SEXYTIME  1:42 pm March 4, 2010

California Hardcore Anti-Gay Rights GOP State Senator Caught… (Finish Yourself)

by Jim Newell

California State Sen. Roy Ashburn, a major family values, anti-gay Republican father of four, also likes to FUCK MEN IN THE ASS. He was pulled over and given a DUI the other night while returning from a Sacramento gay nightclub. Riding in the car with him was another man whom Ashburn was going to rail and slam and draw rainbows on and poop all over. [CBS 13]

 

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{ 103 comments }

RoscoePColtraine March 4, 2010 at 1:44 pm

What, no rimming?

Moleman v2.5 March 4, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Heheheh … Assburn.

sezme March 4, 2010 at 1:45 pm

This is news? I think we need a bit more of a ‘man bites dog’ story.

AbstinenceOnly Ed March 4, 2010 at 1:45 pm

When asked why he was acting out in such a manner, Ashburn responded that NH State Rep Nancy Elliot’s description of gay sex being a penis “wriggling about in excrement” was so enticing he just had to experience it for himself.

V572625694 March 4, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Ashburn? It’s got to be a joke.

I’d make the joke about gay bars in Sacramento being the real news again, but have already been corrected. But does the whole county still smell sickly sweet when they do the rice harvest?

An Outhouse March 4, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Spring is right around the corner. The Republican naughty bits are awaking from their slumber. Its my favorite time of year.

Joshua Norton March 4, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Hey! He’s not gay. His boyfriends are.

They ALL protest waaaaay too much.

Buzz Feedback March 4, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Was the other guy in the car Douthat?

Autoo March 4, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Oh, the humanity.

Ew, the poop-wriggling.

Lono65 March 4, 2010 at 1:50 pm

If he’d just “finished himself,” he wouldn’t be in this pickle.

Lucidamente March 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Just a bit of constituent servicing, that’s all.

snoidoid March 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Alright, you Repub grunts! Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!

gurukalehuru March 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm

I thought Republicans were usually bottoms. Which the name Assburn would seem to confirm.

Ruhe March 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Shouldn’t the head line read “finishes himself”?

Come here a minute March 4, 2010 at 1:52 pm

Ha ha, Democratic strategist: “He should come out and apologize.”

Johnny Zhivago March 4, 2010 at 1:52 pm

The bad thing is that now he can claim he’s being attacked only because he’s gay.

GoinGreen March 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Jesus Christ, are there ANY straight Republicans??!!

Mista Eko March 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm

GOP State Senator Caught… (Finish Yourself)

That’s what Mrs. Ashburn said!

nappyduggs March 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm

What a pleasant non-surprise! This is so fulfilling, I may not drink for the rest of the day. Sure.

Anyway, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!??111?!

Extemporanus March 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm

With a name like “Senator DUI Arrest”, it was only a matter of time before he got pulled over.

I wonder if all the toe-tapping made him stall…

artiloop March 4, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Uhm, why do you assume he’s a top? Most closet cases are raging power bottoms!

Mad Brahms March 4, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Thus begins the era of “Not gay if the balls don’t touch” politics in California.

Tim Was Tim March 4, 2010 at 1:54 pm

High five to the reporter for pulling the cool cross behind the cameraman while he points the camera at the street move.
Bravo.

Mr Blifil March 4, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Thou shalt reap what thou wrigglest in.

sezme March 4, 2010 at 1:55 pm

“There was also a passenger in the car, another man. But he was not identified as a lawmaker.”

Ross Douthat is not a lawmaker…

[re=524564]V572625694[/re]: Ha ha! In a statement, Ashburn said, “This is the first time I’ve indulged in gay sex and I’m so sore… I mean so sorry!”

Extemporanus March 4, 2010 at 1:56 pm

[re=524570]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Douthat was wriggling around in his trunk.

Native of SL UT March 4, 2010 at 1:56 pm

I have to “finish myself?” God dammit Wonkette, I demand more happy endings.

Johnny Zhivago March 4, 2010 at 1:56 pm

It’s his staff’s fault! They booked him at a get together of tea-baggers.

