'I'm on the one mission to get a politician, to honor, or he's a goner, by the time I get to Arizona.'Angry old idiot John “Walnuts!” McCain is probably going to lose his beloved Senate seat this year and then be forced to actually live in Arizona, which he hates, so he’s even more desperate and crazy than usual. What kind of maverick-y bullshit stunt can he pull to remind Arizona voters just how shamelessly he’ll beg for re-election? He’s bringing the Snowbilly to the desert!

Grifter broadcast clown Sarah Palin hasn’t appeared with Walnuts since he vetoed her big idea about giving her own personal concession speech on Election Night, 2008. She was so upset, you guys! She’d been traveling the nation’s illiterate backwaters for two months, smiling and giggling while hillbillies yelled “nigger!” and “terrorist!” That’s hard work! Plus, people were mean to her just because she scammed hundreds of thousands of dollars in fancy clothes from the RNC and her teen-aged unmarried daughter had a baby and everybody in Alaska hated her and she couldn’t answer a simple teevee interview question without sounding like a drooling idiot, it was awful. And then the guy she called “Sambo,” as in “Little Black Sambo,” became the president for reals! Ugh, it’s called the White House for a reason, y’all.

And now she’s going to campaign for McCain, the end. [Arizona Daily Star]

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  • bureaucrap

    John McCain will have to live in Arizona, just like Bob Dole went back to his constituency in the Watergate condo complex.

  • norbizness

    Now somebody quickly build that border fence around Arizona’s borders.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Yes, because this was such a winning strategy for Walnuts! in the presidential election.

  • Big Liver

    Is there any way the incredible entertainment value of this development can be mined?

  • JMP

    And of course, by campaigning with the man who thrust her into an undeserved nation spotlight, Sarah is betraying conservatives everywhere; because as far right-wing as John McCain is, he’s still just not quite crazy enough.

  • libwakman

    Our Halfrican in chief should order a nuke tossed at the desert to save America from these maverickits.

  • Big Liver

    Maybe she’ll go rogue again. That would be funny.

  • freakishlystrong

    I think Arizonans have a right to know where the chillbilly stands on horses gay marrying.

  • joezoo

    “Sambo beat the bitch” is the original “fucking retarded.”

  • PsycGirl

    I’m sure she can relate to Arizona residents. The climate, the constituency, the elevation, the plant life…they’re only about 180 degrees apart.

  • Big Liver

    Isn’t the guy breathing down Walnuts neck some Abramof (Sp?) crony? Wasn’t he that smarmy apparition on Rachel Maddow last night? Isn’t he positioning himself to the right of Walnuts? Won’t Sarah be terribly conflicted positioning herself between those two? Stay tuned.

  • mumblyjoe

    I don’t understand why Walnuts! is so terrified of this Hayworth fellow. Have you, like, listened to him try to debate someone? Dude is an incoherent idiot. Like, cringe-worthy dumb. Here’s a hilariously awful argument with him from Maddow, last night.

    Wasn’t Walnuts! supposed to be like, good at debating? That’s what everyone was saying before presidential debates happened. Why doesn’t he just, like, debate Hayworth and reveal him to be the dumbass that he is?

    Oh, wait. I know why.

  • kaykel96

    Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site- I EAT POOP , a nice and free place for Older Men, or Older Women to eat poop and Younger Men, to- interact with each other.

  • V572625694

    [re=531176]norbizness[/re]: This is such a great idea. Really, the border fence should just kind of follow the Mason-Dixon line, with a big turn north to capture Nebraska, Wyoming, etc. Let la Reconquista begin! Viva Aztlan!

  • FMA

    [re=531194]mumblyjoe[/re]: Regarding the possibility of “an incoherent idiot” attaining public office, I refer you to the years 2000 through 2008.

  • bondwooley

    Woops, the link above doesn’t work. Let’s try this, if you want to envision a Palin run for the presidency:


  • JMP

    [re=531194]mumblyjoe[/re]: This is a Republican primary, remember; being a blathering idiot is a positive there. Why do you think Walnuts is bringing one in to help him?

