As if the amazing revelations that New York Governor David Paterson has a pal who sucks weren’t enough, now the New York Times has an even sexier sex-related scandal to report! It seems that when it comes to actual governing, Paterson is kind of “meh” and would prefer to hang out in the Hamptons with his rich patrons. Salacious!
For starters, Paterson keeps a schedule to rival a common blogger in its slackerdom:
A review of several months of Mr. Paterson’s private schedules shows that his days were not long; he often arrived at his office in Manhattan or Albany after 10 a.m. and departed by 4:30 or 5 p.m.
Sometimes, he has failed to show up at long-scheduled events.
Also, blah blah blah, ooh this: spendy spending, all the time, in fancy New York restaurants.
There is a $304 tab at Le Cirque in Manhattan. There were two large expenditures at the Water Club — $670 and $299. And the campaign spent more than $1,000 at the Mojo restaurant in Harlem, for the governor’s birthday.
Of course, candidates are permitted to spend campaign money to hold fund-raising events and court donors, and the places money often gets raised — New York and Washington — are hardly cheap. But the frequency of such outings in Mr. Paterson’s campaign accounts is striking, especially when contrasted with the spending of other statewide candidates in New York.
And last but most damningly, he hired some lamer of an ex-girlfriend to do Important Things even though she wasn’t really qualified to do these things.
Question: where is the stuff about the gay bathroom sex and the hookers and the heroin between the toes and the embezzlement and funding of overseas military juntas and passing out on his front steps with his pants around his ankles? Because this is just weak.
As Campaign Nears, Paterson Is Seen as Increasingly Remote [New York Times]
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Clearly he belongs in the Senate instead.
Apparently, all he needs is a warm place to shit.
I fully expect the next installment of the world’s least explosive bombshell to focus on Paterson’s unseemly library fines.
The NYT apparently doesn’t realize that a shocking expose by definition shouldn’t just confirm what everyone already thinks.
He’s waiting for the man
So what? He’s like many bosses I’ve worked for. Comes in late, fucks off early, wants to hang out with his rich buddies and not us plebes, and is a dick.
Oh, you mean it’s okay for a white upper class snot to do it. Intolerable for black folks.
Plus, HE’S FUCKING BLIND. Is he going to LOOK at the CLOCK or something?
Next the NYT will be telling us that Patterson also leaves the toilet seat down or up and that he sometimes snores and that he also farts and blames it on his seeing eye dog.
Gov. Paterson is definitely not a “looker”, in more ways than one.
Yes yes, this is all very interesting, but Tiger is about to Address the Nation! Let’s focus, people! MSNBC is having a circle-jerk of wise men telling Tiger what he should say. It’s awe-inspiring!
Did the authors of this story finish it and think it was *good*?
So, according to the NYT, Paterson is everything we wish we could be, except for the blind part. Quite a scandal.
“Weak” is an understatement. Most papers run more scandalous news in the Home and Garden section.
“As Campaign Nears, Paterson Seen As Aloof and Distracted” means he goes to expensive restaurants and leaves work early? Does the NYT have a category of bombshell that falls between hyperexaggerated war propaganda and banalities you wouldn’t bother telling your neighbor? I was so hoping they’d got ahold of security videos of Governor Paterson on a forklift with two hookers, a zebra and gallon drum of ether, ripping mailboxes out of the sidewalk. At least those people who plagiarize stuff come up with something interesting every now and then.
And yet, a much larger amount of laziness and love of spending campaign money got the Times et al. fapping all over Palin; maybe if Patterson could mix in out-of-control egocentrism and monumental stupidity he’d be OK with them. Or he could be a white Republican.
[re=515971]V572625694[/re]: My god; the only thing more important or exciting would be if another pretty white woman were to go missing.
My boss often comes into work 15 minutes late and spends another 15 minutes drinking coffee and reading the paper. He’s also poor at delegating work. Should I call the Des Moines Register with this shocking revelation?
Given his -5% chance of reelection, it seems safe to assume he’s only running so he can continue to charge fancy dinners to his campaign. Which is exactly what I would do in a similar situation. If you’re gonna go down, go down drinking free cocktails.
[re=515983]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Let’s face it, even Des Moines has more interesting news than this story.
[re=515980]SayItWithWookies[/re]: As usual, your perfect mini-diatribe has warmed me to my cold, icy, blackened core. Thank you.
Too bad we’re not live-blogging Tiger. This is a hoot!
You might say he turns a blind eye to his official duties, then?
[re=515991]proudgrampa[/re]: Who is David Paterson??
