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INVESTIMAGATIVE JOURNAMALISM 6:52 pm February 27, 2010
CNN’s Rick Sanchez Is First Cartographer To Accurately Locate Hawaii
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{ 119 comments }
That was the lamest ass tsunami in the history of big bad waves. Tell the producer to call the screenwriters back for a rewrite or gtfo.
I’m going to preemptively state that you can’t blame this on the current state of American education, since these fuckers probably graduated from high school 20+ years ago.
The hologram of Obi Wan Cantore could have helped in this instance.
Don’t know squat about history
Don’t know any biology
Never read any science books
Pretend to know much about the Spanish I took
But I do know where Hawaii is
And I know that if you know where too
What a wonderful world this would be
Don’t really care about geography
Can’t do any trigonometry
Never much wtih algebra
Don’t know what a map is for
But I do know that one and one is six
And if this one knew how to read a map
What a wonderful world this would be
But I was a grade inflated “A” student
But it’s so bad now I think I am
So maybe by reading a map, baby
I can be on the TV
Don’t know squat about history
Don’t know any biology
Never read any science books
Pretend to know much about the Spanish I took
But I do know that one and one is six
And if this one knew how to read a map
What a wonderful world this would be
Oh, it gets worse. Did you know Obamacare is going to cost $900 TRILLION over the next ten years?
It must be true, because NBC even had a fancy graphic saying so.
Gawd, you can tell the cable channels were thinking/hoping for massive tsunami devastation. Now they have to fill the rest of the night dissecting ‘we dodged a bullet’.
Is FOX producing CNN these days?
Anybody notice how Obama threw his grandmother into the path of the wave?
Global climate change may be a hoax but plate tectonics is for real. The Hawiian Islands have moved a couple of thousand miles to the SE in the last few days. Suck on that Fox Nuze.
We got the bubbleheaded bleach-blonde, comes on at 5
She can tell you about the plane crash* with a gleam in her eye
It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry
http://adamthinks.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/blond_women_of_fox.jpg
* Tsunami is not alliteratively feasible
[re=521402]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Yeah, but not one of them is a “natural blond.” The dark eyebrows are dead giveaways there.
I’m confused: does this mean Obama was really born on the Galapagos?
[re=521408]Serolf Divad[/re]: He was pointing to the island of Kenya, clearly.
[re=521405]steverino247[/re]: Righty-o Steve. I’ll bet none of them would pass Himmler’s Aryan ancestry test even though, ironically, their views are probably decidely Nazi-like.
There was have been a Tsunami…but Rick Sanchez sucks so much that the water back up all the way to Atlanta.
[re=521413]AbeServer[/re]: Make that…would have been a Tsunami
Hey, earlier Ricky the Explorer declared that Haiti was part of the Pacific’s “Ring of Fire”. I guess Cubano kids in Florida don’t get to go to fancy skools like the rest of us.
[re=521408]Serolf Divad[/re]: No, but it means Darwin was in Hawaii when he claimed to have been in the Galapagos. This calls the whole theory of evolution into question.
[re=521392]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: Yeah, we had a tsunami warning all up and down the California coast and I did not hear even one tsunami alert. I had escape routes and and canned goods all ready to go too.
This whole tsunami thing kinda sucks when compared to the hurricanes we get down here, we see ‘em coming on TWC for days so there’s plenty of time to buy beer, cigs, tampons, ammo, etc., tie down the trailer and so forth.
Ya pau, CNN? Really, brah?!
Eh, lolo? Next time, try let da Chilean “Mahu-nami” wriggle around in a sea of excrement a little longer before promising haole geev’um video of hella moke hijo-on-Hilo “Dirty Sanchez”.
Ok, so where is Hawaii on an English globe?
Sanchez is the Amir of Douchebagistan.
[re=521396]bjkeefe[/re]:$900 TRILLION How much is that? And don’t tell me a quadrillion, because I don’t know how much that is, either.
[re=521408]Serolf Divad[/re]: If that be the case, the Prez ain’t no muslin, but a turtle or one of those seventytwoteen finches.
[re=521416]Scooter[/re]: “Ring of Fire.” That was the name of a Johnny Cash song. I always thought it had something to do with anal sex.
[re=521422]Extemporanus[/re]: Dat one beeg Tsunami foah push Hawaii nei so fah. A leetle faddah an’ we get some ono casino gambling in Chile.
[re=521426]Aurelio[/re]: One thousand times what the actual figure is. Would you like to buy a penny? Cost you ten bucks at the NBC store.
– or –
About how much Halliburton made between 2003 and 2008.
LOOK HOW FAR AWAY AND EXOTIC IT IS!
Maybe Rick Sanchez went to one of those illegal alien schools for people with names like Sanchez. But what is the bottle blonde’s excuse?
