DAILY BRIEFING  8:07 am March 3, 2010

Debra Medina Is Sleeping Late Today

by Sara K. Smith

  • Jim Bunning, the bitterest old dick in the Senate, has finally decided to let unemployed people continue to collect unemployment benefits. [USA Today]
  • Charlie Rangel will not resign as the chairman of the House Ways and Means committee, even though he is a sinner who enjoyed the pleasures of a rent-controlled New York City apartment a little too much. [Washington Post ]
  • Texas Governor Rick Perry celebrated his primary win over Kay Bailey Hutchison by desecrating one of the nicest barbecue joints in the nation. [Statesman]
  • The Post Office will save money by bringing you more of less! [Reuters]
  • A consumer advocacy group is suing Anthem Blue Cross for being terrible. [Reuters]
  • Sarah Palin did a stand-up routine for Jay Leno, and the only thing preventing the NBC studio from collapsing into a vortex of Horror was the absence of Carrot Top. [USA Today]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 42 comments }

Inigo Montoya March 3, 2010 at 8:13 am

Anthem Blue Cross kill my father. Prepare to die!

charlesdegoal March 3, 2010 at 8:21 am

Too bad Farouk Shami didn’t win the Democratic nomination. With a name like that. I’m sure he would have done extremely against Perry well in places like Driftwood.

What Fresh Hell is This? March 3, 2010 at 8:21 am

Could someone watch the Sarah Palin routine and comment on it so that I don’t have to watch it myslef?

Thanks a million, martyr.

letmetellyou March 3, 2010 at 8:24 am

[re=523401]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: It. Was. Awful. Really, I was cringing the whole time. It was all “Take my wife…please!”

freakishlystrong March 3, 2010 at 8:34 am

As always, Doucheborough made the most sense of Slick Rick’s win in Texas. It’s because the country is angry with all incumbents. Ummmmm..what?

This is the new right wing hack meme; the whole country is angry with Washington and hates Government, Congress is broken, because the Republicans aren’t running it. Once they win in 2010, the country will go back to revering Government and Washington. I’m starting to consider where to move when Beck/Palin win in 2012.

OhPleeze March 3, 2010 at 8:34 am

[re=523401]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: She mocked the “lame”, (otherwise known as physically handicapped who can’t walk) Family Guy episode, to describe the assault perpetrated to desecrate little retarded Trick.

So, let’s all be clear: It’s ok to mock PHYSICALLY handicapped people who can’t walk, cuz that’s just satire, obviously.

MzNicky March 3, 2010 at 8:35 am

[re=523401]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: It was like Jay Leno in drag. I guess. I never watch Jay Leno.

4tehlulz March 3, 2010 at 8:48 am

[re=523406]freakishlystrong[/re]: Don’t bother; nuclear fallout does not respect national borders, and when the end comes, you want to be right under a detonation point anyway.

TGY March 3, 2010 at 8:49 am

As Harry Reid said, where was Jim Bunning when W. spent zillions of bucks outside the budget on Iraq? Gigashits for killing people but not one single fart for helping them.

Lazy Media March 3, 2010 at 8:52 am

She did some cutting-edge, hard-hitting satire about Congress having a low approval rating and people in LA using botox. I had enough after two punchlines. It was basically a local TV bimbo reading Jay’s leftover jokes.

plowman March 3, 2010 at 8:54 am

Let’s not forget Charlie’s Caribbean trips paid for my the health-care industrial complex, not paying income tax on real estate rentals and, perhaps worst of all, his cars with no tags… If we ‘little people’ drive around without tags we get busted, not Charlie! This cocksucker is the very caricature of a venal, self-serving politician, his head would look good on a pike.

Diana Davies March 3, 2010 at 8:56 am

[re=523401]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: She had her BTH (Big Teabagger Hairdo) and Jay asked her simple questions, like she was stupid, also.

bitchincamaro March 3, 2010 at 8:58 am
dmdlnt March 3, 2010 at 9:00 am

I actually voted in the TX GOP primary yesterday to try get Governor Good Hair into a run-off w/ KBH. Sigh…it didn’t work and now I will be receiving GOP mail and phone calls for the next 10 years in 3…2….1…..

Monsieur Grumpe March 3, 2010 at 9:02 am

[re=523401]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]:
She pulled her top off and shook her boingers in Jay’s face while singing the Teabagger’s anthem. Must see Teevee indeed!

plowman March 3, 2010 at 9:13 am

[re=523431]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Goddammit, I missed it!! Pancakes or gumdrops? I’m betting pancakes…

thesheriffisnear March 3, 2010 at 9:20 am

[re=523402]letmetellyou[/re]: Sarah Palin was doing borcht belt tummler schtick?

Berkeley Bear March 3, 2010 at 9:21 am

Please, God, let someone tell SP she’s a natural at comedy. Having her doing a tour of Chucklehuts and Funnybones is a hell of a lot less scary than the crap she’s doing now.

[re=523406]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yeah, Joe and his ilk make so much sense – an incumbent (Rep) in a closed primary can barely get 51% in Texas and its a diss on DC; but the incumbent (Dem) in the primary in Illinois barely gets 51% and its a diss on the idea of incumbents, period. Any chance the Dem (who got something like 80% of the primary vote) has a real shot, given that Perry couldn’t get 50% of the vote in the general last time and since then has gone downhill? Or am I dreaming?

