Hilarious gay socialist Eric Massa has finally told the true story behind his “inappropriate remarks to a staffer,” and you know, after reading his sincere account, we have to agree that nothing weird happened at all, just some totally normal red-blooded American Straight Man having fun at a wedding, drinking fifteen gin & tonics and — like any guy would do — saying he wanted to fuck a male staffer.
Thanks to America’s News Source, Fox News, for posting the best political story of the year, so far:
“I was with my wife. And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu,” he said.
Massa said he had just gotten up to sing Auld Lang Syne and had finished dancing with the bride and bridesmaid — in full view of cameras — when he sat back down at a table with male staff members. That’s when he made the “inappropriate” remark.
“One of them looked at me and, as they would do after, I don’t know, 15 gin and tonics, and goodness only knows how many bottles of champagne, a staff member made an intonation to me that maybe I should be chasing after the bridesmaid, and his points were clear and his words were far more colorful than that.
“And I grabbed the staff member sitting next to me and said, ‘Well, what I really ought to be doing is fracking you,’” he said.
“And then [I] tousled the guy’s hair and left, went to my room, because I knew the party was getting to a point where it wasn’t right for me to be there. Now was that inappropriate of me? Absolutely. Am I guilty? Yes.”
LET HE WHO HATH NOT DONE THIS THROW THE FIRST STONE. Come on, with most straight guys it only takes about two Coors Lite before they’re trying to wriggle around in excrement, amirite??! You ever see a *Navy Ship,* for example? Floating bag of dick action, that’s what! Ask John McCain! (Or don’t, please.) [Fox News]
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Seems perfectly normal to me.
Eric Massa cusses like a true Battlestar Galactica fan.
“I was with my wife. And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu,” he said.”
Stomach flu being code for mortified at her drunk husband flashing back to his days in the Navy and dry-humping every pretty-boy on the dancefloor.
The DemonCrap leadership made him do it with their socialisms.
“I was with my wife. And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu,” he said.
What else do you do for fun? Throw up on each other?
“And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu”
I always get the stomach flu when I have a great time at a wedding. Or when I watch my husband hit on male staffers. Don’t you?
Massa served on the USS Battlestar Galactica.
Geez, doesn’t this guy have a son to molest like the rest of us?
You ever see a *Navy Ship,* for example?
Rum, buggery and the lash. Foundation of Her Majesty’s Navy. Perfectly normal.
No wonder they forced him to resign; while Battlestar Gallactica was a decent show, those fans who got so into it they actually used “fracking” in conversation got very annoying very quickly.
He was upset because Rahm never called him again after their nekid shower shenanigans. He felt just used and abused, I tell you!!.
Sounds like Rahm’s misstep in the shower was not plowing Massa with 15 gin and tonics before sticking his naked “finger” in him.
Meh. The Daughters of Bilitis welcome him.
****
Ashburn: “I am gay.”
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/nov05election/detail?entry_id=58665
[re=526515]Aurelio[/re]: Eric Massa’s an emetophile who likes to get poked by domineering Jews while taking Roman showers.
Is that so wrong?
corrected complete transcript of Massa’s remarks:
“And then [I] tousled the guy’s hair and left, went to my room, and had the buttsecks with my swine-flu infested wife whilst fantasizing about wriggling around in the excrement of my horny drunk staffer.“
Well those male “members” would be telling Rep Massa to STFU now, instead of digging himself in deeper and deeper, if he’d done more hair tousling and less Rahm-gazing in the House Shower Room of Sodomy.
Ashburn: “I am gay.”
Getting drunk and cruising gay bars for a little action is usually a dead give-away of that.
Of course, I’ve seen his picture and I’d rather attract flies. He is one ugleee mo-fo.
[re=526532]The Legend of TeaBagger Vance[/re]: Thanks for clearing that up.
I was under the mistaken impression that Massa had wriggled around in the guy’s hair and then tousled his excrement.
Just for a second, put yourself at the table AFTER Massa left. You know that the “tousled hair” dude was like, “DUDE! What the FUCK was that???!!!” as his buddies were blowin champagne out their noses!!
[re=526512]mrbruff[/re]: [re=526519]brianxsmith[/re]: Bah; shows me to spend too much time typing.
“And then [I] tousled the guy’s PUBIC hair”
Fixed!
[re=526522]Aurelio[/re]: Also, Rum , Bum and Baccy
So when do we learn that Massa just walked in on Rahm jacking off in the shower?
Will that be his big revelation on Glenn Beck?
It’s not like he hit on the groom, or something.
[re=526531]Extemporanus[/re]: Perfectly normal. As American as wriggling around in excrement.
No wonder Nancy Pelosi has such a hard time getting anything done — she’d rather boot her own party members out of office than convince them to vote her way. Richard III would have a hard time passing laws that way. Of course, it would probably get easier after the first couple times.
[re=526529]S.Luggo[/re]: indeed
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/03/ashburn_im_gay.php
Translation: “You make me sick!” Which is not exactly stomach flu especially if you are the kind of wife who also drinks 15 gin and tonics which you might “Need.” BTW, I think it’s kind of early in the year in upstate NY for gin and tonics. Where did they think they were? On the plus side this is a real break for the Gov.
Yeah, you had me until the hair tousle-ing, dude. Up to that point I thought you might be a sci-fi geek who couldn’t handle his liquor. First it’s hair tousle-ing, then it’s “zushing”, then you’re gay.
I don’t see what the big deal is. Everyone knows that anything that happens after even a single drink is not gay, no matter what, right?
…Right, guys?
…Guys?
At any rate, he wouldn’t have gotten in any trouble at all, if he’d just remembered to say “no homo”.
