Just now, on Fox News, they were playing clips from Ronald Reagan’s 1961 comedy album, Why Medicine Is Not Freedom. This is what they were playing on Fox News, after Jonah Goldberg’s commentary. What fun we are having today. Let’s liveblog (part of!) this afternoon’s session of the very important Health Care Summit, which has already more or less melted most partisanship in America, and should produce a single-payer law by… well, whenever the next quorum finds itself on the Senate floor.

2:00 — Oh god they want to let Joe Biden introduce something later. TITS OUT!
2:00 to 2:03 — I WANNA TALK FIRST. (Obama: let us all calm down.) LEMME TALK FIRST. (Obama: We need to all be out of here by 4:15.) ME ME ME.
2:04 — Mike Enzi wants to talk about the doc fix… time for your editor to heat up leftover pasta. (WHAT HAVE WE GOTTEN OURSELVES INTO?)
2:07 — Enzi: When I was a shoe salesman, we didn’t have all these health care costs. What we had, then, was choice. You buy the women’s shoes or the men’s shoes, in any number of differing sizes. This is what we had. Let’s go back to that shoe store, Mr. President. Let’s go home.
2:09 — Obama: Thank you Mike Enzi that was great, you’re great. I’d respond but no. Tom Harkin?
2:10 — Harkin: Holy potatoes you guys, this farmer guy wrote me a letter yesterday. I read it! He is paying a full $10 million a month to insure his family. That’s $10 million thousand dollars a year!
2:14 — “Whenever I think of pools — this pool, that pool! — I think of segregation.” It makes a lot more sense in context, like “basic health care policy” context. We refer you to for this context.
2:20 — It’s hard to follow this when each news channel keeps cutting out for Commentary in the middle of each important response. C’mon, cable. The only people watching this at all are nerds. Big stupid nerds, mostly bloggers. We don’t like entertainment.
2:22 — Here’s Rep. Dave Camp, arguing with Obama. WASHINGTON RUINS EVERYTHING. Obama: doing things on a state level leads to a race to the bottom, regulations-wise. Camp: BUT WASHINGTON RUINS EVERYTHING. Obama: new topic!
2:23 — Jay Rockefeller, an important person in this debate, is just starting to talk! What will he– CNN COMMERCIAL.
2:24 — Ha ha, Megyn Kelly’s show on Fox News is actually called “America Live.” All of America, on one channel.
2:25 — Kelly passes back to Obama who passes to Finland’s star player, Finland, assist from Charlie Rangel. Still 0-0. This MSNBC coverage is great, the way they made the health care summit into a bronze medal women’s hockey game.
2:26 — Wait… women are allowed to play hockey?
2:30 — Fine, CSPAN3, you win! We’ll watch your raw, commercial-less snoozy insurance death spiral.
2:34 — Marsha Blackburn is hot, for an old liar monster.
2:36 — Blackburn feels bad for Californians. If health care plans could be sold across state lines, Californians could buy them from Oregon! Or Pennsylvania! Or… South Dakota, where all of the insurance companies would move! And what about the Northern Marianas?
2:38 — Obama is explaining why he was against a mandate during the 2008 primaries. Because now it makes sense and he was wrong! He was dragged “kicking and screaming” to this conclusion. Feel his wrath.
2:40 — He explains what would happen to Jay Rockefeller’s son if he was hit by a bus, ha ha. Obviously Jay Rockefeller’s son would die immediately.
2:41 — Marsha Blackburn is now just rudely shouting at Obama to “FREE IT UP!” She wants him to drop a hot shit right now, on the table. For insurance.
2:42 — Obama turns the mic over to Biden! WITHIN SECONDS, JOE BIDEN: “I don’t know what the American people think.”

And now it’s Biden ranting about the deficit… and so ends Wonkette’s liveblogging of today’s health care summit! God, that’s enough. (Although still very interesting if you have still missed the debate over these points!)

Now, what else is in the news? Anything hilarious about penises? Let’s see…

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  1. I think it was wise to break up the boredom by showing a hockey . . . wait. CNN is showing a bunch of old men sitting around bitching about shit. Is that the important health care summit thingy? The MSNBC coverage is way more interesting.

  2. I suppose Fox isn’t going to remind its viewers that old St. Ronnie lost his anti-socialism fight, and that’s why they have their medicare today (yes, all Fox viewers are over 65).

  3. [re=519896]ProfessorJukes[/re]: When you think about it, Bruce Willis has taught a whole generation of assholes how to act like the perfect Joisey asshole. They wouldn’t have been able to make The Jersey Shore, if it weren’t for Bruce Willis.

  4. Given Reagan’s penchant for making economic and foreign-policy decisions with astrology/magic, maybe The Gipper would approve of universal homeopathic/reiki-based health care system?

  5. [re=519890]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Yeah, did you see the fascinating interview by Jenna Bush of some guy called the “ice leopard” on the Today Show? An instant classic of found comedy.

  6. [re=519900]Come here a minute[/re]: I had spaghetti for dinner last night and I made a huge bowl. How huge? By the time I got to the bottom, the spaghetti was leftovers.

  7. [re=519904]Rosie Scenario[/re]: Yet another argument in favor of single payer. Oh, we don’t have Reagan today, do we? He had the miracle Alzheimer’s death–he didn’t have Alzheimer’s while he was in office and was felled by it onlyl 3 months after his term was up. Funny, I thought it took longer than that between when you got it and when they had to start diapering you.

    I mean, surely he didn’t have dementia when he got confused and referred to his (B-movie) service in the military during the war?

  8. How can AMERICA LIVE when so many among us are right this very moment sitting in front of a republican run DEATH CHANNEL?!

    How, Megyn?! HOWWW?!

  9. G*dammit. I don’t get CSPAN 3 so the choice is between Fox’s rehash of the Bitterz at Town Halls and people attacking health care (the paid ads and their coverage are hard to tell apart) or that idiot from Ferris Bueller on CNN.

    Republics pay all the taxes–not as much as they fucking should because they have all the money.

  10. Given from what I’ve been reading, MSNBC right now might actually be showing the best coverage of the summit. Of course, the pundits on MSNBC will probably say later that the women’s hockey game will be a win for the Republicans

  11. Shockingly enough, the Republicans know exactly what the “American People” want, even though no poll has ever shown the majority are in favor of the handful of actual GOP ideas (like letting Guam dictate the standards of care for the US).

    Dems – this is about care and conscious.

    Rep – start over, and please let the insurance companies and the idiotic state legisltures contol it instead of the big, bad, Federal Government. Oh and its all about money, not care, you pinko commie douchebags.

  12. [re=519944]MzNicky[/re]: SOOOO DUMB. It’s like this: “When in fact you do what when therefore continuing for instance state lines instead of due to the fact of competition of course.

  13. Joe Biden sounds sane. The Rapture must be about to happen (which will work out really well for all us pagans, atheists and paganists (ie the Democratic Caucus)).

  14. Ryan (assume tax revenues don’t go down even if we let people choose to pay less) is now trying to claim the CBO was fooled by this legislation.

    Medicare Advantage must be saved – although I want to kill Medicare regular.

  15. [re=519948]Berkeley Bear[/re]: When those polled are asked if they want Nobama Death Panel Health Insurance, they say “fuck, no.” When the individual features are listed, they say “fuck yes” to all but taxes on insurance plans.

    Is Hopey not communicating? Or are the Bitterz just stoopid?

  16. Who’s the jagoff situated at Ryan’s left, who’s obviously being paid to look all thoughtful and concerned as he gazes in awe at Ryan’s mighty coif of shininess? His dad or what?

    And oh christ, AGAIN with the clean sheet of paper! I got yer clean piece o’ paper right here, Mr. Brylcreem.

  17. Nobama answers a dickwad with Mitt Romney hair and they cut to life insurance. Fuck CNN. Fuck Dish for not having CPAN 3. Fuck the Republics, in general.

    And while this ad is on: Has “my’ wonkette featured Weiner’s bitchin’ “Republics all suck shit” speech yesterday?

    As I’ve said before, this health care debate business (and the recent 25% increase in my insurance premium and doubling of my deductible and reduction in benefits) is driving me so crazy, Anthony Weiner is looking sexy.

    For health insurance reform to help me, it’s going to have to mandate mental health coverage or be passed very, very quickly.

  18. [re=519986]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I feel ya. I’m stuck in Virginia until at least the provision re: pre-existing conditions gets through. Because I stupidly acquired an auto-immune condition from my fuckin DNA, fool that I am.

