NATION OF SLOBS  11:18 am February 18, 2010

Here’s Your Jumbo Jeans You Can Sleep In, America

by Ken Layne

null
Tired of taking off your giant sweat pants before you go to work at Wal-Mart? Sick of taking off your huge jeans before falling asleep with Jay Leno and a Domino’s box on your lap? The American Dream is alive and well, losers, because now you can just put on a gigantic pair of “pajama jeans” and be done with it. No more dirty laundry everywhere, because it’s all on you! No more bathing, no more trouble. Order one pair today, because it’s the last clothing you’ll ever need. Giant T-shirt and tattoos on your ankles sold separately. [Pajama Jeans via Wonkette Operative "Jeff W."]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 79 comments }

CrunchyKnee February 18, 2010 at 11:25 am

Finally, a garment worth being buried in.

hedgehog February 18, 2010 at 11:25 am

“Is she a great big fat person?”

– Jame Gumb

ManchuCandidate February 18, 2010 at 11:26 am

Next year’s fashion trend for Real US America, Muumuus!

queeraselvis v 2.0 February 18, 2010 at 11:26 am

Fuck. One more step motoped buggy lurch toward us becoming the United States of Fat.

elburrito February 18, 2010 at 11:27 am

Do they come with Oxycontin in the pockets or do I have to provide that myself?

chaste everywhere February 18, 2010 at 11:28 am

Who goes to sleep with Jay Leno on their lap? “Losers” hardly covers it.

the problem child February 18, 2010 at 11:29 am

For those who sleep nekkid, is there a pair of nudist jeans? Now that would be not changing I could believe in.

President Beeblebrox February 18, 2010 at 11:31 am

Why is it that every time I turn on the TV or go onto the Internets, US America is looking more and more like the corpulent society which fled Earth for WALL-E to clean up?

Are we sure that the Buy N Large Corporation isn’t behind all of this?

widestanceromancer February 18, 2010 at 11:34 am

Once I customize them to include a bag (and a time-release Febreeze patch), I can poop in them while I sleep!

JMP February 18, 2010 at 11:34 am

Considering the number of people who seem to think it’s acceptable to go to work, in an office, wearing sweatpants, it’s a little too late to halt the slobbification of America. Soon, I expect to see people commuting in their snuggies.

plowman February 18, 2010 at 11:34 am

Does it come with a pocket in the crotch area for an Airwick or two?

gurukalehuru February 18, 2010 at 11:34 am

Nothing says nighty night like brass rivets.

SayItWithWookies February 18, 2010 at 11:35 am

…because there’s nothing more entertaining than falling asleep wearing your jeans and rolling over onto one of those stylish brass rivets. Now if only they could make them uglier and more expensive, I’d love them.

Gorillionaire February 18, 2010 at 11:37 am

Do they come in “K-Lo”?

rottenart February 18, 2010 at 11:38 am

3X is probably wishful thinking, no?

edgydrifter February 18, 2010 at 11:39 am

Do they come with a coupon for free KFC Famous Bowels?

Mr Blifil February 18, 2010 at 11:40 am

Pretty sure this is what the US Olympic Snowboard fags were wearing.

Crank Tango February 18, 2010 at 11:41 am

Win. Fucking win. Thanks Pajama Jeans!

The Cold Sea February 18, 2010 at 11:42 am

Act now and you get an airburshed t-shirt for a complete outfit! I bet money you see these at CPAC.

Oldskool February 18, 2010 at 11:43 am

I’d like two pair please, and to save time, make one pair with salsa stains and cover the other one with bacon grease.

Gopherit February 18, 2010 at 11:44 am

Do they wick away unwanted sweat and urine? Sold!

JMP February 18, 2010 at 11:45 am

[re=514997]hedgehog[/re]: I suspect the normal sizes will only be worn by their models.

qwerty42 February 18, 2010 at 11:46 am

Verily, the last days are upon us.

eastcoastliberal February 18, 2010 at 11:47 am

It’s about fucking time. I own a staffing agency and I’m soooo sick of people coming in to apply for a job in their flannels pjs and fluffy slippers (oh yes, it’s true)…now they can just wear these babies and NO ONE will be able to tell these aren’t real jeans. Wait…it’s not appropriate to wears jeans to a job interview either. Haha…try telling that to the geniuses up here in NY District 23.

Come here a minute February 18, 2010 at 11:49 am

The brass rivets are okay because the pajama jeans were designed for people with so much natural cushioning they wouldn’t notice if they were sleeping on the cat.

smitallica February 18, 2010 at 11:50 am

There are some things you see that you don’t un-see.

Senile Agitation February 18, 2010 at 11:51 am

You’re all nuts, these look comfortable and hot, hot, hot! They’re made of DormiSoft for Christ sakes. Dor-mi-SOFT. You can sleep in them and wear them the next day and then maybe wash them, or if you had two pairs you could put on the other one. And quit worrying about the rivets. Unless you sleep in some fancy magnetic resonance chamber, you’ll be “at ease”, as they used to say in Saigon. Instead of making fun, why not go to the rodeo and see just how many cowboys have switched to PajamaJeans?

