Any Commander of the Continental Army worth his salt should know that you can’t go about Warring if one side moderates all Blogspot comments, on the Internet, approving nothing. Each side must stand in a line and shoot at the other line — with Dignity — until enough people are dead.

Apparently for Wingnut George Washington, however, “Dignity” means flipping on the auto-reply feature: “Thank you for writing. I am currently away and am not checking my email. I will respond to your email as soon as I return. Please call if your question needs more timely reply.”

We have a feeling that this “call” would somehow land us on Comcast customer service hold, so, uhh… ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS BETTER, the end.

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  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    John Quincy Adams is a total troll.

  • SmutBoffin

    This, my communist fellow travellers from Abortionland, is how you WARBLOG.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    George Washington: Slave-raper, intellectual-property-stealer, malignant-narcissitator, and chronic-flag-porn-masturbator. Do the teabaggers know shit about history?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    He’s busy washing his cape and dusting his wig, Jim. Gah!!

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    George Washington sexed many slaves for freedom. He beat the shit out of John Jay once. (also for freedom).

  • JMP

    Who would’ve thought that we could actually prove scarier than an army of Hessian mercenaries?

  • SayItWithWookies

    That’s funny — I don’t remember the real George Washington having a big yellow streak down his back.

  • dijetlo

    This is a family blog?

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    Made love like an eagle falling out of the sky/ Killed his sensei in a duel and he never said why

    I NO everybody and THERE mother has already SCENE this, but ITS the REEL Geo W— had a pocket full of horses, fucked the shit out of bears…

  • FlipOffResearch

    The fake GW is just a big pussy.

  • CapnFatback

    [re=522114]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: He may be a terrible coward, but he’s a FAB-YOO-LUSS dresser.

  • Sharkey

    “I’m currently busy chopping down cherry trees and blaming it on Obama. Please tweet me if ye cannot abide.”

  • Extemporanus

    Perhaps George has just run off to mount Vernon.


    [re=522112]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Don’t forget real estate scam artist. He was one of the first to take the Federal Government to the cleaners by selling the DC swampland for outrageous moo-la.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=522114]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: As any self-respecting drag queen should. Oh, what?

  • memzilla

    George Washington lost the Battle of Trollington when his right wing was enfiladed.

  • The Little Rock

    George Washington was a Manship…er…a vessel for men…or something.

  • Crank Tango

    word SOMETHING sticking its to those LOONY LIBS!!!11!!

  • jetjaguar

    Jim Newell + George Washington + Stickam

    What would Jim dress up as?

  • hailripley

    I will have satisfaction, fake George Washington!

    Satisfaction WILL BE HAD!!! By me!

  • steverino247

    A well-trained warblogger can get off three posts every sixty seconds.

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    That picture of him from “George W – spirit visits kid” is total molester pic. Any grown man who dresses up like this in the name of Rt Wing politics is a pervy freak who will rape again. Save the children, intern the wingnuts!

  • Way Cool Larry

    Maybe he’s holed up in Valley Forge for the winter????

  • WarAndG

    Here ye! A war blog has been declared. Might this be Wonkette’s Vietnam or perhaps George Washington’s Waterloo.

    Primp your quills, darn your knickers, and don ye white gloves for which to prepare to take up sword an sheath for lady liberty and the soul of the Republic, lest you deny thine truth to be self evident, and bestowed upon us thou creator the justice of…liberty…and the congreffs, shall not parish…at the hand of Godless tyranny…and…

    Oh fuck it, I could never write for

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    I demand a timely reply from George Washington.

  • JMP

    Maybe George Washington just hasn’t recovered from all the work selling furniture and used cars he had to do the other weekend.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=522125]CapnFatback[/re]: Yes, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to call him out on the carpet with regards to wearing the cape indoors. Every Hollywood movie that I’ve seen has clearly shown Washington removing his cape upon entering a building or structure. To do otherwise would make him appear prissy.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=522140]steverino247[/re]: yes but when the first amendment was written, they could not imagine a day when one could copy and paste nonsense on full-auto.

  • elburrito

    Can’t he just have one of his slaves take the call?