    [re=531196]kaykel96[/re]: Hey wait,I thought you said that you broke up with your boyfriend a few weeks ago about ten times last night; now you’re back together again.
    [re=531197]bondwooley[/re]: Oh great, a spambot and a blogwhore back-to-back. This is getting ridiculous.

  • magic titty

    Sweet Public Enemy lyrics, Ken. Now how do we bomb Arizona, using this here Internet?

  • Mr Blifil

    I was given to understand Scott Brown would be The Fixer.

  • Flanders

    [re=531196]kaykel96[/re]: [re=531197]bondwooley[/re]: Spambot, meet Blogwhore. Blogwhore, meet Spambot. Now you two run off together and spend some time alone, get to know each other. Away from here.

  • PsycGirl

    [re=531202]FMA[/re]: Also remember that the stage was set for blithering idiots by the vice-president under George Bush Senior.

  • WadISay

    Maybe Sarah has learned the descant on “Bomb Bomb Iran.”

    [re=531194]mumblyjoe[/re]: You say “incoherent idiot” like it’s a bad thing.

  • Mr Blifil

    I note the “Sambo” reference comes from an eyewitness report from an unidentified waitress, who serves pancakes for a living. I also note that Little Black Sambo was clever enough to make the tigers run around the tree at such a speed that they transubstantiated into pancake batter. I leave the reader to draw their own conclusions. Disclaimer: My grandparents kept a copy of Little Black Sambo in their Oak Park suburban home, for harmony.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=531176]norbizness[/re]: That would be a shame given how beautiful Arizona is minus the wingnuts. I think a better idea would be to ship all the residents to big, empty Wyoming, fence that in, and let them all shoot each other in Yellowstone.

  • germansteel

    Sarah said she would stage a campaign stunt where she would fly along the Messican border and pick off a few varmints – if you get her drift here – if John wanted her to.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=531203]bondwooley[/re]: That’s what she said.

  • mumblyjoe

    [re=531202]FMA[/re]: [re=531205]JMP[/re]: [re=531218]WadISay[/re]: I can respect that we all have differences on this matter.

  • nappyduggs


    Bristol, this is no way to spend your spring break. Too bad your mother is off spreading her loser juice and cannot be bothered to properly supervise you. She just fails all of the time, doesn’t she?

  • Apocalyptic Supermarket

    [re=531193]Big Liver[/re]: The thought of Sarah Palin positioned between McCain and Hayworth made me need to scrub my brain out with bleach.

  • AutomaticPilot

    Needz moar Trig.

  • doxastic

    [re=531196]kaykel96[/re]: This is either the most hilariously appropriate link spamming ever OR someone’s sense of sarcasm is a little finer than mine.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=531196]kaykel96[/re]: what’s your man got to do with me? I say we get to banging, and sharpish. Because you are one filthy, sexy, dirty, something, spambot.

  • FMA

    [re=531233]Crank Tango[/re]: See, this is the kind of thing Santorum and Hayworth were warning us about — man on spambot sex.

  • Berkeley Bear

    The last polling (admittedly a Rasmussen poll) we have is 2 months old and shows McCain up 20. I want to see the McCain internals that lead him to think bringing in the grifter (who is getting the crap kicked out of her by the Teabaggers for this) is a good move. Either those internals are crazy bad or McCain dipped into his wife’s fun stash before calling Palin.

  • Baldar T Flagass

    [re=531196]kaykel96[/re]: Do you do “rusty spambone?”

  • Redhead

    Isn’t Walnuts picking Snowbilly Barbie to cheer for him sort of like those guys, often of middle-eastern nationality, who strap bombs to their vests and then extinguish their own lives (careers?), literally going down in flames?

  • comicbookguy

    Let’s hope Palin does for AZ what she did for NY23.

    Needs more Zombie Pelosi.

  • ella

    The Wasilla Hillbillies don’t do anything for free, so is he paying her or is Cindy going to give her some hand-me-down suits and shoes?

  • JMP

    [re=531234]FMA[/re]: I’m sure many men are desperately hoping and waiting for the day when functional sex robots for men (sex robots for women have been around for decades) will be available.

  • SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    Wait, she doesn’t appear in public unless there’s loot involved. What’s she gettin’ outta this? And if the answer is “nada,” whaddaya wanna bet she don’t show up?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=531194]mumblyjoe[/re]: Wow. That Hayworth guy is ridiculously stupid; possibly even too stupid for Arizona!

    I’m trying to decide whether he would be an even more amusing replacement (for McCain) and I’m toward a ‘yes’ vote.

  • Starrigavan

    Ah the joy. Our Sarah is going to campaign for McCain? Yay! Our Sarah will piss off the Teabaggers, who hate McCain for losing to a black man (but love Sarah for not loving a black man) and McCain will lose, again. Also. And too. And then the horse-on-man guy can explain to us why gay marriage is bad judicial activism, but allowing Toyota to marry Bill Gates is good judicial activism!

    Oh, too and also.

  • zhubajie

    You notice she hasn’t spent the winter in Alaska.

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=531193]Big Liver[/re]: Sarah? Conflicted? No No One of the great advantages of being a totally unprincipled grifter is that you are by definition immune to cognitive dissonance, or actually, in Sarah’s case, any cognitive processes at all.

  • An Outhouse

    Hiring Sarah is a bargain. She comes with under age props and they don’t need to be paid!

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=531279]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Nothing’s too stupid for AZ. A former evening news sportscaster and all-around choad is naturally a perfect candidate for just about anything in this state.

  • glamourdammerung

    Wondering how much Sarah the Entertainer is charging him.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Old people forget things. He’s so sure he’s never seen her before and besides, he thinks to himself, what harm can come of this?

  • Alaska Girl

    How much did she charge Walnuts? Was her fee per appearance or some package deal? Would she take a check or did she insist on cash? Was it contractual and did the Walnuts boys insist on a nonperformance penalty clause?

    The girl may not know much, but she do know on which side her bread is buttered.

  • Sussemilch

    Whoa, where did he come up with the $100,000 for that?

  • Oblios Cap

    [re=531219]Mr Blifil[/re]:

    I was always told that they turned into butter – another lie my parents told me. Nothing’s sacred!

    I worked at a once Sambo’s as a cook. When’s the last time you’ve seen one of those restaurants?

  • smashy smashy

    Dear Arizona,

    You are beautiful. You deserve better.

    Everyone else

    PS. WTF.

  • sati demise

    [re=531376]smashy smashy[/re]: WTF?

    Snowbirds meet snowbilly.

  • Joey Ratz

    [re=531243]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Yeah, I wonder about that too. We keep hearing that Hayworth is eating WALNUTS!’s lunch, but I haven’t seen any poll numbers indicating that. A nomination bloodbath would actualy be kinda amusing if it wasn’t for the fact that Hayworth is a corrupt, evil fucking retard and WALNUTS! is… well, himself. This is one of those events were you wish that a tornado would suck up everyone at a debate, so we could send a reasonable replacement instead to DC. Y’know, someone like Russell Pearce, just to get him the hell out of Arizona.

  • joementum

    [re=531211]magic titty[/re]: The good ol’ days.

  • HuddledMass

    [re=531367]Oblios Cap[/re]: You are correct. Mr. Blifil is wrong. It was butter. I know because my grandfather had a copy of Little Black Sambo lying around the house about fifty years ago. Probably worth something now, if my parents hadn’t thrown it out in horror.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    This makes perfect sense; campaigning with Palin worked so well the last time he was losing an election.

    McCain famously has 8 houses, surely they’re not all in Arizona? So what you should say is that he’d be forced to live with his wife, who he… loves dearly?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    This is all so retarded*.

    *Note, pursuant to the US Comedy Code, sec. 1307, the word “retard” here is used for sarcastic effect, and therefor you have Sarah Palin’s permission to laugh at it and her son.

  • Crankenstank

    Fortunately for Senator McKeepoffthegrassyoukids, six of his houses are outside of Arizona, and not a one of them in Alaska, so we are fairly certain he will land on at least two of his feet.

  • gjdodger

    [re=531422]HuddledMass[/re]: I got you all beat. My grandmother had a Little Black Sambo CARTOON that she would show at our BIRTHDAY PARTIES! I remember that when he saw the tiger, the title character turned white, but it was a “silent,” so I don’t know if the tiger sighting had a Harry Reid approved effect on his “dialect”. My grandmother just turned 95, by the way. Tiger butter is good for you.