JDHART February 18, 2010 at 11:52 am

I want to look great and I deserve to be comfortable. Sounds good to this fat ass.

krustysfather February 18, 2010 at 11:54 am

What… no mens’ sizes? Hmmmph. :^(

V572625694 February 18, 2010 at 11:55 am

[re=515001]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Those are referred to as “power chairs,” one hears, or Segways for those to lazy to stand while a machine moves them around:

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Jazzy-1113-Power-Chair/dp/B000YL1WJI

elburrito February 18, 2010 at 11:57 am

Best feature: they beep when you back up.

Buzz Feedback February 18, 2010 at 11:57 am

I don’t think America can get any dumber, fatter, or lazier.

Noonan February 18, 2010 at 11:57 am

As if a crumbling economy, a rapidly deteriorating society, a broken political system and the Pittsburgh Pirates aren’t enough to drive you into a severe depression, there’s more.

I may well move Krygyzstan after all.

AnnieGetYourFun February 18, 2010 at 11:58 am

If we’d all adopt Muslim dress, this really wouldn’t be an issue. Pajamas are, after all, pretty much what Pakistanis wear all day long.

Noonan February 18, 2010 at 11:59 am

Does PajamasMedia have anything to do with this, incidentally?

Dashboard_Buddha February 18, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=515014]JMP[/re]: [re=515014]JMP[/re]: “I expect to see people commuting in their snuggies.”

That’s right!

AnnieGetYourFun February 18, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Mind you, Pakistanis are not generally morbidly obese, although it does occasionally happen!

[re=515067]Noonan[/re]: Duee, Kyrgyzstan is badass. I would totally move there.

JMP February 18, 2010 at 12:01 pm

[re=515043]eastcoastliberal[/re]: How is it that so many people don’t understand basic rules on how to dress properly? Really, the pajamas or sweatpants aren’t even appropriate to wear out of the house, much less to work or an interview; and yet so many slobs don’t get this. I’m surprised I haven’t seen any people headed to work in bathrobes … yet.

WhatTheHeck February 18, 2010 at 12:01 pm

This is perfect for when we are all out of work and sleeping in our cars.
Add an adult pamper and we can be set for days.
I’ll order one for each member of the family.

Cicada February 18, 2010 at 12:02 pm

All my wildest dreams have just come true! I can finally give up and eat as much delicious pizza and ice cream as I want! Thank you pajama jeans!!!!!

thefrontpage February 18, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Who’s going to make Work Pajamas–pajamas that you can wear to work? Huh?!

SmutBoffin February 18, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Gawd, I <3 Ken’s cultural asides…

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History February 18, 2010 at 12:06 pm

$40? I’ll wait ’til they’re $9.99 at my local Walgreens.

JMP February 18, 2010 at 12:07 pm

[re=515066]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Oh no, Americans can always surprise you there.

[re=515068]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Maybe people can go back to Greco-Roman style robes. The important thing is to have the minimum possible number of steps to get dressed; those buttons and zippers that regular pants and dress shirts have are way too much work.

Gorillionaire February 18, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Wow it looks like Rush could wear that and still get a whole little boy in there.

Nappied Hypotenuse February 18, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Can we get a ruling on this: pa-JAM-uh or pa-JAHM-uh? Also, when did pyjamas lose the “y”?

F*T*S* February 18, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Now you don’t have to wonder where you left your weed. You slept with it in your pocket, but its okay because you’re wearing the same pants thing you went to sleep/church/work in.

Downtheroadapiece February 18, 2010 at 12:18 pm

And they look fab with Crocs!

coolcatdaddy February 18, 2010 at 12:21 pm

[re=515014]JMP[/re]: At the college campus where I work, the students go to class wearing pajama bottoms.

They also wander around like zombies wearing iPod earbuds or talking to no one with a cell phone thingie stuck in their ear.

I’m old. Young people make no sense to me.

S.Luggo February 18, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Kevin Smith approves.

But are the jeans flame retardant? Sorry. Should have asked, are the jeans flame a-tiny-bit-slow?

Sharkey February 18, 2010 at 12:24 pm

[re=515020]Gorillionaire[/re]: K-Lo comes in them!

lawrenceofthedesert February 18, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Next: “relaxed fit” condoms.

JMP February 18, 2010 at 12:31 pm

[re=515103]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Yeah, people (almost all women) went to class in pajama bottoms back in my day, too; no iPods or cell phones back then, though. At least that’s college, though, where there are no standards of professional dress and students are expected to be slobs.

JMP February 18, 2010 at 12:32 pm

[re=515106]Sharkey[/re]: I think I can speak for everybody here; we really did not need the image of K-Lo coming in our heads. Now, once thought, it can’t be unthought.

risqueclay February 18, 2010 at 12:41 pm

[re=515094]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: PIE-jamas

Buttery1000 February 18, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Finally I’ll have something classy to wear to my wedding at Taco Bell.

Absolutely Fapulous February 18, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Thankfully, working in a university science lab = don’t have to give a fuck about what I wear.

