How many of you who'd sit and judge me, have walked the streets of Bakersfield?Bakersfield anti-gay Republican state senator Roy Ashburn is, of course, queer as a three-dollar bill. And he admitted it! Nice to have such honesty in the Political World of Hate Legislation, and all it took for Roy Ashburn to admit his fondness for wriggling around in another man’s excrement was a) a DUI arrest with some gay buddy as a passenger, and b) everybody saying oh yeah Ashburn is so gay that he was actually at a Latin Drag Queen contest at a gay bar in Sacramento. But why is Ashburn such a gay hater when it comes to his job as a lawmaker?

Over the dozen-plus years that Ashburn has served as a Republican state senator from the cosmopolitan smog farm of Bakersfield, he has consistently voted against anything that aimed to treat homosexuals a little more like other humans.

Why? Ashburn said today in a press conference at a gay bar that he was just such a self-loathing closet case that he took out his own heavily conflicted feelings about his sham of a life on the people he loved most: gay men.

Just kidding. Ashburn said “those votes reflect how constituents in his district wanted him to vote.” [CBS 5]

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  • PlanetWingnuta

    join the facebook page 1,000,0000 against him ever getting gay sex again.

  • Chernobyl Soup

    My constituents want free blow, whores, and puppies but did I vote for that? No. On principle.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=526960]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: oops its actually called:
    1,000,000 Gay Men And Allies Against Roy Ashburn Having Sex Ever Again

    sorry for the inconvience …now back to your daily Wonkette…already in Snark progress…

  • Dr. Zoidberg

    Wow, what a prick.

    So, will he step down, since that’s what his constituents would want?

  • Formerly Preferred

    [re=526961]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: And *that’s* why I am voting for your opponent this year. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to be too busy with the blow, whores and puppies to vote. Dammit.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Wow, getting him & the guy who wanted to ‘frack’ his staff member confused. Oh that’s Massa the NY Dem. Any bets on whether Fox has ‘D’s behind both of their names?

  • Holy Cow!!

    Well, it’s not like selling gays out hasn’t been a formula for money and power used by straight politicians, priests, televangelists for decades.

    Are we supposed to find it more despicable when the human beings sold out are ones in which the seller shares a common trait?

  • DickTaterPeeNoShay

    +1 Buck Owens alt text

  • norbizness

    I don’t know how Team Heterosexual is going to recover from this stunning setback.

  • nappyduggs


    And Dwight Yoakam, aka my Boogin Babydaddy.

    As far as this cock-knocker is concerned, I give him 6 months before he goes full McGreevey, has a life partner, and an adopted Asian baby.

  • TGY

    “I felt my duty—and I still feel this way—is to represent my constituents, not my own point of view, not my own internal conflict,”

    The things we do to appease the wingnuts.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I’m a little disappointed that he’s not running next term. Putting his inner conflicts and sexual shame out in front of his conservative constituents would be very entertaining.

  • Berkeley Bear

    His votes may reflect the will of the people of shitfarm (seriously, does anything good happen in Bakersfield) but that’s no excuse for making opposition to gay rights one of the centerpieces of his career. This is just off the hypocrisy charts, even for Republicans.

  • bitchincamaro

    His mouth says “bigot”, but his eyes say “bottom”.

  • JMP

    Finally, the gays get to have their own Clarence Thomas! It’s a day they’ve all been waiting for, I’m sure.

  • Come here a minute

    And if your constituents all wanted you to jump off a cliff, would you do that too, mister? Well would you? I’m waiting for an answer, young man!

  • Rusty Shackleford

    Well, kudos to him anyway. There’s a lesson here for all those other closeted, hypocritical Neo-Con butt pirates: sometimes denial really is just a river in Africa!

  • JMP

    [re=526977]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Well, Bakersfield, PD was a good, though short-lived, show (at least as I remember it); but then much of the humor came from the locals’ being mostly bigoted redneck asses.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    I’ll take “Hypocritical Assmunchers” for $1,000, Alex.

  • bitchincamaro
  • Dashboard_Buddha

    Off topic: I wish the “wriggling around in shit” meme would die. It was funny at first, but now I can’t take a dump without the phrase echoing in my head. Ok…it’s still funny, but my co-workers are put off by my laughing in the head.

