What has become of Washington’s beloved comedy animal, Butterstick the Panda Bear? If this tragic BBC News photo is to be trusted, the once-adored animal is now a beaten, sad-faced monster finally let out of its horror jail after god knows how many weeks. It’s probably crazier than John McCain at this point, and looks just as mean and stupid. [BBC News via Wonkette Operative "Alex P."]
THE SADDEST THING
March 9, 2010
Forgotten Butterstick Released From Chinese Prison
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Butterstick’s gonna eat our livers with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Bamboo just isn’t going to cut it, any more. He has the look of any american who finds himself in a 3rd world shithole. WHERE’S MY CABLE TV???
Thank god he got out of DC in time. Panda population will never bounce back if they all get married.
Butterstick was always kinda sad-faced — it just looked cuter when he was a foot long and probably couldn’t maim you with one swipe of his bethumbed paw.
[re=527185]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: er, gay-married.
He’s sad-faced because the Chinese commies won’t let him read Wonkette on the intertubez.
Butterstick won’t stop until she hits the ocean and mates with a pod of killer Orcas, spawning a race of godless, impossibly cute black/white killing machines, unstoppable on land or sea. At least that’s what would happen if evolution were remotely cool.
Read more at Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/414129/forgotten-butterstick-released-from-chinese-prison#comments#ixzz0hhmSSlwg
[re=527183]Gopherit[/re]: FIVE AND A HALF SHOOTS, ALAN?!
FIVE AND A HALF SHOOTS?!!
Er..Butterstick looks ready to rumble..
I just hope that Butterstick won’t be too dumb to fuck, unlike the rest of his species. Maybe he read Wonkette while in the US and learned the joys of… well, actually, most of what we write about is buttsecks. Sigh. Nevermind.
Jesus, I would maul the shit outta somebody just to get taken from my native US and sent to a Chinese breeding base!
Butterstick is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful panda bear I’ve ever known in my life. We just have to hope the Chinese don’t inadvertently show him a Queen of Diamonds before his CIA handlers do.
Eats, shoots, and leaves.
[re=527193]Mr Blifil[/re]: “…a race of godless, impossibly cute black/white killing machines, unstoppable on land or sea.”
Hold onto your holes, puny humans — the sexy fucking Pandorcas are already upon us!
[And they're NOT safe for Seaworld!]
Wait… Butterstick’s not the nickname of the drunk driver leaving Faces with his boyfriend?
[re=527224]Extemporanus[/re]: Jesus, Ex. That was disgusting. Hilarious, but disgusting.
Sweet little Butterstick
Shy little Butterstick
Dry your eyes of brown
I’ll come back to you
When the war is through
Safe in your sylvan dell
Far from the shot and shell
Let your lovelight shine
Angels guide you, watch beside you
Sweet little Butterstick, mine
[re=527224]Extemporanus[/re]: Why did you have do that? You just ruined my whole wonderful image of “godless, impossibly cite black/white killing machines.”
The chinese move him from a clean, warm and comfortable enclosure then set him loose in the cold, muddy and polluted chinese woods and wonder why he looks sad…
He was quarantined at Bifeng Gorge Breeding Base. He was probably forced to mate several times a day for weeks like some kind of sex slave.
[re=527205]Crank Tango[/re]:
You have yearning to be yelled at in a language you don’t understand?
I, for one, feel sorry for our Butterstick. Oh sure, the sex will be great, but then comes the relationship, the commitment. You don’t knock up a Chinese girl panda and then go hang out in another part of the forest, her family will come find you and make you go back (it’s not like it’s hard to find the only English speaking panda in the bamboo grove). They expect some serious bamboo after you slip one into the little Empress.
Next, you end up with all kinds of relatives, couple hundred little children who all call you “Uncle”, not to mention Chinese girl pandas from the country don’t have the slightest concept of “birth control” so the next thing you know you got a dozen of your ow chillun’ all yammering at you in that incomprehensible gibberish their mother speaks.
But at least the sex is good.
[re=527232]proudgrampa[/re]: [re=527239]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Racists.
Here’s a safe-for-work Pandorca doodle that should be a little more to your liking.
Oh, he’s just in that surly teenage stage. As soon as his hormones level out, he’ll be fine.
Q. What’s black and white and red all over?
A. I dunno. Say, where did the zookeeper go?
[re=527224]Extemporanus[/re]: You mean pandorca isn’t a Spanish camel toe? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pandorca
[re=527255]Extemporanus[/re]: Droll, Ex. Very droll.
[re=527270]the problem child[/re]: I’m unable to make out a pandorca on the Pandorca in this photo, but I’ll take your word for it that it’s there.
Call me a wuss, but I’m getting emotional. I love that guy and I know he misses his real family. It was nice of his kidnappers to let him out though.
Butterstick’s gonna eat your guts, shit ‘em out and eat ‘em again.
I’m sure he’s spreading the joy that is capitalism to his communist cohorts.
The droopy sad face reminds me of Glenn Beck, only without the horrific miscarriage of genetic horrors, or in breeding
Now that her true love’s moved to Beijing, will Original Wonkette AMC move there too? Cuz she seems to move a lot.
He looks like an angry, stoned teenager. Dylan Klebold probably had that look on his face after that last bowling class back in 1999.
I cn haz bambu?
Someone once called Lindsay Lohan Butterstick, so she’s suing The Wonket for a thousand million dollars.
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