[re=521430]bjkeefe[/re]:
About how much Halliburton made between 2003 and 2008. Okay, now that makes it comprehensible.
In defense of Mr. Sanchez, like most cable news hosts, he did have the useful parts of his mind fried. http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-november-8-2005/moment-of-zen—sanchez-taser
Can we all at least agree that this means we must invade Hawaii before it can use it’s ability to jump thousands of miles as a weapon of mass destruction? We cannot let Dick Cheney’s fifth heart attack to be in vain.
[re=521398]plowman[/re]: Yes, how observant of you.
I could tell by the way they cut to a commercial every time Obama or the Democrats spoke at the heath reform meeting.
Anyone who watched CNN must have thought it was a Republican wet T-shirt contest.
So Hawaii now has one of those Lost donkey-wheel thingies Ben used to move the island? Except Lost is shot in Hawaii…ZOMG HAWAII IS THE ISLAND ITS ALL REAL!!1!
[re=521437]sati demise[/re]: And then we all watch Jim Cantore dodge palm fronds, road signs and roofing until the power goes out…
[re=521401]samsuncle[/re]: plate tectonics is for real
I wouldn’t be so sure.
Chu: No, there are continental plates that have been drifting around throughout the geological ages.
Barton: So it just drifted up there.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/blog/2009/apr/23/oil-joe-barton
Maybe we should rename them ‘The Sancheznic Islands’ in his honor. Or the Rickestani Archipelago. Or Puerto Ricko.
Maybe someone should give him a Nice Hawaiian Punch!
Idiot, those are the Falklands.
You know who also attacked Hawaii…
Wait, does this mean I get more or less frequent flier miles when I fly home to the Mainland tonight? DAMN SANCHEZ!
I wonder if England and Argentina realize they went to war over Hawaii? Boy are they going to feel stupid.
I wonder if he can locate the USA on a map too
[re=521435]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Thanks. I can never get enough of watching Ricky Sanchez get tasered. Some days, I just kick my feet up on the desk, crack open a cold one, and put that video on a never-ending loop. Zzzzzap! AAAURGHHHH! Zzzzzap! AAAURGHHHH! Zzzzzap! AAAURGHHHH!
[re=521420]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Were the escape routes and canned goods in separate bags (I hope!)?
[re=521453]CanadianBacon[/re]: Didn’t Reagan give our boys some medals over that war? Maybe that’s when the Alzheimer’s started….
Umm, excuse me but that is South Hawaii.
[re=521454]Poo Flinger 69[/re]: He is right up there with Caitlin Upton, the Miss Tenn South Carolina who talked about finding USA America on a map.
[re=521455]Sparky McGruff[/re]: It is my hope that the day Mr. Sanchez dies, CNN plays that loop over and over for 24 hours.
I imagine that each and every single one of those bleach-blonde bimbos at Fox must hate each other’s guts.
[re=521408]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yep, Turtlebama.
[re=521395]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Thanks– went into a self-propelled Cooke-a-thon.
Has anyone ever actually SEEN Hawaii’s birth certificate?
I don’t think they actually see the picture they are pointing at.
[re=521473]alzronnie[/re]: Glad you asked that! Until we do, how do we know it’s Murican or Kenyan?
[re=521469]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: You know, for the sake of ratings, they could add to his repetoire. Perhaps they should consider assigning him stories that would involve him getting stung by swarms of bees, swimming with electric eels, being chased by packs of dogs, etc. Is it too much to ask?
[re=521474]chowkster[/re]: Right. They are hallucinating it.
Those are not the falkland islands either. Those are in the Atlantic ocean. The Galapegos are off the coast of Peru in the Pacific.
What’s Hawaii in english?
Saturday on Cnn was the most Felliniesque craziness I’ve ever seen. Every other news station had their cameras trained on the Hawaiian coast & Sanchez & that blonde were running around the studio pointing at a globe yelling things. It was so bad Cnn finally cut to live local Hawaiian stations. Lou Dobbs sez Sanchez is an illegal immigrant from crazyland.
[re=521480]drpangloss[/re]: You don’t fool me. I know Japan when I see it!
What until the wingnuts figure out that the official language of Chile is Mexican.
[re=521451]Crank Tango[/re]: Captain Cook?
[re=521487]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
I think he meant Tojo
Who was a close, personal friend of Il Duce and that Austrian painter with the funny mustache..
A friend of mine pointed me to this link inre: Rick Sanchez with the comment “That may be the only time I’ve ever agreed with Fox News”
Hawaii is now in the Eastern Time zone. Perhaps it was moved there by Obama to match Washington?
[re=521487]SayItWithWookies[/re]: well at least the locals ended up killing him and eating his organs. Kids!
He was either pointing to the Galapagos or Jurassic Park. Turtles or Dinosaurs.
[re=521489]dijetlo[/re]: Nonsense — he meant mongooses, who bombed Pearl Harbor 70 years before the Japanese.
[re=521492]Crank Tango[/re]: A sad result of missionaries bringing the practice of deiophagy to the unlettered primitives. Rule 1: If you’re going to descend on ignorant peoples who might treat you as a god, don’t explain transubstantiation to them until you get them to put down the steak knives.
I was hoping for a huge tsunami in Hawaii, followed closely by Pat Robertson explaining how it was God’s wrath for that state losing the Pro Bowl.
Everyone knows that Hawaii is in a box with Alaska right off the coast of Southern California. Geez!
Hawai`i is trying to sneak over the Messican border into the mainland!
[re=521470]O_o[/re]: Mmm…..Fox New Beach Blonde bimbo cat fight….
[re=521482]Nerdalicious[/re]: Other than Rick hyperventilating (he snapped at the 18 year old Geologist they brought on to tell people what a tsunami was), CNN was pretty good. MSNBC just showed the same footage over and over and over again and used some sort of computer rendering of what a tsunami was like that depicted a huge a wave crashing over entire luxury resort. Not overdramatic at all.
I loved watching her struggle to not slug him as he did went all retard.
edit FAIL
[re=521426]Aurelio[/re]: Didn’t you mean to say “900 trillion, what is that in ENGLISH?”
[re=521401]samsuncle[/re]: Clearly you have never seen the John Agar classic “The Mole People”, based on real events.
The news media can’t fucking die soon enough.
[re=521426]Aurelio[/re]: If jesus walked around the planet 17,000 times a year from when he was born to this year, a quadrillion is how many ants he would have trodden upon.
[re=521481]Mr Blifil[/re]: Hawai’i (you need the glottal stop.)
[re=521453]CanadianBacon[/re]: They… didn’t, because that’s the Galapagos, not the Falklands.
See what the media has done to us? Confused us all! Even poor hapless *Canadians*!
Wish they hadn’t cut out what followed:
Blondie: “No Rick, that’s the Galapagos. No, not the Galapagos who owned the tienda down the street. Try again. Um, sorry Rick, those are the Falklands. No, that’s not the same thing as the geologist guy said, that was ‘faultlines.’ One more chance. [slaps head] Oh for Christ’s sake, that’s the smudge mark on the screen that you left when you tried to find Haiti on the map. God, I need a drink…”
[re=521505]Darkness[/re]: On Bill Maher the other day, a guest media pundit kept complimenting the republicans for having a more effective message on HRC. Of course, Maher nor anyone else on the panel thanked her and media for perpetuating their horseshit.
Yeah, the MSM needs to hurry up and die. I can get all things news on Palin by going to her facebook/twatter myself.
Obama is from Hawaii, a foreign island nation off the coast of South America. Hugo Chavez, an America-hating socialist, is also from South America. Wake up sheeplez!
Good Morning Wonkett!
The Int’l newzfeeds tell me that the USA of Merika and Soviet Canuckistan hockey teams are right now at a tie score and going into overtime for the gold medal – perhaps this is the event that provokes the long-overdue US-Canada War…. but of course CNN will have a hard time finding the combatants on a map…
YouTube commenter joeshlatbonk wins the Internet with the Anchorman quote.
[re=521512]Bearbloke[/re]: sneaky Canadians might be happy with their little stick game but we’ve got NORAD and all its toys on standby for revenge.
[re=521514]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: On a serious note: To all the many Canadians around here congratulations on a well deserved hockey gold. I speak for all US Mericans when I say, however, Tabernac!
[re=521514]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: 54 40′ or FIGHT you gimpy limey bonghit motherfuckers!
[re=521512]Bearbloke[/re]: For the rematch, I propose the following stakes: Winner gets British Columbia (renamed North Cascadia, or “weedistan” for short); loser gets Texas. All of it.
Will CNN ever create a webpage called “Yeah, we know we did some stupid shit yesterday. Here’s what we meant to say…”? Too much to ask?
btw, 3 ex-Chicago Blackhawks beat the US America team in teh hockey. Is all politics local?
Congratulations to Canada City for their epic win. Now that the game is over, the real fun begins–getting the players to their real homes, on either side of the border, to continue their NHL careers.
I remember a time when except for the USSR, pretty much all the athletes were amateurs.
[re=521516]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: [re=521517]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]:
Reichwongers claim the US loss is that commiefashistmuslinbastard n0bama’s fault in 3…2…1…
Congratulations, Canada. (It means SO much more to you than it does to us.)