  • Berkeley Bear

    [re=526985]JMP[/re]: Yeah, I recall that show – but since the whole premise was 30 minutes of “the sherriff is a _____________” jokes from Blazing Saddles, it was stretched pretty thin from the get go. Plus, that was about someone good getting stuck in Hell, not anything good coming out of Hell.

    That whole area of California is a giant suck. The stuff that never gets in the pretty TV ads, like cattle yards, oil fields and every idiot ever caught on Cops.

  • Larry McAwful

    I wouldn’t sleep with him, not even if I got the gay virus and became gay, for men.

  • McDuff

    It’s always “I’m showing leadership” when voting against the economic interests of the vast majority of their constituents, and “I’m just doing what my constituents want” when voting to deny blacks/browns/gays/women their civil rights.

  • Katydid

    [re=526968]Holy Cow!![/re]: Yes, because closet cases are trying to have it both ways. They want to eat their dick, and have it too. They won’t take responsibility for who they are, or for the consequences of their actions.

    Meanwhile, the Yahoo boards are filled with ignorant crap like this. This shit is verbatim:

    “Just because he has made a personal choice, doesn’t mean he should support the absurd sham that is “gay rights”. “Gay” people do have rights. They are Americans. There are no laws against so called “gay” people. These people need to get over themselves. This is a made up minority. It is a bunch of white guys trying to get minority status for their own hangups. It is absurd. Minority rights apply to people like “black” people who have been totally screwed by this country. THESE people have had a status forced on them by no choice of their own, only to have that designation looked down on and legislated against. Now THOSE laws you can find in history. Go look them up. In other words, it has never been a crime to be “gay” in America, but it has been a crime to be “:black” in America. So, think about it: the gay issue is extreme and absurd. These people want to be confirmed as a minority first, just so they can claim to be an oppressed minority. When in truth, they are no minority, thus they are not discriminated against. It is absurd. Most so called “gay” people are white. Period. There is no discrimination against them. The marriage thing is absurd. No one has the RIGHT to get married. Marriage is a priviledge. The government gives out licenses to get married. Here’s the thing: gay people can get married without a license. In other words, no one, and I mean NO ONE is arrested for taking part in a so called “gay” marriage. It is just that the government won’t license them to do it. And even that is not true in all of the states. So what these people really want is what most liberals want: free government goodies and FORCING everyone to live within the prison of their precepts…like any good Fascist does.”

    I ask all sane, intelligent, reasoning people. How do you begin to unravel and reach people who think like that? You just can’t. Again, I recommend Outrage to learn the enormous harm closeted lawmakers are doing. And, best of all, to see gay men fighting back.

  • Buzz Feedback

    The self-loathing is epic. Like being a Log Cabin Republican.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=526994]Katydid[/re]: HAW HAW, funny! Of course it has been a crime to be gay in US America. See, e.g., sodomy laws, Bowers v. Hardwick, colonial-era executions for Buggery convictions, etc. And, yeh, there are laws against “so called ‘gay’ people”, like that little old Defense of Marriage Act, not to mention the various and sundry hilarious laws in some red states, like the one in Florida that teh Wonkett mentioned yesterday, something about film production and gay men and such.

  • Oldskool

    Aha. So national Republikns are self-hating, insurance-company-abuse-loving masochist closet cases. I think we had a breakthrough today.

  • JMP

    [re=526968]Holy Cow!![/re]: “straight … priests”

    No such animal.

  • JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=526977]Berkeley Bear[/re]: “We were somewhere around Bakersfield on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive…”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=526994]Katydid[/re]: Shorter Yahoo! poster: I really really REALLY want some guy to fuck me in the ass until I see stars, but I’m afraid of what my girlfriend/wife might say. The end.

  • Prommie

    This is so gay, I am gonna have to leave the country, move to Costa Rica.


    Hitler also believed he was simply doing what his constituents elected him to do.

  • Katydid

    [re=527000]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Best quotes of the “Outrage” trailer:

    “They have been chasing us for years, and we are going to chase back.”
    “I think that each one of these outings puts a chink in the armor of the anti-gay movement.”
    “It is very important that the people that make the law be subject to the law.”

