Did Barack Obama sext you today? Us too! If you deleted it already, this is what it says: Call the 202-559-4225 number and you will be connected to the Congressional Switchboard (Eric Massa masturbating) and tell them your district or where you live or whatever, and they will connect you, and you tell the staffer or intern that you support the Health Care and please just get this over with so we can think about something else, like a naked, farting Eric Massa sitting on your face, forever. (This is what fascism looks like, according to George “Andrew Sullivan” Orwell.)
Political Wire
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{ 55 comments }
Trenchant, man, trenchant.
Do we have to ask for a Happy Ending or a Massa Massage? I’d hate to just get a regular old massage. But then again I don’t want a Massa Massage either.
PRESDENT NOBAMA IS LEEDING US INTO SNORKLISM!!1
Who’s the old fart holding the moranic sign, and why hasn’t he been shipped off to the death panels yet?
I’m wagering Sign Guy’s grandpa is already dead.
Wait, I just thought of something even more funny and incisive than that sigh:
THE ZOO HAS A {photo of a lion}
& THE WHITE HOUSE HAS A LYIN’ AFRICAN!
HAW HAW HAW, I made a wingnut funny!!!1
[re=528812]Crank Tango[/re]: Apparently our favorite Ohio Orangeman wants a Congressional Probe (heh heh) into Mister Massa’s allegations.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/dcnow/2010/03/eric-massa-john-boehner-.html
Massa: Does the GOP love him or hate him? They are being real schizophrenic about him.
Obama is a politician, so he has lied or will lie. Grandpa has died or will die. Sounds logical to me. All that is left to fix is the poor spelling.
That man has no jaw, and the chin? Nonexistent.
Since the Wingnuts are mainly comprised of cranky old people long since retired, home schooled teenagers, and unemployed gun freaks with a meth problem, they have nothing to do all day but call Democratic congress critters all day. Which they do. And since most liberals are either working, stoned, or trying to raise awareness of the possible extinction the South American Field Gopher, they don’t call. Which is way Congress critters get all wobbly because all they hear all day is grandpa angrily berating them about medicare and the gays. So that’s why calling is important.
Got no snark here….
[re=528829]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Yeah but that may be the majority of Americans right there -
“YOBAMA?” Oh, I get it, it is a play on Yo Mamma, because the commie, socialist, muslin, africans are always saying “yo mamma.”
I want to call them, but I’m not even sure what’s on the damn table. But then, there are millions of people to whom ignorance of a subject is not an impediment to their having an opinion. I’ll just call and beg them to pass something — which is really an accurate portrayal of my level of frustration and desperation anyway.
[re=528814]Extemporanus[/re]: I think the naked face farting massa maneuver is called “swabbing the poopdeck,” but whatever.
My rep is Baghdad Jim McD, who is a past prez of the ADA, and confirmed lover of all health bills and such commie stuff. Calling his office you just get put on hold and forced to listen to hippie muzak like Solidarity Forever and the Internationale. Not as much fun as the tapes/action that Layne gets calling his rep.
Writing “yobama” on your sign really shows how well-reasoned your policy ideas are.
Yobama? What does that even mean?
By the looks of that picture, maybe the Tea Baggers are right. The majority of Americans are against a Socialist, Muslim, African American being President.
The Tea Party has made me reconsider social Darwinism as a viable philosophy.
[re=528818]President Beeblebrox[/re]: “Boehner said he plans to file a House resolution on the matter later Thursday to ‘get to the bottom’ of those questions.”
get to the bottom, indeed.
[re=528843]SayItWithWookies[/re]: All the House has to do is pass the Senate bill et viola– health care. The fact they haven’t already is just fucking ridiculous. Once that happens, it’s Socialist Happy Fun Time as all the Senate needs to do is find 50 votes to cram any sort of health care provision down our throats and any other sort of Socialist endeavor they so choose to. Hello FEMA reeducation camps!
[re=528847]weejee[/re]: Same here; my Rep (Chaka Fattah) is a staunch liberal who hasn’t shown any signs of wavering about reform, representing a liberal district, so calling him wouldn’t make a difference. He’ll always be hated by teabaggers for reasons you could probably guess from his name, anyway.
