QUITTERS  1:06 pm February 24, 2010

Sarah Palin’s Comically Inadequate Mouthpiece Quits!

by Jim Newell

NOOOOOO!!! Of all the aides that could have quit given the headline “Palin aide departs,” it had to be Meghan “Meg” Stapleton, the famous shapeless Alaskan laughsack! Meg Stapleton, coiner of the line, “The world is literally her oyster,” leaving. Leaving all of us. Leaving the world of Politics. (Lucky.)

Stapleton has been a Palin confidant since December 2006 and one of the governor’s most trusted aides since she was vaulted onto the national political scene by being picked as GOP presidential nominee John McCain’s running mate.

Stapleton said she resigned to spend more time with her husband and 2-year-old daughter, Isabella.

“While it has been an honor to help Gov. Palin and her family over the last few years, I am also honored to have this incredible opportunity to stay home with my precious miracle, Isabella,” Stapleton told POLITICO. “At 2 years old, I have missed significant moments in her life, but I look forward with great happiness to celebrating milestones as well as mundane moments with her as I refocus my priorities. I also look forward to seeing my saint-of-a-husband again, too!”

OKAY GREAT CALM DOWN.

Ha ha remember that time Meg referred to Trig as “our ‘blessed little angel’” in ironic quotes? That is another sort of thing we will miss, now.

Palin aide departs [Ben Smith]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 97 comments }

mookworthjwilson February 24, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Someone needs to get her drunk…oh the stories she’ll tell then…

AbstinenceOnly Ed February 24, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Meg added: “And, let’s face it, Sarah Palin’s a total cunt.”

PsycGirl February 24, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Bitchy tell-all book announced within six months.

obfuscator February 24, 2010 at 1:12 pm

emo phillips in drag.

Ducksworthy February 24, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Oh Oh Oh Lets hope Palin fucked her over and she’s retiring to write a …. no no cancel that thought. A tell all book might could hurt St. Sarah’s changes in 2012

PsycGirl February 24, 2010 at 1:13 pm

[re=518918]mookworthjwilson[/re]: She’s a Palinite, someone needs only get her paid.

magic titty February 24, 2010 at 1:14 pm

She missed significant moments in her child’s development to caddy for Sarah Palin? What a fucking idiot.

AnnieGetYourFun February 24, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Does anyone ever resign from politics with openly hostile feelings, rather than using their children as shields? Actually, does anyone in politics do ANYTHING without using their children as shields?

Nappied Hypotenuse February 24, 2010 at 1:15 pm

[re=518922]obfuscator[/re]: Differs from std. emo phillips how?

Jim89048 February 24, 2010 at 1:15 pm

OMG, she has her very own precious little angel, and will actually spend time raising it? Closet dem, obvs.

And if ever a story warranted a Drudge Siren, this was it.

joezoo February 24, 2010 at 1:15 pm

[re=518921]PsycGirl[/re]: Ding ding ding!

vkladchik February 24, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Stapleton is two years old?

Clancy_Pants February 24, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Bitch has got some eyebrows. Makes me wonder about the coiffure of her nether regions. Ack also

obfuscator February 24, 2010 at 1:17 pm

after reading her statement, i find myself wondering if meg wasn’t palin’s speechwriter. it’s like they’re both wearing strap-ons and raping the english language.

Terry February 24, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Meg used to be a fairly respected news reporter in Alaska before buying a ticket on the Palin Crazy Train. She’ll probably have quite a bit of time to “spend with her family” as who would hire her now? Michael Steele, maybe?

joezoo February 24, 2010 at 1:19 pm

“I am also honored to have this incredible opportunity to stay home with my precious miracle, Isabella…”

“I mean, I had left my résumé with Isabella ages ago, and I just assumed it wasn’t meant to be when she didn’t call me back. (To be honest, I kind of flubbed the interview.) But gosh, now that I’ve been given another shot, I can’t wait to get in there and just do some great parenting! 110%!!”

Crank Tango February 24, 2010 at 1:23 pm

I won’t lie, this is good news for McCain.

