HOT COCK AT CPAC  2:31 pm February 19, 2010

Janet Napolitano Is Fat At CPAC!

by Jim Newell

Paultards dress up as Janet Napolitano, at CPAC! She is “Big Sis” because she runs the catch-all bureaucracy no one has ever given a shit about and which has no power, or resources. In other words: “Sumo” would be apt, because she may be fat, maybe. [Photo via Garrett Quinn]

 
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{ 94 comments }

Lawndarts February 19, 2010 at 2:34 pm

…and that’s how you do comedy kids!

ManchuCandidate February 19, 2010 at 2:35 pm

This guy just wanted to accentuate his wide stance at tonight’s CPAC yiff.

thesheriffisnear February 19, 2010 at 2:36 pm
norbizness February 19, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Smarmy frathole dickweeds do reproduce asexually, like through spores, right? DAMN

queeraselvis v 2.0 February 19, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Oh for fuck’s sake. Would someone please tell K-Lo that khaki and gingham is not slimming? Also, the grinning guy behind her totally got drained last night by Mr. Craigslist M4M poster.

Come here a minute February 19, 2010 at 2:38 pm

She looked like she really belonged at CPAC in this picture found by clicking on the handy Wonkette janet napolitano tag. Fat? Not so much.

Gorillionaire February 19, 2010 at 2:39 pm

You are mistaken. This is how the guy just looks normally. “Big Sis Janet” is his escort name.

Way Cool Larry February 19, 2010 at 2:39 pm

how witty, instead of Big Brother, it’s Big Sis! But I’m confused– how are the conservatives going to to get those terrorists they are so worried about without a big DHS????

Suds McKenzie February 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm

why cant everyday be CPAC?

Smoke Filled Roommate February 19, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Nice duct tape name tag. Man, these motherfuckers don’t even try..

teebob2000 February 19, 2010 at 2:42 pm

[re=516180]thesheriffisnear[/re]: It’s a combination of that one, plus this (with the headgear and all).

http://screener.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/sleeper731.jpg

Extemporanus February 19, 2010 at 2:42 pm

Nice fucking retard helmet, you fucking retard.

Does it come in “adult fucking retard” size?

teebob2000 February 19, 2010 at 2:43 pm

[re=516183]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Um, wrong. That IS the “craigslist drainer”…

Extemporanus February 19, 2010 at 2:44 pm

[re=516192]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: It looked much better on Cin-Cin.

chaste everywhere February 19, 2010 at 2:46 pm

[re=516192]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Oh, they try all right. These are the motherfuckers that try men’s, and women’s, souls.

freakishlystrong February 19, 2010 at 2:46 pm

So dignified, so…common sense. Wingnutz are not funny. Period.

JMP February 19, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Hah hah hah, because Napolitano is fat; so funny. Oh wait, she’s not? What is the point of all this? Let’s see, he also looks like a Sumo wrestler; so maybe he’s making fun of her for being … Japanese?

Maybe the “Big Sis” is a feminized “Big Brother”, although that seems ridiculous coming from supporters of the man who put our anti-privacy security policies in place; but other than that, I got nothing.

Between this, the Ramirez cartoon and the “Obama fail whale” (that doesn’t look at all like a whale), there’s been a lot of inscrutable conservative symbolism here lately.

Crank Tango February 19, 2010 at 2:48 pm

[re=516192]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: it’s what happens when you sit alone huffing your farts all day. Look at that self-satisfied look on his face. Fart huffer.

MzNicky February 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Meanwhile, some rapper guy, who says he was the guy who Mittens got thrown off the plane, reports that Romney used a Vulcan death grip on him.

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Politics/The-Vote/2010/0219/Rapper-Sky-Blu-says-Mitt-Romney-used-Vulcan-grip-on-him-in-plane-fiasco

SayItWithWookies February 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm

To be fair, the CPAC

Lascauxcaveman February 19, 2010 at 2:50 pm

I shocked that these CPACers are insulting Trig by dressing up in wrestling helmets.

Oh, it’s satire? Carry on, teabaggers.

SayItWithWookies February 19, 2010 at 2:51 pm

…dammit. To be fair, the CPAC comedy repertoire has really suffered since the PC elites started frowning on blackface.

Smoke Filled Roommate February 19, 2010 at 2:51 pm

[re=516204]Crank Tango[/re]: You’re right–he definitely looks like an ass blaster that gets high on his own supply!

Scarab February 19, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Is there anything more appealing than rich, self-satisfied, white kids making fun of people who aren’t in the same as them?

MzNicky February 19, 2010 at 2:52 pm

[re=516202]JMP[/re]: Forget it, JMP. It’s Retardo-town.

proudgrampa February 19, 2010 at 2:53 pm

[re=516202]JMP[/re]: “…there‚Äôs been a lot of inscrutable conservative symbolism here lately.”

Thank you. I thought it was just me not getting it.

What is WRONG with these people?

Snarkalicious February 19, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Is that kid in the background rocking a quadruple windsor?

Extemporanus February 19, 2010 at 2:56 pm

[re=516204]Crank Tango[/re]: His good suit is still at the cleaners.

StrangelyBrown February 19, 2010 at 2:58 pm

That guy’s grinning because he finally has a use for all his 16-year-old Janet Reno fetish gear.

Smoke Filled Roommate February 19, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=516215]Snarkalicious[/re]: CPAC–the land of XXXXtreme tie knots! (or maybe that’s XPAC)

Limeylizzie February 19, 2010 at 3:00 pm

Meanwhile back at Cocksuckers Anonymous

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/m4m/1607145470.html

S.Luggo February 19, 2010 at 3:00 pm

This is what happens when you’re no breast fed.

thesheriffisnear February 19, 2010 at 3:02 pm

[re=516178]Lawndarts[/re]: No. THIS is how you do comedy:

http://www.foodmuseum.com/images/watermelongallagher.jpg

Smoke Filled Roommate February 19, 2010 at 3:02 pm

[re=516218]Extemporanus[/re]: Sheesh– Memory: ERASE !!

queeraselvis v 2.0 February 19, 2010 at 3:04 pm

[re=516215]Snarkalicious[/re]: Close. It’s a four-in-hand-and-two-up-the-butt.

Joshua Norton February 19, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Ever notice how they all want to be anybody but themselves?

President Beeblebrox February 19, 2010 at 3:09 pm

[re=516205]MzNicky[/re]: “Condor grip”? Shit, he’s lucky Mittens didn’t give him a Falcon Punch.

dr.giraud February 19, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Don’t know who had the original brilliant idea, cause the right leaks genius, but Michael Savage refers to Napolitano as “Big Sis.”

JMP February 19, 2010 at 3:11 pm

[re=516214]proudgrampa[/re]: Maybe it’s some sort of brain damage induced by a combination of rage and cognitive dissonance. That, and the effect of having separate teabagger language where words don’t mean what they do to the rest of us, that comes from living in their own Bizarro world.

Wait, maybe that’s it; they’re Bizarros and say everything backwards, and actually are clear if you reverse them. So “Preznint not be born in ‘Merica, haz not shown birt cirtifcate” mean “The President was born in America and has shown his birth certificate”.

Limeylizzie February 19, 2010 at 3:12 pm

She is their new Janet Reno it seems, wow they just hate a woman of ” ambigious’ sexuality don’t they?

populucious February 19, 2010 at 3:12 pm

This is what happens when frat parties and prayer breakfasts spawn.

gurukalehuru February 19, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Get your Vulcan hands off me!

MzNicky February 19, 2010 at 3:16 pm

[re=516252]Limeylizzie[/re]: Or maybe they just hate women named Janet. Or maybe they think Janet Napolitano is also Janet Reno. Or maybe they don’t think.

Pop Socket February 19, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=516192]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Because nothing says high class satire like sharpie on duct tape.

Prommie February 19, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Between this and Friedman’s house, this place is a real fucking downer today. I can’t even laugh at this shit. Its just an ocean of suck. I am going to take some morphine now, yes, I have a real live prescription for it, ha ha, motherfuckers.

JMP February 19, 2010 at 3:26 pm

[re=516252]Limeylizzie[/re]: No disclaimer need; they just hate women.

Prommie February 19, 2010 at 3:27 pm

[re=516215]Snarkalicious[/re]: I always called that knot “The Stockboy.”

Crank Tango February 19, 2010 at 3:27 pm

[re=516210]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: omg guys wait til you see what I am gonna wear to cpac LMAO. PFFFT. SNIFFFFFFFFFF. LOLOL

You know big brother? Well, so how about big sister? BRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAPPPPP. SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. I know where I can get a sumo suit, and look like a prick. FTW! Right guys? FFFFFFLLLLPPFPFPFPFPFPFPF….SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. aah that’ll show that uppity obama. Anybody got any duct tape?
[re=516218]Extemporanus[/re]: At first I was gonna say why bother cleaning a suit like that, but then I realized there are things I don’t know and don’t wanna know.

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 19, 2010 at 3:29 pm

The right-wingers hate Janet Napolitano because of the Homeland Security memo mentioning how right-wingers might be prone to terror attacks, which is plainly nonsense. They are just making harmless statements when they bring guns to political rallies, form backwoods militias, scream about assault-weapon bans, shoot doctors, attempt to install illegal wiretaps, and fly airplanes into IRS buildings.

proudgrampa February 19, 2010 at 3:31 pm

[re=516268]Prommie[/re]: I’m about to break out the Bombay Sapphire, myself.

