George Washington Will Warblog, Correct Liberal History

Wow!!! Fucker received a DVD boxset of an HBO program?? I wouldn’t fuck with him anymore, Jim!

And verily, forfooth, the Fyrfte day of March proved Pivotale for Illuftrious Foundling Father George Wafhington; Prefident of the former Colonies, now Eftates fundered from the Brutal Yoke of British Tyranny; Duke of Roanake, Magifter of New Amfterdam, & gloried founder of Child-Stroking Aff’n NAMBLA, wherein he Combatted with the Nefarious Liberrals of the Infamous Communift Webfite the Wonkete, and taughte them alle the Price of Freedom (hint: it ifn’t free) and Showed off his nifty new Spats.

Obviously this task was delegated to Intern Riley, who never does anything.

START PUTTING OUT, INTERN

We are all Wonkettes now.

Careful, Jim! He has connections with the Virginia Tourism Corporation.

Maybe we’ve bitten off more than we can chew!

I dunno, this is starting to seem kind of pathetic…

What does renowned Tea Bag Icon & NAMBLA treasurer Button “PigFucker” Gwinnett (T-GA) have to say about all this Delaware-cross-dressing buffoonery?

“Please check your history.”

Well I guess he TOLD YOU, Jim Newell

First rule of Virginia Tourism Corporation is you don’t talk about Virginia Tourism Corporation!

GEORGE
Now listen, Martha; listen carefully. We got a telegram; there was a car accident, and he’s dead. POUF! Just like that! Now, how do you like it?

MARTHA
(A howl which weakens into a moan)
NOOOOOOOOooooooo.

[re=522207]Airborne Toxic Event[/re]: Ewww… Gross.

I think the mercy rule has just been invoked.

George Washington: … HBO Film Series on John Adams, (that I was given by the Virginia Tourism Corporation for marching with them as George Washington in the Governor McDonnell Inaugural Parade) …

Cool! Now we can call him “Professional COSPlayer George Washington”.

If he had watched the commentary to the HBO box set he would have realized that George Washington actually ABORTED King James III. True Story

Wait a minute: Washington’s aide met Reagan in 1983? I can watch John Adams and King George III on an HBO video? These people are alive?? I had no idea — this is like the dinosaurs, them being around just a little while ago and all. A lifetime I’ve spent trying to undo the evil work of the communists who taught me in school!

Waaaay back in the day, regulars from the college football usenet group would spend the offseason trolling. One of the easiest ways to produce lulz was to win your arguments by announcing that you had the Discovery Channel, so you know what you’re talking about.

The John Adams dvd set?

This guy is a master, old school troll.

[re=522208]herpezhilton[/re]: Indeed!

I plan to take the rest of the day off and go imagine myself as a pretty lady.

His obvious desperation for your approval makes hating him a lot less fun.

[re=522205]Cicada[/re]: The Statesmen/Dragonmaster and Duke of Talister is trying desperately not to type in all caps about impeaching the commie Kenyan usurper.
J R needs a penis..BADLY.

This went from funny and entertaining to unsporting baiting of a wingnut pretty quickly, didn’t it?

Jim’s got a friend!!!!

I tried to look at that crappy website and it was quill-pen-and-ink slow. Stalled. Moribund.

Last week listening to The Writer’s Almanac I did learn George Washington lost all but one of his teeth opening Brazil nuts. Smart guy, huh? Most folks would have quit after losing that first tooth. Not George. He hung in there and just kept cracking…

All that jocularity and politeness makes me want to go over there and submit about 1000 posts of the word “POOP” again and again and again.

But it is Monday ∴ I am at work ∴ not nearly stoned enough for something like that.

But I would if I were.

I just posted this on the website. Let’s see if it gets approved…I didn’t even cuss

“Perhaps here would be a good place to point out that the story of George Washington kneeling in prayer at Valley Forge is farcical, created amongst others by Mason “Parson” Weems in his “Life of Washington.” Basically, he was out to make a buck by selling stories of the Great Man tailored to pander to the mores of a mass readership right after his death. He claimed to be the He was out to make a profit, and his stories were only loosely tied to the real George Washington. Ditto for stories like the apple tree and even his account of Washington’s death. Weems claimed to have been the one time “Rector of Mount-Vernon Parish” because only locals realized that such a Parish did not exist in the Diocese of Virginia. I point this out because the picture on the right hand of the title bar is based on this farcical story. In a letter to John Adams, Benjamin Rush voiced his disgust “the impious application of names and epithets to him [Washington] that are ascribed to Scripture only to God and to Jesus Christ.”

George Washington was likely a Deist, who based his personal code far more on classical ideals of Stoicism than on any particular sect of Christianity. He was very reticent in discussing religious matters, and only engaged in the Episcopal vestry in a pro-forma way as was expected of a Virginia gentleman. He abruptly quit the vestry in when it became inconvenient to him to fulfill the role. It dishonors the man to publicize these known falsehoods.”

The book “Moral Minority” by Brooke Allen is great for debunking the bullshit lies about our “Good Christian” Founding Fathers. It uses such well known Librul tools as facts and direct quotes, so it might not convince those in costumes, but valuable ammunition none the less (and don’t these folks love ammunition?)

