nation of slobs

Here’s Your Jumbo Jeans You Can Sleep In, America

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Tired of taking off your giant sweat pants before you go to work at Wal-Mart? Sick of taking off your huge jeans before falling asleep with Jay Leno and a Domino’s box on your lap? The American Dream is alive and well, losers, because now you can just put on a gigantic pair of “pajama jeans” and be done with it. No more dirty laundry everywhere, because it’s all on you! No more bathing, no more trouble. Order one pair today, because it’s the last clothing you’ll ever need. Giant T-shirt and tattoos on your ankles sold separately. [Pajama Jeans via Wonkette Operative “Jeff W.”]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Finally, a garment worth being buried in.

  • hedgehog

    “Is she a great big fat person?”

    — Jame Gumb

  • ManchuCandidate

    Next year’s fashion trend for Real US America, Muumuus!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Fuck. One more step motoped buggy lurch toward us becoming the United States of Fat.

  • elburrito

    Do they come with Oxycontin in the pockets or do I have to provide that myself?

  • chaste everywhere

    Who goes to sleep with Jay Leno on their lap? “Losers” hardly covers it.

  • the problem child

    For those who sleep nekkid, is there a pair of nudist jeans? Now that would be not changing I could believe in.

  • President Beeblebrox

    Why is it that every time I turn on the TV or go onto the Internets, US America is looking more and more like the corpulent society which fled Earth for WALL-E to clean up?

    Are we sure that the Buy N Large Corporation isn’t behind all of this?

  • widestanceromancer

    Once I customize them to include a bag (and a time-release Febreeze patch), I can poop in them while I sleep!

  • JMP

    Considering the number of people who seem to think it’s acceptable to go to work, in an office, wearing sweatpants, it’s a little too late to halt the slobbification of America. Soon, I expect to see people commuting in their snuggies.

  • plowman

    Does it come with a pocket in the crotch area for an Airwick or two?

  • gurukalehuru

    Nothing says nighty night like brass rivets.

  • SayItWithWookies

    …because there’s nothing more entertaining than falling asleep wearing your jeans and rolling over onto one of those stylish brass rivets. Now if only they could make them uglier and more expensive, I’d love them.

  • Gorillionaire

    Do they come in “K-Lo”?

  • rottenart

    3X is probably wishful thinking, no?

  • edgydrifter

    Do they come with a coupon for free KFC Famous Bowels?

  • Mr Blifil

    Pretty sure this is what the US Olympic Snowboard fags were wearing.

  • Crank Tango

    Win. Fucking win. Thanks Pajama Jeans!

  • The Cold Sea

    Act now and you get an airburshed t-shirt for a complete outfit! I bet money you see these at CPAC.

  • Oldskool

    I’d like two pair please, and to save time, make one pair with salsa stains and cover the other one with bacon grease.

  • Gopherit

    Do they wick away unwanted sweat and urine? Sold!

  • JMP

    [re=514997]hedgehog[/re]: I suspect the normal sizes will only be worn by their models.

  • qwerty42

    Verily, the last days are upon us.

  • eastcoastliberal

    It’s about fucking time. I own a staffing agency and I’m soooo sick of people coming in to apply for a job in their flannels pjs and fluffy slippers (oh yes, it’s true)…now they can just wear these babies and NO ONE will be able to tell these aren’t real jeans. Wait…it’s not appropriate to wears jeans to a job interview either. Haha…try telling that to the geniuses up here in NY District 23.

  • Come here a minute

    The brass rivets are okay because the pajama jeans were designed for people with so much natural cushioning they wouldn’t notice if they were sleeping on the cat.

  • smitallica

    There are some things you see that you don’t un-see.

  • Senile Agitation

    You’re all nuts, these look comfortable and hot, hot, hot! They’re made of DormiSoft for Christ sakes. Dor-mi-SOFT. You can sleep in them and wear them the next day and then maybe wash them, or if you had two pairs you could put on the other one. And quit worrying about the rivets. Unless you sleep in some fancy magnetic resonance chamber, you’ll be “at ease”, as they used to say in Saigon. Instead of making fun, why not go to the rodeo and see just how many cowboys have switched to PajamaJeans?