BerkeleyFarm March 4, 2010 at 1:56 pm

[re=524564]V572625694[/re]: Huh, I spent my first ten years in Sutter County – which definitely is Riceland – and don’t remember anything but really hazy air after harvest because of the burning. I was small, though.

Given the cuh-raaaaayzee March of Development up through the flood plains*, I would think you would only get that when the north wind is coming through, via places they Still Actually Grow Food.

* As a middle-aged person with aging parents, I often wonder if I will end up living there again. I have practiced the “I grew up here, don’t even think about showing me something in the flood plain” speech.

Carrie_Okie March 4, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Yay. How many other tipsters sent that one in? Early Cummer this year?

BerkeleyFarm March 4, 2010 at 1:58 pm

I’m still LOLing that Mr. Free Enterprise Small Government pulled these shenanigans in a STATE CAR, as well.

Snarkalicious March 4, 2010 at 2:00 pm

[re=524578]snoidoid[/re]: What? Poles?

thefrontpage March 4, 2010 at 2:00 pm

This is the transcript from the police video of the arrest:

Officer: Oh, hey, didn’t I see you at Faces the other night?

Ashburn: Uhhhhhh…..

Officer: How often do you go there?

Ashburn: Define often.

Officer: You’re under arrest.

St.SarahOfThePerpetuallyOffended March 4, 2010 at 2:00 pm

He needed to personally experience teabagging. For the team. How can he represent something without fully understanding how the beautiful movement works?

Cicada March 4, 2010 at 2:01 pm

THIS HAPPENED FOUR BLOCKS AWAY FROM this coffee shop I used to work at. And I used to go to Faces with friends every once in awhile. I am tickled pink, really.

Junior March 4, 2010 at 2:01 pm

As an unwilling resident of Sacramento, I am so happy that our little town helped bring a GOP anti-gay zealot/bigot to his knees. Zing!

Faces is just a couple of blocks away. I hope he claims that he didn’t know it’s a gay bar. Couldn’t be more gay.

Joshua Norton March 4, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Ross Douthat is not a lawmaker…

He’s more of a bossy bottom.

iolanthe March 4, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Gayface starts looking strange on closeted uptight right-wing gay men in their 50s, doesn’t it?

SayItWithWookies March 4, 2010 at 2:05 pm

He says he’s going to accept the consequences of his actions. I hope that means he’s out getting tickets to Wicked right now.

freakishlystrong March 4, 2010 at 2:05 pm

This should knock all the caterwauling about Rangel and Massa off teh cable snoozes. NOT.

Cicada March 4, 2010 at 2:07 pm

[re=524610]Junior[/re]: It’s the biggest gay bar in the Central Valley, and it’s across the street from The Depot, which is also gay as hell. They used to have six rainbow flags flying over the door, for chrissakes.

S.Luggo March 4, 2010 at 2:07 pm

Lay off. Ashburn went there for the cuisine.

One Yield Regular March 4, 2010 at 2:09 pm

“Faces” is just a great name for a gay bar. Maybe not as great as “Options,” but totally in the pantheon.

ProfessorJukes March 4, 2010 at 2:10 pm

A Tahoe? Fuck, no wonder Cali is broke! In CT the state cars are all Reliant K-cars. Still get better mileage than a fucking Tahoe.

Also, nifty magic stand-up by the reporter.

Tomthebunny March 4, 2010 at 2:11 pm

[re=524592]Tim Was Tim[/re]: Yeah, kind of disconcerting the way she popped back into the frame after the cameraman showed the establishing shot of just exactly what a street in Sacramento looks like- if she’d said “Boo” I’d have jumped out of my seat.

iwillsavethispatient March 4, 2010 at 2:11 pm

His apparent position against gay marriage this is completely understandable. Gay marriage would damage his straight marriage at least. I mean, his boyfriend would probably hassle him to leave his wife, so they could get married. It all makes sense now!

Franklin Pierce & Pierce March 4, 2010 at 2:11 pm

Apparently he represents Barstow.

