Journey without maps.If you’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with a quiet sense of dread and the distinct sensation that something terrible is about to happen, don’t worry! It’s just your subconscious wondering if anybody ever decided what to call that new John King show on CNN.

So what will they call it, this show anchored by John King, featuring things that happen in the USA?


[Political Ticker]

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  • Chernobyl Soup

    Why not just call it “This fake Apple iPad thingy is so fucking cool show” and be done with it?

  • Delicious

    CNN, Douchebags

  • bfjm

    Air jordan(1-24)shoes $33

    BOOT $50

    Nike shox(R4,NZ,OZ,TL1,TL2,TL3) $35
    Handbags(Coach lv fendi d&g) $35
    Tshirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $16

    Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $30
    Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini) $16
    New era cap $15

    Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25

    …… , . – . – , _ , ………
    ……… ) ` – . .> ‘ `( …….
    …….. / . . . .`\ . . \ ……..
    …….. |. . . . . |. . .| ……..
    ……… \ . . . ./ . ./ ……….
    ……….. `=)\ /.=` ……….
    …………. `-;`.-‘ ………….
    …………… `)| … , ………
    ……………. || _.-‘| ………
    …………. ,_|| \_,/ ……….
    ……. , ….. \|| .’ ………….
    ……. |\ |\ ,. ||/ …………..
    …. ,..\` | /|.,|Y\, …………
    ….. ‘-…’-._..\||/ ………….
    ……… >_.-`Y| ……………

  • TGY

    We got rid of kings with the British. That was before the British Invasion, of course.

  • Dean Booth

    It would be so much cooler if he did the news using backlit sand, like this:

  • Joshua Norton

    They had to call it that. Otherwise people would think they were watching “Larry King”.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I also can’t believe your getting paid to do this John.

    ……………. || _.-’| ……… haha brilliant!

  • Crank Tango

    [re=525186]bfjm[/re]: wow. Is that what the kids call ASCII art? Cuz it looks like art to me! Seriously! Brilliant!

    Sign me up for every Ed Hardy item you have!!!!!

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=525191]Joshua Norton[/re]: They could call it “John King–No Relation.” But then people might confuse it with “Anthony Bourdain–No Reservations.” Of course, that would only affect people with short attention spans, which is something like 70% of the United States.

  • Mr Blifil

    Acid-Tipped Dick, USA

  • proudgrampa

    proudgrampa, USA

  • FlownOver

    Also rejected: “Hey! Where’s My Foreskin?”

  • loquaciousmusic

    This brings a whole new meaning to the song “Born in the U.S.A.”

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    [re=525186]bfjm[/re]: Do they still make Air Jordans and are kids still getting mugged for them?

  • Joshua Norton

    They should just call every show “Ow My Balls!”

  • x111e7thst

    I sometimes wake up with an itch and an unpleasant discharge. Is this comparable to the quiet sense of dread to which you refer?

  • JMP

    Another boring old white guy, USA

  • JMP

    [re=525186]bfjm[/re]: Yeah, but do you have fashionable track suits?

  • DickTaterPeeNoShay

    [re=525190]Dean Booth[/re]: Skoalrebel can do that with spit

  • thesheriffisnear

    [re=525211]JMP[/re]: How about: Another Milquetoast, Mediocre, Middling…you get the picture.

  • Cape Clod

    I think they would get more people to watch if the called it “John King, Edible Underwear.”

  • Boojum

    [re=525206]loquaciousmusic[/re]: They changed it. Now it’s “Born in the Kenya/Hawaii/Muslin terrorist!!!!11!!!”

  • norbizness

    Those Spitting Image puppets keep getting creepier and creepier.

  • Whitey Did Katrina

    [re=525212]JMP[/re]: Yes bfjm plz answer on the fashionable track suits. I am looking for something in a “night on the town” velour with a very large logo on the back. Tear away pants a plus.

  • Mojopo

    Auh! I don’t get CNN. John King is a humorless Spock-like character, minus the charm, who secretly wants to be Toby Kieth. That’s not programming, that’s a reason to listen to NPR.

  • V572625694

    So he’s already visited 50 states, is sick of it, and wants to stay home with wifey Dana whoever it is. Perfectly normal. So they should call it “John King, interviewing Chuck Hegel, Chuck Schumer, Mary Matalin, John McCain, and all the usual camera whores in DC.” Catchy, huh?

    Oh, and [re=525186]bfjm[/re], please die with festering boils. O Wonkette Overlords, please extract your mighty banhammer from loop on your overalls, and squash this bug. We’re trying to run a sophisticated site her.


  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=525221]Cape Clod[/re]: Better yet, “John King: Triple Dickin.'”

  • tbogg

    John King: Tappin’ Across America’s Restrooms”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=525186]bfjm[/re]: ASCII penis FAIL.

  • Buzz Feedback

    I’m Bangin’ Dana Bash USA.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=525239]V572625694[/re]: For once, I agree. There has never before been been anyone who so deserved the banhamer, right up the side of his or her nasty little head.

  • JMP

    They can also break from the past with “John King: not a crazy old racist orange-faced birther.”

    Or go formal with “King, John”. And remind us all of the Robin Hood villain who was weak enough to bring on the first dent in the Monarchy’s absolute power.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    I want to see an ASCII picture of an actual Ed Hardy shirt, complete with all the tacky rose thorns and tigers and jizz stains.

  • blkblt

    Bashin’ Dana, USA

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=525249]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I thought it was an Oscar tribute…

  • JMP

    [re=525254]gurukalehuru[/re]: I had hoped the fashion spambot onslaught would cease after Xmas passed. But nope, here it’s March and it’s back under yet another name. C’mon, Sara; it’s Hammer time!

    And the ASCII image puts that beyond even that satiricalpolital blogwhore for annoyance. Though if you squint, it could look like a set of trucknuts.

  • bitchincamaro

    “The John King Show: Slightly More Loathesome Than That [re=525186]bfjm[/re] Show”

  • weejee

    [re=525211]JMP[/re]: Boring old white guy? How’s bout “John King You Ess, Eh? a slog with the BOWG”

  • honkyman

    My first job in this business was as an intern, and that says it all.

  • TGY

    [re=525249]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Or a circumcision gone horribly wrong.

  • Mad Brahms

    [re=525269]bitchincamaro[/re]: And yet still funnier than Leno, if unintentionally so!

    “John King looks out bus windows, sees things, comments about them”. He’s the Thomas Friedman of CNN!

  • Snarkalicious

    Will John King’s on-air prices be better than

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I can’t believe he let slip this opportunity to be “King of America.”

  • sezme

    He thought he was the King of America
    Where they pour Coca Cola just like vintage wine

  • Autoo

    [re=525329]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Yes, that was a brilliant mistake.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=525249]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Think of it as an ASCII Cthulhu penis.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Today we are all in “like” with John King.

    Ahh, to be able to use the ol’ 8th grade terminology again.

  • Limeylizzie

    [re=525186]bfjm[/re]: Say, does that stand for “Big Fucking Jack-off Merchant” perchance?

  • Magnus Maximus

    Botswana MCFC, I just want to see Harry Reid wearing an Ed Hardy shirt, baby blue plaid shorts, matching flipflops, and cool guy sunglasses by RayBan. is that too much to ask?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=525269]bitchincamaro[/re]: “bfjm shox ,(U$A) \|..,_.8–D~..,.-(“ is an awesome show!

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