WHAT ABOUT OUR WHITE VALUES?  11:49 am March 10, 2010

Minority Babies May Outnumber White Babies In America THIS YEAR!!!

by Ken Layne

Another minority ghetto.Uh oh, America’s white people are about to be outnumbered by, you know, those folks: “Demographers say this year could be the ‘tipping point’ when the number of babies born to minorities outnumbers that of babies born to whites.” NOT COOL, minorities! How can you be minorities when you’re the majority? Right now, today, despite Fox News and the best efforts of real (white) Americans, minorities are having 48% of the babies in America. WTF???

And which minority group is having the most minority children? Hispanics, who are from Mexico and other Hispanic places around there. This is what happens when you don’t build a million-foot-tall wall of steel around wherever Mexicans get in, like Dulles. Also, when your own people are too fat, dumb and lazy to do actual work, you need immigrants, even if it’s “illegal” to have immigrants do all your work, like slaughter your cows in feces factories so you can eat seventeen feces-and-hooves burgers and “steak ‘n egg burritos” every day, and slaughter your featherless clipped-beak chickens so you can eat fifty “hot wings” per televised football game quarter.

Anyway, happy Minority Babies Will Outnumber White Babies This Year day, you fat fucking slobs. [CBS News via Wonkette Operative Commander Monsieur Grumpe]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


thefrontpage March 10, 2010 at 11:51 am

Dan Rather might have something interesting to say about this!! Let’s call him for some comments!

slappypaddy March 10, 2010 at 11:52 am

needs more buttseks

Dr. Zoidberg March 10, 2010 at 11:52 am

I was going to do my part, but then I realized that I hate children.

snideinplainsight March 10, 2010 at 11:56 am

and for just one shining moment, I was in Buffalo. (sigh)

Cicada March 10, 2010 at 11:57 am

This is totally Dick Cheney’s fault. Everyone knows he prefers to sup on white babies. He claims the meat is more tender.

Extemporanus March 10, 2010 at 11:57 am

This year, we are all minorities.

OzoneTom March 10, 2010 at 11:58 am

It’s because of the socialist 2010 census!

Ducksworthy March 10, 2010 at 11:58 am

I wish I held the patent on the new SuperWing(tm) genetically engineered chicken. But thank Gawd Modern Science solved the wing shortage by devising a chicken with 200 wings instead of the usual 2.

blader March 10, 2010 at 12:00 pm

I blame the music

Prommie March 10, 2010 at 12:02 pm

There should be an immigration checkpoint located at the opening of each and every vagina. These fucking babies, they come to our country, they are indigent and helpless and expect someone else to take care of them, provide them with food, clothing, and health care for 18 years, its ridiculous (apologies to Doug Stanhope).

ManchuCandidate March 10, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Ohnoes under educated, over weight, intellectually stunted dipshit white males less entitled in US America!!

GoinGreen March 10, 2010 at 12:03 pm

[re=527896]Cicada[/re]: Yep, mexkin babies give him heartburn!

Mista Eko March 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Spawn more overlords, white people!

Not_So_Much March 10, 2010 at 12:05 pm

It will probably change if Mittens wins in ’12. The mormons average about 17 kids per family with almost none of them being from teh brownez.

JMP March 10, 2010 at 12:05 pm

As a white dude, how about I promise to do have my part, and try to make a bunch of biracial babies? Thing is, the making is fun but the babies aren’t.

[re=527886]slappypaddy[/re]: No, the problem is too much buttsex, instead of the good ole’ fashioned baby-makin’ sex.

coolcatdaddy March 10, 2010 at 12:07 pm

Oh, great. Now all the evangelical churches will be promoting more procreation among their flock in their attempt to fight demographics. Just what we need – more evangelical nut cases.

Zeus would not be amused.

SayItWithWookies March 10, 2010 at 12:07 pm

I blame the Indians for letting us invade their country and massacre them in the first place. If they had had more foresight, none of this would’ve happened.

An American in Toronto March 10, 2010 at 12:08 pm

But I thought the Duggars had personally taken care of this!