    I find the first quote chilling, but it gives me hope. I never believed in outing anyone; now I think it’s necessary to stop these fucksticks from destroying lives. Sorry for no snark, but I’ll snark about this when these inhumane trash balls get therapy instead of sadistically taking out their insecurities out on others, enacting legislation and promoting hatred that nudge teens especially toward self-loathing and occasionally suicide.

    Goddamm these people. I don’t really care how hard it is to accept that you’re a gay Republican. Get over it, or quit politics. Don’t mess with other people’s lives because you’re conflicted. I’ll stop now.

  • Joshua Norton

    They need to come up with another word to describe these type of people besides just plain “gay”. He’s gay in a sociopathic way, not in a “come on over and watch Project Runway” way. It’s more important to stress his evilness than his gayness.

  • whiskey tango foxtrot

    [re=526994]Katydid[/re]: I wonder if that person goes around airquoting the words “gay” and “black” when they say those words out loud.

  • Mr Blifil

    If he feels like undoing the damage, he could start cold outing the other venal motherfuckers he knows about. That would be about the least he could do. And yes I’m looking at you Pastor Rick Warren.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    those votes reflect how constituents in his district wanted him to vote.”

    As a constituent, I was so pleased to be informed of this that I ran 20 red lights in Senator Ashburn’s honor.

  • Delicious

    George W. Bush has a sex partner?!

    from reader comments in today’s Bakersfield Californian:

    Ashburn keeps saying it’s his “private life”. But then why did we know both the gender and identity of his previous opposite-sex lover? It makes no sense. At least 99.9% of all politicians running for office reveal their opposite-sex bedroom partner on their websites and speak highly of them on the campaign trail. If you remember when George Bush ran for office he even brought his sex partner (Laura) on the road and on the stage of the Republican National Convention. Why would all these politicians display their “private life” so proudly while Roy says such a thing should be kept shrouded in secrecy?

  • gurukalehuru

    Oh Roy, Oh Roy does your Ash burn?

  • Way Cool Larry

    [re=527013]Joshua Norton[/re]: good point; it’s actually quite striking how many of these sociopathic gay Republicans there are in politics– you might even wonder if there was some sort of program that produces these people

  • Ken Layne

    [re=526990]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: If prior Wonkette tropes are any guide to the future, the editors will tire of this one long before the commenters. (See “truck nutz,” “Also,” etc.)

    But I’ve still never tired of the occasional “I know this is an important part of American history, but this is really disturbing. I wish you had chosen another image.”

  • Katydid

    [re=527014]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: Yeah, I was trying to figure out what that was all about, esp. “blacks.” The “logic” he has “access to” is “breathtaking.”

    About 12% of Americans are “gay.”
    Most “gays” are “white,” so “gays” are not a minority.
    Therefore, there is no discrimination against “gays,” so “gays” can’t be “confirmed as a minority.” In Minority Confirmation Court, I suppose.

  • DC Hates Me

    I’m not going to let them catch the Midnight Rider. Keep riding, Midnight Rider.

  • artpepper

    [re=527031]Delicious[/re]: *SQUICK*!

  • rottenart

    [re=527038]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Yup. The College Republicans.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=526992]Larry McAwful[/re]: who would you sleep with if you got the gay virus?

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=527024]Mr Blifil[/re]: OH PLEASE PLEASE DONT LET RICK BE ONE OF US PLEASE PLEASE…we got larry craig and jeffrey dahmer please no rick warner…or rick sanatorum….or rick dees….

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=527050]Ken Layne[/re]: WOLVERINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES… no bamhammer please…

  • Cape Clod

    [re=526994]Katydid[/re]: Maybe the yahoo A-hole should try to “choose” to be gay for about a week and he can see how well he is treated.

  • snideinplainsight

    But bananas like the climate of the very, very tropical equator.
    So you should never put bananas in the refrigerator.

  • proudgrampa

    I’d hit it — with a baseball bat.

  • JMP

    [re=527063]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Santorum’s got the obsession with the buttsex that pretty much guarantees self-loathing closeted tendencies. Plus, no straight man would dress his children like that.

  • snideinplainsight

    [re=527063]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Pretty much everyone who refers to themselves as Rick. It’s just a weird statistical coin-ki-dink.

