Sarah Palin’s Comically Inadequate Mouthpiece Quits!

  quitters

NOOOOOO!!! Of all the aides that could have quit given the headline “Palin aide departs,” it had to be Meghan “Meg” Stapleton, the famous shapeless Alaskan laughsack! Meg Stapleton, coiner of the line, “The world is literally her oyster,” leaving. Leaving all of us. Leaving the world of Politics. (Lucky.)

Stapleton has been a Palin confidant since December 2006 and one of the governor’s most trusted aides since she was vaulted onto the national political scene by being picked as GOP presidential nominee John McCain’s running mate.

Stapleton said she resigned to spend more time with her husband and 2-year-old daughter, Isabella.

“While it has been an honor to help Gov. Palin and her family over the last few years, I am also honored to have this incredible opportunity to stay home with my precious miracle, Isabella,” Stapleton told POLITICO. “At 2 years old, I have missed significant moments in her life, but I look forward with great happiness to celebrating milestones as well as mundane moments with her as I refocus my priorities. I also look forward to seeing my saint-of-a-husband again, too!”

OKAY GREAT CALM DOWN.

Ha ha remember that time Meg referred to Trig as “our ‘blessed little angel’” in ironic quotes? That is another sort of thing we will miss, now.

Palin aide departs [Ben Smith]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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97 comments

  1. Ducksworthy

    Oh Oh Oh Lets hope Palin fucked her over and she’s retiring to write a …. no no cancel that thought. A tell all book might could hurt St. Sarah’s changes in 2012

  2. magic titty

    She missed significant moments in her child’s development to caddy for Sarah Palin? What a fucking idiot.

  3. AnnieGetYourFun

    Does anyone ever resign from politics with openly hostile feelings, rather than using their children as shields? Actually, does anyone in politics do ANYTHING without using their children as shields?

  4. Jim89048

    OMG, she has her very own precious little angel, and will actually spend time raising it? Closet dem, obvs.

    And if ever a story warranted a Drudge Siren, this was it.

  5. obfuscator

    after reading her statement, i find myself wondering if meg wasn’t palin’s speechwriter. it’s like they’re both wearing strap-ons and raping the english language.

  6. Terry

    Meg used to be a fairly respected news reporter in Alaska before buying a ticket on the Palin Crazy Train. She’ll probably have quite a bit of time to “spend with her family” as who would hire her now? Michael Steele, maybe?

  7. joezoo

    “I am also honored to have this incredible opportunity to stay home with my precious miracle, Isabella…”

    “I mean, I had left my résumé with Isabella ages ago, and I just assumed it wasn’t meant to be when she didn’t call me back. (To be honest, I kind of flubbed the interview.) But gosh, now that I’ve been given another shot, I can’t wait to get in there and just do some great parenting! 110%!!”

  8. Crank Tango

    I won’t lie, this is good news for McCain.

    And what is with the overhyphenating? Saint-of-a-husband? Is that really necessary?

  9. petehammer

    [re=518922]obfuscator[/re]: As Stapleton says, some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

  10. Come here a minute

    Her “precious miracle” is not her daughter “Isabella”, it’s her laptop that’s cranking out the million dollar word salad that will be used to either bludgeon or blackmail Palin.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    “My precious miracle”? Oh, dear, that code, isn’t it?. There must be something in the water in Wasilla that makes all the kids get borned retarded.

  12. WadISay

    …my precious miracle, Isabella…

    Is Isabella retarded too, or is that when they’re “special” and “beautiful”? I think “precious miracles” are the ones they left on the roof of the Explorer when they pulled out of the Wal-Mart.

  13. obfuscator

    [re=518935]Terry[/re]: “She’ll probably have quite a bit of time to “spend with her family” as who would hire her now?”

    she’ll be a regular guest on palin’s fox news show. they’ll reminisce about the great times they had traveling across Real America in the rogue-bus, riling up the Fucking Retards and pickin’ their pockets. you betcha.

  14. obfuscator

    [re=518942]Crank Tango[/re]: yes, just as it was necessary to use “also”, “again”, and “too” in the same sentence.

    the jesus of composition wept.

  15. SayItWithWookies

    She’s a hell of a spokesperson if she can’t find her way around that dangling “at two years old” modifier. I figure she actually found somebody richer, more ambitious and with less knowledge of the English language to shill for.

    And then how about that Ben Smith? He writes one sentence and then quotes half an article from his own website’s story and calls that a post? He’s setting a standard for journalism that Jayson Blair will find hard to live up to.

  16. Lascauxcaveman

    Snark aside, though, I was glad to be unemployed/underemployed when my kids were toddlers. They can be a lot of good wholesome fun if you steer them in the right direction.

