In case you have not read about this on the very tense political Internet, the House vote on health care reform at the end of this week is going to be close as the dickens. No — even closer than the dickens.

Consider today’s Presidential Activity: Barack Obama wants to get Dennis Kucinich’s vote, but Dennis Kucinich really does not want to vote yes (because it’s likely that the day after Obamacare loses, the House & Senate will quickly take up and unanimously pass a single-payer bill.) So Obama orders Kucinich to fly with him on Air Force One to a big health care rally in Kucinich’s own district. And then during the rally, Obama and his Union Thugs just try to annoy Kucinich until he cracks.

And this is just Monday! Say a prayer for any crucial Democratic votes still holding out by Thursday or Friday, when Rahm Emanuel will be EARFUCKING THEIR CHILDREN.


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  • Buttery1000

    Someone should tell Kucinich that the aliens are for health care reform.

  • gurukalehuru

    They’re going to get this.

  • EdFlinstone

    Dont bother Kucinich, hes busy trying to get April declared national pierogi month out of committee.

  • Berkeley Bear

    Kucinich is just pissed that being elfin and small enough to fit in Stephen Colbert’s pocket are still going to be reasons he can’t get big boy coverage on the Federal Employee exchange.

  • Formerly Preferred

    Aural sex?

  • jetjaguar

    stand tall, my little elven prince, stand tall

  • progressiveinga
  • Suds McKenzie

    Hopey should publicly fuck his wife.

  • SmutBoffin

    If the dickens were any closer, we’d all be dickens-slapped.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Shit. You can fit a lot of people inside that Keebler tree.

  • Chernobyl Soup

    I thought the dickens was (were?) superlative.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=530756]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Isn’t that Rahm’s job?

  • The Other Sarah T

    [re=530756]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Yup. Or dangle the little guy by the scruff of his neck & sort of flick at his ears, maybe add a few “coochie-coochie-coo”s.

  • Troubledog

    I have a total stiffy for Dennis Kucinich’s wife.


  • V572625694

    [re=530756]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Let’s all publicly fuck Mrs Kucinich. Only by “all” I mean “me.” And by “publicly” I mean “in private.”

  • user-of-owls

    [re=530759]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: The dickens were superlative, but the deuces were simply divine.

  • hockeymom

    You call THAT a public shaming? Call me when the wee lawmaker has been paraded around town wearing the scarlet letter A (asshat).

  • JMP

    Come on, Obama; Kucinich is jumping up and down, screaming “look at me, look at me”; by publicly pressuring him, you’re just giving him the attention he wants.

    Still, you’ll probably be able to steal some of his Lucky Charms; just like those kids who are always after him do every time.

  • Zadig

    [re=530756]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Fuck no, the sight of Barry nailing Dennis’ gratuitously hot wife would melt our eyes out from the awesome. He can do it in private, this mortal shell isn’t ready to witness it.

  • Guppy06

    Anybody who flaunts a wife like that in public knows no shame!

  • chaste everywhere

    [re=530746]gurukalehuru[/re]: Hope so, but maybe we’d best not count our dickens before they’re . . . I dunno, snatched?
    [re=530751]Formerly Preferred[/re]: Sounds good to me.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=530773]Guppy06[/re]: Are you saying he should treat her more gingerly?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=530740]Buttery1000[/re]: Don’t the aliens already have universal health care?

    [re=530758]Buzz Feedback[/re]: That was uncommonly good.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=530772]Zadig[/re]: Caesar got revenge on his political enemies by fucking their wives and letting everyone know it so not only is there precedent for it, but it worked out rather well for Caesar, except for the whole stabbing thing. Obama’s major problem in doing that, however, is he’s got to contemplate nailing Mrs. McConnel, Mrs. Boehner, and Lindsey’s Graham’s significant other– Joe Lieberman.

  • Mr Blifil

    In contrast to John Edwards, when he gives his Amazonian red-headed arm trophy head, he has to use his entire head.

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=530773]Guppy06[/re]: Whooops. For a second I thought you were referring to Justice Pubic Hair and his Schwein-frau.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=530773]Guppy06[/re]: [re=530777]Extemporanus[/re]: He’s already having her fitted in a burkini for their next visit to the beach.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=530784]Extemporanus[/re]: They sure do, it’s all covered under Mexicaid Part B.