Come to Momma, Pajama Jeans.

marley February 18, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Actually they do appear to come with a t-shirt. But you have to iron on the “Florida Athletic Department XXXIX” yourself.

Absolutely Fapulous February 18, 2010 at 1:08 pm

[re=515157]Absolutely Fapulous[/re]: Wait a sec – then why do I care if they look like jeans? Back to third-hand track pants for me.

Mad Brahms February 18, 2010 at 1:24 pm

No buttons! Finally, something tv junkies and the Amish can enjoy together.

What Fresh Hell is This? February 18, 2010 at 1:33 pm

As a former denim company employee, I betcha these were made in Communist China — part of their overall plot.

Doglessliberal February 18, 2010 at 1:40 pm

[re=515103]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Because they have existed with technology pouring information nonstop into their heads for so many years, if they take out the earbuds or stop texting, the sound of their own thoughts quickly overwhelms them, and the suffer aneuryms. True story.

One of my favorite places in the world, and a place I desperately need to be right now, is a place we rent in Wyoming. No radio TV, phone. (it has electricity and plumbing. I am spoiled that way). Being there after here is like being in a vacuum for the first hour or so, as you adjust to actual sounds of nature. OK, I sort of drifting off there into vacation fantasy….sorry.

Jerri February 18, 2010 at 1:45 pm

[re=515066]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Whoa, careful. That sounds like a challenge.

Doglessliberal February 18, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=515196]Jerri[/re]: It is already on. The daily race for the bottom is underway.

Exhibit A: http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2010/02/07/20100207biz-heart0207.html

restlessleg February 18, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=515066]Buzz Feedback[/re]: That’s loser talk! Of course we can! We’re number one! We’re number one!

boyhowdy February 18, 2010 at 1:54 pm

[re=515103]coolcatdaddy[/re]: I just finally got a tiny bit used to the students in pajama bottoms, and then they started wearing fuzzy slippers to class, the bookstore and the library.

Then and again, I went to class with no shoes at all sometimes in the seventies, which must have annoyed the hell out of my profs.

TGY February 18, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Say what you want, but I’d sleep in that model’s jeans.

Extemporanus February 18, 2010 at 2:09 pm

[re=515005]the problem child[/re]: Fortunately, nudist jeans are currently only available in France.

Hey, speaking of which, is “dormisoft” a clever play on the French word dormir, meaning “to sleep”? SacrĂ© bleu! Pajama Jeans™ fabric is Socialist!

Escape Goat Nation February 18, 2010 at 2:14 pm

It’s a good time to be alive.

JMP February 18, 2010 at 2:22 pm

[re=515199]Doglessliberal[/re]: That’s bad, but here is exhibit B:
http://www.pajamagram.com/hoodie-footie-snuggle-suit-for-women.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=TRADEMARK&tracking=phoxDXvWYuW0&s_kwcid=TC|14372|hooded%20footie||S|b|4678500186
The Hoodie Footie. I kept seeing ads for this shit watching daytime TV during last week’s two snow days. And they described it as sexy, which it is not in any way, shape or form. Let the infantalization of adult women continue.

[re=515205]boyhowdy[/re]: Damn, even the laziest students at my old school wouldn’t wear slippers or bare feet to class. Of course, it was in Chicago, so doing so would be a very bad idea for most of the school year.

[re=515218]Extemporanus[/re]: I thought “dormisoft” was based on dorm; one of the few places that it would actually be acceptable to wear this shit.

rmontcal February 18, 2010 at 2:35 pm

The real test is if you can get into a club in Vegas wearing these.

Mad Brahms February 18, 2010 at 2:38 pm

[re=515235]JMP[/re]: I am eternally thankful that I never lived in a dorm. God.

WadISay February 18, 2010 at 4:00 pm

This and a 3-week diaper and you should be good to go.

Accordion-o-rama February 18, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Great. Now can someone solve the problem of having to pull your pajamas up from around your ankles when you get out of bed in the morning?

Magnus Maximus February 18, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Jesus, $40?? For that kind of dough, I could go to Walmart, buy 4 pairs of Faded Glories, and still have enough left over to hit up the attached McDonald’s for some snack wraps.

Bearbloke February 18, 2010 at 5:00 pm

[re=515008]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Of course they are – and your new Pajama Jeans are roomy enough to dance in as you enjoy BnL Annual Report: The Musical , currently playing on the Bay n Large Infotainment Network Shopping Channel!

Now put on your Pajama Jeans, take your Xanadou and start shopping!

Smoke Filled Roommate February 18, 2010 at 5:01 pm

They need to have an easy-open flap so you can shit in your bedpan.

kdelarosa22 February 18, 2010 at 5:20 pm

But can they be bedazzled?

Smoke Filled Roommate February 20, 2010 at 9:51 pm

Pajamas you live in, jeans you sleep in which turn into pajamas you eat the next morning, eliminate by afternoon, and have jeans to sleep in by night! Now With Space-Age Polymer™ Nutrients! Never worry about clothing or eating again!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: