About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

84 comments

  1. nappyduggs

    Might I suggest a compromise Thunderjuggs, er, former Governor Palin? Next time let’s try to stay informed on political issues (switch!) and I’ll send someone over to cane you with a hockey stick while you study. Would ya like that? Huh? Would ya?

  2. Magnus Maximus

    She’ll say it was wrong for Obama to be mean to the doddering old war hero Mccain. But then, that’s sort of the behavior you expect from a guy who will so flagrantly put his feet up on the white folks’ furniture.

  3. Lucidamente

    Watchin’ all that death panelly stuff when there’s hockey on the other channel is just so retarded, doncha know.

  4. moldilox

    shorthand of twitter speak was inspired by sarah? she obviously has a risc based intellect. already she is dumbing us down, is possible?

  5. Jim89048

    Damn Hopey, cancelling out a hockey game just like he wanted to do to “Lost”. Man’s got no class.

  6. tbogg

    Her Twitter posts really lack the verve and snap we had come to expect now that Meg “Meg” Stapleton quit to be with her not-retard baby.

  7. Katydid

    I swear to fucking God I always have to read her tweets 3 goddammed times to get what she’s trying to say. At first I thought AK was referring to rifles. If James Joyce was still alive, he would kill himself over her tweets.

    [re=520362]obfuscator[/re]: When I worked for a teevee station in South Carolina, I was in the newsroom when a local reporter on the 6 pm news used “drug” as the past tense of “drag,” as in, “Police said he drug the body through his backyard,” and the news director came running out of his office toward the studio, yelling, “I’ve told her about that.” It was pretty funny.

  8. AnnieGetYourFun

    Jesus, no spaces after full stops, but plenty of characters left over to hyphenate USA? Fuck, I hate this woman on so many levels.

  9. bitchincamaro

    Of course I’m watching Ladies Hockey! I love it when some broad gets called for “hooking” and has to go in the “box” for two minutes. Slippery streetwalkers! Haha.

  10. populucious

    Sarah Palin is a new breed of Mavricky Politician (dare I say the Platonic Mavricky Politician) who wants nothing more than to eliminate all that boring “politics” from politics and replace it with stuff peoples really care about, like…hockey? Ok, well sports…she wants to replace it with sports.

  11. weejee

    [re=520362]obfuscator[/re]: Are you sure she isn’t showing a little butch and using it as a noun, and then wouldn’t be a tweet-twat thingie. Hockey sticks, guns, … just sayin.

  12. Dashboard_Buddha

    Hey America…here’s a nice shiny thing for you. Turn off that nasty old politics stuff.

    Fuck

  13. comicbookguy

    Allow me to translate from Palinese:

    “I own 23 AKs, will play the war card w/Canada. 2day cheer 4 Red (blood) White (all over snow) Blue (cuz its cold!). Drag away (corpses). Note: “#” means no serial #s on AKs LOL”

    Watch out, Iran!

  14. Hooray For Anything

    Pffft….like anyone on Fox is required to watch or read about what they’re talking about before-hand.

  15. Berkeley Bear

    The hilarious part? The US-Canada game started at 6 eastern. The HCR summit ended an hour before. So she’s either incapable of reading TV listings (which explains the Couric answer) or even she realized the GOP “leaders” were circling the drain and lied to try and get people to stop watching. Wonder how pissed they were to see the ends of the Sweden-Finland Bronze Medal match?

  16. Berkeley Bear

    Game just went final 2-0 for the Canadians. Good thing, too – I think the Canadian fans would have torn the place down if the womens team lost to the US after the men got housed a couple of days ago.

  17. bitchincamaro

    [re=520374]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: Total win for that Jodie Foster reference. I always wondered how to spell “Tey Ina Win”! Hey, maybe that’s what that retard was screaming, “Total Win!”. No?

  18. Escape Goat Nation

    Well Sarah, thanks a fucking lot. Ak’s own #23 screwed up so badly that Canada won 2-0.
    Hope you’re happy now!

  19. loquaciousmusic

    [re=520358]nappyduggs[/re]: Her name is not “Thunderjuggs,” you imbecile. It is Former Gov. Sparklemotion Mooseslayer. GET IT RIGHT NEXT TIME.

  20. Hopey dont play that game

    She missed a chance to accuse Obama of lying about death panels? I miss Meg already.

  21. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Is it topless women’s hockey? I’d watch topless women’s hockey, if only to see someone’s eye poked out by a rock-hard protrusion. Same reason why I watch bottomless men’s wrestling.

  22. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Do her twats always have to include ‘USA’ at least eighty times once? Oh wait–it’s in her friggin’ handle.

  23. Escape Goat Nation

    Jeeze, what was with the U.S. Women crying when they lost to Canada in Hockey?
    That’s like the U.S. crying if they lost to the Italians in Spaghetti bending or Pizza tossing.

  24. foulmouthed mrscreant

    “Hmm. Well hopefully Sarah Palin took enough notes during the parts of the health care summit that she did watch, so that her conversation about it with Sean Hannity tonight can be as fact-based and productive as expectations would have us believe.”

    This made me laugh so hard I spit my cheap beer out of my runny nose. Now THAT is funny stuff!

  25. BarackMyWorld

    To summarize Palin’s appearance on Hannity tonight (from what I saw of it, which she didn’t see all of the summit, so who cares?):
    Alternate between whining about the process and lying about the content.