And what is with the overhyphenating? Saint-of-a-husband? Is that really necessary?

petehammer February 24, 2010 at 1:23 pm

[re=518922]obfuscator[/re]: As Stapleton says, some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Come here a minute February 24, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Her “precious miracle” is not her daughter “Isabella”, it’s her laptop that’s cranking out the million dollar word salad that will be used to either bludgeon or blackmail Palin.

thehighshelf February 24, 2010 at 1:24 pm

All you ladies with jobs should quit and go home, be a good girl, like Meg.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2010 at 1:24 pm

“My precious miracle”? Oh, dear, that code, isn’t it?. There must be something in the water in Wasilla that makes all the kids get borned retarded.

Sharkey February 24, 2010 at 1:25 pm

I hear Levi Johnston is looking for some aids. I mean, aides.

WadISay February 24, 2010 at 1:25 pm

…my precious miracle, Isabella…

Is Isabella retarded too, or is that when they’re “special” and “beautiful”? I think “precious miracles” are the ones they left on the roof of the Explorer when they pulled out of the Wal-Mart.

obfuscator February 24, 2010 at 1:25 pm

[re=518935]Terry[/re]: “She’ll probably have quite a bit of time to “spend with her family” as who would hire her now?”

she’ll be a regular guest on palin’s fox news show. they’ll reminisce about the great times they had traveling across Real America in the rogue-bus, riling up the Fucking Retards and pickin’ their pockets. you betcha.

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 24, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Meg’s husband made her quite because his main squeeze, Bristol, is going Hollywood.

obfuscator February 24, 2010 at 1:27 pm

[re=518942]Crank Tango[/re]: yes, just as it was necessary to use “also”, “again”, and “too” in the same sentence.

the jesus of composition wept.

red sky February 24, 2010 at 1:28 pm

New Headline “Aide to quitty quiter quits”

Downtheroadapiece February 24, 2010 at 1:28 pm

The slow motion train wreck continues unabated…..

SayItWithWookies February 24, 2010 at 1:29 pm

She’s a hell of a spokesperson if she can’t find her way around that dangling “at two years old” modifier. I figure she actually found somebody richer, more ambitious and with less knowledge of the English language to shill for.

And then how about that Ben Smith? He writes one sentence and then quotes half an article from his own website’s story and calls that a post? He’s setting a standard for journalism that Jayson Blair will find hard to live up to.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Snark aside, though, I was glad to be unemployed/underemployed when my kids were toddlers. They can be a lot of good wholesome fun if you steer them in the right direction.

But I want to barf whenever anyone refers to their toddlers as “special angels” or “precious miracles.” What they are is hyper little mess-making machines who will run you ragged with their boundless energy until they finally crash at nap time. Then you get a precious hour of miraculous quiet, and after that, the noisy parade starts all over again.

One Yield Regular February 24, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=518934]obfuscator[/re]: Speaking of which, who DID write Palin’s Teabagger convention speech? Mark Halperin?

snideinplainsight February 24, 2010 at 1:37 pm

[re=518961]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Amen to that!

Buzz Feedback February 24, 2010 at 1:38 pm

That’s a nice wig there on that Marc Almond fellow.

obfuscator February 24, 2010 at 1:40 pm

[re=518959]SayItWithWookies[/re]: politico: cut and paste cannibal journalism at its finest!

Sussemilch February 24, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Talk about overworked, there’s six billion of us living in Sarah’s oyster.

Lambo February 24, 2010 at 1:41 pm

[re=518950]WadISay[/re]: It’s code for “I was on the pill, we used a condom, he pulled out, and STILL….”

comicbookguy February 24, 2010 at 1:42 pm

She will be spamming facebook with farmville posts within the week.

PsycGirl February 24, 2010 at 1:44 pm

[re=518961]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: that’s the truth! and you really don’t know about that hour during the nap because you’re either asleep or half-asleep yourself, and god forbid you wake up later than they do.

