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Cry, Pig Eyes, Cry.How much do we love teevee’s crying nut Glenn Beck? Not at all, even though he’s the most popular nut on Fox News’ afternoon nut house. But unemployed 58-year-old white Americans who should love the hysterical pig-eyed blob may be turning against him, because of his rampant liberalism. This is beloved online newspaper World Net Daily’s new description of CPAC’s star speaker from just last weekend: “‘Global warming’ believer finds common ground with George Clooney, his publicist is Democratic Party power player.” So, he is a French pole-smoker, the end. [WND]

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57 COMMENTS

  1. Turns out the Tea Baggers just can’t stand anyone…which is why they live alone in remote cabins with outhouses and lots of freeze dried food, guns and ammo.

    Kaczynski 2012!

  2. [re=517844]BeWoot[/re]: I have it on good authority, and he has never denied, that he wears a beret while smoking French pole and rubs himself with quiche afterwards.

  3. The WND page has ads for both a solar-powered generator and a a “magnetic, EZ-off” Global Warming is a Hoax bumper sticker.
    Wait, is that triangulation?

  4. How does one take his daughters from his first marriage to the Church of the Latter Day Saints, if they don’t allow non-Mormons in their tabernacles? Is there some sort of ethereal tree that converters are taken to?

  5. Don’t worry; if Beck shows more signs of deviation from the teabagger hivemind, like denying that two plus two equals five, they can just have him taken to Room 101 to have his opinions adjusted.

  6. On an episode of Hoarders last night, I was mildly curious if they guy with the hoarding problem was a teabagger. He was hoarding, among other things, ammunition and guns. He had misplaced a loaded gun in the mess of his house and subsequently his daughter would not allow his granddaughter to come into the house.

    On the other hand, this man allowed himself to cry on TV, so he’s obviously way too liberal, French and gay to be a teabagger.

  7. [re=517859]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Anyone can go to the LDS church. Try it sometime; it takes a long time– 2 hours of services Sunday am, plus 1.5 hours Sunday evening– but your local ward will be *more* than glad to see you, and there’s free Wonder bread for all. If you give ’em your real name, you’ll even get calls and visits from the missionaries and Mormon neighbors (yes, you have them). You just can’t go in the *temple*, so the big white building you can see from the Beltway in Maryland is off limits.

  8. Hey, isn’t turning on themselves until even their heroes are suspect what the Jacobins did after the French Revolution? And weren’t they — Progressives? So doesn’t that mean that all these right-wing nuts — including WND, CPAC, and anyone who accuses anyone else of being a RINO — are actually pushing some secret progressive agenda? Man, those guys are everywhere.

  9. And, isn’t a little odd (don’t you think) that Glenn Beck lives in New York City where all the gay libtards drink lattes and have gay sex in Broadway musicals with the Mexicans and the Blacks? Oh but Glenn Beck isn’t like that, you say. Glenn Beck’s a loyal American. Why? Because he says so? Is that really enough proof?

    Look, Glenn Beck may be a loyal American but how can we be sure? I mean what I want to say to Glenn is: prove to me you aren’t working with Obama. And I know he’s not and I’m not accusing of being an Obamatard but still that’s the way I feel. And feelings come from Jesus.

    WE THE PEOPLE need to ask these questions. Because we just want our country back. We want to return to a simpler time when heartland Americans masturbated into an American flag while watching Joe Greene commercials and WTC wreckage porn. For the Constitution.

  10. I have always suspected that Beck is a performance artist like Mann Coulter. There is a ton of money to be made off of the angry and ignorant.

  11. [re=517853]Carson[/re]: Aaahaha, it’s awesome on so many levels: marketing to the rubes with a strategic link to their tchotchke shop, and playing to the crackpot types with energy-independence ads.

    Right wing web sites are so awesome that way. Joseph Farah will have mustache dye funds for life!

  12. [re=517881]JMP[/re]: They’re just following a general order to eliminate unnecessary steps that’s characterized the movement. For instance, they’ve eliminated proving a country has a hostile intent or capability before invading it; or proving that a person is an actual terrorist and knows something before you torture him for information. They’re all about the efficiency, these progressives.

  13. I fear that the important topics are being totally lost, by focusing on the people that discuss topics. Especially when one of ’em is a crybear like Beck.

  14. [re=517884]loquaciousmusic[/re]: It makes me nervous, because I think I might be one layoff or a breakup away from becoming one of those people. A hoarder, not a teabagger…

  15. [re=517853]Carson[/re]: NO. The solar generator is to provide power so you can roast human limbs in your oven after the downfall of civilization.

  16. [re=517879]Woodwards Friend[/re]: I hear ya’. Beck is either drinking and bathing in Jew York’s tap water (sent from the Catskills!) or ingests and showers in the bottled kind. Either way, commie, elitist, fag! .

  17. [re=517875]gertrudis[/re]: When I worked in DC, one of my coworkers believed that the big white building one sees looming out of the mist and trees as one drives from DC to Baltimore was a temple to the Wizard of Oz.

    She’d just moved there. Her roommates convinced her it was true.

    We in the office didn’t clue her in.
    We just tried to talk her into calling and arranging a tour.

  18. So i guess Canada wins because we got Stephen Harper who while being a dueche bag is
    way less duechey than Glennda B.

    You may have beat us at mens hockey but you still have the Beckster.

    Also

  19. Omitted: “Due to immunity, Beck no longer produces tears by placing Vick’s Vaporub® under his eyes. Instead he sands his anus with his wife’s emery board then applies Rooster® brand red chili hot sauce. The accompanying photo illustrates the result.”

  20. Said it before, but it bears repeating: Any adult who looks at the Mormon faith and what they believe and practice and STILL converts to Mormonism either has a severe brainstem injury or is a complete fucking idiot.

    “Convicted con artist is shown gold tablets by an archangel in Batavia, New York, then translates them by looking into a magic hat? Yep, I’m in.”

  21. Oh, they don’t have to worry about Glennda. Just the other day he was suggesting that Progressives be eradicated. Not “progressive thought”, not “progressive programs”, but “Progressives.” Talk about your efficiency!

    He’s still on board.

  22. I’m assuming Rush is behind the WND story on Glenn’s “liberalism.”

    Rush isn’t the kind of guy who likes to share the spotlight.
    Or, probably, anything.

  23. WND writers even suspect OTHER WND writers of being closet liberals. And they are taking steps to stay safe, oh yes. They have pre-emptive strike plans against each others houses, to prevent the spread of the hypothetical progressive thought.

    World Net Daily believes that literally 100% of the world is homo commie libruls that need to be bombed off the earth, and somehow simultaneously that “we surround them”.

  24. [re=517921]smitallica[/re]: Blasphemer! It wasn’t the magic hat, but the two magic rocks contained therein that helped him translate the tablets. Get your “facts” straight. The hat was just so he could huff kerosene while translating.

  25. [re=517927]iolanthe[/re]: They’ve seen the common Egyptian burial disk Joseph “translated”, tho. That is frightening enough.

    In Upstate where he got his start the old folks like to tell about the day Smith planned to walk on water. That was until those meddling kids pulled up the middle two of the posts he was planned to use for the trick. Much hilarity ensued. Soon after he moved West for some odd reason.

  26. [re=518255]Darkness[/re]: So … what happened to the OG golden plates? Melted for scrap? Repo’d by an angel? What? I’ve been looking night and day for another Totally Batshit Religion I can just leap right into, like a virgin into a volcano, and I want one with lots of bizarre dramatic elements, so spill!

    Not Scientology, though.
    I mean, Jesus, there’s a fuckin’ *limit* …

  27. “I’m willing to do anything but use the CFLs,” he says of compact fluorescent light bulbs. “I put them in once and couldn’t stand the way they lit up the room.”

    Hmmm, he seems to be all into interior lighting.

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