DAILY BRIEFING  7:55 am March 2, 2010

Fly Me To the Moon

by Ken Layne

  • A sign that the economy is still horrible: Mark Foley opens a thrift shop in Florida. [WZVN-7]
  • Millions of tons of ice have been found on the Moon’s north pole. Humans haven’t been to the moon in four decades. But if we ever return, there’s water for drinking and water to split into oxygen and hydrogen for breathing and rocket fuel. [MSNBC/BBC]
  • Bedridden seniors who can’t work a remote were delighted to once again fall asleep to Jay Leno after the local weather and sports and mattress commercials. But tonight they’ll be kept awake by the shrieking insanity of Jay’s special guest, Sarah Palin [Chicago Sun-Times]
  • Bankrupt California is going to do a whole helluva lot more global economic destruction than a bankrupt Greece. [Telegraph]
  • The girl who left the noose hanging at the UC San Diego library sent an anonymous note to the college paper saying she’s as sorry as those dudes who held the party at UCSD mocking Black History Month. [Los Angeles Times]

Hola wonkerados.

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Bearbloke March 2, 2010 at 8:15 am

And Foley’s shop is called “Twinks R Us”?

V572625694 March 2, 2010 at 8:17 am

Water on the moon! Terrific, all we have to do is fly a few million tons of coal, or a few million barrels of oil, up there to melt the ice and generate the electricity to hydrolyze it into oxygen and hydrogen to make fuel cells. Hey presto, it’ll be too cheap to meter! Or if that seems, uh, uneconomical, we can build big solar panels on earth, then just run them up to the moon to generate the power. The future’s so bright everybody’s gonna need sunglasses!

Sparky McGruff March 2, 2010 at 8:25 am

California is a greater risk than Greece, warns JP Morgan chief
And, JP Morgan itself is an even bigger risk to our economy, though not as big as Goldman Sachs. Go figure, stop watching the greedy bankers, and they do stupid things. Who could have ever predicted that.

freakishlystrong March 2, 2010 at 8:29 am

I would prefer if the hillbilly grifter would go on Letterman-that might be something to see. That said, given the lineup, it will be a Lunesta/Ambien with several glasses of wine night for me.

Lazy Media March 2, 2010 at 8:38 am

[re=522511]V572625694[/re]: Jeezus, have you read NO 1940s science fiction? Nucl’ar power, baybee, is what’s too cheap to meter. All we have to do is lift a few hundred pounds of plutonium up there; what could possibly go wrong?

Chernobyl Soup March 2, 2010 at 8:41 am

There’s a story on CNN this morning about how the 8.8 earthquake has tilted the axis of the earth in such a way that our days will now be several microseconds shorter. You know what this means: Politico has less time to win the day. They’re going to have to cut back on their research and fact checking in order to get to press on time.

plowman March 2, 2010 at 8:47 am

[re=522516]Lazy Media[/re]: Or just send up a few hunderd pounds of politicians, they’d generate enough hot air to melt the moon-ice and should there be an launch ‘anomoly’ the downrange pollution would consist mostly of pork grease and bullshit.

Serolf Divad March 2, 2010 at 8:57 am

Tilted the Earth’s axis? Why, that was the premise of Damnation Alley. We’re fucked now… prepare to be eaten by armored cockroaches.

Norbert March 2, 2010 at 8:59 am

[re=522511]V572625694[/re]: Now I’m no scientist, but I have a gut feeling that we could buy every cheap made-in-China extension cord from every dollar store in the world, attach them end to end, and actually connect Earth to the Moon to run power up there.

Monsieur Grumpe March 2, 2010 at 9:01 am

384403 km just to build a still? That’s going to be one expensive martini.

Texan Bulldoggette March 2, 2010 at 9:03 am

[re=522518]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: “They’re going to have to cut back on their research and fact checking in order to get to press on time.”

Ha ha ha ha ha…you kidder, you!

Chernobyl Soup March 2, 2010 at 9:08 am

[re=522522]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Shifted” the axis? Geology is hard.