“This movie’s a bummer, man…”

PlanetWingnuta February 19, 2010 at 3:33 pm

[re=516191]Suds McKenzie[/re]: cause hotel maids have days off and cant clean up all that cpac ‘discrete’ cum stains from the sheets and headboards.

thesheriffisnear February 19, 2010 at 3:37 pm

[re=516268]Prommie[/re]: Reading the slow motion car crash that is the Washington Post (Sally Quinn’s fluffy feature) is enough to make anyone grab for the codeine-enhanced cough syrup.

A little something else to send you down the slippery slope:

http://potsofclay.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/candy-corn.jpg

Escape Goat Nation February 19, 2010 at 3:43 pm

I’m having a hard time telling the difference between the XPAC turds and the CPAC turds.

S.Luggo February 19, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Their dates must be so proud.

Prommie February 19, 2010 at 3:46 pm

[re=516279]proudgrampa[/re]: Its payday, and on my way home, I is gonna buy a fucking mega-vat of the king and queen of gins, the gin of gins, the apogee of gins, the Greatest Gin Ever In The History of the Universe, Hendricks, I am gonna spend half my paycheck on that shit, and I am gonna make myself 4, at least 4, big, cold martinis, with a big jalapeno-stuffed oilve, skewered with one of those little plastic swords, thats very important, the little plastic swords.

Jerri February 19, 2010 at 3:48 pm

fap?

Snarkalicious February 19, 2010 at 3:57 pm

[re=516301]Jerri[/re]: Go on. Don’t be shy, now.

The Lucky Wife February 19, 2010 at 4:01 pm

What’s on his head and why is he wearing glasses? The real “big sis” Janet doesn’t wear glasses, nor a, for lack of a better word, thang on her head.

The Lucky Wife February 19, 2010 at 4:05 pm

[re=516324]The Lucky Wife[/re]: The real Janet has hair – after posting I realized that my post made it seem like she is bald. Note to self, “think before you type!”

Flanders February 19, 2010 at 4:06 pm

[re=516268]Prommie[/re]: [re=516279]proudgrampa[/re]: Elitists with your drugs. I’m going to have to make do by spending the afternoon in bed fucking my friend. TTFN!

lawrenceofthedesert February 19, 2010 at 4:17 pm

The wingo’s also hate Janet because she knew how to get elected in Arizona, resting place of eternal Trucknuts poster boy Barry Goldwater, which many one-browed pink people believe God had given to them in a book of the Bible censored by some early papist. They considered it an accident of her having a last name that sounds like ice cream, which confused Latinos and other “mud people” into voting for her. Thus they like to portray her as an average housewife from Detroit.

Lascauxcaveman February 19, 2010 at 4:18 pm

[re=516299]Prommie[/re]: Four martinis in a row w/the expensive Hendricks? You’re doing it wrong. Pick up a bottle of the cheap stuff to use for martinis number 3 and 4, when your mouth is already numb and can’t taste anything. That way you can afford do this kind of bender nearly twice as often.

Mr Newell: You can tag this one under WONKETTE PRO TIPS

dijetlo February 19, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Anti splatter “birth control” safety glasses?…..Check!

Impact absorbent headgear?….Check!

Wearing nothing you can’t happily burn in the morning when the jizz coating will make him look even more like a crispy creme donut? Check and check!

The boy is ready from some heavy duty CPAC teabagging and with the nickname like “Big Sis”, I’m sure he’ll be popular…my only question is isn’t he supposed to be an under-aged dominican boy? Or is that just for Rushs’ personal sexy-time?

canadians for pussy February 19, 2010 at 4:35 pm

there’s never a guy with an airplane when you need one.

Crank Tango February 19, 2010 at 4:48 pm

maybe it’s too late to wonder this, but who had to take the nightdress off of K-LO to put that outfit together?

Prommie February 19, 2010 at 4:53 pm

[re=516363]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Thank you, that really is good advice, I ahould always have two bottles, really, one of Hendrix, for the first of the day, and one of Gordons (not bad at all, I might say) for 2 through closing.
[re=516342]Flanders[/re]: I am just going to keep fucking this chicken.

Jerri February 19, 2010 at 5:00 pm

[re=516317]Snarkalicious[/re]: It’s just so…confusing and nightmare inducing.

OhPleeze February 19, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Looks somewhat like Trig Palin’s grandma Heath, to me.

lochnessmonster February 19, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Wonder if his parents are proud of the way he turned out!

El Pinche February 19, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Hey, can the demrats and libtards haz a silly clown show too? The DNC isn’t like this. They have CPAC, teabagger parties at malls, and conventions. Fuck putting their heads together and creating alternative ideas, it’s party time baby pops.

My girl Janet would tear these little pussies out that costume, pick them up over her head as they’re screaming for their mama, and snap their spines over her knee like bulsawood.

