PREPARE THE BLIMP!The only thing Republicans and teabaggers hate more than Barack Obama is, uh, every single Republican “front runner.” This became comedically clear again, last night, when the CPAC crowd chose Doctor Ron Paul as their 2012 GOP nominee for president. Paul got 31% of the vote, which means he literally performed an abortion murder on Mitt Romney, who usually wins these things because he’s such an asshole — Romney finished with 22%, proving once again that he can’t even get a fourth of the room to like him, even when that room is exclusively filled with Republicans.

But the “world’s biggest loser” of the night was truly our Alaskan Quitter Bear, the Facebook user Sarah Palin. Nobody likes her at all! She ended up with a patriotic “fuck you” of 7%, but at least that was better than unloved has-beens Pawlenty (6%) and Gingrich (4%) and Huckabee (4%). [USA Today]


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  1. I just skimmed an article written by Susan Page, bleck, need to sanitize eyeballs immediately with bleach! If they had put her name at the top, I would have known to close the tab immediately.

  2. Now I’m no Paultard, but you just fucking know that if Mittens or the Grifter had won, the MSM would be bombarding us right now with bullshit hype stories all but swearing them in as President. I bet they were all set to do it, too, considering the slobbering attention they’ve given the conference all week.

  3. Ron Paul only makes sense if you don’t actually think about what he’s saying for more than 5 seconds. So yeah, I can see why he won the vote.

  4. “Romney finished with 22%, proving once again that he can’t even get a fourth of the room to like him, even when that room is exclusively filled with Republicans.”

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I’m not sure that if the room were full of Mormons, he could he even win ‘best Mormon ever’. I bet one of the Osmonds would kick his ass on that one. Poor Mittens…back to flying poor man coach & getting into fights with black rapper folk.

  5. Paul got more CPAC “votes” than 4 others who the media can’t seem to shut up about…combined (Seriously who voted for Gingrich?). Shouldn’t that be enough to get the bastard on Fox on a regular basis?

  6. [re=516768]bondwooley[/re]: Actually they should all be exiled to South Carolina or North Dakota then Congress should rescind their statehood.

    (Apologies to any normal people who live in those states)

  7. Tying Newell to a housekeeping cart? What are you expecting to find in all those soggy towels and stained sheets — these are conservative jeebus-lovin’ folk.

    Oh! A little slow on the uptake.

  8. [re=516774]virgo47[/re]: I think the only one’s who voted for Gingrich were the members of the press who attended the event as sucking Gingrich’s dick is one of DC’s favorite activities

  9. [re=516764]BarackMyWorld[/re]: The Repukes will realize, about two years from now, that they don’t have a viable candidate. War “hero” Peaches Petraeus will retire, come home and accept a draft setting up a Licoln-v-McClellan-like showdown. You remember how that turned out? The only thing that can kill Barry is a live boy or a dead White woman. Or a live White woman.

  10. Ron Paul is only 3 apples high. All we need at the debate is a basketball hoop. *shazam* Congress will repeal the term limits amendment and crown Hopey our new emperor 4 lyfe!

  11. Not a terrible shock that the ideologues in the party would pick Paul, even if doesn’t have a snowballs chance in hell and Mittens will probably get a nod anyway. On the upside, the Grifter’s low numbers bring a smile to my face – hopefully this means our dear Snowbilly will have even more incentive to join her own Party of Tea (because let’s face it, at this point she pretty much thinks she’s destined to lead) and totally sabotage the GOP efforts in 2012.

  12. Meanwhile, Tom Friedman is in a pissy mood today in the NY Times. We are all a bunch of spoiled brats because we ate through our parents’/wife’s prosperity like a horde of locusts. “We, alas, in too many ways, have been what the writer Kurt Andersen called “The Grasshopper Generation,” eating through the prosperity that was bequeathed us like hungry locusts.” Yes, it was the LITTLE PEOPLE wanting things like food, a decent job and healthcare that ruined everything, that is what caused the economic crisis. Tom, go home to your vulgar new-money estate, no one takes this crap from you seriously anymore.

  13. [re=516783]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: well, when we don’t like her we are being sexist and mean; but when CPAC wants to bang her but not elect her, that’s satire. I dunno if that helps or not.

  14. [re=516779]weejee[/re]: I do feel sorry for the undocumented alien housekeepers who have to clean up all the Republican draining and santorum sheets.

  15. and now cap and trade is in jeopardy because of some snow?


    my (canadian) mom is right: we are ungovernable and we can’t have nice things.

  16. CPAC votes for a man who wipes human afterbirth on the old Stars and Stripes. Are there any paintings of him shittin in Reagan’s mouth?, might as well.