[re=522221]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: AND he hasn’t denied murdering that girl back in the 1980′s, either.

This guy is too polite. It’s boring and makes me feel bad for being a schmuck. Bring back the PUMAs! Now that was some crazy I could sink my teeth into!

“Taxation is Tranny.”

Classic.

The History Channel just told me that Washington did not actually wear a powdered wig. He just pulled back his own brown hair. Just saying.

And he cries about decorum while using “demoncrat” in the same screed, never realising the irony of his stupid remarks.

Okay, I don’t usually warblog but he’s cherry-picking Jefferson quotes to prove that the USA is a “christian nation”, which pisses me off.

So I left this, and didn’t want it to go to waste so …

How about posting the whole quote, Mr. Manship?

To the corruptions of Christianity I am indeed opposed, but not to the genuine precepts of Jesus himself. I am a Christian, in the only sense in which he wished anyone to be: sincerely attached to his doctrines in preference to all others, ascribing to himself every human excellence, and believing he never claimed any other.
-Thomas Jefferson (emphasis mine)

In other words, Christ wasn’t divine and never claimed to be.

There is clear evidence that since there was a great deal of discussion about making the United States a Christian nation (the phrase “separation of church and state” comes from one of his letters to a pastor discussing the issue), the fact that he omitted any reference to it in the Constitution itself probably points to the framers omitting it on purpose, don’t you think? Although to conclude that one would have to actually look at history and draw conclusions based on the evidence there, rather than cherry-picking parts of it to support a preconceived notion, I suppose.

Greetings from Wonkette, by the way. A word of advice: when you wrestle with a pig, who looks more the fool- the pig? Or the moron who descended into the pig’s environment to wallow in the mud? Leaving speculation as to your intellect aside for the moment, engaging a site which is meant to poke fun at the idiocies of modern movement conservatism in with an attempt at meaningful discourse is a bit like wrestling a pig, don’t you think?

Given the state of your postings here and elsewhere, I doubt you do, much.

I’ll be posting this over on Wonkette so at least everyone there will get a chance to see it, for I doubt it will show up on your web page anytime soon.

Enjoy your cosplay, sir.

Hopefully the graduate-school elocution will inspire him to try and rise to the tone, the more to elicit malapropism and the his use of bad logical construction. I have fuck-all to do other than be amused this afternoon.

Why does that George Washington look like Bea Arthur?

Awww, he hasn’t approved my last several comments. And I didn’t even cuss in them!

Since my comments haven’t been posted on that censored piece of drivel all I have to say is “BRING IT GEORGIE”

Next thing you know faux Jorge Washington will be claiming the original wasn’t stacking the “bedwarmers” up two deep and playing “oreo cookie” (The Father of our Nation AKA the White Creamy middle). Good lord man, have you seen Beyonces “Put a ring on it” video? The only way he wasn’t tapping that would be if he’d caught the gehz from all those years surveying the C&O canal with only his two faithful slaves, “Neil” and “Bob”, for companionship.
I can look past the historically demonstrated fact that George Washington was a serial rapist, I can look post his homosexual trysts out on the Appalachian trail (who knew he was a Republican?), but when you claim he did not kill King George of England I can only cry “Balderdash!!!”. The bastards dead, isn’t he? Who had a better reason to kill him than George “Jungle Fever” Washington?
This type of revisionist history cannot be allowed to stand!!!

Making history come alive …. it’s like having sex with the dead.

[re=522428]DC Hates Me[/re]: Like this?

“And if you can believe it, Jimmy Carter invited me to both this Governor and President Inaugural Balls because of my help to him.”

Who is this President Inaugural Balls? Who was his running mate, Richard Shaft? Balls & Shaft in 2012!!!

[re=522282]M Lite[/re]: “George Washington was likely a Deist”
Nope. Anglican, the buy-a-pew, go-to-church-in-a-carriage, property-owning class in Virginia. Close enough.

[re=522428]DC Hates Me[/re]: +1

HE’S HERE! He’s here!

GW: So your argument is your local church, a document that’s been disproved (it was refused by the Smithsonian as a forgery), and the fact that Washington was given some prayer books?

I’ve been given a lot of those little green Bibles on street corners, that don’t make me a Christian.

I’ve been given calling cards from every stripper or pole dancer in Vegas, but it doesn’t make me a whoremonger. Actually mongering whores–now that makes me a whoremonger.

[re=522469]GW[/re]: Tell me about the rabbits, George.

[re=522469]GW[/re]: Hey GW! I’ve asked a good question which you refuse to address – why you quote Glenn Beck, when he admitted at CPAC to teaching himself from the library, a Socialist institution! He hardly seems like someone you’d want to quote on your little site there.
Unless you’re really serious about this whole teabag thing…

For kicks, I like to dress up as Jesus Christ and watch “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Obviously, I’m an authority on Jesus. Based upon my vast experience pretending to be Jesus, I can tell you George, Jesus is ambivalent at best about American history and politics.

[re=522726]M Lite[/re]: MW’s favorite spiritual: “I’m Jes’ a Po’ Wafering Stranger”

I guess, the moral of the story is that someone needs to give the dude some Truck Nutz…