While Morgan Griffith is now merely majority leader of the Virginia House of Delegates, one day he shall become the Republican White Obama, of Ancient Prophecy. Because why the fuck not, right? This is some Real American cred here: “Griffith also has an odd fondness for dressing up like one of his heroes, Revolutionary War Gen. Andrew Lewis. That’s a little strange, but there’s something about him I’ve always found even stranger: Griffith was married five years ago in Salem’s East Hill Cemetery, next to the dead general’s grave.” Actually, not Real American enough, nevermind, GTFO — Confederate generals would be more American. [Roanoke Times]
THINGS WE KNEW
March 15, 2010
Virginia Majority Leader Screws Old Corpses, Makes Wife Watch
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After reading this, Kinky Friedman changed his name to Virginia House Majority Leader Morgan Griffith Friedman.
I’m sure any representative’s chief of staff is just tickled to see a headline about their boss that reads:
Griffith ‘really not that weird’
In a cemetary? Was it some sort of Satanic ritual?
Is the kid holding a doll of Santorum’s bawling daughter?
Why gay marry to a ghost?
So where did the kid come from? I’m guessing it must be some kind of ghost.
Wait, since when did we allow goths to hold elected office; and why would Republicans choose them as leaders?
[re=530291]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Looks to me more like a little Obama doll. A little Obama doll that is vomiting.
Maybe the kid is taking after dad and doing the voodoo doll thing.
An appropriate place to “bury a stiff.”. My only question is, where is this douche going to find a stiff one? AND, considering he’s a Repug. the little girl needs to keep her legs crossed and her cheeks clenched…just sayin’.
Dude worships a *Revolutionary War* general? He must be the majority leader of Northern Virginia, not Real Virginia.
On April 15, 1777, Lewis resigned his commission due to his failing health.
Great, another fucking quitter, exalted past all reasonable expectation.
Morgan and Hilary Griffith got married in the cemetery because of duck poop.
Well, if that don’t beat all. What the fuck is up with Republicans?
No church would agree to perform the service while she was wearing that suit.
Conspiracy theorists might suggest he caused the dcucks to poop so he could get married next to the grave of his hero.
Also, was the corpse/sex thing before or after his marriage?
But he did it for perfectly understandable seriously weird reasons.
She donned her prosecutor’s hat and fired some questions at her new husband.
“I said, ‘You often dress up as Andrew Lewis?’
” ‘And we got married by his grave?’
” ‘Are you kidding me?’ ”
And she added, “I can’t believe I let you talk me into that.”
———
Believe me, if the answers to her questions were also transcribed, the last line would make a lot more sense.
[re=530316]Jumping Jim[/re]: From the photo, looks like after.
Thank you very much. I’m here all week. Try the veal.
Was it the same cemetery that Denny Hastert gave that speech in? That would be pretty cool, right guys?
I didn’t think the Roanoke Times was creative enough to make up stuff like this. Now for new of the weird, they just start cold-printing personal profiles of America’s political leaders.
[re=530291]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Santorum? Bawling? Watch your language!
And yet, if I were to get married at a Star Trek convention, that would do more to end my political career than that
Kinky.
And for anniversaries, birthdays and other celebrations, the couple throw parties at the funeral home.
I am totally against Republican marriage. You open that door, and the next thing you know one of them is wanting to get married to the corpse of a Revolutionary War General and wrecking some poor girl’s life in the process.
His wife is probably happy that he is fixated on a dead general rather than living young boys.
[re=530315]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: She looks like she’s trying to dress like Jackie Kennedy, except without the pillbox hat. Perhaps the Majority Leader isn’t the only one with some kinky fetish for dead political figures in that family.
That’s goth-er than a Spanish president’s daughter.
[re=530345]Terry[/re]: Well played!
Meanwhile, Andrew Lewis is squinting at them from the afterlife, mumbling “WTF?”
[re=530306]ttommyunger[/re]: Nah, she’s safe ’cause she’s a girl.
Anyone who gets married in a graveyard has something wrong with them.
[re=530345]Terry[/re]: Tranny: http://tinyurl.com/ydu5bym
[re=530348]JMP[/re]: You could pack a couple o’ Jackies into that pink suit. Maybe she ate one for lunch.
Hot dog! This guy is literally my representative! Go Roanoke/Salem, Va!
His greatest victory was against Chief Cornstalk of the Shawnee. The mid-18th century’s Saddam Hussein, no doubt.
Oh Dan Casey, I hope I see you ride past my door in your exciting bike shorts today so I can give you a hug for your latest journalistic masterpiece.
(local references ftw)
Oh yeah, dude is running for congress in the 9th district, against a Democrat who voted for CAPNTAX and thus will likely be lynched by the citizens of Wise County.
Which one’s his bride, the heifer in pink or the sourpuss with the Odd Job doll?
[re=530345]Terry[/re]: He might just be fixated on boys in generals.
[re=530345]Terry[/re]:
Yeah, but did Rielle Hunter shoot the video?
DO NOT WANT
http://tinyurl.com/yaz5qz5
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