You guys, come on! The teabaggers just wanted to dress up like George Washington and have a “virtual slave state constitutional convention” and you meanies went and ruined it all, just because the teabaggers are a bunch of delusional idiots who somehow think a wide-open website won’t be, uh, desecrated if they wish real hard or something. Plus, here’s a rare picture of K-Lo outside of her apartment, where she’s usually weeping in her Snuggie to old Reagan speeches.
Anyway, why does this Christian Science Monitor article have “The New Economy” as a subhed? What does that even mean? And how does this important webzine know that the Hitler in question is “fake,” anyway? Did they see his birth certificate?
But when the group invited Americans to sign the document online – complete with cursive signatures and a graphic quill – participatory democracy broke down in the face of the no-rules Internet.
For a time, it appeared that the statement’s first signer was Adolph Hitler, or at least someone referencing the German dictator while misspelling his first name. “Joe Dufus” got in his digital John Hancock and so did another would-be prankster …. Organizers promptly pulled the plug on the virtual signing feature.
Oh yeah, if you’ve got clip-art of a fucking quill, then you’re totally protected from any kind of internet tomfoolery. Idiots.
Anyway, Wonkette operatives of the world, thanks for ruining these assholes’ website and dreams! [CSM]
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Is K-Lo wearing Pajama Jeans?
Couldn’t we all chip in and buy Kathy a pair of pajama jeans?
Ah didn’t sign as Hitler, but ah’m taking credit for it.
“It was said that there would be punch and pie!”
That looks more like a sharpie (in K-Lo’s hand) than a quill.
I said it before and I’ll say it again: This is why we can’t have anything nice.
So I take it wonkette is taking credit for this spectacular act of internet terrorism, anonymous-style?
I wonder if K-Lo’s pudgy hand left a perspiration mark on their parchment. She looks like someone who sweats constantly….
[re=515117]norbizness[/re]: Instead, we get Punch and Judy.
Oh no, people putting joke names on a list means the imminent breakdown of Democracy; we’re all doomed!
Those poor teabaggers; they really need some kind of internet filter that only allows True Believers to access their sites; a test that will block anyone capable of rational thought.
The ersatz Washington has a better wig.
Also, K-Lo, don’t wear a necklace out of the ben wa balls, that’s disgusting.
The Tea Baggers knew it was a fake hitler because they’ve all been briefed on the fact that the real hitler is living in semi-retirement on the Bush estate in Paraguay waiting for their revolution to restore his good name
In the real world, George Wsahington would never have witnessed a woman signing any political document, so all this faux resurrection of history is just so much absurdity. Of course, it does give re-enactors something to do between summer battlefield banging, I mean gaming.
I have seen the future of the Internet, and it is swimming in TRUCKNUTZ.
Is the Internet too free?
Ironic that such a question could be raised in the context of this re-signing of the Declaration of Independence. What sorts of things would George Washington think were too free in his day? Mouthy, back-talking darkies for starters.
Yet another great thing the internet has given us*: the ability to mock dumbasses from the comfort of our apartments, where we dress in jammy-jeans and eat offa Freedom Trays.
* Other gifts of the internet include: an authoritative guide to lightsaber combat, all the pictures of random folk’s penises that you could want, and Ron Paul.
Whose digits are on their John Hancocks? Show of hands!
The fake Hitler was outed by a fake Godwin.
Austin, four blocks, etc.
What they mean by “the new economy” is “the old economy” (!) and that means my black ass is headed for a cave.
In the words of my ancestors, “feets don’t fail me now!”
Congrats on being a bunch of evil genius usurper a-holes fellow Wonketteseses. Also.
The article didn’t mention the signatures of well-known conservative thinkers Haywood Jablome and Mike Hunt.
And if they couldn’t really sign it at Mount Vernon, but had to do it in a branch public library instead, shouldn’t it be called the “Collingwood Library Statement”?
Attention Wonketeers:
You and your kind ruined these nice white people’s patriotism exercise on the internets. This Australian song is dedicated to you.
What’sa matta you, hey!
Gotta no respect, whatta you think you do,
Why you looka so sad? It’s-a not so bad, it’s-a nice-a place,
Ah, shaddap you face!
–Joe Dolce, ca. 1980
:::Ahem:::
Dear CSM Editor:
It’s “Adolf Hitler,” not “Adolph.” If you are going to use the wrong spelling intentionally, you should have noted the error with “sic,” quotation marks, or both.
Thank you.
Regards,
A. Hitler
Battersea, UK
P.s. Who is this “K. Lopez”? The name sounds . . . well . . . Juden to me.
Jonah Goldberg is bummed too — he was soooo ready to take on that liberal fascist Hitler, and then found out the dude was a fake. Next time though, for sure.
Wait, so the the internet constitution was destroyed by internet freedom?
Today, we are all Hitler
Let’s not forget such distinguished signers as “Al Caholic” “Amanda Huginkiss” “Homer Sexual” and “Uh, hey, everybody! I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt”
[re=515141]V572625694[/re]: Haywood made the American Prospect piece that the CSM piece references, the Christian Scientists being too delicate for such language:
http://www.prospect.org/csnc/blogs/tapped_archive?month=02&year=2010&base_name=the_latest_in_founding_father
Also, as the fake Nostradamus (a redundancy, I know) I knew that fake Hitler guy would show up on their website.
This has Jim Newell written all over it.
[re=515141]V572625694[/re]: I know, right! The bright fluorescent lighting gives it the added touch of realism. They wouldn’t have had the authenticity of overhead lighting at Mt. Vernon.
There may have been a larger misunderstanding in play. After signing, she looked up at the historical re-enactors and asked, “Which one of you guys is Vernon? Do we just do it right here?”
Hitler? Why didn’t I think of that? I signed as Mr. Shweaty Balls and Rodney Mcfapfap.
I saw a fake Hitler in Vegas one time.
Damn. I missed my opportunity to sign on behalf of the Lizard People.
Is the colonial dress up some kind of fetish I am actually unaware of?
Because none of them have ever signed a liberal’s petition (for saving the starving polar bears in Africa after a hurricane or something) as Seymour Butts or Charlie Brown… or written in Bart Simpson at a high school Student Govt election?
Aw, at first I thought the article was referring to K-Lo as a fake Hitler
It appears that they dug up Granny Clampett to make a special guest appearance.
Christ, that K-Load there, she’s all humps and mounds and hair. How does one even tell when she’s standing from when she’s reclining?
It’s kind of sad that they spent so much money and time on this crap, and then some Wonkette or 10 year old boy ruins it for them. A good community organizer would–never mind.
Coming to the interwebz in the next 30 seconds: a Downfall recaption, Hitler discovers his name was used by CPAC.
From the looks of it, K-Lo already clicked on that ‘Enlarge’ button.
[re=515151]comicbookguy[/re]: Moe: [answering the phone] Flaming Moe’s.
Bart: Uh, yes, I’m looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name
Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I’ll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the
men’s room for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: Uh, I’m Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who’s this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I’ll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that
sort of backfired, and I’d like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.
You know who else signed the Mount Vernon statement?
Yeeaaaah, work that cape.
[re=515156]Troubledog[/re]: Win!
Who know who else signed his name “Hitler”…
Dick Hertz, also.
[re=515163]glamourdammerung[/re]: Vernies.
Literally everything is funny to you guys, isn’t it?
[re=515161]The New Cassius[/re]: You sure it wasn’t Elvis? Lots of people have seen him in Vegas.
I’ll refrain from lowering myself to the sheer meanness of jeering at K-lo’s ham-fists, infinite chins, and buffalo hump, as well as her Lady Grace cleavage. Apparently the ben wa balls are fair game, though. (Memzilla)
Tomfoolery is a word used not nearly enough. Bravo.
In light of this event’s high camp concentration, it’s only fitting that fake Hitler would be first.
When [insanely bad] actors dress up in period costumes and walk around the room with an arm stiffly held up at an angle because the real George Washington posed for a portrait like that once, do they realize that it looks pretty stupid?
[re=515186]Barrelhse[/re]:
Oh, don’t get me started, you. It’ll be fat jokes all day, and I have budgets to get through.
[re=515119]Sharkey[/re]: It’s actually a Miracle Whip-dipped licorice stick. She goes through, like, four or five dozen of ‘em a day.
[re=515125]memzilla[/re]: [re=515186]Barrelhse[/re]: The worst thing about her anal bea…er, ben-wa ball necklace is that the other half of it is still in her ass.
Or at least I think it’s her ass — in such a crevasse-rich environment, it’s rather difficult to be sure.
An online signature from Fake Hitler K-Lo can’t handle, but she gladly does a photo op with the real Norman Bates. Chicks, who can understand them?
Was this guy a signatory of this document?
“We didn’t want people to use it as a forum for junior high antics.”
But signing a fake Constitution with a stupid George Washington poser is all grown up..ok.
Vandalism on teh Intarwebs! Oh, the horror.
Wait..where did the Siemens background go?
[re=515190]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: AHEM, did you NOT read my comment?
I certainly hope Mike Hunt and I.P. Freely got their John Hancocks on that thing before they closed it up. I hope John Hand Cock did, too.
First they came for the Hitlers and I did not speak out…
[re=515193]Extemporanus[/re]: Ugh, sorry, our blog-posting system just went INSANE on me and put italics around every paragraph. FUCKING WORDPRESS.
Glad the CSM emphasized that it was “fake” Hitler.
Something left out of New Scriptures but Ben-Wa balls were the forerunner of Rosary beads – Word.
“Organizers promptly pulled the plug … ”
And Rich Lowrey squealed with delight.
Apparently they didn’t care for Dr. Mr. Baron von Trucknutz either. pshhhh.
[re=515185]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Why, because people are always confusing those two? Damn Elvis for growing that little mustache.