I myself was somewhere around Barstow, when the drugs began to take hold…

BOOBIES! March 4, 2010 at 2:12 pm

The bastard voted against Harvey Milk Day, but Harvey gets the last laugh. Karma is a bitch.

snideinplainsight March 4, 2010 at 2:12 pm

“Douthat Ashburn” – it’s like a haiku.

weejee March 4, 2010 at 2:14 pm

March Madness starting early – oops stuffed, oops rimshoot, ahh that’s a swisher

PerhapsSo March 4, 2010 at 2:15 pm

I have no Cocktober-like name for March. What a shame.

nappyduggs March 4, 2010 at 2:15 pm

P.S. They don’t call it “Sacktown” for nuttin. Ha! {rimshot} Damn! It never stops!

JMP March 4, 2010 at 2:16 pm

It’s Obama’s fault for ramming health care reform down his throat.

AbstinenceOnly Ed March 4, 2010 at 2:16 pm

If this asshole was drunk, imagine how drunk his passenger had to have been to even consider sleeping with this grotesque turd.

NJB March 4, 2010 at 2:17 pm

I dunno, he looks like a bottom to me.

DustBowlBlues March 4, 2010 at 2:22 pm

[re=524562]sezme[/re]: Absolutely. Everyone knows that all gay-hating, family values Republics are just a DUI or bathroom-bust away from being outed. This story is another example of that mainstream media elitist, Jim Newell, trying to fill up a slow news day.

I’m going to follow a real news story: Word has it that Jim Inhofe (R-Dust Bowl) uttered three consecutive sentences without mentioning god, gays, guns or the Weather Channel. That, Mr. Newell, is real news.

(And a fig newton of my imagination).

Crank Tango March 4, 2010 at 2:23 pm

[re=524639]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: or broke? maybe someone is gonna start blabbing if he gets paid enough?

Mad Brahms March 4, 2010 at 2:23 pm

[re=524641]NJB[/re]: Oh, almost certainly. You think these righteous fundamentalist Christian types with their vigorous defense of the traditional family and masculinity REALLY want to dominate? This is a man who thinks he needs to be punished, anally.

RoscoePColtraine March 4, 2010 at 2:24 pm

What was playing on the car’s CD player? Lerner & Loewe. They didn’t have the fucking decency to enjoy Sondheim or Jason Robert Brown or some of the more highbrow shit. That’s what disgusts me.

loquaciousmusic March 4, 2010 at 2:27 pm

This is the Wonkettiest story of the day, methinks.

JMP March 4, 2010 at 2:32 pm

[re=524634]PerhapsSo[/re]: Hm; where it a lesbian scandal, we could use Munch; but that doesn’t work for gay men. March Mad-ass, maybe?

Dolmance March 4, 2010 at 2:32 pm

I have nothing against gay sex. However, I do have a problem with old people sex. Just thinking about it is deleterious to my marriage. I think it should be illegal.

Extemporanus March 4, 2010 at 2:33 pm

[re=524634]PerhapsSo[/re]: My first thought was “Men” + “March” = “Mench”, but that sounds kinda like the exact opposite of what we’re going for.

[re=524616]SayItWithWookies[/re]: My friend just saw Wicked last night, and she loved it.

The Douthatian reviewer (and commenters) at bigfatgaybreitbart.com? Not so much.

“Wicked is drawn in the gray shades of moral ambiguity and relativism. I long for the shows where good guys are good guys and bad guys are bad guys and we get to root for the right side. And, the biggest problem with Wicked is that the forced political references to George W. Bush’s America are so clumsy and jarring that they completely undo the fantasy world that the actors and designers have worked so hard to create. Any subtle allegory that was intended by the writers is completely undermined when they throw around terms like “regime change” in a show so rooted in fantasy and imagination. It is jarring to the audience, a majority of whom will reflexively be annoyed and defensive upon hearing the show’s villains equated with a man they voted for.”

In his defense, the majority of Bush were (are?) were raging homos.

Maus March 4, 2010 at 2:36 pm

The best part of this story is that in describing Haggard and past closet-cases, I learned of the phrase “Crystal Methodist”.

Dolmance March 4, 2010 at 2:36 pm

[re=524590]artiloop[/re]: What the hell’s a power bottom anyway? The term makes me of that cartoon my kids used to watch called Cat/Dog, which is about a two headed creature with a cat on one end and a dog on the other.

Mad Brahms March 4, 2010 at 2:39 pm

[re=524677]Dolmance[/re]: It’s like a normal bottom, but battery-operated. You’ll never guess where they attach the electrodes!

bago March 4, 2010 at 2:40 pm

The REAL question here is “How do we make a dick joke about march?”. We have cocktober, blowvember, and dickcember, but what do you do with march? Something with dick armey?

Maus March 4, 2010 at 2:40 pm

“Wicked is drawn in the gray shades of moral ambiguity and relativism. I long for the shows where good guys are good guys and bad guys are bad guys and we get to root for the right side.”

I want to punch this guy until the bones in my hand are splintered.

CthuNHu March 4, 2010 at 2:48 pm

[re=524627]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Seriously. These days, you fuck a guy one time and he pulls out a ring.

JMP March 4, 2010 at 2:52 pm

[re=524692]bago[/re]: That’s the trouble with this time of year; not of the single-syllable months lend themselves to such names. Well, except for May; but there would be a problem with a straight sex scandal.

BerkeleyFarm March 4, 2010 at 2:52 pm

[re=524618]Cicada[/re]: And mere blocks away from the Capitol building, as well. Jerkface could have spent a few bucks on a cab and saved himself so much trouble.

sati demise March 4, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=524619]S.Luggo[/re]: and the poppers.

Katydid March 4, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=524693]Maus[/re]: It just means he longs for his mommy. Decisions are hard, give the guy a break.

Lionel Hutz Esq. March 4, 2010 at 3:00 pm

In defense of Sen. Ashburn, it wasn’t like he was going to have a committed relationship with his butt-pal. And he certainly wasn’t going to get married to him and raise a family with him. He was simply going to indulge in hot, man on man action, that would keep his heterosexual marriage in tact. So no hypocrisy here.

Plus, with the last name Ashburn, he was probably forced into this by all the teasing he had to endure in middle school.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 4, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=524619]S.Luggo[/re]: Yup. I heard their “meat and three” is FABULOUS.

Katydid March 4, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=524646]DustBowlBlues[/re]: In the documentary Outrage the main narrator, I think, says, “90% of the cases are Republicans.” The movie is about activists who out closeted lawmakers who vote against gay rights and are homophobic.

It’s fascinating, and until I saw it, I was completely against outing anybody. But I watched it with my 16-year-old lesbian daughter, and we both thought they brought up some really good points, which we hadn’t thought of.

She also said that anytime someone is crazily homophobic she starts to wonder if they’re closeted. If these (mostly) guys aren’t fooling a 16-year-old, even a bright one, how are they fooling others?

chaste everywhere March 4, 2010 at 3:23 pm

I did not have sex with that man from Faces also in the car who was not identified as a lawmaker and was not detained. I did not have time. Thanks, Sacramento constabulary!

Crank Tango March 4, 2010 at 3:28 pm

[re=524677]Dolmance[/re]: http://www.hulu.com/watch/18561/its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia-hes-a-bear

that should teach you everything you need to know!

canadasteve March 4, 2010 at 3:28 pm

[re=524619]S.Luggo[/re]: Yes, their sausage is superb.

Extemporanus March 4, 2010 at 3:30 pm

[re=524692]bago[/re]: That last sentence of mine was a verbal bone splinter.

Accordion-o-rama March 4, 2010 at 3:37 pm

[re=524619]S.Luggo[/re]: Fagioli in cream sauce?

