NATION OF BORED IDIOTS  9:55 am March 11, 2010

America’s Only Thriving Industry: Internet Terrorism

by Ken Layne


Have you heard about this nut lady? She’s not even religious, or Muslim, or whatever. She is just a nut who finally found a purpose/job, on the Internet. Well everybody needs a Mission, right?

Sure, she’s a nut, who allegedly wanted to kill a … let’s see, yes, a “Swedish Cartoonist.” But is it any more pointless and doomed that what you’ve done this week? Prepare for millions of unemployed Americans to launch their own Batman characters against anything they hear about on the Internet.

And don’t miss the dingbat neighbor who reminds us why it’s far better to have NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU, because that’s the government’s job! [AP]

 
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{ 49 comments }

memzilla March 11, 2010 at 10:00 am

Those Main Line Muslins have always been trouble.

Troubledog March 11, 2010 at 10:03 am

She heard it was a great way to meet lots of Musulmen.

Nappied Hypotenuse March 11, 2010 at 10:05 am

Our voiceover guy sounds waaay too much like ORN’s Doyle Redland for me to take this seriously.

Larry Fine March 11, 2010 at 10:08 am

Everyone needs a hobby

Prommie March 11, 2010 at 10:08 am

It was nice of the gummint to actually charge her with a crime, what with having arrested her in October and holding her in durance vile for, what, 5 months now?

Oh shit, now Lynn Cheney is going to come after me for defending terriers.

Spike March 11, 2010 at 10:09 am

Obviously the way to stop this kind of thing is with more racial profiling of middle-aged white ladies.

Katydid March 11, 2010 at 10:10 am

I, for one, am relieved she comes from an otherwise “all-American community,” according to that soul-crushing AP report.

Fucksticks.

x111e7thst March 11, 2010 at 10:14 am

[re=528529]Prommie[/re]: You sir/madam disqualify yourself from any DOJ employment with your terrist coddlin’ ways.

dijetlo March 11, 2010 at 10:17 am

I mean, who doesn’t want to kill Swedish cartoonists?

Larry McAwful March 11, 2010 at 10:17 am

You can get attention on the internet by threatening cartoonists’ lives? Cool. Then I’m issuing a fatwah on Jim Davis. He’s a dead man. Fucking Garfield.

ManchuCandidate March 11, 2010 at 10:17 am

It’ll be a new offering at the International Correspondence School with Phoenix U offering Intertubes Muslin Terrism as a Masters Program.

Prommie March 11, 2010 at 10:17 am

Someone should think of a Lynn Cheney – Lon Chaney joke, ya know?

gjdodger March 11, 2010 at 10:18 am

Thenk you, Hane. Jihad been berry, berry good to me.

JMP March 11, 2010 at 10:19 am

Oh, it was a lady; after reading that someone had tried to kill a cartoonist, I had assumed it must be our Josh Fruhlinger.

Voyou Charmant March 11, 2010 at 10:22 am

[re=528532]Katydid[/re]: That was indeed a bizarre line.

MOG March 11, 2010 at 10:23 am

There goes my TSA plea, “Oh come on, since when does a terrorist look like this???”.

Limeylizzie March 11, 2010 at 10:27 am

[re=528540]Prommie[/re]: Cunt of a Thousand Faces?

proudgrampa March 11, 2010 at 10:31 am

That neighborhood (and the two people they interviewed) looked like a scene out of some Stephen King novel. “All-American community,” indeed.

And the voice-over was downright creepy.

sagebrush March 11, 2010 at 10:34 am

“JihadJane” and Liz Cheney do look quite a bit alike. Any chance of Cheney getting on a terrorist watch list?

Mr Blifil March 11, 2010 at 10:35 am

Some people should stay away from smoking meth. I, however, am one of the exceptions.

Not_So_Much March 11, 2010 at 10:36 am

She was doing it all wrong. The intertubez is for teh pron.

JMP March 11, 2010 at 10:36 am

[re=528550]Voyou Charmant[/re]: [re=528532]Katydid[/re]: Most likely, “all-American” means “all white”.

What got me was the neighbors’ line, “we’re better off, actually, that we don’t know.” That attitude of willful ignorance is one of America’s biggest problems today.

Cape Clod March 11, 2010 at 10:39 am

[re=528532]Katydid[/re]: Given that it’s the AP, that probably means she lived in a community filled with doughy white people.

tbogg March 11, 2010 at 10:41 am

That can’t be an “All American community” because the gardener in the background was tall and white instead of short, brown and wearing a sombrero.

Nice try, Sweden.

Prommie March 11, 2010 at 10:42 am

[re=528566]Mr Blifil[/re]: Snorting is ok, though, right?

nappyduggs March 11, 2010 at 10:43 am

“Found solace in the Internet….”

That’s like finding straight porn in Eric Massa’s footlocker.

