nation of bored idiots

America’s Only Thriving Industry: Internet Terrorism


Have you heard about this nut lady? She’s not even religious, or Muslim, or whatever. She is just a nut who finally found a purpose/job, on the Internet. Well everybody needs a Mission, right?

Sure, she’s a nut, who allegedly wanted to kill a … let’s see, yes, a “Swedish Cartoonist.” But is it any more pointless and doomed that what you’ve done this week? Prepare for millions of unemployed Americans to launch their own Batman characters against anything they hear about on the Internet.

And don’t miss the dingbat neighbor who reminds us why it’s far better to have NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU, because that’s the government’s job! [AP]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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49 comments

  1. Nappied Hypotenuse

    Our voiceover guy sounds waaay too much like ORN’s Doyle Redland for me to take this seriously.

  2. Prommie

    It was nice of the gummint to actually charge her with a crime, what with having arrested her in October and holding her in durance vile for, what, 5 months now?

    Oh shit, now Lynn Cheney is going to come after me for defending terriers.

  3. Spike

    Obviously the way to stop this kind of thing is with more racial profiling of middle-aged white ladies.

  4. Katydid

    I, for one, am relieved she comes from an otherwise “all-American community,” according to that soul-crushing AP report.

    Fucksticks.

  5. x111e7thst

    [re=528529]Prommie[/re]: You sir/madam disqualify yourself from any DOJ employment with your terrist coddlin’ ways.

  6. Larry McAwful

    You can get attention on the internet by threatening cartoonists’ lives? Cool. Then I’m issuing a fatwah on Jim Davis. He’s a dead man. Fucking Garfield.

  7. ManchuCandidate

    It’ll be a new offering at the International Correspondence School with Phoenix U offering Intertubes Muslin Terrism as a Masters Program.

  8. JMP

    Oh, it was a lady; after reading that someone had tried to kill a cartoonist, I had assumed it must be our Josh Fruhlinger.

  9. proudgrampa

    That neighborhood (and the two people they interviewed) looked like a scene out of some Stephen King novel. “All-American community,” indeed.

    And the voice-over was downright creepy.

  10. sagebrush

    “JihadJane” and Liz Cheney do look quite a bit alike. Any chance of Cheney getting on a terrorist watch list?

  11. JMP

    [re=528550]Voyou Charmant[/re]: [re=528532]Katydid[/re]: Most likely, “all-American” means “all white”.

    What got me was the neighbors’ line, “we’re better off, actually, that we don’t know.” That attitude of willful ignorance is one of America’s biggest problems today.

  12. Cape Clod

    [re=528532]Katydid[/re]: Given that it’s the AP, that probably means she lived in a community filled with doughy white people.

  13. tbogg

    That can’t be an “All American community” because the gardener in the background was tall and white instead of short, brown and wearing a sombrero.

    Nice try, Sweden.

  14. nappyduggs

    “Found solace in the Internet….”

    That’s like finding straight porn in Eric Massa’s footlocker.

  15. Cape Clod

    “I’m glad she didn’t kill me,” Vilks told The Associated Press on Wednesday.

    This guy has got to have a pretty dry sense of humor.

  16. Prommie

    [re=528566]Mr Blifil[/re]: The best way to do it, is to go to a psychiatrist (has to be an MD) and tell him, or her, that you’ve been suffering all your life with the inability to focus your attention on the task at hand, that it has affected your career, it has caused you to neglect your work, you procrastinate endlessly, tell him that you like to read a book, do a crossword puzzle, and watch TV, while eating dinner, and your spouse is hating it. If you do it right, the shrink will give you a prescription for legal meth, and it even comes in a handy-dandy time-release capsule that will keep you buzzing along, all day, every day, and you will be instructed to remember not to skip your dose of meth!

    This truly is the right way to do drugs.

  17. JMP

    Is it just me, or does the cartoonist-killer’s boyfriend look a lot like Rob fucking Swanson, except with bad, uncombed hair? Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the voice.

  18. Autoo

    [re=528536]dijetlo[/re]: Sure, she’s a nut, who allegedly wanted to kill a … let’s see, yes, a “Swedish Cartoonist.”

    I *sorta* know how she feels. Every time I see a Cirque du Soleil program I want to kill a Sweaty Contortionist.

  19. Mr Blifil

    [re=528601]Autoo[/re]: No, no, no…don’t you know that documented cases of autocunnilingus are rare as Sasquatch sightings? We need all the sweaty contortionists we can get, for the day when one lets her guard down and an enterprising videographer is there to capture lighting in a bottle.

  20. dijetlo

    [re=528603]Autoo[/re]:
    Yes, you have found the cusp of the matter, all mimes must die. I would place them above sweaty contortionists and Swedish cartoonists on any right thinking termination list….I understand Bobba Fett is under-employed, perhaps we could work out something with him.

  21. Judas Peckerwood

    With a boyfriend like that, I’m not surprised she opted for a life of more excitement. Seriously, how many times do you think Captain Clueless managed to find her G-spot?

  22. CycloneArmageddon

    “LIVES NEARBY.”

    Seriously, this is the best caption they could come up with? There are so many choices:

    “DEFECATES STANDING UP”
    “PROJECTILE VOMITS WATERMELON”

    etc etc. Come on guys. THINK.

  23. Gumboz1953

    [re=528677]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Eeww. Gimme a break, will you? I’m eating my lunch here.

  24. glamourdammerung

    There are going to be a lot of sad teabaggers if they start arresting folks for idle death threats over the internet. What would happen if Red State had no more posters?

  25. Hooray For Anything

    When it turned out that John Walker Lindh (I think that was his name), the American who got captured as a member of the Taliban, grew up in Berkeley, all I heard was “well, of course, he became a terrorist, he’s from Berkeley.” So, when will I start seeing the “oh, of course, she became a terrorist, she came from an All-American town” stories?

  26. Pop Socket

    [re=528528]Larry Fine[/re]: It was either become a jihadist or write humorous captions on pictures of cats. I think she made the right call.

  27. coolcatdaddy

    Yes, there’s way too many strange things going on in this country we’re not aware of. Like suspicious men raking leaves right behind our very backs…

  28. Sparky McGruff

    [re=528537]Larry McAwful[/re]: I’m pretty sure that Jim Davis died in the early 1980′s, and his clever computer program continues to churn out the comics (which are sent off to a junior high school art class for “inking”.

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