Jim Demintia March 2, 2010 at 9:09 am

Too bad that scam artist in Nevada already claimed the moon, parceled it off into lots, and sold them as lunar real estate to the Hilton and Marriott corporations.

Monsieur Grumpe March 2, 2010 at 9:10 am

I really can’t stand Leno but I seem to recall that he would go out on the street and ask stupid people questions and record their answers. It seems like this Palin interview is just more of the same. Watching dumb people talk is not my idea of entertainment; it’s too much like work.

Darkness March 2, 2010 at 9:10 am

Not to quibble, but if you have enough energy lying around to split the oxygen and hydrogen, what for you need rocket fuel?

Oh, you want to come home again? No, you won’t. Imagine how insane humanity will look from that tranquil vantage point.

comicbookguy March 2, 2010 at 9:16 am

You’ll never get to the moon if you keep breathing rocket fuel

gurukalehuru March 2, 2010 at 9:20 am

Yeah, so they just announced a special at Mark Foley’s store. Boys pants, half off.

Captain Justice March 2, 2010 at 9:21 am

As a UCSD student, she probably thinks her minority status comes from being a girl.

Oldskool March 2, 2010 at 9:25 am

Isn’t it also time for NASA to announce they found water on Mars again? It’s becoming a yearly ritual.

JMP March 2, 2010 at 9:25 am

Palin is going on Leno so that, for the very first time in her life, she gets to be only the second most hated person in the room.

Terry March 2, 2010 at 9:27 am

[re=522516]Lazy Media[/re]:

Two words: Space 1999

Remember the premise for that one?

Lazy Media March 2, 2010 at 9:38 am

[re=522543]Terry[/re]: Sure, a gigantic explosion of nuclear waste on the moon transforms Martin Landau and Barbara Bain into “Thunderbirds” puppets in awesome bellbottom tunic suits. I’m IN!

slithytoves March 2, 2010 at 9:38 am

[re=522543]Terry[/re]: Except 1999 is a number, not a word, and yes, I have the entire DVD collection. Fantabulous, especially with buzz! And the episodes ran 55 mins – which tells you how much tv has been taken over by advertisements these days – you can only get about 40 minutes out of a DVD of a contemporary show.

bureaucrap March 2, 2010 at 9:40 am

Apparently the only goods in Foley’s “consignment shop” are his own. Which makes it not so much a thrift store as a garage sale.

And I have a great name for it: “A Foley and his Money…”

Mr Blifil March 2, 2010 at 9:55 am

The earthquake that killed more than 700 people in Chile on Feb. 27 probably shifted the Earth’s axis and shortened the day

Well it most definitely shortened the day for those 700 or so people.

donner_froh March 2, 2010 at 10:00 am

“I can’t write checks without money; that’s against the law. My main goal is to keep the state afloat, but I won’t be able to do it without the help of new legislation,” said Mr Chiang.

What kind of stupid laws do they have in California? No wonder the state is broke.

chaste everywhere March 2, 2010 at 10:01 am

“I am distraught to know that I have unintentionally added to their pain.”

If only I strung up the nose accidentally on purpose and then reluctantly forgot to remember about it.

By the by, how do the LA Times know she’s been suspended if they don’t know who she be? (Come to ponder, how do the LA Times claim to know anything?)

Prommie March 2, 2010 at 10:02 am

[re=522511]V572625694[/re]: The Talking Heads predicted this, water on the moon, over 30 years ago. Is there nothing we cannot learn from 70s era new wave alternative hipster bands?

Mr Blifil March 2, 2010 at 10:10 am

[re=522572]chaste everywhere[/re]: How much you wanna bet that her “minority status” will turn out to mean “white Mormon?”

Terry March 2, 2010 at 10:16 am


I used to LOVE that show. I was highly disappointed in the year 1999 when the moon neither had a base on it nor was in any danger of flying out of orbit.

chaste everywhere March 2, 2010 at 10:19 am

[re=522572]chaste everywhere[/re]: Make that “transgendered white Mormon” and you’re getting warm (and, as a bonus, getting me warm).