  19. This is officially over. Is everyone leaving now? And thanks for commenting above about the marching band music. I thought for a minute I was hallucinating, which fits with the meme that thinking Anthony Weiner (I have no idea if that’s how the man spells his name) is looking sexy because I’m losing my mind over this health care shit.

  20. Oh, yeah Doctor Sanjay explains it all for us. Why does he keep ignoring my attempts to sign him up as my physician the next time I need a pelvic exam?

  21. [re=519998]jetjaguar[/re]: Are you kidding? I’m giving up my afternoon nap for this! And I don’t give up my afternoon nap for just anything!

    Go Barry Go!

  22. Rep. Xavier Landa just went all “Douche Hunter” on Rep. Utivich’s arrogant ass.

    He’s also requested a glass of ice cold breast milk, so something tells me shit’s about to get KRAYYY-zeee!

  23. Is Grampy Grassley there? How come the guy – in whose hands Max Balkus put the fate of the Senate Finance Committee’s health care legislation – isn’t running this show?

    If anybody can name two dumber Senators than Grassley and Ben Nelson (although Balkus has got to be in the mix, too), you are a better person than me.

  24. Chuck Grassley has no idea what he’s saying – sadly not exactly a surprise. Dump the sickest people into high risk pools – that works so well.

    Grassley claims its unconstitutional to mandate insurance – can Death Panel be far behind?

  25. [re=519989]JMP[/re]: To be fair, it’s much easier for an opposing political party to scream “Death Panels,” “medicare cuts!,””Soviet Style Gulag Health Care System!” and “everybody dies in Canada because of 20 year waiting lists!” then it is to constantly lay out a point by point detailed description of what’s an incredibly complicated bill. Especially when it takes more than 15 seconds to say. Or that if you’re a TV producer, it’s much better TV to put Michelle Bachmann on than Ezra Klein. On the other hand, the American public could actually read/watch things not owned by Murdoch. Or read anything. Or spend more than a minute thinking over the issues.

  26. Now my teevee satellite dish quits working, pixilates, etc. Evidently Dish heard me complaining about CSPAN 3 and just said, “Fine, bitch. Now you get nothing.”

    I so did not realize the teevee was spying on me.

  27. [re=520002]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Gupta’s gonna be elbow deep in Haitian pussy until at least sweeps week, so there’s no way he can take on any new patients.

    Have tried giving Coburn or Cornyn a call? I hear they’ve both stopped chewing their nails…

  28. [re=519978]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Ryan (assume tax revenues don’t go down even if we let people choose to pay less)

    So now the free-market Republicans think that people WILL NOT act in accordance with rational self-interest? Huh, what caused them to drop that tenet of economic theory?

  29. Sorry, I know I’m yakking my head off over this, but may I just mention at this juncture how cool and unruffled Hopey remains late in this historic afternoon while all about him are spittling and pooping their pants and, in the case of Boner, turning purpler-faced by the minute.

  30. [re=520015]imissopus[/re]: Because trying to game CBO (which is why he’s so quick to claim Dems are doing it too, even though the numbers don’t add up) is so much more fun than confronting reality.

  31. [re=520014]Extemporanus[/re]: Spooky Doktor Tom doesn’t have time to take any new patients, because he’s busy doing the pelvic exams at C-Street. His conversation with Ensign over his extracurricular pussy was private because of Doctor/Patient privacy, remember?

    Seriously–can you imagine being examined by a freak like that?

  32. [re=520006]germansteel[/re]: Can anyone “name two dumber Senators than Grassley and Ben Nelson”? How about Jim “You Can Call Me Dumb, Just Don’t Call Me Gay” Inhofe? Or is he in a special category of “Just Plays Dumb to Please His True Masters”?

  33. it’s like all we get these days is numerous opportunites to laugh at knuckle-dragging Repukes who think Jesus loves corporations. But still these a-holes seem to be the ones with all the money & power!

  34. Not Boner. The man doesn’t look well. He needs to stuff several pieces of nicorette gum in his mouth before he starts jumping up and down on the table and making chimp sounds.

    Oh, sweet christ, not fucking abortion again. I am so tired of abortion. I am so glad I had mine already. (in my early forties, after I’d already had a kid) (a common demographic, btw).

