Barack Obama has written a letter, to the Congress, listing four very serious Republican things from last week’s summit that he’d be willing to compromise on to make things super bipartisan. It is fairly obvious that Republicans will accept these provisions and vote for the bill enthusiastically. Congress will pass it into law tomorrow morning-ish, 535-0, in a special joint-session lawn party. Grassley’s gonna shit red white and blue firecrackers for the keynote address. Not that it matters, but let’s check out these Four Humours anyway: “The proposals Obama mentioned are: sending investigators disguised as patients to uncover fraud and waste; expanding medical malpractice reform pilot programs; increasing payments to Medicaid providers and expanding the use of health savings accounts.” So pretty basic stuff WAIT WHAT WAS THAT FIRST ONE?
This must have come up when your Wonkette took a break from the summit to catch up on our soaps:
– Although the proposal I released last week included a comprehensive set of initiatives to combat fraud, waste, and abuse, Senator Coburn had an interesting suggestion that we engage medical professionals to conduct random undercover investigations of health care providers that receive reimbursements from Medicare, Medicaid, and other Federal programs.
How deliciously “Cold War” of an idea!
SECRET SPY PATIENT: So, Dr. Sparkles, while I was waiting I saw you filling out reimbursement forms for a hip replacement performed yesterday. Don’t you play golf with your mistress on Wednesdays?
FRAUD DOCTOR: All of the above, Carlton!
SECRET SPY PATIENT: What does that even mean?
FRAUD DOCTOR: Carlton!
SECRET SPY PATIENT: [leans into CIA wire] (PSST OBAMA THIS GUY IS A TERRIBLE FRAUD DOCTOR.)
FRAUD DOCTOR: Why are you yelling these things at Obama?
SECRET SPY PATIENT: Tom Coburn asked politely, with a law.
FRAUD DOCTOR: My mistress Tom Coburn?
SECRET SPY PATIENT: Not playing golf with him no more.
FRAUD DOCTOR: Just sex. I’m hungry! Let’s go get some tacos and fruit punch!
President Obama Follows Up on Thursday’s Bipartisan Meeting on Health Reform [White House]
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Do the spies try to injure each other, get them sent to the hospital, then report on their efforts in MAD magazine?
HSA’s are the bigger boondoggle here… They are basically a tax dodge for the rich who can pay for medical care out of pocket
I expect one of the spy patients will be WALNUTS wearing a huge, fake mustache.
[re=522935]Cape Clod[/re]: hahahaha win.
“My friend, if I was looking to get into some fraud, could I get into it with you? HEHNGNN?”
[re=522935]Cape Clod[/re]:
Don’t you mean Megs?
Mr. President, stop listening to the Republican concern trolls; you could give them everything they want in the bill, and they still won’t vote for it, because it’s yours.
Malpractice reform would be good, although how – oh wait, they don’t mean fighting malpractice, they mean shielding doctors who commit it. Not a good idea.
Obama is only agreeing to this so that he can loose Rahm on Coburn’s knee caps with a tire iron. You know, so that Coburn can have the first go.
[re=522932]grendel[/re]: GET OUT! A tax dodge, for the rich, proposed by Republicans? The hell you say!
Also, do not search for “cartoon spies” on google image search with safesearch turned off… or maybe do, ya preverts… Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, internet? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
SPY PANELS?!
Alfonso Ribeiro is a Medicare spy?!
That’s so rad!
Send James O’Keefe to be one of the spies. I hear he’s available.
SECRET SPY PATIENT: My erecticle dysfunction is bothering me again, doctor, can I get a prescription?
FRAUD DOCTOR: Of course, dahlink. Would you prefer the Virile Oats or the Clitoral Giants?
SECRET SPY PATIENT: Which would cost the government more? [wink wink]
FRAUD DOCTOR: Well, BIG PHARMA reimburses me more for the Virili OATS, so — 30-day or 60-day erection?
SECRET SPY PATIENT: What do YOU recommend, Dear Doctor?
FRAUD DOCTOR: Let’s go with the 90-day supply. That will be three thousand dollars. Next appointment in two weeks? Let’s see how those OATS are hanging!! [wink wink]
SECRET SPY PATIENT: Oh, bugger me again, Kind Doctor Payne!
[re=522932]grendel[/re]: Also a great way for insurance companies to be in the banking business. I love my Blue Cross Visa Card, although this whole thing makes no sense and is an administrative nightmare of the first order.
This is so obvious. Pssst. Doc… can you help me check out my stable of the ho’s for the diseases? Charge the gumint and buy yourself something nice while you’re at it.
http://tinyurl.com/ykkmup7
[re=522948]Gregoire[/re]: SPY PANELS have GLORY HOLES!!
[re=522950]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Available AND adorable.