OMG OMG OMG
Have you guys read the latest on Mittens airplane altercation yet? WONKETTE GET ON THAT SHIT. It deserves one-THOUSAND drudge sirens!
[re=515992]MMS[/re]: I hear he also has a wandering eye.
I do not care. Pretty soon, we will find out all governors do this(except mine- Martin O’Malley- in whom I have great faith- but then perhpas I am a fool)
[re=515997]jetjaguar[/re]: Suggesting that Romney doesn’t like the coloreds? God knows they can’t get to stage-six of Heaven (except for Gladys Knight)
[re=515991]proudgrampa[/re]: Yeah, I want more Tiger. I want to understand why he is a *sex addict* who goes to rehab, whereas when I had an affair I was a *jerk* and an *asshole* (assessments I tended to agree with).
Wait .. since when has any governor of New York actually done an honest days work?
Cuomo? Pataki? Spitzer?
Case dismissed!
[re=516001]finallyhappy[/re]: I keep hoping that Christine Gregoire is going to have some sort of shocking, steamy lesbian affair, and then, I really think about it, and I realize that I don’t hope that at all.
When a dog bites man, that’s not news.
When David Paterson bites a Nathan’s hot dog at Coney Island on lunch break, THAT’S NEWS!!!
[re=516004]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Because he is rich. I’m going to go out on a limb here & assume you are not a billionaire.
[re=516004]Red Zeppelin[/re]: He is rich. Clearly Jeebus loves him. If you are not rich then Jeebus hates you. QED
[re=516009]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Damn you
[re=515961]x111e7thst[/re]: First thing you learn is that you always gotta wait
I want to hear about how Paterson shot a raccoon.
OT and more exciting than Paterson’s naps: The special little angel serves Sarah Palin.
Hee hee hee. This should be fun.
Isn’t Cuomo already the next Governor?
I think in the third article the New York Times gives Paterson a complete new makeover. It’s gonna be fab!
I am now hopeful that there’s more Gov Paterson news coming. In other NY State political news, I saw Eliot Spitzer near Union Square yesterday! Walking! And actually, he’s just as fugly in real life as in photos.
Hey, apparently Palin has been schooled by a fucking retard:
“My name is Andrea Fay Friedman. I was born with Down syndrome. I played the role of Ellen on the “Extra Large Medium” episode of Family Guy that was broadcast on Valentine’s day. Although they gave me red hair on the show, I am really a blonde. I also wore a red wig for my role in ” Smudge” but I was a blonde in “Life Goes On”. I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line “I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska” was very funny. I think the word is “sarcasm”.
In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes.”
Give her credit for throwing in “french.” She coulda just said “loaf of bread.” But no, she threw in “french,” which is kryptinite to cornpone conservatives.
[re=516010]x111e7thst[/re]: John Calvin, is that you? I thought you’d been dead for centuries!
What I need to know, does this blind usurper put his feet on the people’s furniture?
[re=516025]Prommie[/re]: I caught that story, too. I don’t know if Andrea actually wrote this, but the sentiment is fabulous!
[re=516002]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: OK, that AND the revelation that the black guy is some kind of famous rapper-man that is claiming that Mittens shot first.
Paterson is either lazy when he acts like a white man or incredibly industrious for a minority.
Who does he think he is? Tiger Woods?
[re=515990]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Diatribe? Hell, those are my plans for later this evening.
Not related, but MN’s Pawlenty has declared at CPAC that “the implication is, we’re kind of bumpkins. Well, history is on our side“.
Yes. If history shows us anything, it’s that racist, under-educated people will rise again.
Gov. Paterson should not worry. If he would just learn to say 9/11 in every sentence, FOX News will proclaim him the greatest Governor ever.
[re=515980]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Agreed. Needs more Jayson Blair.
[re=516041]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: How many times do we need to burn down South Carolina before they get the message?
And in other news, Frank Lautenberg has cancer…
[re=516004]Red Zeppelin[/re]: I could easily diagnose your problem, but first I need to know the name of the sport at which you are the best the world.
And that also explains Paterson; he is not the best governor in the world.
[re=516041]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: He made a big mistake in comparing himself to Grant, though; remember which side your audience wishes won in what they call the War of Northern Aggression.
“Slacker” as compared to the NY State Assembly and Senate Do Nothing Society? It’s the hopelessly blind leading the blindly hopeless. Sheesh.
If I were the Gov I’d be raising cane right about now.
[re=516047]Limeylizzie[/re]: Bring on Sen. Jovi!