  35. Prof. Obama quietly and firmly to Bohner: “No, Johnny, I’m afraid everything you said is completely wrong. Let’s see, there’s another hand: Yes, Jimmy?”

  36. That pretty red haired lady has sure perfected looking at the seriously uncharismatic Sen. Cooper with rapt attention. She must be a member of his staff.

  37. [re=520034]Jukesgrrl[/re]: “Jim “You Can Call Me Dumb, Just Don’t Call Me Gay” Inhofe”

    I like that. He and Spooky Doktor Tom make a fine pair, don’t you think? Pair of gonads, that is.

  38. oh yeah, all that water in Arizona the Californians stole!! sweet jebus you live in a desert, sir. It’s been a desert since the last ice age. Ahhh! He deserves Hopey’s contempt.

  39. Walnuts is lying again. And Hopey is bitch slapping him again. Next, Durbin gets his chance. Just STFU, old man. You lost. Americans rejected you. Deal with it.

  40. How does Nobama contain his contempt so well? But slip in such snide asides that they don’t get it until they’ve already been passed over?

  41. There’s really only one question to be asked:

    If the Pubs were in control and wanted to do something, would they jam it down Dems’ throats?

    If answer is yes, fire up that gas-powered dildo and start banging away.

  42. Couldn’t this conclave just be re-named the Boehner Death Panel, vote yes, and make it so? Man that guy is hateful, trotting out the same old tired bullet points.

    [re=520040]DustBowlBlues[/re]: MURDERER! MURDERESS! Well actually my girlfriend, who was married at the time and already had two kids, got a couple at that age too.

  43. Also, the original quote (as far as I can Googlefy it): “The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.”
    Anatole France, The Red Lily, 1894,

  44. I have been struck throughout this whole day with how relaxed Obama seems, and how edgy/angry/petulant the GOP looks as a whole – like a bunch of kids trying to defend themselves in front of the principal, know they have no real defense and resent having to try and offer one. Me – I would have already gone all Hulk on Boehner/Ryan et al.

  45. Barasso – what ignorant dumbasses think is much more important than any facts (or making any effort at disabusing them of their misunderstandings)

  46. This Wyoming shithead has just given succinct proof that the Republicans have done an outstanding job of scaring people about what healthcare reform will do. Any connection to reality is purely coincidental. I am seething.

  47. Wait Doctors see anybody regardless of ability to pay? Then why is this putting in debt again? Do they get their Beamers for free too? Socialists.

  48. Barasso – I never asked for insurance in my orthopedics practice (that’s what my assistant was for).

    Because a ton of poors show up to get knee replacements even though they don’t have money to pay for food.

  49. I am a Wyoming resident, and I have no idea what Barasso is even doing on this panel. My state has the smallest pop of all. It’s completely unfair that both of our partisan hacks are up there. I bet Barasso took his Hippocratic oath with two fingers crossed behind his back. What. A. Fucking. Tool.

  50. Bore-ass-o says, “Coverage does not equal care!” How right he is! Now go try to get some care without coverage. No problem if you’re rich, or, like Bo-Ratzo, a doc yourself. Otherwise, you just become one of those wise consumers of catastrophic care that this dipshit admires so much. Oh the hypocrisy — it burns.

  51. Jeebus. As difficult as these fuckwits are making this seem, it would be about as easy to outlaw illness and injury.
    Wait, there’s an idea.
    You’re welcome.

  52. Shep and Chris Wallace are disgusted by it all, giving the spin on big bad Dems. We need another civil war to settle things. Hey, no right-wingers will enlist so we can schedule it for most any afternoon.

  53. Not that bitch Mary Matelin.

    Anyone remember Walnuts in the old days, when he used to be on John Stewart’s show and was clever and funny? Then came 2000, and Rove’s brutal tactics that not only took down McCain, but fucked over his wife and adopted daughter at the same time?

    Then 2004, when he sold his soul to the devil, i.e. Rove et. al., in exchange for being the nominee in 2008. And he’s been a bitter, crazy old muttering man ever since.

  54. G*ddam. Rick Sanchez is making Hopey’s argument for him. So much for the “people” not wanting any change on health care. Are the Democrats listening?

    Do something. Who gives a shit about how. Just. Do. Something. Prove that Democrats aren’t as lame and weak as everyone thinks.

    And fuck CNN for not showing the thingy now, just them talking.

