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Whew!So why did that dopey “Radar Online” website claim for a half-hour today that John Roberts was quitting the Supreme Court? Some first-year law student half heard the professor say something about John Roberts retiring for “health reasons,” didn’t realize it was part of a class exercise “on the validity of informants not explaining their sources,” and emailed the HAWT GOSSIP to the first thing that came to mind, a shitty Hollywood gossip site. And you wonder why lawyers are so fucking stupid.

Former Wonkette editor David Lat passes on this Eyewitness Report from the classroom:

Today’s class was partially on the validity of informants not explaining their sources. [Professor Tague] started off class at around 9 am EST by telling us not to tell anyone, but that we might find it interesting that tomorrow, Roberts would be announcing his retirement for health concerns. He refused to tell anyone how he knew. Then, at around 9:30, he let everyone in on the joke.

Everything about this is AWESOME, especially this picture we’re going to use again, from the Wonkette Vault:

It's fun to stay at the Y M C A
FINAL AWESOME POINT: Lat’s law blog actually contacted people who work at the Supreme Court to see if there was anything to this, and a “source noted that JGR would sooner die — literally — than give Obama the chance to appoint his successor.” So transparently partisan! Hooray for SCOTUS!

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55 COMMENTS

  1. “Today’s class was partially on the validity of informants not explaining their sources.” Did everyone at WaPo and Fox News get an “A” when they took this class? A source who was granted anonymity because doing so would make this comment more entertaining says, “Yes.”

  2. Don’t stop, people! If we wish hard enough WE CAN MAKE IT TRUE!. Though I prefer the odds of Scalia & Thomas murder-suiciding after a lover’s quarrel.

    WHY’D YOU PUT A PUBE IN MY COKE, CLARENCE! I TOLD YOU IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE!! Besides, YOU’RE supposed to be the bottom.

  3. [re=524972]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:

    Hutz: Any calls Della?
    Della: Calls? Oh calls. The Supreme Court called again.
    Hutz: Tell them to sit tight. I’ll get back to them.

    #Della: The Supreme Court called again. They need your help on some freedom thing.

  4. I hope in tomorrow’s class, Mr College Perfesser mentions that time Glen Beck raped and murdered a young girl, back in 1990. I mean, he has yet to deny it, I’m just saying.

  5. Based on what I’ve observed, male law students spend their time looking at naked ladies and playing fantasy sports on the internets while the women law students plan their weddings so it is quite understandable that they would miss something crucial a half hour in.

  6. [re=524976]Suds McKenzie[/re]:
    Hutz: All right, gentlemen, I’ll take your case. But I’m going to have
    to ask for a thousand-dollar retainer.
    Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says “No money down”.
    [shows his paper ad: “Works on contingency basis. No money
    down.”]
    Hutz: Oh! They got this all screwed up…
    [makes a few corrections: “Works on contingency basis? No, money
    down!”]
    Bart: So you _don’t_ work on a contingency basis?
    Hutz: No, money down! Oops, it shouldn’t have this Bar Association logo
    here either.

    [re=524985]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You are just asking questions. There is nothing wrong with that. I, for instance, want to know why Mr. Beck has never stated when he stopped molesting Collies.

  7. Even though he grew up to be a relentless douchehat, Roberts was a cutie back in the day. Such smooth, lustrous skin. Must have been those daily semen facials.

  8. I think this classroom exercise had nothing to do with informants with unnamed sources. It was just a demonstration of how to lie and get away with it, which is the main point of a legal education.

  9. [re=525033]Aurelio[/re]: ”
    It was just a demonstration of how to lie and get away with it, which is the main point of a legal education.”

    Moreso that impunity is the standard when dirty tricks can be played off as mere ignorance.

  10. Lat’s law blog actually contacted people who work at the Supreme Court…

    This is the real bullshit of the story — a bog actually doing some reporting.

    Insanity!

  11. Is this the same Georgetown law student who advertised on Craigslist for a personal asswiper? Actually, I don’t care if it isn’t; I’m going to say it is. I’ll call it a rumor.

  12. Fucking douchebag law students grow up to be fucking douchebag lawyers (I should know). I hope the media that was contacted outs this “source” so that people will know not to hire him in 4 years.

  13. Consider the lawyers: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fucking swine?

  14. [re=525087]Come here a minute[/re]: OMG, it was a schoolboy that Glen Beck brutally raped and murdered in 1990? I’m just asking. Mind you, he hasn’t denied it yet has he? I wonder why that is?

  15. I can’t tell you how I know this, but Chief Justice Roberts really is going to resign tomorrow, and he had that professor spread false rumors that original rumor was untrue just so it would be a surprise tomorrow.

  16. A “source noted that JGR would sooner die — literally — than give Obama the chance to appoint his successor.”

    Does this mean we can start a JGR deathwatch, or would that be too wingnutty?

  17. [re=525088]plowman[/re]: I always liked Luke 11:46…

    And he said, Woe unto you also, ye lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye yourselves touch not the burdens with one of your fingers.

  18. Like Nixon appointee, the former and now very deceased Chief Justice William Renchburg (ignore the rumors that Bill was actually abducted in the night by dark angels hired by Katrina vanden Heuvel), Roberts SHANT leave the court until he is carried out on his shield.
    http://tinyurl.com/yl9znrq
    So little time, so many irritating parts of the Constitution to defenestrate.
    http://tinyurl.com/y88dngo

    Tony Scalia, on the other claw, is 74. Not that I wish him ill. I leave it up to the god Moloch to call him home.

  19. [re=525121]President Beeblebrox[/re]:

    Noper. “Lawyers” is a King James Bible mistranslation of Latin vulgate, taken from 2nd century Greek thence from the original Aramaic.

    The correct translation is, “Jesus said, Woe unto you experts in home cooling installation for you have exceeded your original estimate and I‘m still sweating like a Babylonian goat herder. Not paying you a fucking drachma.” True.

  20. [re=525121]President Beeblebrox[/re]: [re=525131]S.Luggo[/re]: Isn’t that the lush, comforting beauty of the Good Book? Whether sitting around a campfire or in the Supreme Court of these United States of America there’s always scripture appropriate to the moment AND an argument about how it actually means something else completely due to translation or copy errors. Amen.

  21. This is an illustration of how news travels in the internet age, and how insanely easy it is to grip half the (blogging) world by a totally unlikely sounding and unsubstantiated story. It’s downright scary, what havoc anyone might be able to wreak upon literally EVERYTHING with this sort of power.

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  23. What an incredibly stupid “exercise.” Someone needs to lock up this so-called “professor” in a dark room with Jim Bunning, Larry Craig and Mark Foley for 24 hours. Then we’ll see about single-, double- and triple-“sourcing” something!

    Seriously, what an asinine, dumb, stupid and moronic academic “exercise.” The professor should be reprimanded.

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