  • germansteel

    George Washington? Wasn’t he lumped in with “all the founding fathers” that Sarah Palin (who matriculated at “all the real American colleges” such as Idaho State, Hawaii Tech and Ag, Montana-Butte U, and Alaska Junior Prom and College) was so fond of?

  • jetjaguar

    This war will probably just last a couple days. I doubt a few weeks, definitely not a few months.

    I’m going to get working on the “Mission Accomplished” banner.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=522132]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: BING. GO.

  • memzilla

    [re=522151]elburrito[/re]: “Can’t he just have one of his slaves take the call?”

    You would only get 3/5ths of an answer.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=522152]germansteel[/re]: Yup. He was right up there with Mr. Ed, Ronald Reagan, and Todd.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=522140]steverino247[/re]: When it comes to explaining the assassination of President George Washington, I find the “Magic Blog Post Theory” interesting, yet ultimately unconvincing.

  • arewethereyet

    [re=522142]Way Cool Larry[/re]: I live in valley forge…he ain’t here!

  • Come here a minute

    From his profile: I ask how far are we in America from voting away our God given Constitution?

    The founders may have believed that the “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” were endowed by the Creator, but they wrote the constitution themselves. So thanks for nothing on that, God.

  • arewethereyet

    Maybe he’s up in trenton.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    I’m starting to feel pity for Man/ship. He never stood a chance.

  • Skwerl Nutz

    GW, what a douche. He would shuffle his chef-slave back in forth from Philadelphia to Mt.Vernon every 6 months so he could not be freed. Finally Hercules escaped from Mt.Vernon possibly to Canada for free health care and Molsons.

  • TGY

    Foiled by a mere spam filter!

  • Guppy06

    I haven’t seen George pussy out like this since Brooklyn.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Stoopid libs!!! They are so ghey. Gheys did not exist in colonial Times.

    Wonkette written all over it. To whoever wrote that post, I say ‘Bravo!’

  • Mr Blifil

    Hah now he has to post stupid comments written for pointing and jeering. He will feel bad about himself for what he hath wrought.

  • comicbookguy

    Either a) George Washington hasn’t answered email since 1798 and his account has been on auto-reply ever since, or b) That’s no auto-reply, he really wrote that. Ha ha jokes on you!

    Buy rock salt from my amazon store and send it to valley forge!

  • Magnus Maximus

    Sweet, blogwar! I suggest we build an industrial complex for 15 IPCs, then send in 4 fighters, 5 infantry, and a a bunch of artillery so our infantry dudes will also hit on 2’s.

  • doxastic

    We’re professional fifth-columnists, George. We will inevitably infiltrate your internet. Concede with honor while you still can.

  • Autoo

    [re=522165]arewethereyet[/re]: Maybe he’s up in trenton

    … giving his troops a good rousing pep talk rodgering.

  • Magnus Maximus

    Seriously though, when will they learn NOT to mess w/Wonkette? Yall are some bad motherfuckers.

  • CrunchyKnee

    How the heck are we suppose to fight them over there, so we don’t have to fight them here?

  • give us a bob

    King George III’s response to the Declaration of Independence, had auto-reply existed then:

    “When in the Courſe of human events, it becomes necessary for one to take temporary leave of his Office, and to entruſt his Correſpondence to a steadfaſt Mechanical Contrivance known as The Turk. Upon His Return, and with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, His Majeſty will attend to your Entreaties with due Haſte.”

  • Way Cool Larry

    So wait, we’re the British now?

  • grendel

    [re=522147]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Cape AND hat… anyone who knows anyone in the military knows you take your hat off when you enter a building. It’s required. In the south it’s also good manners.

    But this is the same historical jeenyus who claimed Thomas Jefferson founded the REPUBLICAN party.

  • DC Hates Me

    You know .. people who live in Virginia like dressing in costumes. Civil war clowns, Ren Faire clowns, Williamsburg clowns, tea baggers. Virginia is for Transvestites.

    It’s true .. deal with it VA.

  • rocktonsammy


    Which family?