  55. Waxman is also kicking ass. Needless to say, the appropriate Republican response should be “ABORTION!!! DEATH PANELS!!! ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!”

  56. Borasso actually claimed we’d solve Medicare spending imbalances by getting fat lazy fucks to stop smoking, eat less and exercise more. While all those are nice ideas, that’s not exactly the answer to all chronic disease issues (and its basically code speak for minorities and poor, because fat, lazy middle to upper class folks have private insurance and get all the Lipitor, Prevacid, etc. they want).

  57. Anthem – 39% rate hike Anthem – 39% rate hike – Anthem – 39% – Should be the Dem response to every last moronic GOP utterance. And air a shitload of ads w/Borasso’s retarded claim about how perfectly swell things would be if all those old & poop people only had catastrophic.

  58. Fucking CNN cuts away every time a Democrat is speaking.

    Actually, I’ve been editing a manuscript all afternoon and what I know about the summit, I’ve read on “my” wonkette. So I figure I know more than most people who have been glued to CSPAN 3 at the exclusion of all else. If I can’t trust the wonkeratti to give me an objective version of the truth, then who can I trust?

  59. Douche from Illinois basically admits GOP can’t and won’t cover more than 3 million out of 27 million (at least). Yay, screwing the working poor.

  60. [re=519962]Extemporanus[/re]: HAHAHA! I saw the Lieberpoop post yesterday, but I missed your Lemon Party comment. You are much nicer than me, putting a warning and disclaimer and all. I assume the commenters here know about all the sexytime stuff, even the icky stuff like lemon party…

  61. I guess this proves we don’t need an editor to continue a live blog. This is like doing Jim’s job for him, so he’s free to scan NRO and find funny/zany shit for tonight.

    And crazy Joe Barton said something flattering about Hopey? What parallel universe is CNN showing?

  62. Senator Barasso (who I have to admit I never knew existed) is right about what’s wrong. You people keep eating drinking smoking and getting old. The solution is to just say no. No more eating, drinking and you’ll also stop getting old. Problem solved!

    Also fat Joe Barton who is currently fapping on about lets stop regulating shit. I agree. I’d like to invite Joe Barton to my new discount prostatectomy clinic. Liscensing doctors is contrary to free marked principles.

  63. [re=520155]ElitistMarxist[/re]: I guess the pro-gay folks are somewhat terrified of demonstrating, huh? Doktor Tom would be so comfortable in Uganda. Oh, that’s right–he’s part of their “Family” isn’t he?

  64. McConnell claims HSA aren’t for “rich” because median income is $69K – never mind what Dems said was middle or upper class and 69K ain’t the folks who can’t afford any healthcare.

    Blank sheet of paper to figure out what we agree on – never mind that no GOP person wants to agree with a single fucking idea in the plan all damn day.

    Hopey going to smack down on all component parts of bill scoring high while general “plan” doesn’t do well.

  65. Tom Coburn the key goal is to reconnect purchase and payment? WTF kind of weird Okie nutjob mantra is that supposed to represent?

    My answer to all this free market fappery, George Bernard Shaw said “that any sane nation, having observed that you could provide for the supply of bread by giving bakers a pecuniary interest in baking, would then go on to give surgeons a pecuniary interest in cutting off your leg is enough to make one despair of political humanity.” Consumers as wise shoppers of health care? Good fucking luck in the face of the overwhelming incentive for quacks like Coburn to cut you open.

  66. My congressman, the lovely and sartorially splendid, Charlie Rangel is talking total smack to the Repubs. about NYers also being “Real Americans”, I love him , he may be a crook but he’s MY crook.

  67. John Dingell (sp?) is magnificent, and unbelievably old, and is going on about what a majority is…fuck you Repubs. listen to the old white man from Detroit!

  68. I just have to say before we go, that mantle behind the Big O is really impressive, and just shows the genius of Michelle’s decorating skills in the guest house.

  69. [re=520252]bbqboy[/re]: Our June Cleaver? I’ve wondered what she looks like. I thought public officials would make up a screen name when they’re on wonkette, but maybe June is using her real one, like I am.

  70. [re=520206]Ducksworthy[/re]: Grayson was spot on with the Republic plan for health care: Don’t get sick. If you get sick, die quickly. That really is it–and today they said it again and again.

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