[re=515200]jetjaguar[/re]: lol…yes, but I wanted to talk about the posing. Walking and posing together. So funny. And ‘tarded.
[re=515204]megs[/re]: That was win. LMAO
Through no fault of his own, my father’s name was John Hancock, but when I tried to sign for him they recognized me as the fake version. Then I tried Amanda B. Reckondwith, but still no dice (or Ben-Wa balls neither).
Bertha Van Nashun managed to get in.
Funny how those adulatory amateur historians never dress up as the most brilliant of the founding fathers of all, Ben the Franklin, huh?
[re=515163]glamourdammerung[/re]: I’m no expert on period dress, but I suspect that before machine knitting (stockings), spandex and elastic, that those clothes would be uncomfortable and look like shit.
“For more information, and to schedule interviews with conservative leaders and signatories to The Mount Vernon Statement, contact Keith Appell at (703)-683-5004, ext. 112 and kappell@crcpublicrelations.com or Anne Marie Moran , ext. 115 and amoran@crcpublicrelations.com.
[re=515233]boyhowdy[/re]: Ben was one of those egghead scientists, and an atheist, so of course they won’t use him.
[re=515240]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]:
Or just sign them up for Viagra spam.
So I guess wearing black isn’t slimming.
[re=515244]Tommmcatt[/re]: That would be wrong. Right?
“Is the Pope Catholic?” comeback soon to be replaced by “Does a wingnut wear a cape?”
[re=515246]Scarab[/re]: It is if it hasn’t been made into a tent first.
Someone on another thread mentioned the tingle up the leg upon finding a reply from Feldherr Layne in their inbox after a tip submission. I assure you… that tingle is real.
In related news: another win for the mighty Adol(ph)f Wonketten. Prost!
[re=515203]MzNicky[/re]: Damn! I forgot to go and sign. — Phil McCracken
Mama Cass has really let herself go…
What exactly is a “fake Hitler” anyway. And would a fake Hitler use Hitler as a fake name? CSM is leaping to conclusions here. Maybe it was a fake Stalin who signed as Hitler. For all we know there might have been other fake Hitlers using other fake names. A snarky fake Hitler might sign as Jonah Goldberg.
I think Hitler would have been quite proud of the Mount Vernon Statement.
Given these are teabaggers, I’m assuming this ‘Vernon’ person is a man.
Joke will be on you guys when all those people who drafted and/or signed that beautiful document end up being portrayed as heroes 100 years from now. Just you wait and see.
I signed “Rhett Tard”
Five and a half Fake Hitlers, Alan!
[re=515240]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Ha, ha. A Moran!
Blame it on ACORN in 3….2….1
Will we get an Internet Hitler video of Internet Hitler learning the Tea Bag document was foiled by Fake Internet Hitler.
I just got so Meta writing that my arms passed through my desk.
Actually, I signed on as Van Hammersly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YraqJ7KDm7c
“One hopes that in 1789, when anonymity was a little harder to come by in a live constitutional assembly, Americans were more polite to one another – or at least, more respectful.”
I think these people and their website are getting about as much respect as they deserve.
Ah, I think we know who broke Wonkette’s WordPress Mr. Smarty Pants Adolph Hilter and your tom foolery.
[re=515190]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: There you go being all elitist again…
[re=515156]Troubledog[/re]: ZING!
oh and here I thought K-Lo and Ed Meese were the joke fake signatures; their names just make me laugh (especially K-Lo sounding like kilo(ton)…well done, wonkette). I must be off on my wingnutter lexicon, I was thinking “Adolf Hitler” being a signator would be considered a shot in the arm for the cause of these inbreds…
Fake Hitler = A Real American Hero.
What an auspicious beginning to this little ideological circle-jerk. The Mt. Vernon Statement now holds the unbreakable all-time record for World’s Fastest Godwin.
Successful troll is successful … & first, too.
So the Mount Vernon “Statement” was signed in a tax-payer funded public library? This is the beginning of the new conservative revolution? First it’s called a “statement” and then it’s signed in a branch public library? It’s like all those fat idiots who show up for Teabagger protests and stand on public sidewalks while telling us they don’t want the gubmint doin’ nothin’ foah them.
And what committee came up with “statement?” They signed this thing in a library and they couldn’t find a thesaurus? These are the people who are going to lead us into a new America? And they can’t come up with anything better than “statement” and none of them was willing to cough up the cash to get a permit to sign it in front of the Lincoln Memorial or some other historic site? This isn’t “Atlas Shrugged” it’s “Atlas Rolled His Eyes.”
Cpackin’ is the new gay female alternative to Teabaggin’..see, she ends up with a chin full of her partners Cword on her chin..shaved preferably.
I think that’s Napolean Bonaparte. George Washington was tall.
For the types who are outraged by the online desecration of the “statement,” it is probably necessary to point out that it was a “fake” Hitler.
This is why the teabagger revolution can’t happen online . . . too many under-60′s playing tomfoolery with the internets.
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