  17. [re=516794]Mad Brahms[/re]: What needs to happen is an alignment of the Libertarian Party with Palin. They need to come to an understanding: if Tom at 538 is right and the teabagger crew is at its heart a Paultard thing, which is to say a halfwitted libertarian cocksmoker party, and the Libertarians want to be taken seriously as a third party, and if Palin can draw the teabaggers into the LP column, they’ll draft Palin to be Dear Leader. And it’ll work, and it’ll fuck the GOP a new hole. I love it.

  18. [re=516797]BlueStateLibtard[/re]:
    Hahaha he’s just pissed because his sugar mommy watched her mall company fortune disappear like so many subprime sugar grains in a rainstorm.

  19. [re=516797]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Do you think maybe he meant “the royal we”, as in, “I”? I mean, he does live in a house fit for a monarch, so maybe.

    “Eating through prosperity”, eh? Nice metaphor. What percentage of your income do you spend on food, as compared to, say, hedge funds, Tom? Hookers and blow? Get back to me and we’ll compare estimates.

    I hope we get a thread for this column. You just can’t possibly hate on the man enough.

  20. [re=516797]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: It’s true that the little people want food, a decent job and healthcare but they apparently want even more for rich people to have low taxes, there to be no government spending unless it involves them, and politicians to tell them that Jesus really loves the good ‘ole USA and hates gay commie elitists who live in New York/San Francisco. After all that, then the little people want food, a decent job, and healthcare. But only if it minorities don’t get them too

  21. Do those numbers only add up to 74%, or am I missing something, and if they do add up to 74%, what happened witht he other 26%? Please tell me they went to Glenn Beck.

  22. I think I’m changing my registration to Republican so I can vote for Ron Paul in the primaries… not because I would ever want that man near the White House, mind you, but because a potent Ron Paul insurgency might just be the quickest way to destroy the GOP.

  23. [re=516812]Bearbloke[/re]: I actually sort of wish bills like this would pass, because the ensuing comedy would be completely priceless. Alas, there’s not a chance, so we’ll just have to hold on the mental image of South Carolinans hiking the Appalachian Trail with a backpack full of bullion.

  24. [re=516815]hoosiermama[/re]: thank you kindly. Really, I’d like to get the “CPAC laughs at threat of domestic terrorism” meme in circulation. It’s more fun if we kick a paultard in the nuts while we’re at it.

  25. [re=516817]Mad Brahms[/re]: Just when I think that it can’t get any worse, another idiot SC politician embarrasses the state. By a strange coincidence, they are all Republicans.

  26. [re=516800]ladymacbeth[/re]: I dunno. Charles “I’m an Asshole” Krauthammer has some opinions about people who think we’re ungovernable. Shorter Krauthammer: Reagan managed [sic], so why can’t Obama?

  27. [re=516786]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Barack is half-white!

    I mean, I know, “one drop rules” mean he’s not white at all, but when have those applied, across regions, since 1970 or so? Most of us are mulatto or mestizo or otherwise mixed, now, anyway. Even the now-great-grannies on Milwaukee’s South Side, who were blocking the 27th Street Bridge with torches & pitchforks (when that Bad Catholic, Fr. Groppi, tried to lead the blacks from Africa to Poland), have seen their Polish Princess granddaughters shack-up with black, Mexican, & Laotian males… & barely grit their teeth when they see ’em.

  28. Someone, please, do a survey of hookers (male and female) and drug dealers. How many of them serviced CPACers, and what did their customers tell them? Hookers know everything.

  29. [re=516755]Thesoundoffurry[/re]: Close. That 7% represents Real Americans who are also retarded. And not in a South Boston “Hey, that’s so retaaaahded”, but actually “two standard deviations below the average IQ” retarded.

  30. [re=516759]artpepper[/re]: I just read back and found this. “Somnambulate off of a cliff” is probably the most apt description of this congress’ behavior I have yet heard.

    Sometimes, though, I wonder if they are sleep-running instead of sleep-walking.*

    * Friedman-esque metaphor alert!

  31. [re=516814]Serolf Divad[/re]: That’s a fine idea. It’ll be like Rush’s Operation: Chaos, except without the back-pedaling and changing the rules as we go along.

  32. [re=516842]mumblyjoe[/re]: The defense is great, too. “We love and honor the constitution. But so long as Washington is going to shit on it, we will too! That’s how much we love FREEDOM!”

  33. [re=516823]southern mark smith[/re]: Hey, I just clicked the clicky, and… well, in para 7 he seems to call Tom Friedman a Retard! Awkward.

    I think Friedman should challenge Krauthammer to a round of golf & settle it that way.