  • S.Luggo

    I’m waiting to see whether Gov. Quitterette pronounces the picnic locale as Tucs-on or Tuc-son.

  • GOPCrusher

    So basically, John McCain has decided to retire as the Senator from Arizona.

  • Darkness

    [re=531219]Mr Blifil[/re]: I loved that story as a kid. (The tiger turns into ghee, actually) There is nothing wrong with the book (with the possible American mis-interpretation of the title’s use of black to denote someone from south asia).

    Full Little Black Sambo book.

  • Georgia Burning

    Having escaped from AZ myself I have a little sympathy for McCain, after all he has an IQ above 90. On the other hand: he was the one who unleashed Alaska’s Eva Peron on the rest of the country, and he’s got free beer for life.

  • Mad Brahms

    So where is the part where the tea party turns against her for supporting a RINO / demon sheep?

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    McCain has got to stop hiring the Millionaire Matchmaker to run his campaign. Otoh, I wonder if Sarah can see Russia from Quartzite.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=531220]Cape Clod[/re]: Thanks for the idea. I was worried [re=531198]V572625694[/re]: and [re=531176]norbizness[/re]: were going to lock me in here.

    [re=531554]Georgia Burning[/re]: Where’d you escape to? I’m open to suggestions.

    [re=531331]Alaska Girl[/re]: Wait til you see the Bugatti Veyron Sarah drives home in. Todd will weep.

  • RPolanski

    I think Johnny was just missing those 2 on 1s with him and Cindy and Sarah that they had back in the fall of 2008. Remember when Johnnie came within inches of asking Cindy to “show us your tits” at Sturgis?

    That’s what’s behind all of this gettin’ Sarah to come on down to Arizona.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=531367]Oblios Cap[/re]: The Sambo’s Restaurant in Milwaukee that I used to go to when I was a kid had 6′ diameter, dark brown-tinted, bubble-shaped windows that gave those seated in certain booths the sense that they were dining inside of super huge Nubian boobs.

    The dumbest move that chain ever made was to change their name to Denny’s, thereby allowing Cracker Barrel to corner the overtly racist restaurant market.

  • Jim89048

    Nevar forget, AZ already elected Haywouldyablowme to Congress back in ’94, and kept him there until ’06. It ain’t much of a stretch, and most of ’em have no doubt already forgotten all about Abramoff, just like the Keating 5…

  • Darkness

    McCain is campaigning with Palin again?

    The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.


    Hey, I dont see what’s the big deal. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me and my babys father is a nudie dancer from a family of meth cookers. Don’t judge! Anyway, I like looking sexy for guys, so cum check me out: this is my new PR company- I-eat-POOp/!

  • AZ Righty

    McCain is not afraid of losing his seat. I live in AZ and there is not one single person I know who even thinks twice about this election. JD Hayworth has created such a reputation for himself it would take a, ‘horse’ to vote for him!!! McCain is fighting the big fight against this administration and we all know we need to keep McCain in Washington!

  • SureRight

    JD has the campaign of a winner…haha…let us recap this… beginning with the reputation he comes to run with; corrupt (Abramoff), biggest boozer in Congress (a title given to him by his peers) second biggest blowhard in Congress, again, he earned that title, dumbest member in Congress, an award given to him by his peers, forced to step away from his radio gig b/c he is unethical quietly campaigning by bashing McCain on air, announces his candidacy and creates an ad campaign to raise money by painting a picture of an Indian McCain (disrespectful) only raises enough money to cover that ad, he is asked to show proof of his donors for his Abramoff legal bill trust (which he will not do) has to get rid of Rose because he has no money and now paints a picture of man marrying animal. It almost seems like a joke to me, he has embarassed himself so much it is pathetic.

  • ladymacbeth

    [re=532772]AZ Righty[/re]: what are you saying?

  • patco13

    Two losers campaigning.

  • billcostley

    Whatta Te@m!

  • dedalus

    [re=531214]Flanders[/re]: better yet, have a tickle fight.

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