Cape Clod March 11, 2010 at 10:47 am

“I’m glad she didn’t kill me,” Vilks told The Associated Press on Wednesday.

This guy has got to have a pretty dry sense of humor.

Prommie March 11, 2010 at 10:47 am

[re=528566]Mr Blifil[/re]: The best way to do it, is to go to a psychiatrist (has to be an MD) and tell him, or her, that you’ve been suffering all your life with the inability to focus your attention on the task at hand, that it has affected your career, it has caused you to neglect your work, you procrastinate endlessly, tell him that you like to read a book, do a crossword puzzle, and watch TV, while eating dinner, and your spouse is hating it. If you do it right, the shrink will give you a prescription for legal meth, and it even comes in a handy-dandy time-release capsule that will keep you buzzing along, all day, every day, and you will be instructed to remember not to skip your dose of meth!

This truly is the right way to do drugs.

JMP March 11, 2010 at 10:52 am

Is it just me, or does the cartoonist-killer’s boyfriend look a lot like Rob fucking Swanson, except with bad, uncombed hair? Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the voice.

Autoo March 11, 2010 at 10:57 am

[re=528536]dijetlo[/re]: Sure, she’s a nut, who allegedly wanted to kill a … let’s see, yes, a “Swedish Cartoonist.”

I *sorta* know how she feels. Every time I see a Cirque du Soleil program I want to kill a Sweaty Contortionist.

Autoo March 11, 2010 at 10:59 am

[re=528601]Autoo[/re]: Or a mime. A mime would be good, too.

Mr Blifil March 11, 2010 at 11:01 am

[re=528569]JMP[/re]: Today?

Mr Blifil March 11, 2010 at 11:03 am

[re=528601]Autoo[/re]: No, no, no…don’t you know that documented cases of autocunnilingus are rare as Sasquatch sightings? We need all the sweaty contortionists we can get, for the day when one lets her guard down and an enterprising videographer is there to capture lighting in a bottle.

dijetlo March 11, 2010 at 11:09 am

[re=528603]Autoo[/re]:
Yes, you have found the cusp of the matter, all mimes must die. I would place them above sweaty contortionists and Swedish cartoonists on any right thinking termination list….I understand Bobba Fett is under-employed, perhaps we could work out something with him.

Prommie March 11, 2010 at 11:28 am

[re=528614]dijetlo[/re]: This is a job for Shakes the Clown.

Judas Peckerwood March 11, 2010 at 11:50 am

With a boyfriend like that, I’m not surprised she opted for a life of more excitement. Seriously, how many times do you think Captain Clueless managed to find her G-spot?

JooJoo Bee March 11, 2010 at 12:03 pm

[re=528589]Prommie[/re]: I did all that, and all I got was Strattera. FAIL.

Woodwards Friend March 11, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Clearly she’s insane if she gave up riding that awesome mustache for jihad.

Extemporanus March 11, 2010 at 12:15 pm

[re=528540]Prommie[/re]: Little Liz Cheney got ululated late last night…

CycloneArmageddon March 11, 2010 at 12:21 pm

“LIVES NEARBY.”

Seriously, this is the best caption they could come up with? There are so many choices:

“DEFECATES STANDING UP”
“PROJECTILE VOMITS WATERMELON”

etc etc. Come on guys. THINK.

CaiteeCruelle March 11, 2010 at 12:31 pm

[re=528573]Cape Clod[/re]: Turns out she was living in Pennsburg, which… yeah.

GOPCrusher March 11, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Could have been worse. She could’ve been selling Amway.

Gumboz1953 March 11, 2010 at 1:04 pm

[re=528677]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Eeww. Gimme a break, will you? I’m eating my lunch here.

glamourdammerung March 11, 2010 at 1:10 pm

There are going to be a lot of sad teabaggers if they start arresting folks for idle death threats over the internet. What would happen if Red State had no more posters?

Hooray For Anything March 11, 2010 at 1:20 pm

When it turned out that John Walker Lindh (I think that was his name), the American who got captured as a member of the Taliban, grew up in Berkeley, all I heard was “well, of course, he became a terrorist, he’s from Berkeley.” So, when will I start seeing the “oh, of course, she became a terrorist, she came from an All-American town” stories?

Pop Socket March 11, 2010 at 3:07 pm

[re=528528]Larry Fine[/re]: It was either become a jihadist or write humorous captions on pictures of cats. I think she made the right call.

coolcatdaddy March 11, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Yes, there’s way too many strange things going on in this country we’re not aware of. Like suspicious men raking leaves right behind our very backs…

Sparky McGruff March 11, 2010 at 4:43 pm

[re=528537]Larry McAwful[/re]: I’m pretty sure that Jim Davis died in the early 1980′s, and his clever computer program continues to churn out the comics (which are sent off to a junior high school art class for “inking”.

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