*throws a stone*
I worked on the Hill for three years, dreaming of the day that Barney Frank (or even better, Xavier Beccera) would tousle my hair. And they never did.
[re=526556]SayItWithWookies[/re]: She should have learned from Denny Hastert before her, or the Boner beside her; when you find out that a member of your party may have committed a crime, or otherwise acted unethically, you make sure that shit stays covered up and keep their asses protected. If it is revealed, then you just pretend you have no idea, even if your prior knowledge is well documented.
“Made an intonation at me?” Like an insinuation? Jeez this guy is an assmonkey!
shorter Massa:
I had a great time. My wife drank to oblivion. I danced with some ladies on camera. I made a pass at a staffer. Then I went upstairs and masturbated.
Yes, it’s clear to me the influence of Rahm Immanuel on these proceedings. His filthy fingerprints are all over this. From the setting up the prospective bride and groom, the dream-like wedding venue, to the innocent looking invitations to co-workers, the stocking of the bar, the “open-bar” policy, the sultry music, the gentle but insistent fingers of the bridesmaid’s perfume slowly entwining Representative Massa’s thoughts and ultimately his sanity – it’s all of a piece with Rahm’s modus nobis pacem, as they say.
Last open-bar wedding I went to, I asked for a gin n’ tonic at the bar, and they served it to me in this cute little piddly-ass (8 oz.?) glass crammed up past the top with ice. Since I’m used to the big supertanker size ones I make at home, I held it up daintily with my thumb and pinkie and said to the bartender, “You call *that* a G n’ T? Really? OK, I’ll need six more, and a tray to put them on.”
Moral: At weddings, just order a beer.
so let’s get this uh ‘str8′ his wife got sick..probably went somewhere to lay down…and then he hits on his cute staff member…yeah..ghey
[re=526519]brianxsmith[/re]: No, because if he served aboard the Old Girl, he would either be (a) frakking a hot Asian officer in the tool locker under the guise of discussing problems with the electric servo motor framistan on her Raptor; (b) frakking a hot, unstable blonde Viper pilot; or, most likely, (c) involved in a brief, puzzling gay encounter with the Galactica’s comm officer after having his leg shot off and shortly before being executed for mutiny.
/BSG Geek
“That’s right, Massa wanna frack your tush all night long. Ooh yeah, I’m gonna foxtrot your tousle.”
Maybe the staffer was just THAT cute?
Will a bunch of drinks make me want to fuck chicks and turn me straight? Next, on “Nightline”:
Gin and tonic, cure for homosexuality???
[re=526538]GoinGreen[/re]: More likely the guys at the table were going ‘DUDE, What the FUCK was that??’ while Massa was still at the table. He probably left because he’d brought any kind of conversation to a dead crashing halt.
I myself hate it when that happens.
If this was what actually went down, he’d have to be completely tarded and/or burnt out to quit over this. THERE IS MORE!!!!! DEAD GIRL LITHE BOI ETC.
“Then we played Gay Chicken and I won. Even rammed my tongue down his throat before he finally broke, because I’m a winner!”
Since this happened at a social event outside the office I don’t know why it got reported to the House Ethics Committee, but I’m sure getting his ass out of Congress before the health care vote had something to do with it. Because he’s so important and such.
What?!?
Eric Massa is the final cylon.
OMG — unless they have him on tape why didn’t he just deny it and claim the other guy was drunk??? Now he’s considered as someone who should be going to AA meetings AND a pervert.
Eric Massa’s full quote:
“I wanna frak you. I could care less about the bridesmaids jig-ga-ling. I just wanna frak you…” (moves in uncomfortably close)
Male Staffer: Thanks, Eric. (sidesteps)
Massa: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (stumbles away)
Male Staffer: Well I guess I’ll take it as a compliment. Back to you guys in the booth!
And this is *his* side of the story. I’m guessing the truth is that he made it rain on the staffer…not just with dollar bills.
[re=526713]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Yes, in much the same way that “Gin & Juice” is a cure for financial problems.
For being embroiled in the silliest imbroglio in the history of embroilment, this idiot should be sent to forced bi cuckoldscamp for the next six months. For atonement.
[re=526840]Mr Blifil[/re]: Good idea, but I would think simply tying him to a pool table and having K Lo sit on his face for fifteen minutes would do the needful.
Hell, who would have thought that a politician making jokes about screwing his male staffer would get into trouble. I thought “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was the theme of the day?
I must have misunderstood what that meant. It must mean “Don’t ask the Americans what they want, Don’t tell the Americans that we are about to screw them like a male staffer.”
http://www.radically-raw.com
[re=526713]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I can’t quite figure out if you’re being sarcastic, because I know more than a few of the gheys who will do just about anything–including the sexin’ with the womens–after a sufficient amount of gin.
[re=526724]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: No kidding. No one would walk away from a Congressional job based on this instance alone. Even if the Dem leadership wanted to get rid of Massa and told him they were lining up a decent primary candidate he should still be able to get a better deal than this such as going with his original story of simply not running for re-election.
I smell a rat.
““I was with my wife. And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu”
h, Good times.
[re=526924]donner_froh[/re]: Yeah, what’s the REAL story?
*sigh* (Too old for “I haz a sad.”)
Hey, let’s be honest: if it weren’t for beer goggles, half the gay marriages in America wouldn’t have taken place.
Or half of the liberal ones.
The funny event was when the cops showed up at Barney Frank’s boyfriend’s house and found a whole bunch of marijuana growing. Rep. Frank was there, and yet we haven’t heard about his pending arraignment on the presumption that some of that dope was his.
When’s the last time a cop DIDN’T fall down laughing when you told him “That’s not MY dope!”
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