Hmm… how many hours are in the day, again? Whatever that number is plus two more hours, daily. We know that puberty is hard for you, Fox News, so feel free to pass on any more questions. YOU’RE NORMAL. IT’S A NATURAL PROCESS. [Buzzfeed via Fox News-loving operative "Ryan M."]
ANCIENT QUESTIONS 10:30 am March 3, 2010
Fox News Needs To Mind Its Own Business
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So now they’re asking questions from BO Reilly’s job application?
Mark Foley’s tweeting now too?
It’s an unfair question because I’m not sure if I’m supposed to include the period of time I am attempting to log onto ladyboyjuice.com
Is this a stupid Fox poll question? If so, is the answer 129%?
Does an “accidental” brushing of an ass count?
Alright already! I admit, when the twirly ice skating ladies lift one let over their head, yes dammit I’m thinking about touching that part of them.
Fox really needs it’s own CSI team.
Well, I guess I don’t while sleeping, but the rest of the time…
This only shows the first part of the the question, however. The full quote was: “How often do you think about touching other people’s private parts? Have you thought about touching mine? Please? How about just a hug, then? I’m so sad and lonely.” – Glenn Beck.
I must admit one of my darkest secrets – I want to touch Sister Sarah’s private parts!
“When did you stop beating your
wifemeat?”As Sartre said, “Hell is Other people[s private parts]“. I think he himself thought about Simone de Beauvoir’s private parts fairly regularly.
Define private parts.
[re=523524]Joshua Norton[/re]: O’Reilly’s question would be more, “How often do you touch your own private parts? Now describe how you do so in graphic detail. Oh, yeah that’s it.”
Because when you’re an attractive young woman working for him, Bill doesn’t want anybody else; and when he thinks about you, he’ll touch himself.
So far only once…just constantly since I was twelve.
They didn’t clarify between touching your adult significant other’s private parties and touching the private parts of (and choking!) your underage intern while he’s passed out on wine and roofies.
If watching Fox News regularly shaves about 30 IQ points off one’s testing, then getting it secondhand must be cutting into mine by about 15 or so.
Too busy touching my own to think about touching someone else’s.
Is it sweeps week already? Edward Murrow and Walter Cronkite are puking in their graves about now.
How often do I think about touching other people’s private parts?
A whole lot less than before since the invention of internet porn!
You can bet Fox News will be all over this outrage. No wait…
The question is vague. It all depends on whose private parts we are talking about. For example Nancy Pelosi and Jim Newell – not at all.
[re=523543]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Define “touching”, too.
[re=523557]WIDTAP[/re]: Nancy Pelosi kinda gives me happy pants as well. Maybe it’s a dominatrix thing??
“Ya ever been in a cockpit before?”
“Ya ever seen a grown man naked?”
They down with OPP?
Never woulda guessed, seeing how much the Fox hosts enjoy wanking on-camera.
It would really be a lot easier, in my case at least, to ask how often I don’t think of touching other people’s private parts. That way I would not have to use scientific notation.
Well since I left the SEC, I’ve been pretty stressed so all the time.. we are talking about other people who are trannies, right?
[re=523562]proudgrampa[/re]: Do you like gladiator movies, Timmy?
[re=523566]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Are parts private if they are on the internet? Hrm…
You can watch it being done for $19.95 a month at http://www.muslincumcommies.com!
Seriously, WTF kind of a question is that for a news station to post on the air? Think of the chil…, no wait, don’t think of the children.
OTHER people have privates? Who knew?
I’m Ron Bergundy?
Do cock-punches count?
They really need to be more specific. By “touching” do they mean specifically using hands? Some people are orally fixated and some like to nuzzle. Or so I’ve read on the Internet. Yeas just read about it on the Internet. Trannies also (on the Internet).
[re=523574]steverino247[/re]: Link doesn’t work. DAMN. We need to start that up, pronto. I’m sure there are tons of liberal-rape-enthusiasts and closet-muslin-lovers out there. It’s a goldmine waiting to be tapped!
The photo cuts off the sentence below that one: “The answer, may surprise you.”
[re=523574]steverino247[/re]: Bastard. *weeps*
Did anyone else take a right at that post and click on the linky to see John Gosselin’s alleged baby schfonz? Well I am a preevert so I did, and I think that penis is touching, in that it is sad. So, Fox News, I don’t often think about touching other people’s privates parts, but apparently I do find some people’s private parts touching.