EdFlinstone February 19, 2010 at 6:23 pm

The outfit makes perfect sense for a CPAC convention When your this brain damaged, a little fall or bump to head, could be difference between being a high funtioning tard and Terri Schiavo.

EdFlinstone February 19, 2010 at 6:32 pm

[re=516512]EdFlinstone[/re]: functioning u retard.

brown_recluse February 19, 2010 at 6:50 pm

[re=516268]Prommie[/re]: you always have the best ideas.

brown_recluse February 19, 2010 at 6:52 pm

If you have to wear a sign that tells people who you’re supposed to be, then your costume’s no damn good.

rocktonsammy February 19, 2010 at 9:12 pm

That fucking retard will be charge of something in 2013.

Wheres my plane?

Jim89048 February 19, 2010 at 9:20 pm

Cannot unsee, though I have tried.

slowuncle February 19, 2010 at 9:34 pm

[re=516205]MzNicky[/re]: Now that I’ve heard the other guy’s side of the Romney ‘sky-rage’ story, it’s official:
Mitt Romney is the crown prince of douchebags.
I think my favorite part of the story has to be “…then Mrs Mormon started screaming…”

desertwind February 19, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Humpty Dumpty

DC Hates Me February 19, 2010 at 9:58 pm

CPAC Sumo wrestling seems sort of … oh, you know .. let’s get physical, bro. Did the “wrestlers” pay to do this fun-riddled activty, or were they paid? Or something inbetween?

DC Hates Me February 19, 2010 at 10:15 pm

Found the video .. not pretty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1GmJ0jqzpE

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mumblyjoe February 19, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Hey guys, remember back during the campaign, when Obama used some folksy idiom to talking about dressing up a terrible idea, and Sarah Palin took offense, because, despite being folksy, she clearly is not terribly well-versed in actual folksy things that people say, and so instead assumed that Obama was saying something about her physique?

Because I’m just saying… oh, wait, “Napolitano”, as in JANET Napolitano? The Democrat? Never mind, then- it’s totally not sexist to treat calling a woman fat as legitimate political critique, if you’re a member of the political party that opposed women’s suffrage, back in the day.

ElitistMarxist February 20, 2010 at 12:03 am

[re=516581]DC Hates Me[/re]: Yeah, when i think of the defenders of the people and the rule of law, somehow I don’t think that ref is the guy.

S.Luggo February 20, 2010 at 1:08 am

[re=516471]lochnessmonster[/re]: In general, terrestial reptiles usually abandon their young after the first 3 months. It’s cleaner that way.

Mr Blifil February 20, 2010 at 1:10 am

[re=516420]Crank Tango[/re]: Jonah’s purple retard brother?

slowuncle February 20, 2010 at 1:14 am

[re=516587]mumblyjoe[/re]: “poor me” Palin update:
the Downs Syndrome afflicted actress who did the voice-over for the Family Guy character which crybaby Sarah recently took umbrage with, scored a killer quote today by way of rebuttal: “I can’t believe the way that woman hauls around that baby Twig like a loaf of French bread”

DC Hates Me February 20, 2010 at 8:02 am

[re=516605]ElitistMarxist[/re]: I was thinking more on the lines of a ‘Lord of the Flies’ – kill the pig type event.

Rajul February 20, 2010 at 9:19 am

Wait wait wait…is that guy just pretending to be retarded (which according to Sarah Palin is OK because it’s satire), or is he actually retarded (which according to Sarah Palin is not even OK to mention because that’s a slur, and heartbreaking)?

mumblyjoe February 20, 2010 at 9:46 am

[re=516612]slowuncle[/re]: Honestly, I’m not completely unconvinced she isn’t a malfunctioning robot.

Hear me out: She’s clearly set to “folksy”, but every time she tries to access her “folk wisdom” database, she gets a read error. So, when Obama said something folksy, she assumed he was calling her fat. She also has a “RETARDS ARE GOD’S CHILDREN/LITTLE ANGELS” subroutine, that overrides everything, and leads to her being offended all the time. Only, when Rush Limbaugh says it, she *can’t*, because, being a robot, she can’t turn against the people who programmed her. Ergo, (::quick database search::) umm, satire?

snideinplainsight February 20, 2010 at 9:44 pm

CPAC <= needs more space orcs.

japan_monster February 20, 2010 at 10:19 pm

mo rules

Apocalyptic Supermarket February 20, 2010 at 10:36 pm

[re=516581]DC Hates Me[/re]: Meh. Needs more wriggling penises.

lulzmonger February 20, 2010 at 11:44 pm

I’d hit it … with a 9-iron.

Long Form Def Certificate February 21, 2010 at 8:51 pm

[re=516612]slowuncle[/re]: Retarded, & lisping. I’m engorged.

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