggy where he insisted that ‘of course I’ve had it in my ear before’ is just a phrase sort of like ‘I’ve been through a lot’ and does not mean he’s had a wiener stuck in his ear.

  9. freakishlystrong

    Anyone else have the nagging feeling that maybe this race to the bottom mentality among the “working wounded” was maybe planned? I work with a gal, (R-extremely anti-union), who is exactly like this. “I’m just grateful to have a job.” We’ve not gotten a raise in two years, but they’ve somehow convinced anyone who’s still working to accept horrible conditions, because, hey it’s a gig, right?

    The wingnuts win again.

  10. FMA

    [re=531147]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Of course they do. They keep them in that suppository building in Dallas.

  11. Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

    Texas is a State where books on Judaism are still shelved under “Occult”.

  12. guangho

    @Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

    I had a cult meeting last night about the Jewish secret for making money. Evidently, the secret is………

  13. charlesdegoal

    Either you’re good enough to be famous or you’re not. You got to pay your dues, such as by playing the electric violin on Desolation Row. Just making money for the media isn’t enough. The next thing you know there’ll be a Celebrities Hall of Fame.

  14. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=531164]WadISay[/re]:
    Did Thomas Jefferson ever design a pair jeans that makes everyone’s buttocks look fabulous? Well?

  15. norbizness

    Is hypnotizing chickens supposed to be hard or easy? Or is it that you can’t tell?

    P.S. The Hollies RULE!

  16. JMP

    [re=531179]EdFlinstone[/re]: Eh, they still deserve the spot more than a group that includes Phil Fucking Collins.

  17. Monsieur Grumpe

    I had a head hunter once try to convince me to apply for an engineering job in Texas for which I was well qualified. I never once mentioned anything about my political leanings. I did mention I was big on the arts, science and nature. As a last resort she finally said “You don’t need to love George W Bush to live in Texas.” We both laughed at that one.

  18. coolcatdaddy

    Thank you Texas Schoolboard for your recent updated standards. You’ve given me more reasons to not move to your state and, in the future, to refrain from hiring anyone unlucky enough to be exposed to public education in your state.

    If you decide to update your standards to the 20th or, heaven forbid, the 21st century at some point, by all means let us know. Just don’t ask for any welfare handouts for your unemployed kids who don’t know their dick from the First Amendment.

  19. kaykel96

    Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site- I EAT POOP , a nice and free place for Older Men, or Older Women to eat poop and Younger Men, to- interact with each other.

  20. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=531181]JMP[/re]: It’s a hall of fame. Nothing in there about quality.

  21. Guppy06

    Y’know, why wasn’t Dear Leader Rick Perry of the Democratic People’s Republic of Texas included in the Crazy World Leaders montage? Obviously Sam Houston’s juche is alive and well out there!

  22. Prommie

    [re=531169]slavojzizek[/re]: Given that “Lust for Life” is the name of a lowbrow biographical novel about Vincent Van Gogh, I thought the “ear” reference had something to do with that. [re=531178]norbizness[/re]: Hypnotizing chickens is a cheap carnival trick, easy to do, like hypnotizing lobsters, its really like re-booting their brains, you overstimulate them and they lock up on you. Happens to me, too, when I am overstimulated.

    I was so thrilled when Iggy replaced Kathy Lee Gifford as the Carnival Cruise Line spokesperson. Sometimes selling out is an act of defiance.

  23. chaste everywhere

    Does it work the other way, too? Once I get my heart attack out the way, am I likely to die soon afterward from boner-failure? Also, if the new retirement age is 70, will my boner quit working before I do?
    Inquiring boners want to know.

  24. Mr Blifil

    My favorite thing about Iggy’s current place in the zeitgeist is the Carnival Cruise commercial that uses Lust For Life as the theme song, coming perilously close to including my favorite lyric “yes, I’ve had it in the ear before…” Plus he was tutored in eating box by none other than Nico, who was basically the Rielle Hunter of The Factory.

  25. JMP

    [re=531216]Prommie[/re]: Oh come one, what goes along better with a happy family vacation, a shrieking harpy that won’t shut up about her kids, or a crippling heroin addiction?

  26. Cape Clod

    [re=531167]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Agreed. Genesis lost all their great, wierd mojo the minute Peter Gabriel left.

  27. Dolmance

    The most beautiful sight in the world must have been the night they burned old Dixie down. And if Abraham Lincoln hadn’t been assassinated, he would have found a Southern version of Klaus Barbie to administer the Red States after the war.

    So much that could have been. Oh, well.

  28. ttommyunger

    The swagger, the smirk. The “I’m more than a little better than you” attitude. What a head start in life I would have had if I were only a Texan. Then again, I’d rather be human.

  29. bakeneko

    Snark aside, original Stooges drummer Scott Asheton is still alive and playing with the band, James Williamson, who joined in 1971 and was the guitarist on “Raw Power” is still alive and playing with the band, and “Lust For Life” was not a Stooges song (even if they perform it now).

    On the other hand, it is a shame that Ron Asheton didn’t live long enough to see it, and a bigger shame that the 13th Floor Elevators still haven’t made it. What is amazing is that Iggy is still alive himself.

    And the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame still sucks. Also.

  30. Prommie

    [re=531286]bakeneko[/re]: Its sucked right up until they put Iggy in it, and then it stopped sucking, dude.

  31. Prommie

    [re=531225]Mr Blifil[/re]: That Jarmusch short film with Iggy and Tom Waits is kinda a big deal, too, just like SnorgTeeGirl.

  32. Einstein'

    What the MSM is not reporting is that the bibles in a depository sets up nicely for say someone that wants to shoot another Democrat president.

  33. Gorillionaire

    I have never really listened to “Phish” before but that had to be the most boring version of Watcher Of The Skies that anyone ever played in history. Do they always look like they are playing in church?
    Iggy will never die. After the show he probably hopped on a plane, flew to Argentina and fucked a supermodel.

  34. S.Luggo

    Fair and balanced:
    “[Board member] Dr. [Don] McLeroy, a dentist by training, pushed through a change to the teaching of the civil rights movement to ensure that students study the violent philosophy of the Black Panthers in addition to the nonviolent approach of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.” http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/13/education/13texas.html
    (Hilarious article.]

    Pity Molly Ivins isn’t around to enjoy the Texas board’s buffoonery.

  35. doloras

    [re=531181]JMP[/re]: If you’d said “Phil Collins” in 1977, anyone would have replied “Brilliant drummer”, and would have been right. And then Mike, Tony and Steve said “Hey, it’s too much of a bother replacing Peter, let’s let the drummer sing, that’ll be good for a laugh”. In every Genesis narrative, there comes a Fall, and that was it.

  36. ThePuckStopsHere

    Okay, dudes. Iggy Pop played my high school back in the 70′s. For realz. Right there in the old gymnasium. Iggy and the Stooges. Live. Kind of strung out, but live nontheless. So how cool does that make me, anyway? Pretty damn, I’m guessing.

  37. Rotundo

    [re=531170]freakishlystrong[/re]: It seems that the destruction of expectations (ability to retire with dignity, hell, even live with dignity) is planned. We are becoming a fiefdom again. It was a lot of fun while it lasted though.

  38. Beanball

    Considering that the Del-Vikings are not among those “honored” by the selection committee, I have to say that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is bogus.

Comments are closed.