As other news organizations are sharply cutting back on staff, Murdoch’s Empire is making so much money he can afford to hire a full time Chief Frottage Correspondent.
Brain shorting out trying to imagine a context in which this even remotely makes sense.
I’m always so busy thinking about touching my own privates.
“referring to his pattern of anti-social behavior” Whatever else it is, thinking about touching other people’s private parts is not anti-social, sort of by definition.
In fact, touching someone else’s private parts is just about the most social thing you can do. Beats a handshake or a kiss on the cheek, hands down.
Somehow, some way, Fox is going to turn this into an expose involving the White House. “An exhaustive Fox News poll found that 193% of viewers did indeed touch their private parts regularly since Barack Obama was elected president. Does the White House have some sort of secret mind ray leading Americans down the path of moral turpitude, self-touching, and tentacle porn? Bill O’Reilly investigates!”
[re=523535]JMP[/re]: Are you male or female? Never mind, it doesn’t matter. Do NOT try to tell us you have never greeted the morning, shall we say, refreshed and raring to go and…not gonna say it.
Great hed, Newell. Hee hee, see what I did there?
Twice a day, on days when someone mentions Ann Coulter.
On days without interruptions, just once.
just trying to get my avatar to show up. but to answer the question: only when i see a woman. or think about one.
Wonkette obviously does not need to cover Fox News anymore. They have become a parody of themselves and no comment we can make is any funnier or more outlandish than Fox itself.
[re=523597]gurukalehuru[/re]: By this logic – and hey, I’m not saying your wrong! – Bonobos are totally more social than we are, since they pretty much screw to say “hello”. What percentage of the fox news audience is trained apes? WHO KNOWS.
[re=523601]CthuNHu[/re]: Ann Coulter is erection repellent. Seriously, you could bottle her essence and sell her to sex offenders, which would be a better use for her than allowing her to write columns.
[re=523599]Katydid[/re]: True; I guess it’s more that I don’t normally remember thinking about them while asleep.
[re=523601]CthuNHu[/re]: There is the desperate rush to try and think of something, anything non-sexual whenever anyone mentions that hateful thing; Palin, also.
[re=523598]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: KEEP YER GUMMINT HANDS OFF MY PRIVATE PARTS1!11!
[re=523605]Mad Brahms[/re]: We could also throw in a little Jonah Goldberg essence for the straight female & gay male sex offenders.
[re=523605]Mad Brahms[/re]:
Yet wingnuts often trot her out as an example of “hot”. Michelle Malkin too.
Which tells you a little bit about what their wives and girlfriends look like.
It’s not so much a question as it is philosophical issue.
BTW: How are the Teabaggers planning to respond?
[re=523611]S.Luggo[/re]: When they finish up.
[re=523562]proudgrampa[/re]: “Joey – do you like gladiator movies?”
[re=523611]S.Luggo[/re]: Perhaps this is the key. Touching another’s private parts is icky, because you are gratifying them, but placing your scrotum in someone else’s mouth is totally A-#1, because it’s all about you, baby, rugged individual american trucknutz teaparty paultard 2012.
[re=523594]DoktorZoom[/re]: Yeah, the latest Sci Am has a cool article about how the brain is basically humming all the time in different areas. So, you can safely put me down for “all the time.”
Well I for one have cut back on thinking about touching other people’s private parts.
About 1.26 millionth of a second than last week.
[re=523610]Tommmcatt[/re]: Malkin is actually physically attractive, though. She’s a hideous, evil person, but does look good; unlike most of the other allegedly hot conservative activists.
[re=523610]Tommmcatt[/re]: I don’t know, I’d like to see Michelle’s face wrapped around my private parts.
[re=523567]Prommie[/re]: [re=523614]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Okay, guys. Was it Joey? Or was it Timmy?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Ever been in a Turkish prison?
If I mostly think about touching other people’s private parts with MY OWN private parts, does it count twice? I don’t want to screw up the metrics.
[re=523616]Red Zeppelin[/re]: The brain it buzzes like a refrigerator? Call the Karma Police.
That’s odd – I mean, I spend a couple hours a day thinking of all kinds of perverted fun that I could get up to if I wasn’t so lazy, but I never really think “Goodness, I would like to touch his/her private parts!” I might think about fisting, licking, fucking with a strap-on, being fucked with a strap-on, scissoring/tribidating, and getting my furry suit dry cleaned, but it never occurs to me to simply TOUCH private parts.
