Barack Obama went to see the medical droid and whoa boy, the newspapers are Outraged! Why? He’s 48 years old and still has safe cholesterol levels, healthy blood pressure and one of those “BMI” index things way under the standard American level of Obesity. Why does he hate real Americans? Also, why is he still being advised to chew Nicorette? DOES THIS MEAN HE STILL HAS A CIGARETTE SOMETIMES? And if so, why won’t he resign? [New York Daily News]
SCANDAL: Obama Still Chewing Nicorette
by Ken Layne
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WHERE ARE THE MARLBORO MILES???!!! Or wait, would it be Kool Kash? WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!
If he were my president he would be freebasing Chantix of Chuck Grassleys Balls.
From TPM: Former President George W. Bush had a resting heart rate of 45 beats per minute, similar to a top athelete.
It helps a lot when you don’t need all that blood flow to the brain. Oh, and President Obama — if you’re trying to quit smoking, I recommend brownies. They’re delicious, fun and last a lot longer than — oh, smoking cigarettes. Well — carry on, then.
Hopey is excited cause in only two short years he will get his first digital prostate exam. Another reason to look forward to 2012.
Oh noes, the President might still be engaging in a legal habit that harms no one but himself; this cannot stand! Next thing, we’ll find out he has a drink now and then.
Man, you’d almost get the idea that the media likes to invent scandals for Democratic politicians, even where they don’t exist.
[re=521760]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You know, the important thing is you must heat it up, in an oil, only oil can extract the THC, and only heat can render it usable to the body when ingested orally. Peanut butter, carefully heat it up mixed into peanut butter, then just spread a little of your special peanut butter on a cracker when in the mood.
[re=521762]JMP[/re]: “Man, you’d almost get the idea that the media likes to invent scandals for Democratic politicians, even where they don’t exist.”
Naaaah. You don’t think the media does that, really, do you??? Especially a fine publication like the New York Daily News???
I love the fact that our prez is a secret smoker.
It helps people think, increases attention span, while destroying their lungs.
But our problems need more thinkin’ than breathin’ right now.
NEEDS MOAR ARUGULA.
[re=521764]Prommie[/re]:
Put it in a crock pot with a pound of butter, then, after it has stewed for a couple hours, strain the mixture through a fine mesh strainer to remove the greens. Then stir the butter well and let it return to room tempature. The result can be used in any recipe that uses butter, or you can put it in the fridge and when it is completely solid use it on sandwiches and the like.
Then, video games!
Nicorette? Wasn’t she a popular singer during the 80s and 90s?
You can say this about Obama. He’s no quitter.
[re=521764]Prommie[/re]: yeah I dunno, I just chew on hash and don’t need to go through all that heating and dissolving stuff. Worked for Bruce Lee, and it works for me!
[re=521773]Tommmcatt[/re]: ratios man, you left out the proportions.
[re=521761]samsuncle[/re]: “first digital prostate exam”
Ha! It’s worse than that.
You would think that this and the beer would at least prove that he’s not a Muslin.
Oh when will this oppressive yoke of addictive drugs be lifted from our urban youth?
Goddamn the pusher man.
[re=521773]Tommmcatt[/re]: yes, I too would enjoy, from a purely intellectual level, knowing about ratios. I have always loved math.
He puts his feet on the furniture and hides his crack cocaine addiction behind cigarettes which he hides behind Nicorette. What kind of example is he sending our kids with his dirty feet and lying and drugs. Worst President ever.
Boorish.
This is the hope we changed for???
The White House will probably need to be torn down and rebuilt to get that cigarette smell out. I hate tenants that smoke.
Frankly, if I had to spend the past year having to deal with idiotic Republicans, tea baggers, and chicken shit Democrats, I’d be smoking three packs a day. We should actually be applauding his self-control here.
However, being black (or half-black at least amirite?) and in charge count, I believe, as co-morbidity factors.
