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LaRouchie Birther Kesha Rogers Wins Dem Congressional Nomination, Will Kill All Lobsterbacks

REMEMBER, ENGLAND?A new ray of prospective 2010 election fun came shining down Tuesday night: a LaRouchie birther named Kesha Rogers will now reclaim Dracula Cunt’s Texas congressional seat for America’s Democrats, after winning a primary against perhaps a wooden stool or some wilted lettuce. She has many thoughts about the British. Oh ho ho!

Rogers has a warning on her website:

The victory in the 22nd Congressional District yesterday by LaRouche Democrat Kesha Rogers sent an unmistakable message to the White House, and its British imperial controllers: Your days are numbered… I am leading a war against the British Empire. I’m not worried about what Democratic Party hacks say or do.

Shit, we’d be down for bombing England, why not?

[Kesha Rogers via Alex Massie]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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1 comment

  1. evan7257

    And yet she’s still not the most embarrassing candidate for TX-22
    Oh Tom DeLay, you danced your way into our hearts.

  2. AbstinenceOnly Ed

    Lyndon LaRouche’s 50-year plan to put a nuclear-reactor in every knapsack is slowly, ever so slowly coming to fruition!

  3. WhatTheHeck

    I dunno who’s prowling around in ms Rogers neighborhood, but I ain’t seen no redcoats nowhere, nohow.
    Poor woman has seen too many teabags close up.

  4. JMP

    Yes, it sends a powerful message that not many people pay attention or vote in Democratic nomination in a district that always, barring a fluke (like a major scandal and games by the incumbent that lead no Republican running in the general election), always goes Republican.

    But yes, we should fuck the English! Particularly Kate Winslet, Freema Agyeman and Emma Watson.

  5. loquaciousmusic

    Wait just a tick. Kesha Rogers wants to impeach Obama, but Kesha Rogers is black and Obama is black. I thought there was a conspiracy amongst all black folks to take over America and control all whities. That’s what FOX News tells me!

    Or is this the political equivalent of a spat between, for example, the members of Arrested Development? Where Obama is Speech and Kesha Rogers is Dionne Farris?

  6. Extemporanus

    The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the Menses of Token LaRouchies!

  7. qwerty42

    I thought the Trilateral Commission or the Stonecutters ran things, but really, it makes more sense that the Queen of England (is she still Empress of anything?) is calling the shots.

  8. mardam422

    Let us burn King George in effigy!!!1 Damn the Stamp Act. Free Guy Fawkes!!1 How can we lose with William Wallace on our side??

    On the other hand, maybe we should go the peaceful route like Ghandi.

    Nah.

  9. Extemporanus

    [re=524738]El Pinche[/re]: It’s on account of all the propane, and propane accessories.

  10. el donaldo

    [re=524740]JMP[/re]: Ah, yes, Dr. Martha Jones indeed.

    And I’m sure those Torchwood people could probably be able to back up some of Rogers claims as well, plus reveal the presence of other nefarious plots operating in the U.K.

  11. Extemporanus

    [re=524743]loquaciousmusic[/re]: She’s gonna challenge him to a game of horseshoes.

    A game of horseshoes!

  12. SnarkNotFark

    It’s about damn time.

    Finally that dope-pushing, power-mad, manky old slag, AKA HRH Elizabeth II and her robot minion Al Gore will get their comeuppance.

    Sic Semper Tyrannis!

  13. comicbookguy

    She saw the Fake George Washington and got confused about what year it is.

    Don’t worry, we can bring her up to speed in a few days with a Fake Abraham Lincoln, Fake FDR, Fake JFK, and Fake Dubya (in that order).

  14. Redhead

    I thought the Chinese were our new overloards, and we were being led by a Kenyan usurper. Where do the British fit in?

  15. Cicada

    [re=524755]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: LaRouche ran for president as a Dem, but I think the DNC refused to recognize him. He was also a Marxist at one point. Guy is a kook.

  16. samsuncle

    It was a three way tie between TX, KY, and SC for the state with the wackiest pols but now TX has taken the lead.

  17. BlueStateLiberal

    Today, our British oppression is about limited to their BBC sitcoms airing on our PBS station. And actually their sitcoms are pretty good, no complaints here. But long live the loons of Texas!

  18. Hooray For Anything

    She appears to be about sixty years too late and several hundred brain cells short.

  19. qwerty42

    [re=524764]Redhead[/re]: Well, if we’re really run by the Brits, then our Kenyan overlord is really more the “govenor-general”, so I guess his loyalty to Kenya and HRH is understandable. or something.

  20. SayItWithWookies

    [re=524755]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: The LaRouchies have been registering and running as Democrats for at least two decades now — they realized that if they ran as Republicans nobody would notice them.

  21. SnarkNotFark

    Oh goody, this thread has lead to me finding a shiny new toy:

    http://www.larouchepac.com/

    I’m sure it comes as no surprise, but their home page has a picture of Obama with a swell-looking Hitlerstache.

    I can’t wait ’til the next time one of them approaches me at a stoplight with another one of their margin-defying leaflets. LaRouche ’12, here I come.

  22. qwerty42

    [re=524758]SnarkNotFark[/re]: …that dope-pushing, …
    Yeah, but it makes more sense she’d be running a drug operation — I mean, I don’t see her as a street dealer.

  23. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Poor Kesha must’ve gotten a bad scone at Starbucks, and it has scarred her permanently.

  24. Cicada

    Skeptics said that LaRouche’s approach is impractical, it won’t work, that Democrats will never support someone who is calling for the President’s impeachment.

    They laughed at me at the institute! They called me mad at the Sorbonne. MAD! But I will show them…ALL of them…moohoohahaha.

  25. JMP

    [re=524755]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I believe all nine of LaRouche’s Presidential runs have been for the Dem nomination. To be fair, his craziness includes both left-wing and right-wing conspiracy theories; along with some just plain batshit insane conspiracy theories.

    [re=524769]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: No, there’s a lot more on BBC America. Most of the good ones, really, since PBS won’t air anything that might offend old people.

  26. Litlebritdifrnt

    I am charmed and delighted to hear that us Brits are still somehow running this country. I am sure HRH is giggling over her gin and tonic as we speak. At least British Monster Raving Looney Party candidates dress the part, your lunatics look somewhat normal, in fairness they should be required to wear signs, clown shoes and large posies of daffodils in their buttonholes just to give the sane voters a heads up.

  27. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=524784]JMP[/re]: Yeah those Larouchies are all over the place. Impeach Cheney; impeach Obama. Love Alexander Hamilton; hate that drug-dealin’ Queen Elizabeth II. Pro Ding-Dong; anti HoHo’s, etc.

  28. comicbookguy

    But who will protect the Brits against the Norman hordes? High time we pushed back against the Roman empire too. Come to think of it, Emperor Constantine is long overdue for his come-uppance.

  29. Moleman v2.5

    [re=524789]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: And the local aquifer is also a lead mine.

  30. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=524766]Cicada[/re]: [re=524774]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=524784]JMP[/re]:
    I always lumped them with the Independents. Democrats need to start claiming the bigger tent.

  31. comicbookguy

    See what happens when a state doesn’t enforce regulations against toxins in the water supply?

  32. Hooray For Anything

    I can see her point, though– other than helping build the country, teaching us English, creating laws and a basic governmental structure still being used today, and giving us the original version of “the Office,” what have the British ever done for us?

  33. Vartan84

    When I saw the title I thought “LaRouchie Birther Kesha Rogers” was one long name Wonkette jokingly bestowed upon some hapless loser. I was going to point out that wonkette forgot to put the $ in Ke$ha, but apparently it’s her real name? I didn’t know it was actually a name- and consistently called the woman who wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy “Kei$ha” up until I was corrected about a week ago. I see there’s an official webpage and all for Ke$ha, but this is still a joke, right?

  34. McDuff

    [re=524739]gurukalehuru[/re]: Exactly! Because LaRouche doesn’t have the commies to kick around anymore, he’s gone head-over-ass for the Masonic Conspriracy Theory — with the evil Brits using the Masons and its KKK army to rule the world. Who knew?!

    According to LaRouche, the Feds were going to kill him in prison back in the early 1990′s, but Bush Sr and Clinton never seems to have gotten around to it. Damn incompentent Feds!

  35. iwillsavethispatient

    Curses! Foiled again! We would’ve gotten away with it, if it weren’t for those pesky LaRouchies!

  36. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=524811]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:
    I just realized that I learned something from Wonkette today!
    And my wife told this shit would rot my brain. Hah!

  37. DC Hates Me

    Kesha wants to send Whitey back to the moon permanently. And Obama must wear a Hitler mustache .. it’s the law.

  38. Deepthroat

    I tried searching the Larouche PAC site to try to find where it mentioned how the Reptilian Alien overloards (who are working with the Monarchy and Neo Nazis) will put us all in to death camps at the Denver Airport and eat our young, but the closest I could find was a picture of a demonic zombie panda gnawing on its own arm. Slackers.

  39. McDuff

    We need one of those commission like they have in Iraq that gets to decide who gets to run for national office. The test would consist of two questions:

    (1) After examining this copy of the current President’s “Certificate of Live Birth,” issued by the State of Hawaii, Barrak Obama was born where?

    (2) Know that Lyndon LaRouche believes that the Queen of England is a drug dealer and secretly rules the entire world, Mr. LaRouche is: (a) the wisest man in the universe; or (b) bat-shit crazy.

    Even after that test, we’d still have lots of wacky pols to keep us laughing all the way to the hobo jungle.

  40. JMP

    [re=524796]comicbookguy[/re]: Constantine gave us institutional Christianity; we’re never going to stop suffering from his deeds.

    [re=524814]Hooray For Anything[/re]: They took Madonna off our hands; if that’s not helpful, I don’t know what is.

    We do still need to pay back the Brits for Andrew Lloyd Webber and post-Beatles Paul McCartney, though.

  41. eclecticbrotha

    [re=524740]JMP[/re]: Don’t forget Michelle Ryan, formerly of “The New Bionic Woman.” I’d invade her territory anytime.

  42. bigfatpantload

    Since they seem to be all talk when it comes to seceding, is there any way we can just give Texas back to Mexico or something?

  43. Downtheroadapiece

    [re=524740]JMP[/re]: Cool. I got dibs on Hugh Laurie, Eddie Izzard, and Ewan McGregor (yeah I know he’s technically a Scott, dun’t care. He’s hawt.).

  44. sati demise

    [re=524850]Downtheroadapiece[/re]: dibs on Michael Caine, John Lennon and steeplechasing.

  45. S.Luggo

    The Texas 22nd District is represented by Peter Olson (R-Festus,Tx.), Phil Gramm’s former valet and food taster. Rogers and Olson make each other sound like Pericles.

  46. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=524814]Hooray For Anything[/re]: India Pale Ale? (My personal choice for Britain’s greatest achievement.)

  47. President Beeblebrox

    Ah. Only in Murrika could a pro-NASA, pro-high speed rail, anti-Brit, anti-Obama black LaRouche Democrat win an election.

    The debates for the general ought to be hilarious. The Republican candidate will look positively sane next to Ms. Rogers.

    [re=524826]Deepthroat[/re]: I think you were looking for this site. DIA really has some folks exercised, of the same ilk who think that the Air Force is spraying chemtrails to make everyone sick.

    While we’re at it, we should also expose the underground horrors at Dulce AFB in New Mexico:

    Level 7 is the worst. “Row after row of 1,000′s of humans & human-mixture remains in cold storage. Here too are embryos of humanoids in various stages of development. Also, many human children’s’ remains in storage vats. Who are (were) these people?”
    Below Level 7 – Unknown other levels unexplored by humans. Aliens here. Exits into a vast underground cavern series, unexplored by humans, but suspected to be a huge alien culture area.

  48. Hooray For Anything

    [re=524847]sati demise[/re]:[re=524842]JMP[/re]: Okay, so other than other than helping build the country, teaching us English, creating laws and a basic governmental structure still being used today, giving us the original version of “the Office,” taking Madonna away from us, and giving us Monty Python, Kate Winslet, Freema Agyeman, Emma Watson, Michelle Ryan, Hugh Laurie, Eddie Izard, Ewan McGregor, and my throw in’s– Lucy Pinder and Keely Hazell, what have the British ever done for us?

  49. Mad Brahms

    [re=524845]eclecticbrotha[/re]: Who’s that?

    Ah, crap. Looks like I answered that FOX News poll prematurely.

  50. Aquannissiwamissoo

    She needs a blimp.

    But a LaRouche Blimp would be inflated with molten osmium and piloted by Mr. Mzxklxpt.

  51. Hooray For Anything

    [re=524765]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I occasionally see the LaRouchie kids out on street corners handing out flyers and I always wonder out of all the crazy, kooky, conspiracy/hoax type things you could be handing out flyers too, why LaRouche? I mean, Scientology maybe completely ridiculous but at least it’s got some celebrity cache and the Truthers make some support of attempt at using science to back them.

  52. McDuff

    [re=524861]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I tried visiting this obvisously important web site, but my at-work Federal Government computer won’t let me due to the site’s “Violence; Gruesome Content.”

    What don’t THEY want me to know? And why are guys in black ninja-style outfits crashing through the windows as I ……………..

  53. sati demise

    [re=524864]Hooray For Anything[/re]: David Niven and Peter Sellers?

    [re=524876]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Now imagine; this is how Sarah Palin got her start in politics. S
    he was once one of those krazy kids…

  54. DC Hates Me

    [re=524876]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Lyndon Larouche and the Jehovah’s Witnesses, working together to indoctrinate inner city youth into crazy. With the promise of a bright, futuristic future .. and lots of repressed sexual urges.

  55. Snarkalicious

    [re=524861]President Beeblebrox[/re]: I don’t thing the RNC will let that happen. Watching the GOP candidate desperately trying to outcrazy this crazy-ass bitch so the Teabaggers don’t get confused is more likely.

  56. President Beeblebrox

    [re=524888]McDuff[/re]: Sure you weren’t trying to cruise a tranny pr0n site? I hear the Feds have something against that type of perversion…

  57. GOPCrusher

    [re=524740]JMP[/re]: Include Billie Piper on that list and my check is in the mail!

  58. gurukalehuru

    …on the other hand, she’s in favor of an all out mission to Mars. I see some positives in this woman. Plus the laughs, of course.

  59. mumblyjoe

    [re=524739]gurukalehuru[/re]: I assumed she meant the Lizard People. And by Lizard People, I of course mean the jews.

  60. comicbookguy

    [re=524911]President Beeblebrox[/re]: What you call tranny porn, I call SEC regulatory action.

  61. Maus

    Is a “LaRouche Democrat” just a birther with a felony record and a worn-out copy of the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion (with “the jews” crossed out and “the limeys” pasted in)?

  62. LiveFromSinusCity

    Wow… They have a district in Texas with only 2 registered voters?

    LaRouche Democrat sounds like a stripper name.

    And her spokesweasel is named Harley Schlanger!

    Dang, you can’t make up stuff this good.

  63. June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=524769]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: I’m not giving up Keeping Up Appearances!

  64. lulzmonger

    Queen Elizabeth II as a heroin kingpin? Sure, sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

    If I huff enough glue, that is.

  65. Darkness

    Funny, my impression of the Iraq war thang and the British is that Bush made them into bottoms. Snarky, goofy accented bottoms, but bottoms, still.

  66. Darkness

    [re=524755]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Everything is bigger in Texas. Including the Democratic tent.

  67. Diana Davies

    This means I might have to change my favorite crazy bitch from Michelle Bachmann to Kesha Rogers.

  68. NYNYNY

    Kesha Rogers b.1755, was an educated Free Black who strongly supported the Rebel cause against England. In 1776 she fell into an ice cravace, but was thawed out and revived by doctors in 2007. Since then she then she has been leading the fight against the British while trying to catch up on world history.

  69. Jack85

    Ok, now seriously. And I’m not kidding at all. Let’s get her elected. Think of the awesomeness. And I’m dead F*ing serious.

  70. Deacon Frank Orris

    [re=525145]Jack85[/re]: If nothing else, putting this woman in the House would force Michelle Bachmann to step up her game if she wants to keep her title as the Craziest Representative.

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  73. spectre

    KESHA ROGERS FOR CONGRESS!!!

    Well, well!!! It’s not surprising, once again the Democratic Party hacks go into motion from their 10 year slumber!!!

    You couldn’t stop the Bush oil wars, could you…”oh no… we don’t have the votes” you cried like helpless children all during the BUSH II years, well we gave you the votes and you still can’t get us out…you Frauds!! Morons!!! The Democratic Party is a bunch of impotent simpletons….Like the good towel boys you are, you bailed out the criminal bankrupt banks and Wall Street, now you want to hand the health insurance companies billions…what makes you any different than the Republican Party??? HMMMMM??? NOTHING!!!

    You sat idly by while the Republicans systematically destroyed our economy piece by piece, deregulation of banks, crushing the labor unions, let millions of jobs and our manufacturing base move to cheap labor pools in Mexico and overseas, making the rich super rich and the middle class and the poor very poor!!! We stand before the abyss of a new Great Depression and you can’t do anything positive the fix the economy… like going back to the Glass Steagall Act, or implementing Tarriffs to protect our industry……
    ….. but you can denounce a young black woman with a head on her shoulders and some courage to stand up for our nation and it’s citizens…..Good Job Democratic Party, you have shown us once again you are no different than the Republican Party. You just don’t get it yet do you?!?! People voted for a CHANGE!!! Not the same ol’ crap!!!!!

    ….and if you are wondering about Kesha Rogers references to the British Empire, those that know who has the stranglehold control of the world financial system, it is the financial houses of London…who dictates to the FED it’s policy…. London. Who controls the WTO….London…etc.etc.

    Why don’t you just give her a chance? What are you so afraid of, Demoratic Party? What can one strong black woman possibly do to frighten you so???

  74. Deekoo

    Since the Democratic Party’s resolution condemning the LaRouche Youth Movement referred to LaRouche’s antisemitic views and history of thuggery, I’m guessing that the reason the Democrats don’t like Kesha is because she wants to run the country according to the teachings of a self-described ‘genius’ who claimed that the Romanian Nazi party was a Jewish conspiracy, that the ‘Protocols of the Elders of Zion’ is an authentic document, and who commanded his followers to commit violent assaults on political rivals.

    Just a wild guess.

  75. spectre

    You guys need to stop playing video games and repeating garbage you’ve over heard at a drunken parties. I read a lot of what LaRouche has written and have seen him speak personally. This crap I’m reading from anonymous commentaries is laughable. I’ve been involved with LaRouche and his activists since 1980 and I have NEVER been told to “commit violence” in fact just the opposite. The whole NAZI thing was cooked up in the 70′s to discredit him and his ideas, very effecitively I might add, look how you guys repeat this crap without understanding, see how effective the media lie machine has been? The Wall Street crowd and the international bankers fear this guy most of all. If you guys ever read a page of history you might find LaRouche is right and you are wrong.

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