    I want to look great and I deserve to be comfortable. Sounds good to this fat ass.

  • krustysfather

    What… no mens’ sizes? Hmmmph. :^(

  • V572625694

    [re=515001]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Those are referred to as “power chairs,” one hears, or Segways for those to lazy to stand while a machine moves them around:

  • elburrito

    Best feature: they beep when you back up.

  • Buzz Feedback

    I don’t think America can get any dumber, fatter, or lazier.

  • Noonan

    As if a crumbling economy, a rapidly deteriorating society, a broken political system and the Pittsburgh Pirates aren’t enough to drive you into a severe depression, there’s more.

    I may well move Krygyzstan after all.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    If we’d all adopt Muslim dress, this really wouldn’t be an issue. Pajamas are, after all, pretty much what Pakistanis wear all day long.

  • Noonan

    Does PajamasMedia have anything to do with this, incidentally?

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=515014]JMP[/re]: [re=515014]JMP[/re]: “I expect to see people commuting in their snuggies.”

    That’s right!

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Mind you, Pakistanis are not generally morbidly obese, although it does occasionally happen!

    [re=515067]Noonan[/re]: Duee, Kyrgyzstan is badass. I would totally move there.

  • JMP

    [re=515043]eastcoastliberal[/re]: How is it that so many people don’t understand basic rules on how to dress properly? Really, the pajamas or sweatpants aren’t even appropriate to wear out of the house, much less to work or an interview; and yet so many slobs don’t get this. I’m surprised I haven’t seen any people headed to work in bathrobes … yet.

  • WhatTheHeck

    This is perfect for when we are all out of work and sleeping in our cars.
    Add an adult pamper and we can be set for days.
    I’ll order one for each member of the family.

  • Cicada

    All my wildest dreams have just come true! I can finally give up and eat as much delicious pizza and ice cream as I want! Thank you pajama jeans!!!!!

  • thefrontpage

    Who’s going to make Work Pajamas–pajamas that you can wear to work? Huh?!

  • SmutBoffin

    Gawd, I <3 Ken’s cultural asides…

  • Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    $40? I’ll wait ’til they’re $9.99 at my local Walgreens.

  • JMP

    [re=515066]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Oh no, Americans can always surprise you there.

    [re=515068]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Maybe people can go back to Greco-Roman style robes. The important thing is to have the minimum possible number of steps to get dressed; those buttons and zippers that regular pants and dress shirts have are way too much work.

  • Gorillionaire

    Wow it looks like Rush could wear that and still get a whole little boy in there.

  • Nappied Hypotenuse

    Can we get a ruling on this: pa-JAM-uh or pa-JAHM-uh? Also, when did pyjamas lose the “y”?

  • F*T*S*

    Now you don’t have to wonder where you left your weed. You slept with it in your pocket, but its okay because you’re wearing the same pants thing you went to sleep/church/work in.

  • Downtheroadapiece

    And they look fab with Crocs!

  • coolcatdaddy

    [re=515014]JMP[/re]: At the college campus where I work, the students go to class wearing pajama bottoms.

    They also wander around like zombies wearing iPod earbuds or talking to no one with a cell phone thingie stuck in their ear.

    I’m old. Young people make no sense to me.

  • S.Luggo

    Kevin Smith approves.

    But are the jeans flame retardant? Sorry. Should have asked, are the jeans flame a-tiny-bit-slow?

  • Sharkey

    [re=515020]Gorillionaire[/re]: K-Lo comes in them!

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Next: “relaxed fit” condoms.

  • JMP

    [re=515103]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Yeah, people (almost all women) went to class in pajama bottoms back in my day, too; no iPods or cell phones back then, though. At least that’s college, though, where there are no standards of professional dress and students are expected to be slobs.

  • JMP

    [re=515106]Sharkey[/re]: I think I can speak for everybody here; we really did not need the image of K-Lo coming in our heads. Now, once thought, it can’t be unthought.

  • risqueclay

    [re=515094]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: PIE-jamas

  • Buttery1000

    Finally I’ll have something classy to wear to my wedding at Taco Bell.