AnnieGetYourFun February 24, 2010 at 1:45 pm

[re=518961]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: THANK YOU. Everyone knows that children are awesome, but also disgusting little shitheads. If my mother ever referred to me as a “precious miracle”, I can guarantee it was done sarcastically. My mother loves me, but she isn’t delusional.

Suds McKenzie February 24, 2010 at 1:47 pm

The poor mans Dana Perino, … seee you on FOX,or Jersey Shore, whatever the fuck your name is..

Smoke Filled Roommate February 24, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=518950]WadISay[/re]: or in the bed of the El Camino..

obfuscator February 24, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=518982]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: i also like the term “time vampires”. patton oswalt has a bit in his old routine about how he and his wife agreed to have an imaginary baby and name it “12 hours of sleep per night”.

Smoke Filled Roommate February 24, 2010 at 1:49 pm

The precious miracle that came out of her anus..

Scarab February 24, 2010 at 1:50 pm

So her child is a miracle angel and her husband is a saint?

Manos: Hands of Fate February 24, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=518935]Terry[/re]: That’s why she going to have to write a tell-all.

Come here a minute February 24, 2010 at 1:57 pm

She is also, too, going to have a hard time again returning her speech patterns to standard American English.

BlueStateLiberal February 24, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Why do these turd always refer to their babies as “miracles?” Did they miss high school biology? “Refocus priorities” = a delicious tell-all for big bucks.

american mutt February 24, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Her departure is LITERALLY making baby jesus cry.

OhPleeze February 24, 2010 at 2:05 pm

[re=518957]red sky[/re]: Does that make Meg a “quitter’s quitter”?

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 24, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Did they miss high school biology?

I think it’s because nobody would ever fuck them.

Aurelio February 24, 2010 at 2:22 pm

[re=518948]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
There must be something in the water in Wasilla that makes all the kids get borned retarded.

I think you are onto something. Wasilla is the meth capital of Alaska. Some of that must get into the ground water.

The Little Rock February 24, 2010 at 2:23 pm

[re=519005]OhPleeze[/re]: Well it is contagious. Calling it quitsies that is. Next up? Bristol will quit “being famous” on the teevee she realizes she has a two year old miracle that she has neglected to spend time with. Levi, that is.

Texan Bulldoggette February 24, 2010 at 2:25 pm

[re=518961]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Hear hear. The only moms who think their kids are ‘special’ or ‘precious’ are the ones who don’t ever spend any time with them. In reality they are mostly cranky, tyrannical little puking/pooping asshats whom we love the most when they are asleep.

Extemporanus February 24, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Meg’s leaving because her contract stipulated that she’d only need to flack for one of Sarah’s “blessed little angels”, not two.

She may be fucking retarded, but she’s not that fucking retarded.

vespula maculata February 24, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Who can blame her? The only thing her employer is really famous for now is her perpetual declarations of grievance. There’s no advancement in that for Stapleton.

S.Luggo February 24, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Toddmeister, you got some ‘splainin’ to do.

[re=518935]Terry[/re]: The WaPo.

ThisIsNotAnAvatar February 24, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Perhaps this is the literal oyster to which Meg refers:

“So that’s what “oysters” meant! I imagined to myself a creature like a frog. A frog sitting in a shell, peeping out from it with big, glittering eyes, and moving its revolting jaws. I imagined this creature in a shell with claws, glittering eyes, and a slimy skin, being brought from the market. . . . The children would all hide while the cook, frowning with an air of disgust, would take the creature by its claw, put it on a plate, and carry it into the dining-room. The grown-ups would take it and eat it, eat it alive with its eyes, its teeth, its legs! While it squeaked and tried to bite their lips. . . .”

From “Oysters” by Anton Chekov
http://www.americanliterature.com/Chekhov/SS/Oysters.html

Mr Blifil February 24, 2010 at 2:38 pm

“Saint of a husband” means “fucked him for the last time 2 years nine months ago.”

joementum February 24, 2010 at 2:38 pm

I hope SKS reads this post so she can learn what a good and proper woman-parent is supposed to do.