I can’t tell if “touching” seems better or worse than what I like to do to private parts.
Well that explains Steve ‘douche’ Doocy putting his hand on Anthony Weiners knee the other morning on fox & friends.
Define often.
I think about kicking Tim Pawlenty in the cunt all the time.
[re=523632]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hey now, all those things are “touching,” the term “touching” is not confined to “poking with an extended forefinger,” you know.
I think about touching George Washington’s private parts.
[re=523618]JMP[/re]: I really hate to, but I beg to differ.
Private Samuel T. Parts, U.S Army, is not amused.
[re=523537]bitchincamaro[/re]: “wife meat”? is that what the cool kids are calling it these days?
[re=523618]JMP[/re]: [re=523622]This Cat[/re]:
Really? Have you looked carefully at the teeth? Just sayin’.
Wasn’t this one of the questions on the proposed GOP litmus test?
[re=523656]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:
Exactly.
Does this count the dumbf*ck graphic artist I want to kick in the groin? If so, then, yeah, I’ve lost track already today.
[re=523666]Tommmcatt[/re]: I understand it, though. We’ve all brought someone home at the end of the night who we’d have been mortified for our friends to see. Sometimes standards go out the window for the sake of expediency, amirite?
[re=523673]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:
All cats look the same in the dark.
[re=523663]Tommmcatt[/re]: Who cares about the teeth? Anyway?
[re=523673]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: When Homer and family visited the Duff’s brewery, they tried out the “beer goggles,” which made Thelma and Patty look attractive, if I recall correctly.
Tiptouch Tuesday at Fox News. Enough said.
Tiger, we got your back, buddy.
As a chronic masturbator with multiple personality disorder, I think about touching “other people’s” private parts literally nonstop.
I just want to say you’re doing a great job, and we’re all counting on you.
I only think about touching the private parts of Meghan McCabe, except she has no private parts.
[re=523582]Mad Brahms[/re]: I used that gag yesterday on here and yes, I do need to get that set up one of these days. Not sure how you get the rights to it, though. Suggestions? (Besides, go touch yourself, of course)
[re=523611]S.Luggo[/re]: By saying “I never did touch that 8 year old! You don’t ‘touch’ with yer mouth, ye damn idjit.”
I think Fox viewers are just exploring the “Pubic Option” they keep hearing about on the tee-vee.
[re=523536]GoinGreen[/re]: Touching Bible-Spice’s privates with a 1000V cattle-prod, right? Otherwise, you’re a sick bastard…
[re=523656]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:For a ladyboyjuice-maker, Malkin is almost fap-able…
[re=523791]Extemporanus[/re]: So you’re an Orgasm Addict, then?
[re=523954]Bearbloke[/re]: Yep. I met someone who’s really helped me come out of my shell.
[re=523628]Prommie[/re]: Actually, that’s why Faux has 162% polls; they’re constantly trying to talk in maths.
Also, too, their viewers’ hitler hairdos are really, REALLY making me feel ill.
I fantasize about ‘falafeling’ people’s privates all the time.
Eating pussy 78%,blowjob 32%,ordinary buttsecks 40%
[re=523609]JMP[/re]: [re=523605]Mad Brahms[/re]: Conservo-provera?
“So, are you guys, like, Fox and Friends, or Fox and Friends Friends?”
“No less silly than the sucksters, but way more widely read, are the sites that are plugging a concocted controversy–and not even a recent one. It’s all about [this]* screengrab, suddenly bouncing all over the Fox Haters echo chamber. That bastion of sophisticated journalism, Wonkette:”
* http://homepage.mac.com/mkoldys/blog/user_files/foxnewsprivates.jpg
-
‘Fox News Needs To Mind Its Own Business’
-
“Someone went through a whole lot of trouble to drag out this graphic again. What’s it all about? The question quoted is [from a survey]* given to elementary students in Palmdale. FNC reported (years ago) on a court ruling in that case. Wouldn’t it have been nice if these sites, instead of claiming that Fox was “running a poll”, just told the truth?”
* http://origin.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,175240,00.html
***
J$P: Fox Haters Week in Review!
http://homepage.mac.com/mkoldys/blog/bpb290300967.html
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