I have a friend who used to investigate Medicare fraud cases and you would not believe the shit some doctors do to make shitloads of money doing procedures that aren’t necessary, at their own facilities, of course. Look at the El Paso v. McAllen Texas Medicare reimbursement story which will show how it’s done. Legally.
So…Coburn thinks we should have the government employ secret shoppers? And Barry goes along with it? Please, motherfuckers. In my years in retail, I bought off 10 of those bastards for a grand total of 500 bucks, resulting in a total wage gain of over 10 grand from good reviews. I didn’t even have to go looking for it. The shoppers approached ME. The only difference here is that doctors will have more money to fuel the institutional graft, and a greater incentive to drop the cash up front.
FUCKING BRILLIANT.
(now returning to our regularly scheduled dick jokes)
Hmmm…tacos and fruit punch.
[re=522941]JMP[/re]: Bless his heart but Barry doesn’t know how he looks to these people. From inside his head, he looks out on the world as a calm rational intelligent man. When they look back at him, all they can see is a negro with a huge schlong who wants to rape their (fill in the blank) __________________
Rush will make sure the Republicans won’t back this, since he knows the fraud spies might catch his Oxy dealer.
They already pulled this “fast one” on the ACORNs, so why not??
I can see the fake pregnant girls now, lining up for abortions and asking whos paying for it.
I LOVE fruit punch!
[re=522965]Snarkalicious[/re]: Now, who are we to suppose our nation’s fine, upstanding doctors might turn to bribery? I mean, it’s not like they have a history of accepting bribes from, say, pharmaceutical companies.
[re=522965]Snarkalicious[/re]: HAHAHA, sucker! I wasn’t really a secret shopper!
But thanks for all the free moneyz, Lafayette. I’ll be sure to “put in a good word for you”…with your mom!
Enough with this patriotic bipartisanship horseshit! You could put a provision in the bill that no browns, poors or libruls would be able to access any health care ever again, forever, and the fucking goose stepping Republics would still vote against it. Enough!
The Democrats are doing this without Republican help, right? So we don’t need any of their goddamned so-called ideas, right? I thought that was the premise of that goddamned debate last week — so we could dispose of their patently unhelpful efforts without giving a shit. Could my fucking goddamned president who I voted for because he wasn’t a fucking Republican patsy please tell the fucking Republicans to go fuck themselves and we’re not including any of their goddamned half-assed giveaways to their friends in anything ever? Jesus Buttlicking Christ.
Haha, I can see it now, the doctor is doing or is not doing something you want them to do, and you say something along the lines of “oh let me see, where did I put that govt evaluation form…” and out comes that Rx pad! Now, how much anxiety did you say you’ve been experiencing, Mr. Coltraine?
[re=522947]grendel[/re]: Wow, I never realized “Totally Spies” was such a perve Mecca.
[re=522947]grendel[/re]: What does it say about us as a society that there is a market for non-hentai cartoon porn. I mean, Totally Spies is somewhat understandable (if a little depraved given their supposed ages…) but Fred and Wilma? Bart and Lisa? The internets are taking away my ability to be surprised.
[re=522959]bfstevie[/re]: You have to admit the scabies was a convincing touch.
[re=522976]Extemporanus[/re]: Could you? She hid my por…wait a minute…
Will doctors who fail the HCRMedi-Stasi quality checks get sent to Guantanamo?
PUT NEIDERMEYR ON IT. HEZ SNEAKY LIL SHIT JUS LIEK U.
[re=522989]rottenart[/re]: Hell, those are relatively pedestrian. The 90s Disney cartoons are a treasure trove for furries, and I’ve even seen Transformers cartoon porn. Remember, the internet is a great supporter of perversion; if you can imagine any form of porn, someone somewhere has already made it.
Dear President Hopey,
Forget the spies. Let’s have neighborhood citizens’ committees like the ones Stalin used to have — where comrades got paid for turning in people who weren’t “loyal” enough. My ex-mother-in-law (name and address provided upon request) demands — and GETS — an appointment with an orthopedic specialist, an MRI, massages, and good drugs every time she has a twinge, despite the fact they find nothing wrong with her. Now she’s yelling for Medicare to give her a hip replacement (that she could easily afford to pay for out-of-pocket). She’s 97, walks without any assistance, and sleeps way better than I do (OxyContin will do that for ya). I’d be happy to turn her in for fraud if I could have a supermarket gift card or some free gasoline.
Love, Jukesgrrl
PS: She also still drives, even though she can’t see over the steering wheel and has the reaction time of an elephant. So you might want to do something about that, too, but you probably won’t since old people are the only ones who vote.
bc suggestion: simply padlock all “medical offices” on Second Avenue below, say…23rd Street in Manhattan and any and all “Clinic/Party Store”s south of 8 Mile in Detroit. Fraud FIXED!
all these people watch too much effing television
Just clone more 60 Minutes reporters. Those are the only people that ever uncover medical fraud.