Berkeley Bear March 3, 2010 at 9:24 am

[re=523441]plowman[/re]: The rare combo platter – and in the middle, the implanted soul of Reagan ala the freak in Total Recall, insistently whispering “Tax Cuts! Star Wars! Tax Cuts!” the whole time.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 3, 2010 at 9:30 am

Quoth Governor GayHair: “My message to Washington is simple. QUIT SPENDING OUR MONEY.” Unless of course, it’s for a worthwhile cause, then it’s totally okay by me.

JMP March 3, 2010 at 9:31 am

Good for Perry; I’d been hoping he’d win, now he can go forward with his succession plans and the rest of the US can finally be rid of fucking Texas.

coolcatdaddy March 3, 2010 at 9:40 am

[re=523446]Berkeley Bear[/re]: lease, God, let someone tell SP she’s a natural at comedy.

Yeah … she can team up with Larry the Cable Guy.

I still think the perfect job for Sarah would be doing the weather on the “Today” show.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 3, 2010 at 9:45 am

[re=523463]coolcatdaddy[/re]: No no. A better pairing would be as a foil for Waylon Flowers. Or as a stand-in for Peanut, complete with Jeff Dunham’s hand up her ass.

Einstein' March 3, 2010 at 9:54 am

Wait a minute! Two times Jay said this was SP’s comedy debut. Do you mean to tell me all this time this joke wasn’t supposed to be funny? So confused.

norbizness March 3, 2010 at 10:15 am

I think Perry had to turn to the yuppie’d-out Salt Lick because the town of Lockhart has a restraining order against him.

Red Zeppelin March 3, 2010 at 10:16 am

[re=523408]MzNicky[/re]: OT, but did anyone else watching the Olympics think that Shaun White looked like Carrot Top in drag?

comicbookguy March 3, 2010 at 10:22 am

[re=523496]norbizness[/re]: Word to the Brisket.

Lascauxcaveman March 3, 2010 at 10:31 am

Jim Bunning…has finally decided to let unemployed people continue to collect unemployment benefits.

Senator Jim Bunning: Great American, or *Greatest American Ever*?

richardwb1 March 3, 2010 at 10:35 am

[re=523423]plowman[/re]: “Charlie’s Caribbean trips paid for my the health-care industrial complex,”
Not to get all ad hominem and stuff, but:
If you own the complex, you are part of the problem, plow baby.

GoinGreen March 3, 2010 at 10:39 am

[re=523430]dmdlnt[/re]: I did the same thing (voted early), and as I left the polling station, I thought, “Holy SHIT, What if SHE wins the election??!!!” Falling into the smallest pile of shit is still falling into shit! Now, I wait to cast another losing vote for Bill White in November. If you want solitude – try being a Democrat in Texas.

maven March 3, 2010 at 10:42 am

Her answers to the tea bag movement and hand notes questions were far better comedy.

Prommie March 3, 2010 at 11:04 am

[re=523497]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Carrot Top already looks like Carrot Top in drag.

Gorillionaire March 3, 2010 at 11:26 am

Jay Leno is completely unbearable for even ten seconds, and all I can ever think about when I hear his name is Bill Hicks’ brilliant “I used to be funny I used to be funny!” routine about Leno that pretty much summed up the entire Leno suckingness. Hicks was doing that like twenty years ago, and Leno sucks even more now than he did then.

Balls! March 3, 2010 at 11:34 am

Mention of Texas and barbecue just filled me with an incredible craving for Cooper’s in Llano. Sucks that it’s 3500 miles from where I’m at now.

bjkeefe March 3, 2010 at 11:55 am

However disgraceful Perry’s conduct in the BBQ joint may have been, I am pretty sure President Palin has proclaimed that the word “desecrated” should be used only in connection with the Baby Trigus.

MzNicky March 3, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Her hair is retarded besides.

Maxine of Arc March 3, 2010 at 12:34 pm

[re=523430]dmdlnt[/re]: Yeah, I tried the same thing. I’ve been a howling wilderness of grim despair ever since the returns started coming in. Is this lying sack of shit ever going to not be our fucking governor anymore?

Bearbloke March 3, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Sen. Bunning: “How big of a dick am I? I’m this big of a dick! My nasty little wrinkled old-man penis, however is tiny and vile-looking. Tough Shit.”

Bearbloke March 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm

[re=523430]dmdlnt[/re]: [re=523641]Maxine of Arc[/re]: You should’ve voted Teabagger, Mates! In fact, all you Yanks should do so in your primary elections this year… don’t you want the ReThuglicans to tear each other apart, like a pack of mangy dingos fighting over the last baby?

bamaboy March 3, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=523533]GoinGreen[/re]: Shit, try being a progressive democrat in Alabama. I’m lonlier than the Maytag repairman. Its pathetic, I have to turn to Wonkette because nobody else here gets it.

MarSF March 3, 2010 at 6:33 pm

Sarah was really suffering without her RNC-funded stylist last night. I mean I still think she looked like crap during the campaign but yesterday she combined an ugly formal blazer with jeans and a crazier/tighter beehive hairdo. Living up to her Grifter White-trash Snowbilly reputation, I guess.

I didn’t actually watch Leno, because he sucks, but I couldn’t avoid checking out Trig’s Mom on the Today Show.

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2010 at 11:32 pm

HEY, SARAH, DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!!!! OH, NO!!! TOO LATE!!!

(Someone had to say it.)

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