[re=528829]Hooray For Anything[/re]: This image can be a great cause for hope, because it reminds us that most of the crazed wignuts are very, very old, and will most likely die soon, or at least get too senile to remember how to vote.
[re=528862]prizepig[/re]: It means he the sign holder still does not comprehend/accept the fact that people come in all colors and sizes.
I think we’d all agree that as long as it’s someone else’s grandpa, we’re cool with that.
Yoplait should scarf up that trademark, PDQ.
Or Ben & Jerry’s, maybe.
[re=528845]Crank Tango[/re]: Actually, because Massa wears little eye-patch underwear, it’s called the “Pirate’s Booty”.
Arrr! It be messy, me matey!
I called already.
Actually I didn’t.
[re=528905]Extemporanus[/re]: shiver me timbers! to davey jones’ hurt locker with ye!
[re=528886]JMP[/re]: Sadly, just when one generation of old farts shuffle off the mortal coil, there’s always another generation to take their place to scream for people to get off their lawns. Luckily, once the Boomers have stopped plaguing us, it’ll be Gen X’s turn and not only are we smaller in numbers, but still too apathetic to care– “medicare cuts? Eh, whatever.”
And I have Pelosi as my congress person so there’s not much I can do here either.
[re=528886]JMP[/re]: My rep is corrupt old Mr C. Rangel , will he even get the message?
My congresscritter is generally a very reliable vote for sanity, but I still call here and there to say “thanks” and “hey check it out I ain’t no wingnut!”
[re=528925]Hooray For Anything[/re]:
I’m having trouble imagining what Gen Xers will look like as olds. Ironic hipster clothing based on fifties and sixties styles? If we do that, won’t it stop being ironic as we would just look like the olds do now? Will we have “Lawerence Welk”-style programs featuring The Counting Crows and Hootie and the Blowfish?
Jesus, how depressing.
These are the things that keep me up at night. That, and the fact that when I turned forty I suddenly had to pee all the time.
My representative called ME last night (Bill Owens) – in fact he called thousands of us. It was pretty cool – a phone forum, over 3,000 people stayed on the line and listened to each other ask questions and Bill answer them; it ranged from healthcare and job questions to, “I’m a Vietnam vet and the VA is fucking with me.” Which it probably is. Then my Bluetooth died and I was too lazy to hold the phone to my ear.
[re=528951]Tommmcatt[/re]: GenXers will continuously try to be into whatever vanilla version of the current musical trend will be, sorta the way that old dude classic rockers graciously concede that they do in fact like new music like Lenny Kravitz.
Uh-oh, wait ’til he finds out about the plan to send a probe to Uranus.
all wonkette rates is the number to the switchboard? my marching orders — i mean, request to assist — includes the very name and phone number of my congressman right here in my own town. if i wasn’t so old, tired, jaded and flatulent, i would feel special. as it is, i think i’ll go down to the schoolyard and feel –
nah, i won’t even joke about that. geheime staatzpolizei has eyes, but no sense of humor.
I would happily die myself if I knew grandpa was going to die too.
[re=528925]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Yes, but each new generation is at least a little bit more progressive than the one before it. For example, most of today’s racist olds at least try to speak in code when they publicly express their racism.
As for Gen-Xers, when we or you (born 1976, I’ve been told I’m both that and Gen-Y; apparently those my age straddle the media-defined artificial generational divide) get old, they’ll probably be some new cultural development for us to complain about. Maybe all the kids are wasting all their time playing games and taking part in porn on the holodecks; or the struggle for equal rights for robots (assuming they haven’t enslaved us all. I’m not having no damn clickers move into my neighborhood!
Ken — For years I’ve been thinking that I am the only American EVER to have read Orwell’s “The Road To Wigan Pier” (excepting the other students in my college history class). Let me take this opportunity to plug this stupendous (and disturbingly relevant) book by a very good English writer.
[re=528951]Tommmcatt[/re]: We’ll probably still be wearing ironic t-shirts, trying to listen to current music in a failed attempt at remaining hip, waxing nostalgic over “Schoolhouse Rock” cartoons, and inventing new forms of yoga. We’ll also be going to see 60 year old members of Dinosaur Jr. and Pearl Jam play at a reconstituted Lollapalooza where lots of people will break hips when they will try to ironically slam dance. Courtney Love will still be alive and even crazier, the “Simpsons” will still be on, and most of our old folks homes will consist mainly of things from Ikea.
i see a black person in the pic…no sorry tht was a shadow.