    Or Jung would probably call it a numinous, synchronistic non-causal event. A mantic procedure, if you will. Try it for yourself. Intoduce yourself as Rick, the next time you’re at a party or other social occasion.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    “those votes reflect how constituents in his district wanted him to vote.”

    So, if I hire a rat as an exterminator, will he kill himself?

  • JMP

    [re=527064]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Someone once used a tired Wonkette trope just four blocks from my house; please be more sensitive.

  • Joshua Norton

    [re=527050]Ken Layne[/re]: I was under the impression that you weren’t allowed to stay here unless you used “truck nutz” in a posting at least once a day.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=527073]JMP[/re]: Oh, I dunno. Gay men wouldn’t be caught dead seeing their children dressed in Aunt Bessie’s gingham tablecloth or last season’s boy’s Polo crewneck pullover and goober glasses. Unless they were doing it ironically or wanting to get sympathy donations from Mr. Blackwell.

  • eekahil

    Texxxass Governor “Suck My ” Rick Perry.

  • coolcatdaddy

    [re=527014]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: “Republican”

  • AxmxZ

    [re=527081]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You mean like a judas rat?

  • Dave J.

    This dude’s district is pretty crazy–from the absolute shit-sack parts of CA like Bakesfield and Inyokern to some spectacularly beautiful stretches of highway 395 up near Independence, Lone Pine, and Bishop. I’m sure the population is absurdly conservative, but it’s some seriously beautiful countryside out there in the eastern part of his district.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=527063]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: [re=527075]snideinplainsight[/re]: Agreed, although we’ll make an exception for Astley. Because of sexytime, is all.

  • thefrontpage

    Secretary: Mr. Ashburn? You have three calls on hold. A Mr. Spitzer is on line one, he says he wants to talk to you about hypocrisy. A Larry Craig is on line two, he wants to ask you out for dinner. And an Eric Massa is on line three. He also wants to ask you out to dinner.

  • El Pinche

    His face is gay. Just look at it.

  • thefrontpage

    “Faces” is a great name for a political bar.

  • thejesusandmarycheney

    Wriggling around in Faces dooms another good Christian.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Ashburn, Ashburn, burning bright
    In the discos of the night
    What immortal hand or brownish eye
    Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

  • Mista Eko

    Is this like “obvious troll is obvious” ?

  • JMP

    [re=527142]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hm; Ashburn and Astley are pretty similar names. Could this whole elaborate mess be some elaborate rickrolling stunt? Give it up guys, that got tired a long time ago!

  • DickTaterPeeNoShay

    [re=526994]Katydid[/re]: This “dude” would “suck” at “using” Twitter. He’d “burn up” all his “characters” with quotation “marks.”

  • GOPCrusher

    The question is, if the people that voted for him knew he was gay, would they’ve voted for him. The magic 8-ball says “No”.

  • skutre

    I might put my thing in various slots, if warm gushy and human orificial.

    Slots, tunnels, steaming gardens.

    They might have muff around, clean shave or crew cut, or even whiskers and stink of cigars, whiskey and airport bathrooms.

    But I value my penis even more than my sexual preference, and that’s why I would not put my dick into a hole that has no lips, as not pictured above.

    I’ve been trying to shove Health care down american’s throats, and most of them have teeth, but I’m not afraid.

    But the no lips face slot?

    No way

    Be very afraid

  • Terry

    “all it took for Roy Ashburn to admit his fondness for wriggling around in another man’s excrement”

    In his defense, we only know that he is fond of wriggling one bit of himself around in another man’s excrement. The rest of him is still up for debate.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=527075]snideinplainsight[/re]: So i should say, “Hey I’m Rick and I love sucking …

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=527318]Terry[/re]: I say he’s a power bottom!

    [re=527094]eekahil[/re]: How could I forget mr. Perfect Hair…who has so many rumors following him like ducklings after their Mother (yes i say he’s a power bottom too)[re=527142]

    queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: forever forever….

  • Jim89048

    [re=527121]Dave J.[/re]: I lived in the Bishop area for 30+ years. It’s surprising how liberal it’s become. Too bad I had to move to Nevaduh…

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