About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • ManchuCandidate

    That was a whale? Fail whale indeed.

    Note to FudgePACers, a whale is actually a very intelligent creature unlike yourselves.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    Oh–it’s a Twitter Eagle.. That explains the webbed feet. Or something.

  • Joshua Norton

    Geez. If you have to explain your obscure costume then you’ve already failed big time. Just ask any kid at Halloweeen.

  • CivicHoliday

    I can only imagine what plans Newt has for that poor whale’s blowhole…

  • joezoo

    Both those links are to the same pic of the flyer, yes? Shouldn’t one of them be to Garrett’s photo? Bless your heart, this Tweeter thing is so hard. Maybe Meg McCabe could give you some lessons.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If the CPAC assholes had their way, there wouldn’t be any eagles or whales. Because their precious Invisible Hand carries a steak knife and doesn’t care if it’s eating the last precious bits of our ecosystem.

  • Jim Newell

    [re=515662]joezoo[/re]: DAMN!

  • bitchincamaro

    Sorry, Jim. The poster says “you will automatically be entered…”. I didn’t read beyond that point, but I doubt it’s got anything to do with scoring swag.

  • Extemporanus

    YES, it is TRUE! I have MURDERED them BOTH!!

    And my KILLING SPREEhas only JUST BEGUN!


  • doxastic

    Listen, they can call it whatever they want, but the fact is that is clearly Cthulu, the thing that cannot be described, the green, sticky spawn of the stars, the great old one the size of a mountain. Two of these descriptors can also be used for various penises currently attending CPAC. The third cannot.

  • S.Luggo

    What’s a “Wii and $$ bitch”? Sounds like fun. How do I play?

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=515671]Extemporanus[/re]: Desert Eagle 2, Crazy Rabid GOP Homo Eagle & Cthulhu Zero.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=515663]SayItWithWookies[/re]: They are the Grizzly Sharktopi of the animal kingdom.

    (His wingtips are hidden by the water.)

  • memzilla

    Yes, Cthuhlu for President! Why settle for a lesser evil!


  • Skwerl Nutz

    [re=515654]ManchuCandidate[/re]: More like “The Squid and the Whale”

  • germansteel

    I thought the “whale-furry” was Dick Cheney until I saw the real one waddle out to greet his semi-retarded, straight bitch-daughter.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=515678]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Here’s a shot of Crazy the Raccoon right before I blew his motheryiffin’ head off for chewing & clawing his way onto my bus.

    The blind hipsters next to him found themselves collateral damage in my all-out war on fur, though thankfully, they never knew what hit them.

    (HINT: rabies, shrapnel, scorn)

  • eclecticbrotha

    Looks more like a terrified walrus. By yiminy.

  • gurukalehuru

    Fail Whale is Fail.

  • Tommmcatt


    “It puts the lint brush in the bucket….”

  • Sharkey

    I’m still holding out hope that the shark-furry is actually Riley.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=515673]doxastic[/re]: [re=515678]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: [re=515683]memzilla[/re]:

    I can’t believe I forget about this: Cthulhu is a “Face of the GOP”!

  • Sharkey

    Attention Conservatives: Whales do not have fur. The end.

  • Snarkalicious

    Man, I wish I was this good at cload sourcing my porn collection.

  • M.Steele

    I wonder if Gannon is in the whale costume, it would explain the drained 20 something’s left in its wake.

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=515715]Snarkalicious[/re]: cload? WTF is that? Do you have clap on your choad? Fucking fuckwit.

  • AnSnarkist

    Fail whale? Could the ORLY Owl not make it?

  • Crank Tango

    I don’t get it. Both of those fucking things look like turkeys.

    But I bet they are anatomically correct, if you know what I mean. I mean they have a little boy stuffed inside them. could be white or latin. depending on if you like white meat or dark meat. latin is as dark as they allow, however.

  • lochnessmonster

    When do the grown-ups show up? Also too, how do these kids get rooms? Do their parents give them all their own credit cards? The kid who is dressed in the elephant costume should really be back in school in sewing class instead of at this party.

  • DemmeFatale

    Who’s old enough to remember “Failie the Whale?”

  • 8-Man

    Ah, this is explains the whale on my Grindr.

  • The Lucky Wife

    I’ll never take “Moby Dick” seriously again.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    As an educator [sic], Newt understands the value of learning tools like asking the retards to go on a treasure hunt.

  • desertwind

    THAT was a WHALE?

    A whale of a tale.

  • President Beeblebrox

    I think the first paragraph of Call of Cthulhu pretty accurately sums up the CPAC/Teabag movement:

    “The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.”

  • AddHomonym

    [re=515736]DemmeFatale[/re]: Little known (or alternately, known by everybody, it’s hard to tell) fact: Failie the Whale was made from the same mold as Santa Claus. Now, back to Ralph Kiner interviewing Dwight Gooden on the postgame show.

  • zhubajie

    GOP = Giant Octopus Party. The Party of Cthulhu!

  • scooterKPFT

    [re=515817]zhubajie[/re]: Does PZ Myers know about this?

  • Mr Blifil

    “Automatically entered into a raffle,” not AUTOMATICAL WINNERS OF THE RAFFLE. Why do you libtard editors always want everything handed to you?

    And here’s the original edible Fucking Retarded the Fail Whale: Fudgie the Whale


  • Mr Blifil

    [re=515797]AddHomonym[/re]: Aw see…jinx, kinda.

  • Papas got a brand new teabag

    [re=515860]Mr Blifil[/re]: they don’t like it when you use the R word.

    solution: remove the R.

    what a bunch of fucking etards.

  • Zorg

    Come the Revolution, these people will be liquidated as a class.

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  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Given that this is CPAC, just because it is the “Obama Job Creation Fail Whale” doesn’t mean that it isn’t also our Dark Lord Cthulhu.

  • billcostley

    Was {Ann Coulter} there? Dressed as {what}?