JMP March 4, 2010 at 3:42 pm

And more scandal goodness! We’ve got one of the Pope’s top aids caught using his boy’s choir as a prostitution ring.

http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/papal_aide_and_elite_mens_vatican_choir_caught_in_gay_prostitution_ring/

Snidely March 4, 2010 at 3:45 pm

He hates gay men, but he loves their penises.

hiphophitler March 4, 2010 at 3:50 pm

He doesn’t necessarily like to fuck men in the ass, you know. He might prefer to blow them, or be fucked in the ass himself, or put gerbils in . . . well, you know.

SayItWithWookies March 4, 2010 at 3:54 pm

[re=524806]JMP[/re]: This quote from that wiretap would look just beautiful transcribed into Latin and put on a scroll beneath a coat of arms:

“Do not touch his balls. You need the money. Put on some music, take out the [inaudible], swallow the Viagra, and adelante!”

Crank Tango March 4, 2010 at 3:57 pm

[re=524828]SayItWithWookies[/re]: LOL I was gonna copy and paste that quote too. ah fuckit

”You’ll get up to 2,000 euros … Do not touch his balls. You need the money. Put on some music, take out the [inaudible], swallow the Viagra, and adelante!”

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 4, 2010 at 4:03 pm

[re=524828]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Please please PLEASE let Sylvia Poggioli read this verbatim on NPR.

Extemporanus March 4, 2010 at 4:09 pm

[re=524828]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=524806]JMP[/re]: The Pope just faxed this over:

8====D~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~)*(

Operor non tactus suus balls!
†††† Vos postulo viaticus! ††††
Inicio nonnullus music, eximo
†††† – - – - – - [inaudible] – - – - – - ††††
voro Viagra , quod adelante!

8====D~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~)*(

JMP March 4, 2010 at 4:13 pm

[re=524828]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Let’s face it, “do not touch his balls, you need the money” should be good advice for any meeting with a politician.

smitallica March 4, 2010 at 4:31 pm

[re=524634]PerhapsSo[/re]: How about a phrase? Like, “March: In like a lion, outed like a lyin’ closeted gay Republican”? Too twee?

GOPCrusher March 4, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Upon being pulled over, Roy was heard to ask “Where is the construction worker and the Indian?”

rikitikitavi March 4, 2010 at 5:22 pm

[re=524628]Franklin Pierce & Pierce[/re]: HST, FTW!

Radiotherapy March 4, 2010 at 5:33 pm

[re=524852]Extemporanus[/re]: The papal phallis is so eightdees.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I5nINMSemU&feature=related

Cheney Guevara March 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm

March. In like a penis, and out like a santorum.

Tundra Grifter March 4, 2010 at 6:37 pm

[re=524623]One Yield Regular[/re]: The winner remains San Francisco’s “The End Up.” A local radio station used to rattle off names and the caller had to correctly identify “Steak House or Gay Bar?” Hilarious…

Tundra Grifter March 4, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Today we are all back in Cocktober. Covered in Siemens. Also.

AutomaticPilot March 4, 2010 at 10:05 pm

[re=524806]JMP[/re]: gives a whole new meaning to seminarian.

Hunger Tallest Palin March 4, 2010 at 10:08 pm

[re=524619]S.Luggo[/re]: Cum of Sum Yung Guy.

Aurelio March 4, 2010 at 10:16 pm

[re=524628]Franklin Pierce & Pierce[/re]: Yep, he represents parts of Kern, Tulare and San Bernardino Counties. They are just going to love this. Very gay-friendly places. Sadly, Roy was not planning to run for re-election anyway, so the good people of this progressive and tolerant part of California will have to settle for some other hero with a purple boa to represent them.

PM-RN March 5, 2010 at 1:13 am

I presume that if the story is mentioned on the Fair and Balanced network, he will be shown as (D) and not (R).

Smoke Filled Roommate March 5, 2010 at 1:32 am

[re=525136]PM-RN[/re]: Or (GAY). Or they probably won’t mention it. Wait– maybe (B) for bottom?

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 5, 2010 at 2:03 pm

[re=525108]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: WIN.

desertwind March 5, 2010 at 10:13 pm

Ha ha ha! He represents the next “town” over… conveniently home to a very large Marine Base.

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