    But I want to barf whenever anyone refers to their toddlers as “special angels” or “precious miracles.” What they are is hyper little mess-making machines who will run you ragged with their boundless energy until they finally crash at nap time. Then you get a precious hour of miraculous quiet, and after that, the noisy parade starts all over again.

  17. One Yield Regular

    [re=518934]obfuscator[/re]: Speaking of which, who DID write Palin’s Teabagger convention speech? Mark Halperin?

  18. Lambo

    [re=518950]WadISay[/re]: It’s code for “I was on the pill, we used a condom, he pulled out, and STILL….”

  19. PsycGirl

    [re=518961]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: that’s the truth! and you really don’t know about that hour during the nap because you’re either asleep or half-asleep yourself, and god forbid you wake up later than they do.

  20. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=518961]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: THANK YOU. Everyone knows that children are awesome, but also disgusting little shitheads. If my mother ever referred to me as a “precious miracle”, I can guarantee it was done sarcastically. My mother loves me, but she isn’t delusional.

  21. Suds McKenzie

    The poor mans Dana Perino, … seee you on FOX,or Jersey Shore, whatever the fuck your name is..

  22. obfuscator

    [re=518982]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: i also like the term “time vampires”. patton oswalt has a bit in his old routine about how he and his wife agreed to have an imaginary baby and name it “12 hours of sleep per night”.

  23. Come here a minute

    She is also, too, going to have a hard time again returning her speech patterns to standard American English.

  24. BlueStateLiberal

    Why do these turd always refer to their babies as “miracles?” Did they miss high school biology? “Refocus priorities” = a delicious tell-all for big bucks.

  25. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Did they miss high school biology?

    I think it’s because nobody would ever fuck them.

  26. Aurelio

    [re=518948]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
    There must be something in the water in Wasilla that makes all the kids get borned retarded.

    I think you are onto something. Wasilla is the meth capital of Alaska. Some of that must get into the ground water.

  27. The Little Rock

    [re=519005]OhPleeze[/re]: Well it is contagious. Calling it quitsies that is. Next up? Bristol will quit “being famous” on the teevee she realizes she has a two year old miracle that she has neglected to spend time with. Levi, that is.

  28. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=518961]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Hear hear. The only moms who think their kids are ‘special’ or ‘precious’ are the ones who don’t ever spend any time with them. In reality they are mostly cranky, tyrannical little puking/pooping asshats whom we love the most when they are asleep.

  29. Extemporanus

    Meg’s leaving because her contract stipulated that she’d only need to flack for one of Sarah’s “blessed little angels”, not two.

    She may be fucking retarded, but she’s not that fucking retarded.

  30. vespula maculata

    Who can blame her? The only thing her employer is really famous for now is her perpetual declarations of grievance. There’s no advancement in that for Stapleton.

  31. ThisIsNotAnAvatar

    Perhaps this is the literal oyster to which Meg refers:

    “So that’s what “oysters” meant! I imagined to myself a creature like a frog. A frog sitting in a shell, peeping out from it with big, glittering eyes, and moving its revolting jaws. I imagined this creature in a shell with claws, glittering eyes, and a slimy skin, being brought from the market. . . . The children would all hide while the cook, frowning with an air of disgust, would take the creature by its claw, put it on a plate, and carry it into the dining-room. The grown-ups would take it and eat it, eat it alive with its eyes, its teeth, its legs! While it squeaked and tried to bite their lips. . . .”

    From “Oysters” by Anton Chekov
    http://www.americanliterature.com/Chekhov/SS/Oysters.html

  32. populucious

    I’m so desperate for any politician/political flunkie to come up with some OTHER excuse for quitting than “spending time with my family”. I thought “hiking the Adirondack trail” was going to catch on there for a while. It just needs a brave second to champion it.

  33. Cape Clod

    I would have loved to have been in the room when Snowbilly got the news.
    “TRAITOR!!!! Get out of here! Your dead to me now!”

  34. pants of doom

    [re=518926]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Learning to use your child as a prop is step one. Then refer to your child as “god’s special little precious miracle angel” or similar. Step 3 is to quit at something. This is how they, quite literally, roll up there in shitbagville.

  35. PlanetWingnuta

    [re=518926]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: wouldnt we call that panty shields? never mind…

    is this a nevaaaaaaaaaaaar fergit moment or no? I haz sad i cant decide.

  36. Snarkalicious

    First, the chop gets heavy. Second, the rain begins to fall. Third, the rats start diving in the ocean, and then you know you’re fucked.

  37. blader

    Meg, you’re mostly mundane daughter isn’t a miracle.