Naked Bunny with a Whip March 10, 2010 at 12:08 pm

I’ve been trying to do my part by impregnating men with buttsex, but no luck so far. Maybe I need to ask Ken Layne for advice.

Moonbatting Average March 10, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Heckuva job, Brownies!

libwakman March 10, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Deep fried brown baby wings with secret sauce and yummy seasoning should solve this white mans problemo.

Prommie March 10, 2010 at 12:13 pm

[re=527919]Moonbatting Average[/re]: Plus 1000.

tbogg March 10, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Does this include any more babies Michelle Malkin may have? And does she have to give birth to two of her half-brown babies to make one minority baby? I guess it would even itself out since the babies would be half Jesse Malkin, therefore half-anger bear.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla March 10, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Wait, does this make me eligible for some priority status when it comes to job applications?

Gorillionaire March 10, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Just think, in another generation, the entire country will look like the cast of Cuidado Con el Angel.

RPolanski March 10, 2010 at 12:16 pm

This is great news. All the more cannon fodder for our military misadventures abroad.

nappyduggs March 10, 2010 at 12:16 pm

And “you all” thought we were just a bunch of shiftless baby-rotisseries, cookin’ them shits up for no reason other than a padded welfare check?

WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR AMERICA AND ALL OF ITS RICHES!!11!111! What? No money? Shit. You fuckers are always one step ahead.

WarAndG March 10, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Many conservatives will soon be quietly adding a new category to the exception “when the mother’s life is in danger, and when the child is in danger of being not white”.

BadKitty March 10, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Damn it. If only I hadn’t had all those abortions….

StoneAge March 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm

[re=527919]Moonbatting Average[/re]: You have WON the morning!

Naked Bunny with a Whip March 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm

@BadKitty: Hey, c’mon. You had your figure to think about.

Oldskool March 10, 2010 at 12:23 pm

I thought this whole recession thing was so they’d sneak back home. Ha, joke’s on us.

Mr Blifil March 10, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Great now all our dystopian nightmares have been realized.

StoneAge March 10, 2010 at 12:25 pm

There’s going to be a race war, man:

Commander Monsieur Grumpe March 10, 2010 at 12:25 pm

I blame god for making those Hispanic women so friggin hot. Oh well, us crackers had good run.

Third-hand Smoke March 10, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Maybe if the GOP hadn’t tried so hard to eliminate birth control options they would not be facing this ‘crisis’ now. Tough call for Tancredo – give the messicans condoms or murder their babies. I think we all know he’ll pick the option that means more baby blood to keep Cheney alive.

Commander Monsieur Grumpe March 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm

I blame god for making those Hispanic women so friggin hot. Oh well, us crackers had a good run.

Naked Bunny with a Whip March 10, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Someday we will all be Na’vi.

CrunchyKnee March 10, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Where are all those God damned snowflake babies when we need ‘em?

NJB March 10, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Cool! So now I’m not just a minority because I’m a fag, but because of the color of my skin too! Now if the predominant language would only change to Spanish, I’d hit the trifecta! Kind of.

germansteel March 10, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Too many Massas and not enough John Edwardses.

doxastic March 10, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Just think–all those years of white male whining about being oppressed has thusfar only been practice for this moment. Shudder.

Come here a minute March 10, 2010 at 12:35 pm

In this great country of ours with the troops and all where we don’t care about the difference between irony and hypocrisy, the plurality of white babies is still a majority as far as we’re concerned, so suck it browns!

GOPCrusher March 10, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Maybe I fulfill my lifes dream of getting a job picking strawberries. My doctor says I need more exercise.

Naked Bunny with a Whip March 10, 2010 at 12:35 pm

@NJB: Is “trifecta” Spanish?

Crosseyed and Painless March 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Ken’s posts always make me feel guilty for watching sports on tv.