The weird thing is, we were joking about Mellencamp running to replace Bayh; but now, according to a lot of the media reports, it looks like that’s actually at least somewhat likely.
Or[re=516055]JMP[/re]: I would be just fine with Senator Cougar Mellancamp, he has a record(s) at least..Farm Aid and is actually a native son, could do a lot worse.
[re=516025]Prommie[/re]: The key word might not be French, though that certainly sends wingnuts screaming into the night, but bread; as in, it takes a lot of bread to keep the attention of this high-maintenance political whore.
[re=516061]Limeylizzie[/re]: A Senator Mellencamp would be like Senator Henry Cabot Lodge compared to Senator J. Danforth Quayle. Indiana HAS done a lot worse.
http://www.dearwinona.com/t_dan_quayle_airhead_apparent_shirt.jpg
The New York Times asks, “Why isn’t this blind man more concerned with appearances?”
wait a minute, rich guys don’t work 24/7 and eat at their desks? WTF?
Actually, a thousand bucks for a birthday party doesn’t sound extreme at all.
I’m hoping he stays on, because fuck the New York Times.
[re=516061]Limeylizzie[/re]: No Cougar in the title – he dropped that years ago. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, John Mellencamp would be an inspired choice. The Congressman from Evansville (Ellston or something) fits the profile for prior successful Dem candidates – downstate roots, generally socially moderate to conservative but in favor of New Deal style social intervention. And white, of course. Mellancamp is actually far left of this guy, but without offending the downstaters since he really is one of them. He’s also pretty popular in the African-American community, unlike Bayh or most down state Dems.
I don’t think he’d like the job, though – he’s used to being in charge, not living by someone else’s schedule, and plain white undershirts, jeans, leather jackets and boots aren’t normally seen as fitting the Senate’s dress code. My guess is that like Davy Crockett he’d want to leave about as soon as he got there.
[re=516017]rottenart[/re]: Why you fail me, html tag?
[re=516025]Prommie[/re]: Probably a better idea just to paste the whole thing, you’re right…
Jeebus, no “Blind Brush Clearing” jokes?
slackers..
The Times succeeded in getting a huge number of New York voters to say to themselves, “Gee, Paterson’s really not that bad. I’ve done all those things.” America’s Greatest Newspaper has invented a totally new way to support a candidate and Wonkette is ignoring that!
[re=516025]Prommie[/re]: I caught the whole episode on Hulu and thought the portrayal of the young girl with DS was outstandingly positive. That girl was just as mean, selfish and self-centered as any other teenage girl, only she happened to have DS. She was also funny, outgoing, independent and (to Chris) attractive. From my perspective as a father of a high functioning kid with a developmental disability, its exactly how I hope his peers (and especially the opposite sex) will eventually see him. If it turns out this really is the actress who played the girl, her experience and success is something to be praised – as is Seth MacFarlane for giving such an honest portrayal of people with DD.
Just another example of how Palin doesn’t get that it isn’t all about her. Trig isn’t her “precious little angel.” He’s a human being, who deserves to be given the chance to be everything he can be – even if that’s being a self-centered asshole like his mom.
[re=516112]Berkeley Bear[/re]: You just made me cry…I am completely sans snark.
[re=516112]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Time on HULU is better spent watching Modern Family.
[re=516121]thesheriffisnear[/re]: I had to see what the fuss was about, that’s all. I’d much rather watch the Cleavon Little Criterion Collection.
[re=516115]Limeylizzie[/re]: No tears, please. It confuses the hell out of folks with autism (like my son). Seriously, they oftentimes can’t get why people cry when they aren’t physically/visibly hurt (and sometimes when they are) – which is one reason why people tend to (falsely) think they don’t have emotional attachments to others.
[re=516203]Berkeley Bear[/re]:Does that collection include “The Temperature’s Rising” featuring
Joan Van Ark, Riva Rose and the adorable Nancy Fox?
Hey NY Times, thanks for the focus on Paterson’s PeePee and for avoiding those messy stories about the Box on Bush’s Back, the real story of John Kerry’s military service, thanks for avoiding the words “Keating” and “five” used in conjunction over the last 2 or 3 years, and your reporting on Iraq has been unilaterally sterling. And enjoy your gleaming spire on 41rst St. as capitalism chokes up it’s death rattles while you keep fukkin that chikkin. Hey I just noticed I can sign up for home delivery!
More alt texts plz
But think of all the money he saves on DVD rentals.
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[re=516009]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Goddammit I knew there was something I was doing wrong!
Give Dave some shit, you can give Dave the cribs
You can give Dave whaever just pass the Courvoisier
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