• Your Earthquake of the Week is brought to you by the residents of eastern Turkey. [Xinhua]
  • It’s International Women’s Day. Have you bought a card and flowers for your favorite international woman? [CNN]
  • Men who have always longed to make love to a trash bag will be thrilled to hear that the city of Washington DC is handing out free female condoms. [Washington Post]
  • People actually voted in the Iraqi election, including Sunnis! [New York Times]
  • WHOOPS that American Al Qaeda guy nabbed in Pakistan over the weekend isn’t a filthy Californian, but rather some guy from Pennsylvania. [Los Angeles Times]
  • “The Hurt Locker” won every Academy Award ever, in order to spite James Cameron. [New York Post]
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  1. An increase in the frequency and severity of earthquakes is a sure sign that global warming is nothing more than anti-American leftist propaganda.

  2. “She said staffs of community organizations are training to demonstrate how the condom should be used properly. One group is in talks with a hair salon on Martin Luther King Avenue in Southeast Washington to introduce the condom and provide instruction on its use there.”

    What is the female equivalent of a banana?

  3. With all these earthquakes and Miley Cyress’ head growing at an ungodly rate (have you seen the massive dome on this little nickelodeon spawn lately?? Thx Huffpo oscar pictures!!) , the Rapture is coming!!! I got first dibs on my wingnutty neighbor’s jet ski.

  4. Describing the new Female Condom: “…the FC2, which is made of thinner polyurethane than the earlier model, so it conducts body heat and sensation better — and rustles less.”

    Jesus Christ.

  5. “Men who have always longed to make love to a trash bag”…
    And I’m anxiously anticipating a Liz Cheney or Anne Coulter joke but I get news about a birth control program. Snark Fail!

  6. So glad the academy is finally recognizing the hard work of facial rodents — was getting sick of all the awards to Tom Selleck’s facial caterpillar.

  7. The Earth’s crust has really been getting cranky a lot lately. Hmm, have geologists been keeping a close eye on that super-volcano under Yellowstone? At least, when it goes off, those of us on the East Coast probably only face a lingering death by starvation rather than being poisoned by ash.

    [re=526098]weejee[/re]: The classic 70s Wonder Woman theme song. (Xena and Buffy were both instrumentals, and so wouldn’t work).

  8. Oh God, another whackadoodle Ross Douthat column. I can’t keep up with the guy anymore! Talk about productivity. (When we use this word in referring to my 9-month-old son, we mean something, well, very similar!)

  9. I’m a Pennsylvania native, and I am afraid of harassment as the media starts to portray us all as terrorists. While we pretty much are, I don’t want to be harassed, please.

  10. If you think getting anal from a woman is tough now, wait until you have to stuff one of those female condoms in there.

  11. Haiti, Chile, Turkey…Californians, maybe take all your Franklin Mint shit off of the mantelpiece for a bit, just till the storm passes. Anything could happen, Hussein has established that he is an appeaser when it comes to the earth’s tectonic plate activity.

    [re=526088]the problem child[/re]: banana split?

  12. Hah at first I felt all smug and was gearing up for a “sex with a trash bag” joke, until I realized that if someone came up to me unannounced and offered me the opportunity to fuck a trash bag I would probably check my daily calendar first before making my final determination. All I know is that if the rubber were to meet the road, I’d be very gentle.

  13. Judd has to grow a much bushier facial bush if he is going to try to hide those fucking nostrils. Motherfucker could, as Steve Martin once joked, snort a piano up his nose.

  14. Actually , I could pretty much give Mr Nelson a run for his money as now that I am down to my last good egg I can sport a veritable Van Dyck if I am not vigilant.

  15. [re=526085]gurukalehuru[/re]: Just keep watching the skies for drones. You never know — it’s now US policy to kill anybody, anytime because…we can.

  16. “WHOOPS that American Al Qaeda guy nabbed in Pakistan over the weekend isn’t a filthy Californian, but rather some guy from Pennsylvania.”

    Please, don’t let it be one of my relatives. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

  17. [re=526098]weejee[/re]: The band actually played “I Am Woman” when Babs gave Cameron’s ex the director’s Oscar, sigh. I hoped that it was a musical comment on the award being 30 years overdue. After all this time, it still reeks as a tune (written by a man, Ray Burton; Helen Reddy wrote the lyrics only). The tendency is to glamorize 60’s and 70’s pop music, when most of it was dreadful. For every Beatles album, there were four by John Denver or Bobby Goldsboro.

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