Let’s scroll down the Google Reader for more post ideas… Alec Baldwin HuffPo thing… 100 more HuffPo things… government official/tranny porn something something… that real estate economics blog we never ended up reading… WAIT SCROLL BACK UP, the government/tranny thing, let’s post that! (Yes, your editor does indeed read his running monologue aloud while looking for stories.)
You don’t need to know much else: an SEC employee was caught with all of this hilarious chicks-with-dicks porn in his browser history in the weeks before the 2008 Wall Street collapse. Maybe if he had been paying more attention, we’d have jobs! But whatcha gonna do, guy likes lookin’ at ladies with big ol’ penises at work, so what?
This poor guy. The Q&A on his affadavit is so rough:
Q: Now I’m going to show you what has been marked as Exhibit G. This is a record from that same date, August 20th, which our records show that you made over 300 attempts to access a website called www.ladyboyjuice.com. Do you have any recollection of attempting to access this site?
A: I do not have any specific recollection on this site. But, as I indicated, on this specific day, I would not be surprised if I clicked a website on of those day.
Q: Do you view these images often?
A: It depends…define ‘often.’
Well, we’d guess that the average American looks at tranny porn maybe… four times over the course of a workday? So “often” would be anything more than that.
SEC Supervisor Surfed Tranny Porn To Cope With Stress Of The Job [Dealbreaker]
{ 81 comments }
Page unavailable. You perverts, you’re swamping the server!
Tranny porn is so passe. Midget porn is where its at these days.
[re=523154]GOPCrusher[/re]: Or tentacle porn.
A Republican, obviously.
Lemme get this straight — the economy of our nation collapsed and the person who is on trial is an SEC employee who accessed porn at the office?
Glad I don’t work for the SEC–couldn’t get through the day w/o tranny p0rn.
[re=523152]Flanders[/re]: Which one were you trying to reach, trannytit.com? Dealbreaker was fine when I clicked on it.
One could call this employee a slacker, since he should have been paying attention to the economy and all, but at least he was trying to get *something* to rise up.
I access wonkett at work “often”. I’ve always felt vaguely dirty about it.
Q: Did you or did you not attempt to access trannytit.com? LOOK AT ME, BOY!
What manner of stress requires sexual dimorphism as a means of release, and it is correct to call that “stress?” Unless, “stress” now includes fetish, atypical libido, and plain ole lechery. In which, this “stress” starts to sound kinda fun.
Does the SEC not have enough money for Websense?
Why’re we talking about one employee? Was he the only person caught?
looks like this Wonketteer just got a whoooooole buncha new bookmarks.
So, about 14 times an hour for 17 working days he tried to load up one of those webpages….and no one noticed this at the time…..
You’d think he’d have been satisfied by watching Lehman Brothers go down like a cheap hooker while millions of people took it up the pooper.
I know this guy, he’s Bernie Maddofs son in law, Bernie Jakov. Thank goodness he was wanking it to tranny porn instead of interfering with the genius and majesty of our free markets. One might even argue he was spanking it for freedumb!
Better liberty through masturbation!
The RNC slogan for 2010
Well, I for one sleep better at night knowing someone is tracking the accounting practices of anal-sins dot com
Your tax dollars at work!
[re=523170]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re]: Not to mention, it says he tried to access them, but he was denied access by the internet filter. He tried to access one site what, 300 times in one day?
What kind of fucktards are working for the SEC that can’t figure out after at LEAST the 250th try in one day that a certain porn site has been blocked by their browser?
It’s elementary: the economy is up the arse, so that’s where he went to monitor it.
And so begins Trannytitgate
Though it lacks cracked-out tranny midget day traders felching each other’s assholes with tentacle-shaped Krazy Straws, I’m reposting this Xtranormal movie link from the nearly-dead “Peter Smith/POLITICAVE” thread because, well, I worked kinda hard on it, dammit, and odds are that at least one of you sick fucks will find it fucking fap-worthy:
“It’s THE LATE LATE LAYNE SHOW!”
[APPLAUSE]
Trannies and pr0n and tranpron don’t bother me in the least, but here’s what does–dude hit the go button 299 times AFTER receiving a denial message. That’s world-class idiocy right there. This guy was either constantly and fantastically wasted at his desk, or he’s missing a couple chromosomes. If I’ve learned anything from history, it’s that we shouldn’t put our economy in the hands of coked-up retards.
1880 access denials in less than a month. What’s the thought process there? I’ve been denied 50 times today trying to get to anal-sin.com, but let’s give it one more go…fuck!!! IT assholes…
this guy had his fingers on the pulse of the economy?
this guy needs a sexy smart phone. iPorn, yes I dooooooooooooo
Perhaps Dubya spent most of his days in the Oval Office checking out tranny porn? Because that would explain one hell of a lot.
So, who thinks this employee was either Mike Slive or Rogers Redding? You know he wasn’t using monitors for going over replays.
(reads article)
…nevermind.
[re=523180]Redhead[/re]: You beat me to it! (So to speak.) I had the same thought. But then comes:
Q: Do you view these images often?
A: It depends…define ‘often.’
I would say he didn’t view any images “often” because he couldn’t get through to them. Too bad he never learned about cleaning out his history cache at the end of each hard workday (along with cookies and temporary files, of course).
On the other hand, the SEC caught him after only 1,880 attempts. Can’t say those jokers aren’t on the ole J.O.B…
[re=523186]President Inaugural Balls[/re]:
Wow, the math:
1880/Month
94/ Working Day
Almost 12 per 8 hours
Roughly 1 every 11 minutes, or thereabouts.
Gotta be a frame up. Who does something like that again and again, expecting a different result and thinking they won’t get caught?
[re=523186]President Inaugural Balls[/re]: To paraphrase Woody Allen, it’s only a sin if you do it right…
[re=523157]Lefty Lucy[/re]: Some minor member of the Bush dynasty. One of Old George’s bastards?
[re=523194]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Or using a proxy… or google searching for a different web site of similar content that for some reason wasn’t blocked… or doing SOMETHING other than hitting the same link over and over and over.
Seems like the worst waste of time. He didn’t get shit done work wise AND he didn’t at least get a decent jack off.
Who doesn’t want to start their work day by ingesting a giant swig of ladyboy juice?
what really disturbs me is that this idiot is supposed to catch brilliant criminals with PHDs in mathematics using exotic financial products and he cant figure out how to evade a simple web filter using google translate or a proxy.
Hell, when Gonzo ran DOJ they watched and downloaded porn 24/7 – you know, so they could make sure nothing naughty was going on. The download history on those browsers probably would have embarrassed a horny convict.
The wingtards keep howling about how “Gubbermint==Tranny” over and over, and I’ve been wondering what the fuck that meant. Mystery solved!
Reading the names of the websites made me spray coffee all over my chest. I would send the poor guy a picture but I don’t have a dick so I doubt he’s into it.
THANKS FOR ALL THE PAGE VIEWS, SEC-KSIE.
[re=523195]Tommmcatt[/re]: I was thinking maybe he downloaded a trojan or something that kept trying to access them automatically? Or maybe he really did try going to that site once every eleven minutes forever until he got canned…
Dammit, the Dealbreaker site is still whacked. I want to know the salacious details: 1) did he ever surf for the elusive Linetrap video shoot? 2) does he prefer Brazilian trannies to Italian trannies, or just good ol’ American trannies? 3) did he ever visit Darktrap’s site? 4) HOW MANY LADYBOY SITES DID HE VISIT, HENNGH?
Obviously I know too much about this tranny porn stuff, so I guess I’ll just go back and lurk on /b/.
Free Bernie Madoff!
This is just the Government’s way of saying, Tits (real ones) or GTFO.
[re=523156]Flanders[/re]: someone after my own heart. i love tentacle porn
Hey, at least he was sitting at his desk!
This explains the guy on Maddows show the other night (who tried and tried to get the SEC to investigate Madoff) saying:
SEC has too many lawyers, not enough mathematicians
God, I hope THEY don’t find out that I’ve been looking at teh Wonkette!
[re=523171]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yeah, but the kids these days are SO over stimulated. I blame the parents.
mmm… one explanation is the SEC’s internet connection is generally fucked, so he thought wasn’t getting through anywhere…. might explain how little they get done?
What’s really depressing is that is this putz will get a new job before I do.
[re=523195]Tommmcatt[/re]:
I was thinking the same thing. But he doesn’t deny it. He’s clearly hiding something else:
“yes, I tried to view analtrannyblasters.com 2,000 times on Tuesday, September 2. You got me.”