Hooray For Anything March 10, 2010 at 12:38 pm

I blame all the Yuppies out there who only want to have one or two kids lest they get in the way of their career and lifestyle. We’ll see how easy it’ll be to get into those private schools and family yoga classes now the Hispanics are going to take all their jobs and force them into a career of dishwashing and grape picking.

charlesdegoal March 10, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Fat fucking slobs? Isn’t that precisely the problem? Fat slobs aren’t fucking enough.

imissopus March 10, 2010 at 12:39 pm

And yet the anti-abortion crowd has been telling black women to not abort their babies because abortion is a white man’s plot to prevent them from reproducing. The pro-life racists do not need these moral dilemmas.

predilectrix March 10, 2010 at 12:39 pm

[re=527945]Commander Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Just like a newly minted commander to say everything twice.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 10, 2010 at 12:40 pm

I blame Marco Rubio’s sinuous back hair.

[re=527919]Moonbatting Average[/re]: Awesome.

TGY March 10, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Hey, at least immigrants are optimistic about America. Who else would want to have a baby in these United States?

doxastic March 10, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Somewhere in Guatemala, a missionary is regretting the claims he made about condoms being the Devil’s intestines.

Mr. Me Too March 10, 2010 at 12:43 pm

This all but assures Baby K. Smith to a life of perennially being picked last at recess.

Bypartizoa March 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm

I, for one, welcome our new Brown overlords.

NJB March 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm

[re=527959]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Or perhaps Eye-talian as they say in the Republica de Tejas,

magic titty March 10, 2010 at 12:47 pm

The stock photo on CBSNews’ website is spectacular.

Dr. Zoidberg March 10, 2010 at 12:50 pm

[re=527904]Prommie[/re]: Win!

geminisunmars March 10, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Please don’t tell the whites. They are frenzied and desperate enough as it is.

[re=527919]Moonbatting Average[/re]: yummy

Dolmance March 10, 2010 at 12:55 pm

When I feel like wriggling around in my wife I say to her, “Maria, wouldn’t it be nice if we could affect the demographic in our neighborhood, our state and the whole country, and inundate the earth with brown people? Wouldn’t you like to make the white people scared that they are the stranger in their own land?”

After I tell her that she becomes unbelievably receptive. No headaches, no excuses… She opens her legs and shouts, “Wriggle around in me, Jose! Do me in every way possible so we can obtain a plurality in our neighborhood, our state and the whole country! I want this so much I cannot stand it for another moment!”

And then she goes “Grrr grrr grrr,” and I start to wriggle around and when I wake up in the morning she has a brand new brat hanging off her tit. And because I am satisfied with the woman and I worry for the future and these other mouths to feed I shout, “Ai yi hi, Maria! Where do all these babies come from?”

And as the babies occupy every single bit of space throughout the house, even on the shelves, she smiles serenely to say, “You have only to look at me, Jose… It is enough.”

S.Luggo March 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm

But what does Limbaugh say?

AnnieGetYourFun March 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm

[re=527919]Moonbatting Average[/re]: You’ve won the thread, and my heart.

geminisunmars March 10, 2010 at 1:00 pm

[re=528001]Dolmance[/re]: Best short story of the day. You should submit it to – say, who publishes short stories these days?

liquiddaddy March 10, 2010 at 1:02 pm

You make a great point, Ken. Why would any respectable white lady want to push six or seven pounds of screaming baby flesh out of their things when they could pay the help to do it instead?

nappyduggs March 10, 2010 at 1:04 pm

[re=527919]Moonbatting Average[/re]:

This just works on so many levels. Epic win, no doubt.

AnnieGetYourFun March 10, 2010 at 1:06 pm

I’m being 172% sincere when I say that I have been looking forward to this day for many, many years.

Cape Clod March 10, 2010 at 1:10 pm

It’s about time to start dropping those fancy gay bombs on the barrios.

TheCoolestGuyInTown March 10, 2010 at 1:16 pm

As a “white” guy who has lived in New York a while I noticed that other white people in New York seem very unwilling to have children. They want to have fun being single and childless their whole lives. They think of having a child is like a bad After-School Special where the high school kid gets knocked up and their social life is totally over. They fail to realize they are adults and the whole making babies thing is a natural, normal part of life.

Back in the Midwest, where I’m from, it’s completely different.

Accordion-o-rama March 10, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Now that they are a minority, expect the GOP to start pushing for laws that put more white babies in jail.

Darkness March 10, 2010 at 1:19 pm

And this, my friends, is the reason redneck Amurica keeps their horny rutting teens strictly away from the birth control. Fuck your kids having a real, decent-paying, educated future if it’s not one surrounded by like-minded lily-white dipshits.

Big Irish March 10, 2010 at 1:20 pm

congratulations minorities! That is how it’s done!

Dolmance March 10, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=528026]TheCoolestGuyInTown[/re]: It’s all about sex education. White women don’t realize that you can’t get pregnant by blowing the poolman.

The Station Manager March 10, 2010 at 1:23 pm

[re=527911]JMP[/re]: That is indeed the problem. White folks be assfuckin’. What we need is more real (white) Americans to start fucking in the old fashioned traditional [i]American[i] way, up hill, both ways, with their boots on.

Oh yeah, and fuck condoms, because AIDS can eat a dick.

Wonderman March 10, 2010 at 1:24 pm

I’m looking forward to being a Whegro, stickin’ it to da man and celebrating Pink History Day.

Botswana Meat Commission FC March 10, 2010 at 1:27 pm

Chicken wings?

You’ve gone too far, Layne…

Darkness March 10, 2010 at 1:29 pm

[re=528026]TheCoolestGuyInTown[/re]: The people I know in New York City who have children, despite being adults otherwise, are utterly incapable of coping with their children’s presence. Good to know their delusional belief it might be a good idea is rare. Perhaps this population of adults self-selected by running off to the big city in the first place. Those wanting to raise new adults that don’t just fill the couches of psychoanalysts stayed behind.

populucious March 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Who needs Affirmative Action now beyotches!

imissopus March 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm

[re=528008]geminisunmars[/re]: The New Yorker. It’s right up their alley.

Lilybart March 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm

Damn that Bristol Palin and all that abstinence talk!!

Forget sex ed, not that you ever had any, and just make white babies for God!

Rosie Scenario March 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Isn’t 48% still a minority? Or is Fox Noise doing the statistics.

Katydid March 10, 2010 at 1:42 pm

[re=527904]Prommie[/re]: There should be an immigration checkpoint located at the opening of each and every vagina.

Brilliant commentary, but as a female who has given birth, I really coulda lived without the imagery.

Marie Cohn March 10, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Moonbatting Average: WIN!

JMP March 10, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=528026]TheCoolestGuyInTown[/re]: You talk about not having babies like it’s a bad thing. Right now, humanity is still facing an overpopulation crisis, although luckily the birth rate is going down in the developed world to alleviate it. Having babies can be a natural part of life, but there’s nothing wrong with being single and childless either; and those of us without spawn are just as much adults as the parents out there.

GoinGreen March 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm

[re=528041]Wonderman[/re]: Big win for you, my friend!

Come here a minute March 10, 2010 at 2:21 pm

[re=527984]magic titty[/re]: Oh my. They must be trying to tell even the whitest of us that it is all for the best.

Jukesgrrl March 10, 2010 at 2:31 pm

This all started with breakfast tacos.

S.Luggo March 10, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Does mean that professional soccer will become popular now?

PlanetWingnuta March 10, 2010 at 2:36 pm

This is all the fault of those picky white women who wont have sex with skolarebel….!!!!!

squirlyg March 10, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Mad Brahms March 10, 2010 at 2:52 pm

[re=528146]squirlyg[/re]: Is the disturbing part the fact that they seem to be missing out on the large number of black births, really? I’m more troubled by the fact that they seem to think black people belong to a different species than the rest of us.

iantenna March 10, 2010 at 2:58 pm

as i was sitting in church with the in-laws last sunday i was thinking about this very thing. we were at the spanish service, which is much more fun for a pagan like myself because at least i can work on my language comprehension. so they’re doing the whole talkin’ ’bout ‘bortion blues and i realize these mexican-americans of varying legality are living the right wingers idealized life. working hard, marrying young, popping out babies left and right. no matter how much i tried to convince the moms-in-law otherwise she voted for mccain because of his stance on that one thing, the big A word. i guess this isn’t much of a revelation but what blows my mind is how much this population is being under-utilized by the religious right. i guess they’re racists at heard and no amount of solidarity will change their ways.

also, what’s my impending baby considered in this here statistical realm, what with me being a honky and the wife not?

