Dana Milbank Still Thinks Rahm Emanuel Is Awesome Even If Everybody Else Wants Him Fired

  bring back mouthpiece theater!

Nobody reads Wonkette anymore.Everybody used to love Rahm Emanuel, the nine-and-a-half fingered dancing star, because he said “fuck” a lot and was considered, if not “Washington hot,” at least “hypertensive rage-filled arrogant monster hot.” But a year after the president’s chief of staff jetéd into office, everybody hates him, except for Dana Milbank, which is honestly not much better than being universally despised.

Obama’s first year fell apart in large part because he didn’t follow his chief of staff’s advice on crucial matters. Arguably, Emanuel is the only person keeping Obama from becoming Jimmy Carter.

Obama chose the profane former Clinton adviser for a reason. Where the president is airy and idealistic, Rahm is earthy and calculating. One thinks big; the other, a former House Democratic Caucus chair, understands the congressional mind, in which small stuff counts for more than broad strokes.

So the next time you look around and wonder why we don’t have any Iranian hostage crisis on our hands, it’s RAHM and YOU’RE WELCOME.

Why Obama needs Rahm at the top [Washington Post]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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36 comments

  1. Papas got a brand new teabag

    milbank doesn’t really believe rahm should stay. he’s just using this as a trope to beat the “obama’s first year was a total failure” meme.

  2. Crank Tango

    So Rom is a pointilliste? And what does that make Barry then? Or when they say stroke, is that a sex thing, like it’s not the size of the bill, it’s the motion for cloture?

  3. red sky

    I read the hyperlink as Why Obama needs Rham on top, and was wierded out, b/c wouldn’t they both be tops? How does that work?

  4. Texan Bulldoggette

    The Washington Post features Milbank & torture cheerleader Marc Thiessen. Gee, those staff meetings must be a blast … so much stupidity & evil in one room.

  5. WadISay

    Rahm would be more effective if he didn’t start every conversation with, “Shit-piss, Mr. President, I fucking advise…”

  6. JMP

    These Washington insiders didn’t seem to realize that the Simpsons line with a Springfielder calling Jimmy Carter “history’s greatest monster” was a joke. It’s like they’ve all decided that his presidency was the most failed ever, facts be damned; you didn’t hear them constantly worrying that W. would turn out like the more recent Republican one-termer even though there was a good objective reason to compare those two.

  7. V572625694

    [re=516915]JMP[/re]: When Republans start publicly fapping to misty Reagan memories, it’s always entertaining to remind them that whenever any shitty little country wanted to lend legitimacy to their elections, they called Jimmeh, not Ronnie. Try it! They get all apoplectic on ya.

  8. bitchincamaro

    So basically, Obama should have heeded Rahm’s advice and failed his constituency, but instead, failed politiclly by taking his own advice, managing nonetheless, to fail his constituency. Do I have that right?

  9. artbot2000

    [re=516899]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:

    There is no shorter Dana Milbank. This was one of those zen paradox thingies, wasn’t it?

  10. Norbert

    Jimmy Carter had hemorrhoids.
    Rahm keeps Barry from being Jimmy.
    Ergo, Rahm keeps Barry from getting hemorrhoids.
    Ergo, Presidential Medal of Freedom.

  11. JMP

    [re=516919]V572625694[/re]: But but … malaise! Inflation! And don’t forget his silly attempts to get the US using less fossil fuels; we’re so much better off since Reagan rescinded them.

  12. artbot2000

    [re=516919]V572625694[/re]:

    Also, it’s remarkable how quickly they turn from retro-fappage to predatory rage. It’s their one truly impressive move, and you could see the baby republicans practicing it all week at their furry convention.

  13. lawrenceofthedesert

    Rahm and his brother Ream Emanuel (“emanuel” meaning “only available online”) were abandoned by wolves at Chicago’s Lincoln park Zoo as babies and raised by a pack of Daley precinct captains, or maybe I have it backwards. Rahm’s first words — “Tutu this!” — indicated that his future lay not in ballet, but in Chicago politics, but you can’t major in Chicago politics. No one doubted his sincerity after he literally gave someone the finger. next stop: the White House (a figure of speech). Eat your heart off, “Biography”!