  • Absolutely Fapulous

    Thankfully, working in a university science lab = don’t have to give a fuck about what I wear.

    Come to Momma, Pajama Jeans.

  • marley

    Actually they do appear to come with a t-shirt. But you have to iron on the “Florida Athletic Department XXXIX” yourself.

  • Absolutely Fapulous

    [re=515157]Absolutely Fapulous[/re]: Wait a sec – then why do I care if they look like jeans? Back to third-hand track pants for me.

  • Mad Brahms

    No buttons! Finally, something tv junkies and the Amish can enjoy together.

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    As a former denim company employee, I betcha these were made in Communist China — part of their overall plot.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=515103]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Because they have existed with technology pouring information nonstop into their heads for so many years, if they take out the earbuds or stop texting, the sound of their own thoughts quickly overwhelms them, and the suffer aneuryms. True story.

    One of my favorite places in the world, and a place I desperately need to be right now, is a place we rent in Wyoming. No radio TV, phone. (it has electricity and plumbing. I am spoiled that way). Being there after here is like being in a vacuum for the first hour or so, as you adjust to actual sounds of nature. OK, I sort of drifting off there into vacation fantasy….sorry.

  • Jerri

    [re=515066]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Whoa, careful. That sounds like a challenge.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=515196]Jerri[/re]: It is already on. The daily race for the bottom is underway.

    Exhibit A:

  • restlessleg

    [re=515066]Buzz Feedback[/re]: That’s loser talk! Of course we can! We’re number one! We’re number one!

  • boyhowdy

    [re=515103]coolcatdaddy[/re]: I just finally got a tiny bit used to the students in pajama bottoms, and then they started wearing fuzzy slippers to class, the bookstore and the library.

    Then and again, I went to class with no shoes at all sometimes in the seventies, which must have annoyed the hell out of my profs.

  • TGY

    Say what you want, but I’d sleep in that model’s jeans.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=515005]the problem child[/re]: Fortunately, nudist jeans are currently only available in France.

    Hey, speaking of which, is “dormisoft” a clever play on the French word dormir, meaning “to sleep”? SacrĂ© bleu! Pajama Jeans™ fabric is Socialist!

  • Escape Goat Nation

    It’s a good time to be alive.

  • JMP

    [re=515199]Doglessliberal[/re]: That’s bad, but here is exhibit B:|14372|hooded%20footie||S|b|4678500186
    The Hoodie Footie. I kept seeing ads for this shit watching daytime TV during last week’s two snow days. And they described it as sexy, which it is not in any way, shape or form. Let the infantalization of adult women continue.

    [re=515205]boyhowdy[/re]: Damn, even the laziest students at my old school wouldn’t wear slippers or bare feet to class. Of course, it was in Chicago, so doing so would be a very bad idea for most of the school year.

    [re=515218]Extemporanus[/re]: I thought “dormisoft” was based on dorm; one of the few places that it would actually be acceptable to wear this shit.

  • rmontcal

    The real test is if you can get into a club in Vegas wearing these.

  • Mad Brahms

    [re=515235]JMP[/re]: I am eternally thankful that I never lived in a dorm. God.

  • WadISay

    This and a 3-week diaper and you should be good to go.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Great. Now can someone solve the problem of having to pull your pajamas up from around your ankles when you get out of bed in the morning?

  • Magnus Maximus

    Jesus, $40?? For that kind of dough, I could go to Walmart, buy 4 pairs of Faded Glories, and still have enough left over to hit up the attached McDonald’s for some snack wraps.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=515008]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Of course they are – and your new Pajama Jeans are roomy enough to dance in as you enjoy BnL Annual Report: The Musical , currently playing on the Bay n Large Infotainment Network Shopping Channel!

    Now put on your Pajama Jeans, take your Xanadou and start shopping!

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    They need to have an easy-open flap so you can shit in your bedpan.

  • kdelarosa22

    But can they be bedazzled?

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    Pajamas you live in, jeans you sleep in which turn into pajamas you eat the next morning, eliminate by afternoon, and have jeans to sleep in by night! Now With Space-Age Polymer™ Nutrients! Never worry about clothing or eating again!