  26. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Well, like everything else Palin touches, it ended disappointedly less than half-way through.

  27. Jukesgrrl

    [re=520407]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I prefer “Half-Governor.” It’s more mavericky. Although she would probably spell it “Haf-Guvnor.”

  28. smitallica

    I wonder if she watched the USA/Canada hockey game from a porch in Russia. You can see it from there, you know.

  29. sati demise

    [re=520432]BarackMyWorld[/re]: why should she give a flying fuck about health insurance?

    She has had government health insurance her whole entire life.
    father – teacher
    husband – Native
    job – government
    kid – disability

    She has 4 more options than tens of millions of Americans will ever have..

    Watch the hockey game you narcissist . It will never impact your little world

  30. Extemporanus

    [re=520407]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Sometimes, I doubt [re=520358]nappyduggs’[/re]: commitment to Former Gov. Sparklemotion Mooseslayer.

  31. kudzu

    Oh, Sarah, honey… airheads like you will always shy away from policy discussions and go for entertainment (sports is entertainment). That’s what you do. Stick to that.

    At least watching hockey keeps you away from the cameras. You should concentrate on watching hockey, drinking beer, going at it with Todd on the couch and then passing out until the kids wake you up. stay away from trying to be a politician. It just doesn’t work for you.

  32. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=520403]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Ugh. 2-zip Canada. Those ‘merikan gals are just plain disgusted with themselves, and I don’t blame them. That medal ceremony, shown in full super=slo=mo on CTV (Canadacity TeeVee) was painful to watch. Those Yanks are the un-happiest silver medalists I’ve ever seen. They choked.

  33. SayItWithWookies

    [re=520399]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Actually, the timing makes sense when you understand what Palin was up to. See, 6pm here is 3pm Pacific time. So what she did was, she brought a clock-radio from Juneau to her FOX office in New York, planning on tuning in at three (like, how would the clock-radio know it wasn’t in Juneau anymore?) and catching the result of the game an hour before it started here, and then cleaning up in the office pool. Unfortunately the reception wasn’t so good, but she hopes to have that fixed before the men’s medal game.

  34. Extemporanus

    Off topic: Has anyone else…actually, you know what? Scratch that…

    ON topic: Has anyone else been violated tonight by a small Siemens poll?

    “How favorably do you view Siemens? Inquiring assholes want to know.”

  35. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=520437]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I’ve always liked “The Honorable Quitter from Alaska.”

    [re=520489]El Pinche[/re]: I’m sure Sarah would quickly point out that by point our her lack of support for the troops, you are not supporting the troops. Or the developmentally disabled. All of them. Also.

  36. The Lucky Wife

    [re=520372]Katydid[/re]: She really does seem to hate the English language, perhaps even more than she hates “hopey changey” stuff.

  37. lochnessmonster

    If she is a hockey mom, why isn’t Bristol on that team? Or that other daughter she drags all across the country rather than keeping her in school so she gets an education?

  38. President Beeblebrox

    Go on and cheer the U-S-A failmonkeys!

    Seriously, that was an awful game. The Murrikans totally choked, got demolished, and then cried over it at the end.

    Probably not as hard as the Bulgarian womens’ team did after being beaten 82-0 by the Slovaks, though.

    The funny thing is, it’s kind of looking like another US-Canada City matchup for the gold medal, unless the gay liberal Communist free health insurance-having Finns beat US America, or the gay liberal socialist free health-insurance having Slovaks beat Canada City.

  39. gurukalehuru

    Unfortunately, despite the steaming idiocy of ignoring the Health Care Summit to watch womens’ roller derby on ice, not using the correct tense of the verb “drag,” and getting the time wrong which means that she was flat out lying, this will play well with her base.
    The fact that we lost the game she can blame on Obama.

  40. plowman

    I can’t wait for her ridiculous political aspirations to finally and pathetically die so Larry Flynt can pay her couple of million for the photos we all are dying to see. She’s a smart cookie, maybe that’s been her end game all along, bush for bucks, like in the free market thing don’cha know!

  41. teebob2000

    [re=520487]Extemporanus[/re]: I got the poll which asked which companies I’ve seen advertised on-line. I dutifully answered “SIEMENS” so my beloved Wonkette would get even more richer from the ad thingys and keep publishing so my life has meaning.

  42. Berkeley Bear

    [re=520543]Gregoire[/re]: Yeah, you’d think even her die hard knuckleheads would notice that after a while.

    Then again, since they think the fact our President can extemporaneously hand every “leader” of the GOP their lunch on TV for six plus hours is a mark of either his “uppityness” or “stupidity” (because like lots of really smart people he likes to get his words right, rather than not being careful or throwing out soundbites, so he has pauses and verbal filler while composing his response), maybe not. How long would SP have lasted in that setting? 5 minutes past her scripted opening statement?

  43. The Sea Farmer

    only two mentions of USA and one Red,White&Blue?

    She is slipping. I get at least 5 America mentions in per tweet.

  44. queeraselvis v 2.0

    “Drag away from Obamacare mtg” = “Too many words for brain cannot process. Hockey good, smart negro president bad.”

  45. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=520507]plowman[/re]: She goes Brazilian on that gaping opening. She’s not bush league, ya know.

Comments are closed.