(thinks: Thanks god they don’t know that I read Michelle Malkin).
[re=523247]sati demise[/re]: wait so who jacks off all day to tranny porn, lawyers and not mathematicians?
BF Skinner would have something to say about what all that clicking
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl7jr9EVcjI
Look, when you know the economy is going to shit and there’s fuck all you can do about it anyway, you may as well fire up a browser and hit the tranny porn to pass the time until those credit default swaps start to mature. I give the guy props for making good use of his time while his coworkers were probably doing – what – regulating stuff? Blowing the whistle? Protecting the country’s investments? Hey I don’t think so. They were in front of Congress explaining why the CDS market should stay unregulated. Maybe if everyone at SEC had been at their desks yerkin off, Congress might have passed a law or something.
Point is, for all Alan Greenspan’s supposed genius, he got caught with his dick in his hand answering questions like, “Was any regulatory action taken by the SEC any more effective than, say, spending the day looking at tranny porn?” No sir, it was not.
I heard that something similar happened at the Toyota plant. When engineering was asked to to look at the problems with the sticking accelerators, the engineers went to look at tranny porn. It’s quite a natural mistake, actually.
[re=523184]Extemporanus[/re]: I do appreciate the curly cues of hair on strapping Newell’s chest.
When E.F. Hutton talks, penises glisten.
All you people, with your jerbs. So cute!
[re=523272]Crank Tango[/re]: they both spend all day jerking it to tranny porn, but lawyers are harder to bully into putting their pants back on and doing some work
All the porn sites are blocked where I work so I check Wonkette comments about every 5 or 10 minutes just to get through the day.
[re=523304]Potater[/re]: I’m glad someone does.
(And just for the record, those aren’t curly cues of hair — they’re glistening drops of urine.)
Google warns me that the tranny porn link to the dealbreaker article will give my computer digital aids. I guess that’s not a surprise.
[re=523316]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: Hell, you just described 75% of us.
[re=523184]Extemporanus[/re]: Nyce.
[re=523313]Jim89048[/re]: If it wasn’t for work I’d never have time for wonkett.
Everyone seems to be making the assumption that anyone who views tranny porn a few times a day isn’t otherwise productive. I would like to apply to the federal government to conduct some research on this subject, personal research. Ten or twelve million oughta cover it.
[re=523214]waitforsugar[/re]: I’m into it. I have very specific fetishes and coffee spray is one of them.
C’mon, you guys, I’m not buying any of this. Ladies with boy-type dangly bits? Huh?
OH I get it… Photoshop, right?
[re=523214]waitforsugar[/re]: You can borrow mine, I’m not allowed to use it at work.
Attempted to access 300 times??!! I don’t know if the man should be commended for his determination, or mocked for the same. Me, I would just give up and go back to http://www.pornhub.com, your one stop shop for all your onanistic requirements.
[re=523185]edgydrifter[/re]: “Trannies and pr0n and tranpron don’t bother me in the least”
OK! Here’s a tranporn up yer ass. It’s illegal discrimination, but you’ll have to go into the ladies’ to buy another. Exact change — trannies require it.
[re=523217]Crank Tango[/re]: I was thinking along those lines, too. But aren’t p*no sites a main way to get trojans, etc.?
Well, this helps to explain why the SEC just hasn’t been as competitive in basketball as one would expect, and the conference wasn’t even its usual solid self in football except for the teams at the very top.
“Tranactions? Oh, I thought you wanted me to research transsexuals…”
I would expect that reading all those boring lies the bankers and brokers put out would drive anyone to drugs/drink, let alone porn!
Tranny porn vs. money porn: which is more evil?
I don’t see the problem here, online porn is the only segment of the economy that’s humnming (sorry) right along and regulators have to understand the economy, it’s that simple or at least that would be my story…
Dude… run them through Google:Translate.
“SEC Supervisor Surfed Tranny Porn To Cope With Stress Of The Job”
So would the “stress of the job” be having to bend over backwards to ignore blatant chicanery the Wall St crowd has been getting away with for years?
NEW CATCHPHRASE FOR THE COMPUTER AGE:
“Define often.”
Define often. Say it–you know you like it.
This is the best story at Wonkette in months. It’s better than any story about idiots and morons Rangel, Paterson, Barry, Bunning and Palin.
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