JMP March 2, 2010 at 10:25 am

[re=522574]Prommie[/re]: So wait, will it be flowing uphill next?

Mr Blifil March 2, 2010 at 10:33 am

[re=522601]JMP[/re]: Actually the article states much of the water “migrated” to the pole, so in a sense it did flow uphill, oddly enough. Also if you play “I Zimbra” backwards there’s a garbled reference to Leno and Conan.

This Cat March 2, 2010 at 10:36 am

Moon ice will soon be what our benevolent overlords will be chilling their drinks with, at $100,000.00 a pop, while they figure out how to re-package the foreclosures of shouty hillbillies and teh browns.

slithytoves March 2, 2010 at 10:36 am

[re=522588]Terry[/re]: I felt the same way about Big Brother in 1984.

Lazy Media March 2, 2010 at 10:40 am

[re=522553]slithytoves[/re]: Those episodes are 55 minutes only because the show was originally British. It was trimmed for American TV; even in the ’70s an hour of our TV was only about 48[re=522582]

Mr Blifil[/re]: minutes of programming.
I’m betting third-generation Japanese (aka “white but good at math”).

Prommie March 2, 2010 at 10:48 am

[re=522618]Mr Blifil[/re]: The secret to all lies within the big suit.

schvitzatura March 2, 2010 at 11:04 am

[re=522511]V572625694[/re]: Need energy on the moon? Just strike a Selenite with your parapluie.

NASA crucifies the insincere, tonight…

bustydilettante March 2, 2010 at 11:21 am

Mark Foley opens a store to sell off his stuff and all you folks can talk about is LENO? Come on, some of us depend on you Wonketeers for our morning barbs…

Sparky McGruff March 2, 2010 at 11:25 am

[re=522574]Prommie[/re]: The Talking Heads also predicted that there would be water at the bottom of the ocean. And, as I think every day, they noted:

You may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
You may ask yourself
Where does that highway lead to?
You may ask yourself
Am I right?… Am I wrong?
You may say to yourself
My God!… what have I done?

Berkeley Bear March 2, 2010 at 11:38 am

[re=522623]Lazy Media[/re]: In the UC system any Asian variation is a good bet (and laughable as any basis for empathizing with the 1% of UCSD’s student body that’s African American). However, I also ran into a bunch of people who “discovered” their Native American roots once they found out it helped with admissions. And my father’s immigrant status made me a “minority” too for certain programs, so she could be a white girl with a Russian mommy or daddy.

JMP March 2, 2010 at 12:19 pm

[re=522675]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Only for admission? You’d think they would be among the many, many regular old white folks who love to brag about how they’re part Native American because a great-great-great-great-grandmother was one.

Long Form Def Certificate March 2, 2010 at 12:49 pm

I’m not feeling this UCSD scrum. Needs more super slo-mo like my favourite San Diego export, Baywatch.

Darkness March 2, 2010 at 1:00 pm

[re=522572]chaste everywhere[/re]: We need an award for lame-ist assed post-hoc pathetic lying excuse for acting like a fucktard. This girl’s a shoe-in for a top nomination.

Accordion-o-rama March 2, 2010 at 1:27 pm

Now we know where Al Gore has been stashing all that ice that was supposedly “melting” in Antarctica!

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2010 at 1:44 pm

[re=522655]Sparky McGruff[/re]: Taking on a more practical subject, The Talking Heads also informed us that your better class of girlfriends will have smoke in their eyes.

Jimmyjohn2 March 2, 2010 at 4:53 pm

“Bring us your gently used male pages and will give you CASH, CASH, CASH!!!”

lochnessmonster March 2, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Will she be bringing her kids on stage so she can write off their airfare, clothing, meals etc.? BTW when do those kids ever go to school?

SFinDC March 3, 2010 at 9:09 am

what’s even more ridiculous about this UCSD business: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35677130/ns/us_news-race_and_ethnicity/

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