  34. [re=516842]mumblyjoe[/re]: The only read the parts that talk about Jesus…

    [re=516817]Mad Brahms[/re]: Do you think South Carolina’s Rep. Joe “Yew Lie” Wilson will give back any of this tainted Nigg Socialist Muslin Stim-U-Luus munnies? Will any of the 100+ other hypocritical ReThuglicasn pus-bags give it back, since it’s all just another of ACORN’s George-Soros-funded Antichrist plots to ENSLAVE the White Patriotic people of Real American for their Fascist Commie One-Worlder Illegal Alien Death-panel gay-marrying satanic Kenyan Voodoo gun-grabbing cap and trade UN black helicopter Illuminati orgies?

  35. [re=516852]Bearbloke[/re]: I doubt it! But if there’s one thing that Cartoon Violence taught us this week, it’s that “stimulus” means “stimulus”, if you know what I mean (hint: anal.)

  36. [re=516819]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: The disconnect for the Choco-PACers may be too deep for that, but I’ll certainly pitch in on that meme. The Dark Side is strong among them…

  37. [re=516851]boatapple[/re]: Either a retard, which would be accurate, or or one of our “better thinkers”, which would be less accurate. The golf game should be played on the roof of the Friedman Estate, which is (it is hoped) non ADA-compliant.

    [re=516866]zhubajie[/re]: If Reagan was more nearsighted than others, it was because he was standing beneath the crotches of giants?

  38. [re=516870]Gun-toting Progressive[/re]: I’m a gun owner. I also take a shit in the morning. Both are rather uninteresting facts about me.

  39. [re=516823]southern mark smith[/re]: I read that in yesterday’s paper. My first thought was, “Geez, looks like somebody’s bag of dicks didn’t agree with them last night.”

  40. [re=516813]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Bradford’s Law (a buttload of people voted alone for some random name, or incomprehensibly misspelled Ron Paul, possibly)
    [re=516791]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: split between the snarky ones and the stupid ones who have guns.
    And a few confused ones who get really pissed off about not getting tenure?

  41. Well since the Very Serious People from WaPo and Morning Joe have been telling us that America is a Center-Right country, I’m sure the numbers from this straw poll aren’t too far off. Ron Paul – 31%. Barack Obama’s approval rating – 2%? Oh wait never mind.

  42. Given that you’re not even supposed to let the U.S. flag touch the ground, isn’t it a bit disrespectful to wrap the newborn baby of Liberty in it? Given that they’re basically projectile vomiting balls of poop and pee?

  43. It’s time to dig up Ronald Reagan and put him back to work. Scientists have worked out the technology with guys like Strom Thurmond and Byrd. Turning RR out in zombie form would provide the leadership that is so badly needed in the GOP.

  44. Too bad the love-hump-suck scene in the Bruno film featuring Ronnie Paulsey was cut. The filthy minded Cpackin’ crowd would have crowned him queen of the world right out of the box.

  45. Ron Paul’s first triumph of 2012! This will be followed a series of CRUSHING wins in assorted Internet polls that will PROVE his can be elected. Then he’ll finish below Huckerbee in Iowa (at least Huck can be counted on to guzzle a gallon of corn syrup a day, gotta respect that in farm country) which will be the first of a series of spectacular losses in actual primaries. And the blimp will sag, and the Paultards will slither back to their basements to see if there’s one bong hit left. The end.

  46. [re=516791]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Hmmm….I’m seeing some Wonketter influence making it’s way to the youtubes…lmao@whoever posted that “Needs MOAR TRUCKNUTZ!” hzzzah! I’d love to read your views on life, libery and the pursuit of NASCAR, sister-sex and Truck Nutz (The GOP Platform, essentially).

  47. wow, I’ve never seen so much hate and ridicule for a statesman who truly deserves some respect.Ron Paul does not pander to special interest groups and is grounded in true conservative principles that breaks through the barriors of our partisan, left/right political system. As Dems and Reps continue to argue amongst themselves, and nothing gets done, we should focus our attention on what the role of gov’t should be. The U.S. Constitution is pretty clear as well as the founders of this nation. Personal liberty, sound money, limited Fed. gov’t, non-interventionist foreign policy, and capitalist system that is free from cronyism and gov’t interference. This is the direction the real Tea Party wants and freedom lovers everywhere want. From the comments I’ve read, you all hate Republicans and neo-cons so much that you would disagree with them for the sake of disagreeing. This is not going to help bring ou country together. It’s no wonder why this country is falling apart economically. We’ve forgotten what true freedom really is, and the more power we extend to the our leaders, the more they will abuse it and use it to justify unconstitutional legislation like the Patriot Act. Point being, that both parties have sold out to special interests and crooked global corporations. Forget all this political party bullsh!t. It’s time to come together as Americans, and although we’ll have some disagreements, we’ll respect each other enough that will work through them together. But first, we need to stop listening to the shills in T.V. and Radio like Hannity, Beck, Limbaugh, , and thos in Fox, CNN, Air America. Ron Paul may not be the perfect candidate, but he offers a lot to people of different political persuations, and he should not be discounted from “mainstream politics.”

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