[re=521781]sati demise[/re]: About a quarter oz. per 13×9 pan of brownies, and one (or maybe two) brownies will do the trick. The important part is to be patient and not eat six brownies at once, because they can take 45 minutes to really kick in.
I thought real ‘muricans DID smoke? Doesn’t this make him more REAL than everything else he does, like eating arugula and driving a hybrid volvo and all that mess? Are they just mad that he’s smoking instead of chewing Skoal, like a REEL rebel?
How’s that whole smoke-y choke-y thing workin’ out for ya?
Meh, leave him alone. The only thing worse than a smoker is a recently quit smoker. Last thing we need in the White House is another guy going through withdrawal…
[re=521781]sati demise[/re]: [re=521773]Tommmcatt[/re]:
Oh, yeah, I forgot that part. No more than an eighth and a couple pinches…don’t forget, it gets stronger when you ingest, so you kinda have to do it by feel the first couple times.
We are talking about basil, right? The FBI is watching this site, I’m sure…
[re=521790]S.Luggo[/re]: Huh? What? Moorish?
[re=521773]Tommmcatt[/re]: Reminds me of the time the dog ate my daughter’s “special” cookie.
(Who knew the backyard was so fascinating?)
“DOES THIS MEAN HE STILL HAS A CIGARETTE SOMETIMES?”
Well hellfire, I sure hope so! It’s one of the reasons I voted for him!
[re=521764]Prommie[/re]: Inspired by the Dr. Seuss book “Green Eggs and Ham” I once made a greenish omelet. Tasted horrible but worked great.
Maybe he should take tips from Sarah Palin. Because she is a quitter, you see! Ah, I crack me up.
I’d smoke too if I was constantly being fucked by my own party.
[re=521801]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And always remember kids, only cook with mersh and mids. The complexity and smoothness of the good stuff really gets lost in the stewing process, and not even a pound of butter can kill the taste of paraquat in 50/oz ditchweed.
Dubya was/is in such “excellent health” because he was constantly fighting back the urge to get shit faced plastered – every self obsessed AA graduate dives head first into vigorous exercise or dogmatic religion or both to take the place of all that fun drinkin’. This and their constant self congradulating tone is why alcoholics are infinitely more pleasant than “recovering” anybodies.
The really important question is, did they raise his co-pay? They did mine. I would love to see a photo op showing him writing a check after the exam.
[re=521817]Snarkalicious[/re]: [re=521808]Tommmcatt[/re]: And only with a doctor’s written recomendation, within the borders of a short list of US States, of course.
[re=521823]Snarkalicious[/re]: Allegedly, also too.
Who knew this was a cooking show? I’ve got quite a few mushroom recipes, being from the Nortwest and all.
[re=521823]Snarkalicious[/re]:
Oh yeah, with the prescription. You can actually buy the butter pre-made in the dispensary I go to….but of course, California is civilized like that.
[re=521775]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I thought she was an actress on Desperate Housewives.
According to Andrew Sullivan, Obama’s been bumming fags since the day he took office.
maybe smokers can become a protected class of citizens, like home-schoolers?
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/01/us/01homeschool.html?ref=global-home
Does not DA/DT apply to these types of fags?
[re=521816]Mad Brahms[/re]: I’d smoke too if I was constantly being fucked by my own party.
Let’s see, smoking, constant fucking … add some booze and it sounds like a lot parties I went to back in my younger days.
[re=521818]Gorillionaire[/re]: Most recovering alkies I’ve met are really, really dedicated chain smokers. For them, apparently, the lung cancer was the preferable choice over the cirrosis.
Thanks for the subhead, Ken (aka “KoolRebbel”)…
Nothin’ like a little Tex Williams (and a carton of Lucky Strikes, a fifth of Jack, and an anonymous blowjob) to get your day started right!
“But nicotine slaves are all the same,
At a pettin’ party or a poker game,
Everything gotta stop while they have a cigarette!”
He’s got three black women hounding him about this smoking. Me thinks the conservative echo chamber can move on to the next “scandal”; Michelle & the girls have the smoking harangues covered.