  • dijetlo

    At first, I was thinking Adams but as I worked my way through the replies it became clear he was referring to the Mansons.

  • scooterKPFT

    [re=522163]arewethereyet[/re]: I live in valley forge…he ain’t here!

    Yeah, but the King of Prussia is.

  • Darkness

    [re=522143]WarAndG[/re]: Is it all right if I darn my socks and wear them as gloves in the bitter snow? From the paintings of the war, that appears to be what George Washington’s troops were doing.

  • Wingnutia

    As a newer devotee of everything wonkette I can not possibly ascertain the implications of a long blog war nor can I comprehend the horrors of said blog war. But what I can do is offer the following words: Liberals! though many of you go into ye yawning maw of tea baggery to take the mighty ft. delusion that is cosplay GW’s blog, some of you, the lesser of you, may not return. Your loss shall only serve as the steel in the spine of us all to shred these tea baggers and spread their remains into a giant cup full of scalding hot water. Into the breach once more!…or something. Also

  • Wingnutia

    Oh and George Washington was a slave owning douche…is it me or is it hilarious that middle-aged wingnuts in 2010 think that the height of patriotism is to dress up like liberals from the 18th century in order to bash liberals? Kind of has a bit of S&M to it…come to think of it. Anyway, next time I see an inbred uncle sam trolling around my area in his superduty I’ll remind him that the real george washington and such wouldn’t approve or understand his fuck you mobile. Maybe we can get them all to use horses and buggies? Just a thought.

  • GW

    GW here, in my comfy home in Mount Vernon. Not Valley Forge, not Trenton. Been there, done that, in fact in Valley Forge this past year on Constitution Day (for you Libs, that is 17 September) to hear a modern Patriot, Ron Paul,

    …and at Trenton, on 11 December to lay a Wreath to honor Veterans, as I did the day before at Ground Zero, Saint Paul’s Chapel, & Federal Building on Wall Street in NYC, and later on the 11th at the Tomb of the Unknown Revolutionary War Soldier in Washington Park in Philadelphia.

    And then to Arlington Cemetery to join with the Civil Air Patrol and thousands of RIGHT minded Citizens who were proud to lay wreaths on the graves of those who fought for YOUR Liberty (yes for Liberty for Libs, too!).

    My apologies for the “auto-reply” on the email. Need more lessons from my Electrical genius fried and former Postmaster General Ben Franklin on how best to manage this Electrical Mail, or Email.

    Yep, it was Ben Franklin, NOT Al Gore who invented the Internet!

    I do not apologize for my moderation of many of the comments. At least a third are not printable due to profanity. Another quarter are misinformed and miserable in spirit. However, I have posted about two-thirds of all received. Since I am away from my Apple (not Cherry Tree), I do not always answer right away, or publish acceptable comments.

  • GW

    By the way, aren’t Wingnuts pretty handy, they hold pieces together without the need for a wrench, that some Lib is too likely to not know how to use so toss into the machinery to destroy the gears?

    – GW

    P.S. And have to confess, the man who serves as Aide to GW, J.R. “States” Manship has wings to show he is “nuts”, Navy Parachute wings for jumping out of “perfectly good” airplanes, and some say that act is “Nuts”.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=522165]arewethereyet[/re]: He lives in the Burg.

  • Neoyorquino

    He’ll save children but not the British children.(He’s coming, He’s coming).

  • Beanball

    Did you know that George did not wear wooden teeth? In fact, his false teeth were made of cow’s teeth, human teeth and elephant ivory set in a lead base.

    Most of the things people “know” about Washington are flat wrong, although it is sadly true that he only freed his own slaves in his Will, despite his having changed his mind about racial equality after commanding a substantial group of blacks at Valley Forge and beyond. Part of his dilemma stems from the fact that the slaves he “owned” actually belonged to his wife, and he had no legal authority under Virginia law to manumit them.

  • Marlowe

    What’s this about George Washington and hoe cakes?
    Is that a colonial colloquialism?
    And for what?

  • donner_froh

    Wash-ing-ton, Wash-ing-ton, 6 foot 8 weighs a fucking ton

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