DAILY BRIEFING  7:52 am February 23, 2010

Splashing the Wine With All the Rain Dogs

by Ken Layne

  • Chuckling horror sack Dick Cheney is “resting comfortably” after his latest hospitalization for chest pains. America won’t be “resting comfortably” until his obituary is published. [Reuters]
  • Speaking of murdering civilians in poor countries, U.S. forces killed busloads of innocent women and children in Afghanistan on Sunday, because really, what are you going to do about it? [LA Times]
  • An Afghan immigrant to America admits he plotted a big terror attack against America. What would make an ungrateful immigrant from Afghanistan do such a crazy thing? [New York Times]
  • Remember that new Republican star, Senator Scott Brown? All the teabaggers hate his guts now. [Fox News]
  • Bob Dole is in the hospital, too. Bob Dole doesn’t like that. [CBC]
  • A friendly and handsome Great Dane living in Arizona has been named the world’s tallest dog, because he’s nearly twice John McCain’s height — and much smarter. [Phoenix New Times]
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finallyhappy February 23, 2010 at 8:01 am

Scott Brown/Great Dane vs Palin/Santorum for the GOP 2012 nonmination

joezoo February 23, 2010 at 8:17 am

One Tom Waits post title, shame on you. Two Tom Waits post titles, shame on… uh… a German dwarf dances with the butcher’s son?

Yes, Nick-name February 23, 2010 at 8:17 am

“The election of Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA) energized Republicans that he would give them a critical 41st vote to help them block Democrats and filibuster key legislation.”

WTF? How is that even a sentence?

Texan Bulldoggette February 23, 2010 at 8:18 am

Darth just needs some waterboarding. That’ll take his mind off his chest pains. Draft-dodging whiny baby!

Rajul February 23, 2010 at 8:19 am

I love – LOVE – that Fucks News needed three people to write the 162 word article on Scott Brown.

FMA February 23, 2010 at 8:21 am

[re=517716]Rajul[/re]: You should see them trying to screw in a light bulb. Hilarious!

Norbert February 23, 2010 at 8:28 am

“America won’t be “resting comfortably” until his obituary is published.”

I made a crack in a bar last night about how Haig dying couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, and apparently it was considered a rude thing to say. I will be making even ruder remarks for the same crowd about Vice President Cheney in the not too distant future, perhaps. Although if he snuffs it, my dream of him wandering the streets of Baghdad without any security and indeed without any pants will never come true.

joezoo February 23, 2010 at 8:33 am

If Cheney dies, will all the other torture-loving, fear-mongering, illegal-war-profiteering assholes turn back into humans?

Larry McAwful February 23, 2010 at 8:41 am

Is it appropriate to speak so gleefully about Vice President Cheney’s health problems? Yes. Yes it is. (Donald Rumsfeld taught me to answer my own questions. It’s easy!)

freakishlystrong February 23, 2010 at 8:46 am

Speaking of murdering civilians in poor countries
A better lead off from the Voldermort story has never been written. Hazzzaaa.

coolcatdaddy February 23, 2010 at 8:47 am

Actually, I think the proper phrase is “chuckling horror sack of bile” when referring to Cheney.

freakishlystrong February 23, 2010 at 8:50 am

I said this on the last post, but it bears repeating. How come the stupid narrative in the the stupid “press” isn’t focused on the fact that the fucking Republicans were going to filibuster a JOBS bill, ferchissakes.

ManchuCandidate February 23, 2010 at 8:54 am

The Great Dane also poops better than McCain.

Texan Bulldoggette February 23, 2010 at 8:54 am

[re=517720]Norbert[/re]: Who is going to truly grieve when Cheney kicks? His family, Scooter Libby & the nutjobs at Fox. I personally will grieve more for the dead possum on the side of the road being chewed on by a vulture than Dick. Can’t wait to see Barry & Biden jabbing themselves in the eyes at the funeral to produce tears.

FMA February 23, 2010 at 8:56 am

Why am I suddenly gripped by a overwhelming desire to buy “Air jordan” or “BOOT” or “Nike shox”?

Rajul February 23, 2010 at 8:57 am

Look, I love snark as much as the next guy, but when I see pre-pubescent and nascent child molester Sean Hannity and starvin-himself-’til-his-dick-falls-off Adam “Ann” Coulter and all his homo-fantasy havin’ fans celebrating and laughing about the long, slow, painful death of Ted Kennedy, I think, I am so determined to not be like these puddles of diarrhea that I’m not going to respond in kind to the death of dick Cheney, even though he deserves it, and even though the rest of the world no doubt will. Is that wrong?

Potater February 23, 2010 at 8:57 am

We’re good, people. Now we’ve got 27 years until Cheney’s hibernation is over and he will rise again from the sewers of a small Maine suburb.

Potater February 23, 2010 at 9:02 am

[re=517734]Rajul[/re]: The difference is Ted Kennedy killed one woman by accident, and then saved millions of a nation’s children. Dick Cheney did the reverse.

plowman February 23, 2010 at 9:05 am

Well, what the fuck were those women and children doing in such a dangerous place as Afghanistan in the first place? Children and Family Services should investigate those families immediatly!

Monsieur Grumpe February 23, 2010 at 9:06 am

Another giant mutant dog that will live about 5 years and then his hips will disintegrate.

Monsieur Grumpe February 23, 2010 at 9:08 am

Cheney’s heart is rejecting him. I wonder if he’ll get a transplant?

betterDeadThanRed February 23, 2010 at 9:17 am

Cheney’s had two angioplasties, quadruple bypass surgery and a pacemaker. What the hell kind of health insurance does the guy have? Oh – never mind.

Next Sunday the pundits will be asking “Would Cheney die under Obama-care.” I gleefully say Yes! Yes! Yes! Bring on the death panels!

TGY February 23, 2010 at 9:19 am


Rajul February 23, 2010 at 9:20 am

[re=517736]Potater[/re]: Wait, Dick Cheney saved someone? Or are you referring to how Dick Cheney saved himself, in the form of 5 deferments, because he’s such a whiny, cowardly bitch?

And also, I just think that celebrating death and suffering is really the bailiwick of the teabaggers, even though they won’t admit it, ’cause “bailiwick” sounds gay and there’s no way a teabagger would ever gargle the marbles of another dude wearing colonial garb.

Up To Here Again February 23, 2010 at 9:20 am

Run, Dick, Run!

Come on, get up!


WIDTAP February 23, 2010 at 9:22 am

Regarding Giant George the Dog:

“The show claims he was given his own row of seats on an American Airlines flight to Chicago — even J-Lo only requires one seat.”

Beats being seated next to Kevin Smith.

What? Too soon?

WIDTAP February 23, 2010 at 9:24 am

[re=517713]joezoo[/re]: …are you trying to imply that Ken is a one-arm dwarf.

Up To Here Again February 23, 2010 at 9:31 am

Can’t you just see Dick in his wheely chair,
flying down the Giant Slalom




Fred Wertham Jr. February 23, 2010 at 9:34 am

“The show claims he was given his own row of seats on an American Airlines flight to Chicago — even J-Lo only requires one seat.”

But J-Lo’s ass requires two rows.

Terry February 23, 2010 at 9:47 am


No, his daughter will just continue her father’s evil work.

MzNicky February 23, 2010 at 9:55 am

[re=517734]Rajul[/re]: Yes.

alzronnie February 23, 2010 at 9:56 am

Hell is like a non-stop CPAC convention so Dick should be quite happy in the afterlife.

MzNicky February 23, 2010 at 9:57 am

[re=517730]freakishlystrong[/re]: Oh freakishly strong, you’re just adorable! ANY kind of bill will cost hardworking teabaggers TAX MONEY!! and the DEFICIT and so forth and so on and I don’t know what all! Why do you hate China?

MzNicky February 23, 2010 at 9:58 am

[re=517722]joezoo[/re]: No.

Surfeit O' February 23, 2010 at 10:05 am

I think Death will be sad when it finally comes time to shoot Dick in the face; he’s been one of his best agents, after all.

Mr Blifil February 23, 2010 at 10:11 am

Is there money in the stimulus package to fluff Dick’s pillow?

Darkness February 23, 2010 at 10:16 am

If God actually electrocutes old Dick Cheney for his crimes, I may have to stop in a church somewhere, to thank Him. Then walk out and proceed to disbelieve in him again. Rest Easy indeed.

Added: OMG, the man’s heart first tried to escape the evil sloshing around in his soul when he was 37! Fuck modern medicine. Fuck it with a bag of dicks.

Nevermind, God kept this bitch alive all these years. Fuck Him.

Berkeley Bear February 23, 2010 at 10:17 am

[re=517732]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Do you think Liz (either one) will allow un-Amurrikanns like the Usurper and Smiley Guy at the Great One’s triumphal victory over life celebration?

Darkness February 23, 2010 at 10:20 am

[re=517734]Rajul[/re]: Is it wrong, well, no, Mr. Rajul Gandhi (if that’s your real name). But flaunting it like you just did lost you a few points.

WadISay February 23, 2010 at 10:33 am

[re=517730]freakishlystrong[/re]: My local headline is something like, “Jobs Bill Passes with GOP Support.” The “support” of course being the five senators whose staffs, even now, are unwrapping fishes wrapped in bulletproof vests.

megs February 23, 2010 at 11:19 am

Oh, no, Bob Dole. Nothing bad had better happen to him or I’ll be PISSED.

The Other Sarah T February 23, 2010 at 11:29 am

As long as there’s misery & injustice & war in this world, Dick Cheney will always be with us.

Bluerinse February 23, 2010 at 11:58 am

Speaking of murdering civilians in poor countries
When I grow up I want to be Wonkette

S.Luggo February 23, 2010 at 1:05 pm

[re=517831]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yes, so long as it’s placed over his face.

smashy smashy February 23, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Cheney’s heart waterboarded itself after he got the memo on the torture memo. They are starting R&D of self-waterboardization technology to install in the hearts of terrrrrurrrrists worldwide, but only when they find out how to do it illegally.

Lascauxcaveman February 23, 2010 at 2:15 pm

[re=517942]Bluerinse[/re]: I’m sorry; but if you grow up, you can’t be a Wonkette. That’s one of the rules.

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