Hey, not dead yet!
[re=528862]prizepig[/re]: I’m guessing it’s not the opposite of “Nobama”– though it should be
[re=528991]JMP[/re]: As a Gen-Xer, all I can say is I’ve seen enough of Battlestar Galactica to know that those little fuckers shouldn’t get any civil rights as they’re just going to eventually start a war with us and nuke us. It’s the same reason I’m firmly against civil rights for any monkey or gorilla that can talk– it’s not going to end well.
My rep is Aaron “do my abs disturb you” Schock. I have tried to get the right balance of drunk/medicated for weeks now to actually try to interact with this schmuck, but I really don’t need an FBI file when I inevitably lose my shit over his positions on everything.
This town makes me nuts – it is overwhelmingly pro-union (AFCSME state workers and people whose livelihoods depend on state workers), yet votes GOP on social and fiscal issues. They can’t seem to figure out that if they want to keep getting paid their higher than normal union wages or have any money to fund their pensions, they are going to have to support a tax increase one of these days.
Hahaha, this guy is so funny. He’s like Ben Nelson with a cap on. Stop, just stop. He is like a cross between Rich Little and Charles Nelson Reilly, fucking hilarious.
Yeah. I’ll call my Congresscritter right now. I’m sure he’ll get the message and change his mind and vote for something that would actually be of benefit to humankind for a change. Uh-huh. Pickin’ up the phone and callin’ him up this very minute.
Yobama Man clearly supports the common sense solution to the health care crisis facing our nation today. He has taxpayer funded socialized medicine, like every Republican member of Congress, like Snowbillie’s kids and grandkids, and it’s so HORRIBLE he wants to protect the rest of us from the tragedy of affordable, competent medical care. As long as we keep paying for his socialized medicine that is. Oh yeah, and Obama is black. Too.
HAHAHAHA. I’m trying to call the number right now–to be connected to a dickwad representing these idiot okies.
What a joke.
G**dammit. I tried to call but they must have seen the caller id from Oklahoma and hung up on me because they’re tired of futility.
Fuck the WH switchboard.
[re=528818]President Beeblebrox[/re]: My advice to the GOP is go with your strength.
Hate him.
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you know reading that dumbass old wingnut’s sign forced some musings. 1) when do we get to set up the death panels and can I sign the papers killing old wingnuts and Trig..and 2) Republicans are such transparent children. They have this immense capacity for petty and vindictive behavior. They reuse slogans from anti-war protesters to attack the democrats with on completely seperate issues and think it’s the height of creativty “woah Seemus, you really hoisted that N_____er on his own pee-tard!”. It’s really sad to think of grown people much older than I am making signs like this and thinking they get any other response aside from a groan from other people at their stupidity. I swear to god these people spend every moment of their lives thinking up the dumbest ways to get liberals back for ANYTHING derogatory we say about their retarded politicians. I used to think republicans were just low information inbreds, but after watching the absolute glee reflected in conversation from the tiny brow of one of these mongoloids repeating essentially what that old wingnut has on his sign, I must declare: time for the death panels and the FEMA camps and not a moment too soon. Only death cures stupidity= truism.
As an Australian, I find the Wingnuts’ views on health care utterly incomprehensible. They appear to be saying:
“We will defend to the death our wonderful private health insurance companies and their right to rob us blind and send us bankrupt, and woe betide any President who makes any attempt whatsoever to loosen their lethal choke hold on us…”
Is that about right, or am I missing something?
[re=529342]Captain Swing[/re]: Your understanding is spot on Mate – and it seems we’ve both learned enough ‘Merikin to 1) read their mad writings and 2) keep away from that nation of nutters!
SayItWithWookies: All the House has to do is pass the Senate bill et viola– health care. The fact they haven’t already is just fucking ridiculous. Once that happens, it’s porno Socialist Happy Fun Time as all the Senate needs to do is find 50 votes to cram any sort of health care provision down our throats and any other sort of Socialist endeavor they so choose to. Hello FEMA reeducation camps!
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