[re=521519]Jim89048[/re]: [re=521516]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: AH HAH!!!1!! I knew it- those ghey socialist monarchist canuckistani TERRRRISTS are gonna sneak into the US of Merika, and infiltrate the wholesome all-AMERICAN NHL to spread their commie LIBRAL LIES about that commie FASHIST abortionist deathpanel ‘soshalist medicine’ and legal mandatory gay-marriage and funny-coloured munnys and NO GUNS SO THE PINKO FAG GUVERMINT CAN TAKE YUR GUNS AND BURN YOU BIBLES AN MAKE YOU WORSHIP A QUEEN INSTED OF JEESUS AND THEY WANNA TAINT OUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS – WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!111!!!!!!
I’ve always thought of Canada as a large game preserve located conveniently close to the US*; that, and a nation full of stoned stoners. In light of that they get some attaboys on an impressive Olympics.
*not an original observation but, being American I’m too lazy to look it up.
[re=521522]Bearbloke[/re]: I think you have the patois down now. What I’d like to know is how many Aboriginals I have to kill with my own hands to earn a cool southern hemisphere wingnut nickname like “iron bar.” That sort of speaks for itself… (FWIW, “Wilson Tuckey” sounds kind of Piedmont, don’t it?)
Here on Saipan, we were given the notice to evacuate. We’re still waiting for the wave.
By the way, what are the chances that Dirty Sanchez could find the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands?
Watching the television makes my head hurt. Olbermann and Maddow have said what they have to say. I can no longer tell the difference between Wolfie and Larry. The Headline News readers are pathetic. The missing/dead little white girl shows are a horror.
Thank God for Scandinavian ladies curling teams, the only worthwhile reason to own a television.
Still this is better than Fox. Fox would have labelled the Galopogos (R) Republican.
[re=521527]mollymcguire[/re]: That’s deep.
[re=521530]bago[/re]: [re=521527]mollymcguire[/re]: That’s more than deep, that’s trenchant.
So Canada won, ey??
NOBAMACare Socialism 1 , Amurka 0
[re=521530]bago[/re]: [re=521532]Extemporanus[/re]: low blow.
[re=521527]mollymcguire[/re]: We’re still waiting for the wave
The wave of mutilation?
[re=521520]Bearbloke[/re]: Really? I hope Crosby, back in his home state of Pittsburgh Penguinland is serenaded for an entire game of U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A.
Wait a second here… Canada won gold in 2002, but only previously won in 1952??? what kind of sissy assed powerhouse is that shit?
Shoot, what I wanted to say first was:
Okay, the series is now 1 and 1. When’s the next game?
The canadians brought out the inflatable beavers. How can we possibly fight against inflatable beavers?
Does this mean that instead of coming to the White House, the U.S. Olympic Hockey Team will have to settle for dropping by Scott Brown’s Senate office in the hopes that he won’t be out in his truck?
God, I thought it was the goofy head island, not the devils own evolution islands.
[re=521541]Sparky McGruff[/re]: I’m wondering how many rock bands are going to be re-named Inflatable Beavers tomorrow morning. Where are Wayne and Garth when you need them?
[re=521541]Sparky McGruff[/re]: For a sec, I thought an inflatable beaver was the old v1 Fleshlight model.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU IDIOTS! CANADA WON THE HOCKEYS!!!9!!!11
THIS MEANS WE HAVE TO HAVE THE COMMONIST SOCIALIST SECRIT MUSLIN NAZI HEALTHCARES NOW, JUST LIKE THEM!!! OUR GUNS HAVE BEEN TAKEN FROME US…OUR WIVES WILL VOTE. HOMOSEXALS WILL ADOPT WHITE CHILDREN AND KISS IN PUBLIC. IT’S ALL SOCIALISMS NOW!!!!!9!!!!11!!!!
I’m going to move to Edmonton, as previously threatened.
(No, wait. Addis Ababa.)
[re=521522]Bearbloke[/re]: Ugh. In the future. Maybe I’ll read the thread to see if somebody already made my joke.
[re=521549]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: The Canadians also won curling. Can you say honestly that you actually care? Let them be happy for a few days before they have to go back to clubbing seals and making maple syrup for a living.
It’s funny the way Rick Sanchez just plows through his mistakes .. like he’s fleeing the scene of a drunken accident.
[re=521532]Extemporanus[/re]: heh.
[re=521553]DC Hates Me[/re]: He doesn’t “flee the scene” so much… He just casually continues on, like Dick Cheney after shooting someone in the face.
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[re=521402]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Are those 9 different people? They all look the same to me.
Definite FOX PAW, there. Here’s another. I realize that the weekend cable anchors are not part of the A Team, but several seemed to think that the “Hawaiian Islands” were a foreign land as in “The Hawaiian Islands have a large American population,” and “The Hawaiian Islands are an important US military base.”
Is this fair and balanced or what?
[re=521428]Aurelio[/re]: Your interpretation allows me to see Cash’s “I’ve been everywhere, man” in a new light.
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