Mad Brahms March 10, 2010 at 3:04 pm

[re=528184]iantenna[/re]: Ah, but hispanics are generally Catholic, and while the “religious right” and American Catholics often come together around abortion and (less frequently in practice, much more so in politics) homosexuality, they’re not exactly bedfellows otherwise. Crazy evangelicals just hates them some catholics, unless they’re working together to defeat the evil jewish homosexual agenda to abort all blacks.

mustardman March 10, 2010 at 3:14 pm

I blame roe v wade.

thesheriffisnear March 10, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Last week they complained that spike in abortions amogst the coloreds represented a modern Holocaust. Make up your mind Whitey!

I can say that because I’m, uh, near.

sfstewart March 10, 2010 at 3:46 pm

YES!!! It’s good to know all that sex with my husband is paying off. Plus I think should get a signing bonus because I (a black woman) brought a white man (my hubby) over to the dark side. My plan to take over the world one white man at a time is working. BAWWAAHHHHH

jetjaguar March 10, 2010 at 4:12 pm

jesus christ, Ken Layne no likey the fatties

Remember that fatties, Ken Layne DOES NOT LIKE YOU.

Junior March 10, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Will this affect my ability to buy burger flavored Pringles IN ANY WAY?

frumious_bandersnatch March 10, 2010 at 4:56 pm

[re=528241]sfstewart[/re]: This works for so, so many reasons. If there is some sort of foundation promoting these principles, I would like to tithe to them, plz.

JSDC007 March 10, 2010 at 5:00 pm

And that is why Pat and Bay Buchanan will bump uglies to create more white babies even if its illegal. But they will ride into the West Virginian sunset to escape the bondages of such anti-white laws against incest.

Pandy March 10, 2010 at 6:15 pm

[re=528041]Wonderman[/re]: I look forward to the day they stop doing studies like these and we can ALL be just plain American……no color coding necessary.

sfstewart March 10, 2010 at 6:17 pm


I was thinking of building a website…maybe start a non profit organization to help other white man find out how they too can go black then never go back.

Lazy Media March 10, 2010 at 6:25 pm

This has been true forever; they’ve just been lying to us and claiming that Jews, Italians, Irish and other Catholic bohunks are “white.” Which they by golly are not. Jews, Italians and other swarthy Mediterranean types are “colored,” and the Irish are “apes.” This is science.

Darkness March 10, 2010 at 6:42 pm

[re=528241]sfstewart[/re]: With some polyandry, you can make use of economies of scale on that corruption project.

Jukesgrrl March 10, 2010 at 7:46 pm

[re=528131]S.Luggo[/re]: “Does mean that professional soccer will become popular now?”
Futbol is on my TV in Southern Arizona all weekend.

sfstewart March 10, 2010 at 7:52 pm


I like the way you think outside the box. Double my pleasure, double my ability to take over the world.
*clasp hands like Mr. Burns* Excellent

Radiotherapy March 10, 2010 at 8:40 pm

Welcome to Wasilla!!

[re=528207]mustardman[/re]: I blame Rove.

japan_monster March 10, 2010 at 11:58 pm

[re=528405]Lazy Media[/re]: I thought that the Irish were hobbitses.

PineyWoodster March 11, 2010 at 9:50 am

[re=528241]sfstewart[/re]: Are you in cahoots with my sexy Hispanic wife? Because when that would be hot.

sfstewart March 11, 2010 at 11:39 am


Yes. Yes I am

Long Form Def Certificate March 11, 2010 at 6:35 pm

[re=528189]Mad Brahms[/re]: Messican houses always smell of popery. Not a pleasant feeling for my white brethren.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: