Look, we haven’t read “Radar Online” since it was actually Radar Online, when Alex Balk was editor and Choire Sicha was “the cat.” But whatever’s left of that site — OCTOMOM EATS OWN POOP, SUES BRAGJALINA!!! — is reporting that wingnut Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is going to quit, for “personal reasons,” meaning he likes to wriggle around in excrement. And then Barack Obama can appoint … Tiger Woods?
AND NOW FOR THE SHOCKING “JOHN ROBERTS IS TOTALLY GAY” PHOTO.
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Why would you raise my hopes like that?
Hello Frithsco!
Ha. Nice meat. Er, something.
i think this has already been retracted, but whatever. i love the idea of this prick having seizures. makes me want to go de-earthquake proof his office and decorate the shelves with bowling balls.
Does that fucker ever stop smiling? It is soooo creepy! Of course, Clarence Thomas never stops scowling, so maybe it’s a balance thing. And Scalia, passed over for the top job by a whippersnapper and a gay one to boot, you know he’s pissed.
So much for Hope and Change.
Tell me this is true. Please. Please. I’m too excited to snark.
He’s quitting so he can get gay-married in DC.
Wow, how long has he had that rug on his head?
Dammit, they’re retracting it. Why’d you have to get our hopes up like that, then crush them, Radar?
Fuck John Roberts with a spicy, acid-tipped dick.
Looks like a poop wriggler to me. That’s got to be P-town.
He’s not gay. That’s just a nice, polite, clean-cut, ….. Hey, nobody can prove he joined the glee club, right?
That photo: QED.
“Seen here before becoming famous in the States, John Roberts, Tom Selleck, and Anthony Edwards play a delightful little game of ‘suck, suck, goose’ in this still from the 1983 Australian homosexual pornography film, Three Men and a Barbie.“
[re=524681]geminisunmars[/re]: Oh poop-puppies! My hopes so quickly shattered.
Hey, remember way back when, when that one tabloid published rumors of another male looker, this one a frontrunner for the democratic nomination for president? They said he was banging a staffer and had a love child to boot. Haha, can you believe the shit these guys come up with?
Haha, they have the EXCLUSIVE that he is NOT stepping down, too. That is amazing journalism.
[re=524685]JMP[/re]: They’re not called Gaydar Online for a reason.
I sure hope this isn’t a cruel joke. Because the thought of that miserable piece of shit quitting is bringing on an episode of mania as I write this.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT BE FUCKING WITH US LIKE THAT!!!
[re=524697]Theodore Nugent[/re]: It is the very definition of “fair and balanced” reporting.
Of course he’s gay , have you seen the lovely Mrs. Roberts? She’s like a younger version of Mrs Craig..Republican women who do not enjoy the many joys of the penis often marry men who do.
If he is gay, that would raise an interesting question– would Conservatives still support him or would they do so just as long as there’s no “wise homo” quote from his past?
That’a quiche and that spells G. a. y!
Who takes bad point-and-shoot pix of food? That’s really troubling.
No clams on the menu tonight, boyz!
Well, we do know he was so excited at Obama’s event that he fucked his lines and had to do it again the next day…
Look at the pants that nice fella in the middle is wearing. Besides the stripey thing motif, he’s also got a very nice bulge going.I’ve heard of the “top” and the “bottom”, is there also a “middle”?
ATL Exclusive: John Roberts is Still Chief Justice!
Wonkett Exclusive: Water Still Wet!
You know, as a justice Roberts is technical a law interpreter, not a law maker…
The even bigger news was that Kate Goesllin is going on “Dancing with the Stars”
[re=524709]El Pinche[/re]: Hey now, real men do eat quiche. Real gay men, anyway.
Well, shit.
Well, we know that’s NOT cooter pie.
The forks are on the wrong side of the plates. They are not gay.
He was parting on the left, now he’s parting on the right.
And the weirds have all grown wierder overnight
As long as it presents another opportunity to roll the tape of his kid doing the electric slide in the East Room I don’t give a shit what happens.
The guy in the purple sweater is definitely lusting at whatever is on that plate.
Corrected Radar Online headline: “John Roberts getting back together with Lyle Lovett”.
Radar Online apologizes for any prior confusion.
And don’t tell me … it was Charlie Crist taking the picture.
Guy in purple sweater, “Wow, that piece of meat is huge! And the pork chop on the plate is good-sized as well.”
He can’t resign now — his buddies would never let him in the Club again if THAT ONE got to appoint the Chief Justice. He’s gotta at least wait until the Glenn Beck coup this fall.
This is the cruelest, most false-hope-creating headline I can recall reading on Wonkette. I feel the same sort of loss as on the day I learned I didn’t really win the Nigerian National Lottery.
If John Roberts were a member of the Village People, which one would he be.
arg, how could you raise my hopes like that?!
I never noticed how gayfaced he is … but man, dude looks gayer than a unicorn with a clutch-purse full of rainbows.
OCTOMOM EATS OWN POOP, SUES BRAGJALINA!!
Man, you really can’t out-HuffPo HuffPo, can you?
What a bunch of silly assholes you all are. But then, looking at some of you cats would know one from living it (see, e.g., assistant/atlas, who looks like you will find him in the dictionary under the definition of gay)
I think Radar was just over-reacting to the rumor that Roberts wanted to become a cast member of Glee
[re=524781]canadasteve[/re]: The leather wearing biker dude, of course. What do you think he wears under his robes?
The 20 minutes where it seemed like this rumor might be true were literally my happiest 20 minutes in 2010.
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: Yeah, some of the posters here are not only gay, but open about it; almost as if they know that it’s perfectly normal and not something to be ashamed of. And the rest of us don’t care, as if we know gay is not an insult, and in fact know that to use it that way makes one a homophobic shithead.
What the holy fuck happened to Radar? I went to the site and it was hideous leopard spots and neon. I did not realize that Brawndo had moved into the media market.
[re=524781]canadasteve[/re]: The one who liked cock the most. Saaaaaaaaaayyyy…
This whole thing makes me want to touch myself\others 18 to 24 times today.
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: oh come on, you know you are gay for Tom Selleck. The Rasputin mustache is a tell tale clue.
So the photo proves that John Roberts hung out with a Castro clone and is gay for lobsters? HAW HAW HAW YOU BELIEVED IT LIBTARDS!
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: Hey Rasputin, have you ever met a guy named Ross Douthat? You and he might have a lot in common.
He’s got crabs!!
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: So is “Rasputin” Russian for “power bottom”?
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: Welcome, troll. And yes, the avatars next to our screen names are true representations of our appearances. I’m a little bouncy lamb in real life.
Gay sure, but, why is the waiter’s head bleeding?
More information: http://www.theunitedmechanicaltx.com/free-airwick-freshmatic-ultra.html
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: Yeah, that assistant/atlas sure looks queer to me
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: So you’re saying you have refined gaydar? That must come in handy on business trips.
[re=524858]bored with gravity[/re]: I’m Roscoe P. Coltraine, goddamit…and to prove it I’m gonna post a link to the video of me having a three-way with the Duke boys on xtube.
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: “Cats”? We are all cats now!
How do you explain Robert’s cable-knit white sweater?
I simply refuse to believe this, as Republicans do not resign when caught in illegal/unethical situations. What about Mark Sandford, David Vitter, John Ensign, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, John Wu, etc. etc. etc. do you not understand?
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: I won’t speak for anyone else here, but sometimes I manifest a morbid curiosity about perversity. Like, for instance, gay repubicans—you want to turn away, but…you…just…can’t…help…staring…
This picture makes my potted basil plant hop up and down with excitement.
[re=524682]rafflesinc[/re]: Maybe now he can enlist.
I think his, “Children of the Damned” progeny need his blood, sweat and tears to help construct their interstellar ship.
http://www.whitehousemuseum.org/floor2/west-sitting-hall/west-sitting-hall-roberts.jpg
ATL has another post; it was some law prof’s prank to make a point about anonymous sources.
It was Professor Tague. Today’s class was partially on the validity of informants not explaining their sources. He started off class at around 9 am EST by telling us not to tell anyone, but that we might find it interesting that tomorrow, Roberts would be announcing his retirement for health concerns. He refused to tell anyone how he knew. Then, at around 9:30, he let everyone in on the joke.
http://abovethelaw.com/2010/03/the_backstory_of_the_john_roberts_retirement_rumor.php
There are parts of the country (Reno) where men who claim to be straight wear mustaches like that. I always had my doubts though. I mean, ewe, why else would you wear one if you weren’t advertising that “special feeling”.
[re=524884]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Who the fuck puts their son in a formal shorts pantsuit?? Welcome to 1954, everybody!
[re=524868]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Cooter’s one of the best cornponagraphers working today — it must’ve been great working with him.
Say, did you ever see that movie he made with Uncle Jessie, Boss Hog, and a bucket of drumsticks? It’s elbow-lickin’ good!
[re=524891]happyrock[/re]: Maybe because you were preparing to travel in time to the 1970s? That’s about the only other reason I can think of.
[re=524894]MarSF[/re]: That image looks like the old photos of the Kennedy kids; in fact, I think they might be wearing the exact same clothes.
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]:
Fuck you.
There lived a certain man in Russia long ago
He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the bible like a preacher
Full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire
RA, RA, RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
RA, RA, RASPUTIN
Russia’s greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on
He ruled the Russian land and never mind the czar
But the kazachok he danced really wunderbar
In all affairs of state he was the man to please
But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze
For the queen he was no wheeler dealer
Though she’d heard the things he’d done
She believed he was a holy healer
Who would heal her son
But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger
for power became known to more and more people,
the demands to do something about this outrageous
man became louder and louder….!
“This man’s just got to go!” declared his enemies
But the ladies begged “Don’t you try to do it, please”
No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms
Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms
Then one night some men of higher standing
Set a trap, they’re not to blame
“Come to visit us”, they kept demanding
And he really came
RA, RA, RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
They put some poison into his wine
RA, RA, RASPUTIN
Russia’s greatest love machine
He drank it all and he said “I feel fine”
RA, RA, RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
They didn’t quit, they wanted his head
RA, RA, RASPUTIN
Russia’s greatest love machine
And so they shot him till he was dead
Oh, those Russians…
ROBERTS HAS CRABS!!!
[re=524853]teebob2000[/re]: damn, unfunny AND derivative. I should go write for the RNC! Aha ha. Ha ha. Haw.
Chaps, by their very design are assless. So why is it so fun to say assless chaps?
[re=524709]El Pinche[/re]: “That’a quiche and that spells G. a. y!”
I am SO totally gay for quiche. I wonder how that fits into the kinsey scale?
[re=524713]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hahahahah, jesus ….
[re=524713]SayItWithWookies[/re]: But, Chad!, I will have some of your fabulous salami!
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: What in the name of hell are you talking about, we may be gayer than a picnic basket , or extremely gay-friendly, here at Wonkette but at least we can fucking assemble a sentence without sounding like a total wanker.
What, exactly, is up with Tom Sellecks forehead? Looks like his toupe is bleeding. Or did he screw a raccoon on his head? John Roberts has a sweet smile there. Good times. Good times.
[re=524822]mumblyjoe[/re]: I was so happy, I wet my diaper a little.
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]: scuse me, but that’s “cougar” to you, Mr. Troll!
Yep, last year’s Christmas hat.
Roberts is stroking Tom Sellicks hand with his thumb.
[re=524946]Ken Layne[/re]: I guess this is equivalent to WIN OF THE DAY. Almost as good as a VandeHarris.
Roberts is running for Harvey Milks seat in Frithco.
[re=524912]President Beeblebrox[/re]: This just made my butthole sing with delight, as if a little lobster was trying to scuttle his way in.
[re=524800]Rasputin[/re]:
There once was a prick called Rasputin
A cocksucker, nobody’s disputin’
He came all this way to gun down some gays
but his illiteracy gun wasn’t shootin’
…or somebody reversed the negative…does that mean that Roberts is really a bottom?
[re=524731]joeybrill[/re]: negative reversed…are so
You know what’s really shocking about that photo? The guy in the blue sweater is a dead ringer for a gay friend of mine from France.
Spooky.
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