I realize that I am perfectly suited to be such a spy, and I would love to get some fat cat repbublican ‘healer’ into deep shit too. Where do I apply?
I think investigators would be a great idea and should be implemented regardless of the Health bill. Fraud in the Medicaid and Medicare system is rampant.
Regarding HSA’s they are certainly not reserved for rich people. They are an excellent tool for small businesses to reduce the cost of health coverage for their employees. Typically its a lot cheaper for an employer to submit money to the employee’s HSA and buy a high deductible policy than it is to buy a no deductible policy. The end result to the employee is the same. Its this or not provide any coverage to employees. Personally, I don’t think requiring an employee to contribute is asking too much. Cancel Cable and the Cell phone if you need health insurance.
We should adopt a system like the Swiss; basic insurance is the same for all companies and they can’t charge more than $500 for a family of 4; after that the prices of the more robust plans are set by the insurance companies.
[re=522989]rottenart[/re]: The western cartoon porn’s sole purpose for existing is to make me feel good about my hentai collection. It’s not even just the subject matter that makes this particular cartoon porn so repellent, it’s that the actual art is just SO FUCKING BAD.
[re=522989]rottenart[/re]: You think that’s bad? I’ve got cartoon porn of Erin from the Esurance commercials and Flo from the Progressive commercials.
TOGETHER!
[re=523071]Andrew Jackson[/re]: If you think the cost of my cable ($61/mo) and cell phone ($35/mo — and that’s the only phone I have) would pay for a health insurance policy that would provide me with minimal coverage — even with a $1,000 deductible — PLEASE tell me where I can find it. The COBRA that was offered to me when I lost my job was more than $200 a month and that policy covered next to nothing.
They have to watch the Seinfeld where Kramer and Mickey go to the hospital and “act sick” for the interns…then they go into the field with their symptoms.
Can we send random investigators into Senate offices to see who’s trying to use bricks and a golf club to get their ‘puters to show them ladyboyjuice.com?
[re=523071]Andrew Jackson[/re]: You find it reasonable that the price trends of the existing system make it cheaper, even with a group rate applied and personal premiums (which have already been steadily rising, even without HSA contributions being thrown into the mix) taken into account, for an employer to foot the first 5 grand per employee in medical expenses than it is to just go ahead and provide decent coverage? Market fix fail, AJ.
Obviously a job for James O’Keefe and his pimp cane.
Oh yes, secret shoppers are a far better plan actual regulations. I guess we really could get rid of meat inspectors, as long as we replace them with secret shoppers.
Like pretty much any other way of gaming the system, HSA’s are out of my reach. Apparently, my deductibles, co-pays and co-insurance (WTF even IS co-insurance?) are all quite reasonable, according to the US Treasury and I shouldn’t need any further advantages. It’s only barely March, and I’ve already spent more in medical expenses than I’ve made for 2010. Maybe if they offered discounts to sekrit patients, I’d be able to make it through the rest of the year. Gonna get ugly…
[re=523126]Godot[/re]: Oh jesus, I have seen this thing.
Oh boy … I can see this Spy Vs. Spy shit going sideways in some very ugly ways.
“No, no, I’m not going to offer you a bribe to keep quiet – but now I think you’re due for a little ‘vaccination’ – nyah hah hah haaaaaah!”
[re=523144]Jukesgrrl[/re]: My “Catastrophic Insurance” w/a $2500 deductible* cost me $167/month, plus whatever I can kick in to my HSA each year. (I’m averaging ~$1500)
Annual physical is %100 covered, lab work is %50 covered, drugs are %100 on me. Since my only meds are generic blood pressure drugs at $19/month, it’s working out OK so far. I’m mostly healthy, nonsmoker, in my 40′s and my wife’s insurance plan would have covered me at a little over $400/month for its “Cadillac Plan,” (well more like Buick, actually) and I wouldn’t have that $6000 in my health savings account either. Between the two, there are very similar numbers on the “big payout” claims like loss of limb, cancer, etc.
I don’t know what my provider would do if I stated making claims; same thing my wife’s Buick plan would do? Hope I don’t live long enough to find out.
[re=523378]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: %100 covered, lab work is %50 covered, drugs are %100 on me.
That is, outside of the deductible. I haven’t had to pay one yet.
Secret sicker? If it pays more than Census Dude, I’ll do it.
C’mon doc, can’t I have confirmatory colonoscopy?
How much do you get for a DRE? Does that include the $40 you have to pay me for allowing it?
Obama is retarded.
too soon?
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