  • Sharkey

    [re=530764]Troubledog[/re]: I bet she would totally do you.

  • JMP

    [re=530785]Hooray For Anything[/re]: To be fair, Caesar never fucked Brutus’ wife, and it took other actions to turn him against Julius; namely, that he fucked Brutus’ mother.

  • TGY

    Maybe he can motion to impeach George Bush, again?

  • Zadig

    [re=530785]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Maybe he should follow another ancient precedent, that of the Whipping Boy, and get some poor sap to be his proxy fucker.

  • Capricatony

    According to Nate Silver, Kucinich has the 23rd most right-wing voting record in the House. Of course he was objecting from the left, but the outcome is the same.

    If the health bill hangs on Kucinich, we’re fucked. The man believes a) he’s accomplishing something with his “principles” and b) in aliens.

  • BarackMyWorld

    “it’s likely that the day after Obamacare loses, the House & Senate will quickly take up and unanimously pass a single-payer bill”


  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Dennis is just pissed at Barry for not naming him ambassador to Munchkinland, obvs.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=530825]Capricatony[/re]: Being a principled asshole without regard to effect is Denny’s favorite part of the Ralph Nader playbook.

  • Holding Out for a Hero

    [re=530772]Zadig[/re]: If Barry makes a sex tape of him nailing the tall, hot redhead and puts it on Pay-Per-View for $19.95 a pop, we’d make enough money to pay off the deficit in about 3 hours. Just sayin’

  • kaykel96

    Sadly, My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. yeah.. i’m young ,beautiful,lonely and still hurting.i need someone to love ….My friends told me about A_ge_m_in_gle @ c/o/m and i got curious about it.. they met their boyfriends there.,It is said that it’s the best place to meet a older boyfriend or a younger girlfriend. .So i got a username AnnaBaby there in order to find a new boyfriend. is it wrong?

  • loverevolution

    [re=530753]jetjaguar[/re]: Beautifully said.

    If our government is going to start forcing everyone to buy health insurance, are you happy with the idea of only being able to choose from among the for-profit bloodsuckers? Don’t you think it would be much better to also have the choice of a Public Option?

    I think an Insurance Mandate without a Public Option is terrible policy and political suicide. A twofer. I’m with Denny on this one. Fight for the PO! It’s important.

    It’s time for Progressives to take over and start running this country. The Conservatives have scorched enough earth for a lifetime.

  • steverino247

    [re=530764]Troubledog[/re]: Two legs, good. Spread legs, better.

  • rottenart

    [re=531030]steverino247[/re]: Johnny?

  • Mad Brahms

    Earfucking? With a green dildo? Isn’t that Gibbs’ job?

  • imissopus

    Tell him anal probes will be covered.

  • Beanball

    [re=530825]Capricatony[/re]: I’m one of the people that will be “mandated” to buy “health care insurance” if this piece of shit bill goes down, and I’m here to tell you that you’re not in the least bit funny.

    Also, STFU.

  • SemiCharmedQuark

    [re=531023]loverevolution[/re]: He voted against the public option by voting against the House bill. He voted against SCHIP, the hate crimes bill, cap and trade and the budget and the pantsing of Joe Wilson. What does any of that accomplish?

  • thursday

    What is with people and Kucinich’s wife? I’ve seen them both in person. They both look like elves. Kucinich is the old Keebeler-style elf, and his wife is more like thost Lord of the Rings Elves: pale and lanky. They’re both nutter butters, though.

  • ericblair

    [re=530748]EdFlinstone[/re]: Oh, haha funny, because he has an ethnic name.

  • ericblair

    [re=530895]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Yeah, principles are so….maladaptive. Fuck ’em.

  • ericblair

    [re=531137]thursday[/re]: And we all know that looks are the most important thing, forever.

  • GOPCrusher

    [re=531125]SemiCharmedQuark[/re]: Joe Wilson was pantsed? Must of been on C-Span 3. Damn you Dish Network! Damn you!

  • danceswithcougars

    Ever notice that Barry is awful tough on progressives standing firm but kind of a quivering pussy when it comes time to back down the pugs?

  • heathenish

    [re=530753]jetjaguar[/re]: I’m with you and Dennis on this. Being an elf, myself. (Even though principles are maladaptive-as ericblair says.)

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