• May 26, 2012
EASTER MEANS SEXYTIME

February 26, 2010

Find a Child, Win Obama’s Lottery & Attend the White House Easter Egg Roll!

by Ken Layne  

'Let's go back and relax in the Gannon Lounge, my furry fuck-buddy.'
It’s that special time a year, about six weeks from now, when winter will supposedly be “over,” and maybe the economy or at least the ruined frozen earth will begin to show a few “green shoots” and that means it’s time to celebrate the Spring Equinox, commonly known to American Christians as “Easter” or “Eostre” or “Ostera,” the rabbit-whore-goddess of fertility. Gamble in the White House Lottery and you, too, could maybe attend the famous Chinese “Egg Roll” on the Executive Mansion Lawn! Kids required, so borrow/steal one if necessary.

To take part in this sanctioned lottery, go here and register and for Oesther’s sake do it quickly, as the deadline is Sunday night. If you win, you must send Wonkette all your pictures, okay it’s a deal! Hoppy Easter, everyone. [White House Egg Roll Lottery]

{ 27 comments }

hailripley February 26, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Am I incredibly hopped up on goofballs or is that rabbit wearing a bullet proof vest?

Extemporanus February 26, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Here cums Peter CottonFAIL, lookin’ for a piece of tail…

S.Luggo February 26, 2010 at 1:04 pm

Mitch McConnell demands that the Easter Egg Roll be bipartisan. In addition to children, there must be pedophiles.

SayItWithWookies February 26, 2010 at 1:05 pm

What is that rabbit going to do with Conan O’Brien, and why does he have his fingers crossed behind his back? Whatever it is, it’s going to happen an hour later than Conan expected.

queeraselvis v 2.0 February 26, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Green shoots? Hell, GREEN BALLOONS!

donner_froh February 26, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Gamble in the lottery to gambol on the lawn.

Works for me.

you cannot be serious February 26, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Why the hell does that bunny have a bullet proof vest on?

chaste everywhere February 26, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Our son is 23 but has autism, which makes him beautiful and in a just world would mean we qualify automatically.

Apocalyptic Supermarket February 26, 2010 at 1:18 pm

This photo is just more evidence of the Obama administration’s decadent Donnie-Darkoization of American society.

TGY February 26, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Hoboeggs

Lascauxcaveman February 26, 2010 at 1:20 pm

I hope the Salahis win a ticket. They want it so bad.

Sparky McGruff February 26, 2010 at 1:20 pm

You don’t have to steal a child; there are many available for rent. Just ask Rush Limbaugh, he can set you up with some nice young Dominican boys (and a pail of black-market Viagra, too).

norbizness February 26, 2010 at 1:21 pm

It’s like Donnie Darko meets the West Wing.

DickTaterPeeNoShay February 26, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Is that Waxman in the vest?

V572625694 February 26, 2010 at 1:25 pm

“The Easter Egg Roll will promote healthy and active living and is designed for children 12 years of age and under.” So Sally Quinn can’t participate?

Nice alt-text, Ken.

Min February 26, 2010 at 1:28 pm

Is that man in the suit going to have furry sex with that giant rabbit?

PsycGirl February 26, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=520756]S.Luggo[/re]: Children AND pedophiles? That makes for an awful lot of Republicans.

Way Cool Larry February 26, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=520799]norbizness[/re]: that’s hilarious for the 15 people whoever saw that movie

ddenby February 26, 2010 at 2:00 pm

It’s olestra. One of the side effects is anal leakage.

GayInMaine February 26, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Can I get in with the golden ticket I just got when I opened this chocolate bar?

PsycGirl February 26, 2010 at 3:07 pm

The term “Easter Egg Roll” always makes me think of a Chinese restaurant staple, covered in pastel sprinkles.

pondscum February 26, 2010 at 3:38 pm

What ever happened to the 50 states easter egg thing we used to make fun of each year?

Mad Brahms February 26, 2010 at 4:28 pm

[re=520799]norbizness[/re]: I always thought that movie could use more Sorkin style walk-n-talks.

jbd February 26, 2010 at 4:35 pm

[re=521109]Mad Brahms[/re]: only if everyone had clear tunnels coming out of their chests.

AKAM80TheWolf February 26, 2010 at 11:24 pm

[re=520967]PsycGirl[/re]:

That sounds at once delightful and revolting. I’ll take one.

ladymacbeth February 27, 2010 at 12:26 am

and what do they need such good eyesight for anyway???

bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies…

Ninong February 27, 2010 at 1:16 am

Need a child? Do like Madonna did and adopt/purchase one from Brazil.

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