Eric Massa Just Got Drunk & Wanted To Screw Guys, Same As Any Man Does After Drinking

Hilarious gay socialist Eric Massa has finally told the true story behind his "inappropriate remarks to a staffer," and you know, after reading his sincere account, we have to agree that nothing weird happened at all, just some totally normal red-blooded American Straight Man having fun at a wedding, drinking fifteen gin & tonics and --like any guy would do-- saying he wanted to fuck a male staffer.

Thanks to America's News Source, Fox News, for posting the best political story of the year, so far:

"I was with my wife. And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu," he said.

Massa said he had just gotten up to sing Auld Lang Syne and had finished dancing with the bride and bridesmaid -- in full view of cameras -- when he sat back down at a table with male staff members. That's when he made the "inappropriate" remark.

"One of them looked at me and, as they would do after, I don't know, 15 gin and tonics, and goodness only knows how many bottles of champagne, a staff member made an intonation to me that maybe I should be chasing after the bridesmaid, and his points were clear and his words were far more colorful than that.

"And I grabbed the staff member sitting next to me and said, 'Well, what I really ought to be doing is fracking you,'" he said.

"And then [I] tousled the guy's hair and left, went to my room, because I knew the party was getting to a point where it wasn't right for me to be there. Now was that inappropriate of me? Absolutely. Am I guilty? Yes."

LET HE WHO HATH NOT DONE THIS THROW THE FIRST STONE. Come on, with most straight guys it only takes about two Coors Lite before they're trying to wriggle around in excrement, amirite??! You ever see a *Navy Ship,* for example? Floating bag of dick action, that's what! Ask John McCain! (Or don't, please.) [ Fox News ]