Extemporanus February 24, 2010 at 2:40 pm

[re=518951]obfuscator[/re]: The world is literally her Blue Öyster Cult.

populucious February 24, 2010 at 2:44 pm

I’m so desperate for any politician/political flunkie to come up with some OTHER excuse for quitting than “spending time with my family”. I thought “hiking the Adirondack trail” was going to catch on there for a while. It just needs a brave second to champion it.

Cape Clod February 24, 2010 at 2:45 pm

I would have loved to have been in the room when Snowbilly got the news.
“TRAITOR!!!! Get out of here! Your dead to me now!”

pants of doom February 24, 2010 at 2:48 pm

[re=518926]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Learning to use your child as a prop is step one. Then refer to your child as “god’s special little precious miracle angel” or similar. Step 3 is to quit at something. This is how they, quite literally, roll up there in shitbagville.

PlanetWingnuta February 24, 2010 at 2:50 pm

[re=518926]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: wouldnt we call that panty shields? never mind…

is this a nevaaaaaaaaaaaar fergit moment or no? I haz sad i cant decide.

Snarkalicious February 24, 2010 at 2:52 pm

First, the chop gets heavy. Second, the rain begins to fall. Third, the rats start diving in the ocean, and then you know you’re fucked.

blader February 24, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Meg, you’re mostly mundane daughter isn’t a miracle.

You fucked your husband, he came inside you, then one of the sperms that didn’t drip down your ass crack and inner thighs ended up fertilizing one of your eggs.

happens all-the-fucking-time, every minute of every day

disgustedcitizen February 24, 2010 at 2:55 pm

“spending more time with my family”? Ok, I know she did something wrong. Did she get caught with her hand in the cookie jar, or maybe someone else’s hand in her cookie jar? Arrgh! Sorry for that disturbing mental image…

Anyway, can Greta Van Susternereneren be Palin’s asshole buddy now?

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 24, 2010 at 2:59 pm

@blader: That must be one busy woman.

ekaptian February 24, 2010 at 3:01 pm

“At 2 years old, I have missed significant moments in her life…”

Uh, I’m pretty sure you’re older than that, Meg.

Bearbloke February 24, 2010 at 3:06 pm

So, is Oily Titz seeking the Palin-mouthpiece position yet? Gloriously lulz-filled word-salad potential…

[re=518948]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=519028]Aurelio[/re]: “There must be something in the water in Wasilla that makes all the kids get BONED retarded”

/fxd, since I assume we mean to include Bristol in this group observation…

salt_bagel February 24, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Wait, who was McCain’s running mate? That first sentence is a funhouse of syntactical confusion.

And who said you could have your own baby, without the Down’s? Is that fair to Trig?

Bearbloke February 24, 2010 at 3:12 pm

[re=519080]Snarkalicious[/re]: Fourth: Media starts to trash-talk your return to your late-night programme, highlighting the fact that your long-time bandleader jumps ship at nearly the last moment…

Lilybart February 24, 2010 at 3:20 pm

There are two reasons she resigned:

1) she sees that she will NOT be the White House Press Sect so why keep putting up with the crap,
OR
2) palin is running for president and her handlers told her to get professional liars.

I so hope it’s #1

This Cat February 24, 2010 at 3:26 pm

hey, that meth isn’t going to cook itself.

Neoyorquino February 24, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Ah, Meggers . . . we hardly knew ye.

” . . . celebrating milestones as well as mundane moments.” BTW, wasn’t your every quote for Palin a celebration of the commonplace?

Schmegeg February 24, 2010 at 3:45 pm

The progress of her career will be retarded by this move.

octatone February 24, 2010 at 4:08 pm

She’s only doing what her mentor did as Alaska’s governor. She’s just pullin’ a Palin!

Darkness February 24, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Damn. Snowbilly Brownshirt could be one dangerous thug if she suddenly figures out how to hire people qualified for support jobs (i.e., bites her pride and deigns to have someone 100x smarter than her around).

Dolmance February 24, 2010 at 4:35 pm

That cunt.