[re=521808]Tommmcatt[/re]: Pesto!
[re=521802]Redhead[/re]:
Obamas Marboro man is based on Blazing Saddles.
[re=521837]Autoo[/re]: Well, as an asthmatic drinker, I’ll take the cirrosis. Breathing is too much fun.
You’re right in your observation about the alkies and smoking, though. The “addictive personality” has to have something.
[re=521842]Extemporanus[/re]: sometimes a little smoke break will clear your thinking and give time for your adversaries to kill themselves off.
Obama is lucky to be an ectomorph.
A colleague of mine recently received an award from the Prez and told me that the most immediate impression of him was that he reeked of cigarette smoke. Secretary needs to get him a spray bottle of Febreeze like I keep in my car for those cigar days.
[re=521818]Gorillionaire[/re]: There’s the self-congratulations, the over-religiosity that the traditional 12-step program encourages, and the many AAers claiming that just about everybody else is an alcoholic. Ex-smokers can be annoying, but they have nothing on AA members; though non-AA recovering alcoholics aren’t always that bad.
[re=521837]Autoo[/re]: Either chain smokers, or many drink coffee constantly; like, several pots a day. At least either of those is a less-dangerous new addiction to the rest of us than religion.
[re=521810]Snarkalicious[/re]: http://tinyurl.com/yfrf9y9
[re=521853]slithytoves[/re]: Fuck Febreeze.
Get yerself some ZeroOrder Molecular Odor Eliminator from Target or Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Shit’s expensive, but it’s the best b.o./nico-beater on the block.
Plus, it doesn’t leave you smelling literally like a douche.
Looks like I picked a bad day to give up sniffing glue.
[re=521764]Prommie[/re]: What I want him to do is to spread some of his own special brand of peanut butter on some Republic crackers. Mmm mmm good!
[re=521831]proudgrampa[/re]: I would chew either one.
[re=521752]Crank Tango[/re]: I think Barry’s numbers with a certain white trailerpark demographic would bump up pretty good if he’d start sportin’some of that cool Marlboro swag
Chewing, what the fuck, I thought it was a suppository…
I like to picture a slow motion tracking shot, with Prez Hussein leaning cooly against the bar, puffing his cigarette like DeNiro in that Goodfellas scene where Sunshine of Your Love is playing.
Surgeon General says nicotine as addictive as heroin. Obama smokes cigarettes containing nicotine.
Fox News/Beck/Hannity/Rush headline: Obama Addicted to Heroin-like Substance!
[re=521760]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
From TPM: Former President George W. Bush had a resting heart rate of 45 beats per minute, similar to a top athelete.
Even more impressive, he had a heart rate of 5 beats per minute after eating pretzel.
[re=521864]S.Luggo[/re]: Everyone knows that the colonial Dutch aren’t Blackamoors, nor Mohamateans aside. I don’t get it.
[re=521831]proudgrampa[/re]: isn’t that was Asian call black ladies?
Was it Reagan who used to treat us all to the post-examination closeups of all the little intestinal tract bumps on his colonoscopy screen images? (Sigh! Remembers the Good Old Days)
Doing the Jackie Robinson thing is stressful.
[re=521848]sati demise[/re]: I dunno about that. When I saw him speak, his shoulder blades were sticking out from his jacket and I thought, “Damn, that muslin needs to eat a cookie.”
Of course he’s still smoking.
If he quit, he’d end up as fatter as the rest of us quitters.
Pass the chocolate NOW, goddammmit.
[re=521831]proudgrampa[/re]: I heard that Nicorette was smokin’!
So, Nicorette is now in Newport flavor.
[re=521853]slithytoves[/re]: Heh. The surgeon that worked me over on Friday came into the O/R reeking of smoke, too. Glad it was nappy-time real quick for me…
haha I think that the President is a normal person. Bravo Obama how to get your ex back
Malcom X smoked his cigarettes the same “I’m better than you whitey” way.
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