  14. BadKitty

    I think Obama would look hot in a cardigan sweater. So would Rahm, actually. Let’s get those White House thermostats turned down!

  15. dijetlo

    [re=516919]V572625694[/re]: and the part about Ronnie PAYING to keep Americans hostage in Iran until after the election doesn’t seem to penetrate the conservative mind either.
    Ronald Reagan, traitor to the United States, deserved to hang.
    Instead, they name an airport after him.

  16. DC Hates Me

    I agree with him and go further:
    -Bo Obama should be replaced by Rahm as #1 dog.
    -POTUS Weekly Radio Address (which no one listens to) should be Rahm Venting Time.

  17. Mad Brahms

    [re=516898]norbizness[/re]: This is the best mental image ever, outside of this week’s Cartoon Violence coverage.

    When will Obama become terrified of swamp rabbits? Next logical step, is all.

  18. dijetlo

    Why is our Wonkette buying into the “Obama is a failure” meme anyway?
    Sure, he hasn’t sent an Air Force spy plane over mainland China to ram one of their vintage MIGs sending the Chinese Pilot spiraling to his death and leaving our highly classified spy plane and crew parked on the tarmac of the Wi Bang Yung military airport.
    Admittedly, he’s not invaded a dusty shithole with the expressed intent of capturing two men and then failed to capture either of them (though we still have the other 3 million inhabitants under lock and key) but that’s no reason to call him a failure.
    He fucked up health care reform, doesn’t that at least make him a minor “Decider”?

  19. JMP

    [re=516970]dijetlo[/re]: It doesn’t matter how brazen the action is; Reagan’s deal with Iran helped get Carter out of the White House, and embarrass him, and that makes it patriotic. Of course, that one the modern Republicans usually just try to deny.

    Similarly, the Iran-Contra deal was justified because it stuck it to the Communists, and perhaps more importantly because it was a Republican doing it. Remember, these are people for whom Nixon’s only crime was in getting caught.

  20. artpepper

    According to Dana, Obama’s first year was a miserable failure because:

    - Republicans hate him for trying to close Gitmo.

    - Republicans hate him for trying KSM.

    - Republicans hate health care.

    Best line in the piece: “Emanuel argued for a smaller bill with popular items [...] that could win some Republican support.” Of course! That would totally have happened!

  21. JMP

    [re=516981]dijetlo[/re]: It’s the Post, not Wonkette, that’s spreading to the Obama-is-a-failure meme; and they’re not exactly buying into it, they’ve been one of its prime pushers since January 21, 2009. And they’d be pushing that meme even if Obama gave us all free energy made out of Rainbows, and unicorn ponies to ride to work.

    [re=516982]FlownOver[/re]: That would be a fitting tribute. Somehow, I imagine older air traffic controllers don’t care for the name.

  22. artpepper

    [re=516993]JMP[/re]: Made out of rainbows? Is this part of Obama’s homosexualist agenda? And the unicorn ponies — obviously an attempt to destroy the nation’s oil companies, who are the only ones standing between us and Al Gore’s fascist communist one-world eco-state. It’s a trap!

  23. JMP

    [re=516999]artpepper[/re]: See, they’d find some way to define it as bad. Hell, as above they still love dumping on Carter, among other things for trying to develop energy literally made of sunshine; even though hindsight proves he was right.

  24. SayItWithWookies

    Had it gone Emanuel’s way, a politically popular health-care bill would have passed long ago, leaving plenty of time for other attractive priorities, such as efforts to make college more affordable.

    Pfff — had it gone Rahm’s way, a healthcare bill full of tax cuts for insurance corporations, a big dollop of tort reform, a giveaway to pharmaceutical companies and no change for the uninsured would’ve passed, and we all could’ve dusted off our hands and congratulated each other. Yeah, why didn’t we try that? Assuming of course, that the Republicans would’ve voted for anything, even their own ideas, that might have redounded to Democractic merit points, which is doubtful.

  25. earnestcivilservant

    Look at the picture that appears with the article. Totally Brokeback Mountain. Put a couple of cowboy hats on them, and there you go.

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