Scaggsville guy February 24, 2010 at 4:43 pm

[re=518930]vkladchik[/re]: hahaha. I guess it was too much to expect that Palin’s communications person would be able to speak English.

schadenfreudian slip February 24, 2010 at 5:15 pm

She was a colleague of mine back when I was a wee slip of a journalist many years ago (I also worked with another press adviser of Palin’s, but that’s another story.) She was kind of a snob. I seem to remember her going through a nasty divorce, so I think this may be Saint #2.

EdFlinstone February 24, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Sweet baby Jeebus is it that hard to compose snowgrifter’s 140 character or less tweets for the past 9 months?

WadISay February 24, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Her daughter is literally the apple of her eye.

OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin February 24, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Eh, who ever knows what these ppl are up to. Grifters, all.

BerkeleyFarm February 24, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Given Sarah’s history, I have to wonder if Meg is falling on her sword here. Sarah has a bunch of people to write for her now, so she doesn’t need Meg any more, and in typical fashion, would throw Meg under the bus.

Meg, I hope you got a settlement of some kind. Sarah owes you.

jaegermeister February 24, 2010 at 7:14 pm

Meg knows something about the multiple Trig prop babies. Write the book Meg!

AutomaticPilot February 24, 2010 at 9:30 pm

[re=519161]Schmegeg[/re]: +1

Weeping Jesus February 24, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Someone…bred…with…that.

Levi?

Had to be.

CaliforniaMike February 24, 2010 at 10:29 pm

[re=518948]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Y’know, L.C., I’ve actually visited the caves at Lascaux. It was an amazing experience. I think I even met a Lascaux caveman, although it was hard to tell because he was wearing a beret and chain-smoking. You have a fine tradition to uphold.

Old Redneck February 24, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Leaving to spend more time with her family?

Means one of two things:

1. She was caught in the file room doing the nasty with a young male staffer. Or a young female staffer; or,

2. Some heavy shit is about to hit the fan and she doesn’t want to be around when it does.

Lascauxcaveman February 24, 2010 at 11:47 pm

[re=519437]CaliforniaMike[/re]: Oui, mon cher, si vrai.

Starrigavan February 25, 2010 at 12:59 am

Sarah no longer needs Meg. Sarah, doing what Sarah does best, has dumped Meg. Poor Meg still thinks the Palinatrix is a demigoddess who can do no wrong. As the time wears on, each precious minute with her little miracle and her very own saint ticking slowly away, she will come to realize what happened. And knowing Meg, it will finally all come out in a long, way, way over the top, tell all. I’d give it about 6 months before the miracle and the saint drive her completely freaking nuts and she’s on Oprah dissing Snowbilly. Hell hath no fury like a right wing nutjob woman scorned….

ElitistMarxist February 25, 2010 at 4:34 am

I suspect some Kristol blue persuasion was involved here….

Elephants Gerald February 25, 2010 at 9:04 am

[re=519454]Old Redneck[/re]: I prefer meaning # 2.

But I would like video of 1(b) if available.

iolanthe February 25, 2010 at 10:42 am

[re=518982]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yes. Hearing right-wingers referring to their “precious miracles” is right up there with hearing hippies calling their monsters “so wonderfully free!”

The lady at my old church who used to beat her 3-month-old with an Infanseat strap for fussing called all her many stairsteppy children “precious miracles”, too.

That must be why she never smiled at them, or interacted with them, other than to dress them in starchy formalwear and make them stand up straight with their parents when they were presented at the podium each week as “The Pastors Fletcher And Their Beautiful Quiver Full”.

But when their parents weren’t around, the older boys were lying cheating monsters. Typical PKs. I overheard one of them, the one whose mother claimed he was an Anointed Prophet of the Lord, explain to my son “it’s not wrong if no grownups see you doing it.”

Bet those boys are running for Congress somewhere today.

sezme February 25, 2010 at 3:22 pm

Resigned from the world of Politics? How long has it been since Sarah Palin was involved in politics?

sanantonerose February 25, 2010 at 3:23 pm

I look forward with great happiness to celebrating milestones as well as mundane moments

Wow. I feel so sorry for that precious miracle. And sainted husband my ass!

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