    You fucked your husband, he came inside you, then one of the sperms that didn’t drip down your ass crack and inner thighs ended up fertilizing one of your eggs.

    happens all-the-fucking-time, every minute of every day

  38. disgustedcitizen

    “spending more time with my family”? Ok, I know she did something wrong. Did she get caught with her hand in the cookie jar, or maybe someone else’s hand in her cookie jar? Arrgh! Sorry for that disturbing mental image…

    Anyway, can Greta Van Susternereneren be Palin’s asshole buddy now?

  39. ekaptian

    “At 2 years old, I have missed significant moments in her life…”

    Uh, I’m pretty sure you’re older than that, Meg.

  40. Bearbloke

    So, is Oily Titz seeking the Palin-mouthpiece position yet? Gloriously lulz-filled word-salad potential…

    [re=518948]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=519028]Aurelio[/re]: “There must be something in the water in Wasilla that makes all the kids get BONED retarded”

    /fxd, since I assume we mean to include Bristol in this group observation…

  41. salt_bagel

    Wait, who was McCain’s running mate? That first sentence is a funhouse of syntactical confusion.

    And who said you could have your own baby, without the Down’s? Is that fair to Trig?

  42. Lilybart

    There are two reasons she resigned:

    1) she sees that she will NOT be the White House Press Sect so why keep putting up with the crap,
    OR
    2) palin is running for president and her handlers told her to get professional liars.

    I so hope it’s #1

  43. Neoyorquino

    Ah, Meggers . . . we hardly knew ye.

    ” . . . celebrating milestones as well as mundane moments.” BTW, wasn’t your every quote for Palin a celebration of the commonplace?

  44. Darkness

    Damn. Snowbilly Brownshirt could be one dangerous thug if she suddenly figures out how to hire people qualified for support jobs (i.e., bites her pride and deigns to have someone 100x smarter than her around).

  45. Scaggsville guy

    [re=518930]vkladchik[/re]: hahaha. I guess it was too much to expect that Palin’s communications person would be able to speak English.

  46. schadenfreudian slip

    She was a colleague of mine back when I was a wee slip of a journalist many years ago (I also worked with another press adviser of Palin’s, but that’s another story.) She was kind of a snob. I seem to remember her going through a nasty divorce, so I think this may be Saint #2.

  47. EdFlinstone

    Sweet baby Jeebus is it that hard to compose snowgrifter’s 140 character or less tweets for the past 9 months?

  48. BerkeleyFarm

    Given Sarah’s history, I have to wonder if Meg is falling on her sword here. Sarah has a bunch of people to write for her now, so she doesn’t need Meg any more, and in typical fashion, would throw Meg under the bus.

    Meg, I hope you got a settlement of some kind. Sarah owes you.

  49. CaliforniaMike

    [re=518948]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Y’know, L.C., I’ve actually visited the caves at Lascaux. It was an amazing experience. I think I even met a Lascaux caveman, although it was hard to tell because he was wearing a beret and chain-smoking. You have a fine tradition to uphold.

  50. Old Redneck

    Leaving to spend more time with her family?

    Means one of two things:

    1. She was caught in the file room doing the nasty with a young male staffer. Or a young female staffer; or,

    2. Some heavy shit is about to hit the fan and she doesn’t want to be around when it does.

  51. Starrigavan

    Sarah no longer needs Meg. Sarah, doing what Sarah does best, has dumped Meg. Poor Meg still thinks the Palinatrix is a demigoddess who can do no wrong. As the time wears on, each precious minute with her little miracle and her very own saint ticking slowly away, she will come to realize what happened. And knowing Meg, it will finally all come out in a long, way, way over the top, tell all. I’d give it about 6 months before the miracle and the saint drive her completely freaking nuts and she’s on Oprah dissing Snowbilly. Hell hath no fury like a right wing nutjob woman scorned….

  52. Elephants Gerald

    [re=519454]Old Redneck[/re]: I prefer meaning # 2.

    But I would like video of 1(b) if available.

  53. iolanthe

    [re=518982]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yes. Hearing right-wingers referring to their “precious miracles” is right up there with hearing hippies calling their monsters “so wonderfully free!”

    The lady at my old church who used to beat her 3-month-old with an Infanseat strap for fussing called all her many stairsteppy children “precious miracles”, too.

    That must be why she never smiled at them, or interacted with them, other than to dress them in starchy formalwear and make them stand up straight with their parents when they were presented at the podium each week as “The Pastors Fletcher And Their Beautiful Quiver Full”.

    But when their parents weren’t around, the older boys were lying cheating monsters. Typical PKs. I overheard one of them, the one whose mother claimed he was an Anointed Prophet of the Lord, explain to my son “it’s not wrong if no grownups see you doing it.”

    Bet those boys are running for Congress somewhere today.

  54. sanantonerose

    I look forward with great happiness to celebrating milestones as well as mundane moments

    Wow. I feel so sorry for that precious miracle. And sainted husband my ass!

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