CPAC starts tomorrow! Get your blazer and khakis ready, because Mittens will have a checklist and an unlimited number of demerits to issue. And if you get CPAC Detention, you won’t be able to beat the shit out of Nancy Pelosi and eat/play with her innards!

Attendees at a conservative conference in town this week will have the opportunity to whack a pinata of Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.)…

…Three famous D.C. residents will be taking a turn as guest “whackers” at the pinata during the annual Conservative Political Action Conference, which starts on Thursday. The guest “whackers” will be at the party, to be held at George in Georgetown.

Mary Christopher, outreach coordinator for CivicForumPAC, said the Pelosi piñata will be filled with favorite Pelosi sayings, bills and candy. The party hopes to invite the well-known D.C. residents to smash the piñata first, before others in attendance will be invited to try to take the Speaker down.

Why are three fat-cats granted special permission to kill the Speaker of the House and take her candy first, before the masses of mouth-breathers will be left to dig through remaining pieces of paper, with words they are unable to read?

Because it’s CPAC, duh. What good’s an ideology if you don’t stick to it!

Well, that’s progress, I guess [Michael Tomasky]

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  1. Why are three fat-cats granted special permission to kill the Speaker of the House and take her candy first, before the masses of mouth-breathers will be left to dig through remaining pieces of paper, with words they are unable to read?

    Uh, have you seen the Republican Platform lately? This will be the performance art version.

  2. “We’re hoping to have the females whack the piñata and males try their hand at a Harry Reid punching bag.”

    What if a guy wants to whack? Does that mean he’s gay?

  3. Oooh! CPAC! Please use this as the launching point for Sarah Palin’s presidential campaign…pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. I swear if you do, I’ll never bug you for a pony again.

  4. I love CPAC season. My favorite so far is the closing of Dave Weigel’s report from the Mount Vernon Retardery signing statements: “Whoever did this needs to do some more research,” said [George Washington impersonator] Manship/Washington, pointing at the giant paper sharing the photo with him. “The kerning’s too close.”

  5. Who goes to CPAC in khakis and blazers? I thought they dressed up like furries, hookers, Founding Fathers, or wore the kind of home-made Little House on the Prairie outfits the Crying Santorums sport. (And I have it on good authority that Mittens is bringing his green rubber gloves.)

  6. [re=514654]Mad Brahms[/re]: And yet at least six speakers at the conference will dedicate their entire keynote time to decrying the evils of dirt-covered men named Sanchez.

  7. [re=514684]One Yield Regular[/re]: Remember, these were the folks who went apeshit when a doll of palin was hung (not even a real effigy) at Halloween – so yeah, they think this is totally different, since its plainly satire and all.

    Can you seriously imagine the fucking shitstorm that would come down on Dems if say the next Pride Fest had a similar pinata of Boner? Crazy Eyes Bachmann? Or worse yet, a drag queen show featuring Palin, Bachmann and Virginia Foxx look-alikes singing “Its Raining Men”? Although I think it would be pretty damn sweet.

  8. They all actually believe in an email about Speaker Pelosi making the wingnut intertube express.
    For years and years now.

    Have you seen it?
    I wish I had a copy right now.

  9. [re=514738]sati demise[/re]: The messages will all be “quotes” from Nancy Pelosi.

    Quotes they made up, things she never said, etc.
    They are all contained in this email…
    You ,know, quotes the wingnuts “know” Nancy says to herself in her head.
    How do they read the mind of Pelosi?

  10. [re=514698]Mad Brahms[/re]: No, they believe in beating the bejeezus out of little colored boys who are trying to defend their Doritos and their mamas from lecherous colored men.

  11. Not too sexist. The winner gets to campaign for Rick Perry in the Texas Rethug primaries.

    Tough kazoobies, Kay Bailey. Now finishing airing out the g-damn drapes. And where’s my ass-humping dinner? I warned you. It won’t get pretty if I’m kept hungry. And answer the fucking phone.

  12. [re=514795]S.Luggo[/re]: Hutchison is too old to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, and has thus outlived her youthfulness.

    Let this be a lesson: watch out Sarah. You can’t keep poppin’ out ‘tards forever!

  13. [re=514828]Mad Brahms[/re]: Just one more Pop-tard? She could get her wedding ring back from the bottom of the lake first. If not, the banner ad says, “Somewhere in America, you’ll find Siemens”.

  14. Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. You take impeachment off the table and they use your head for a pinata. Serves you fucking right.
    Sorry about the no snark. I hate Nancy Pelosi as much as any right winger and I refuse to start liking her just because they hate her.
    Whack that bitch.

  15. I understand conservatives hating on liberal politicians but this ultra-seething Pelosi hate seems like some kind of mommy/rejection/repressed homosexuality issue

  16. This may be too obvious to say, but all you Wonkette commenters whining about being poor and unemployed should bone up on your papier-machè skills and hie thee down to CPAC. You know there’s a big market in this, waiting to be tapped.

    From Hopey to Pelosi on down, there are a lot dem leaders that these mature, thoughtful, conservative thinkers would love to beat to death, in effigy (or otherwise).

  17. [re=514982]llibra[/re]: No. That’s later. After sundown. They’ll have one of Barry hanging from a tree on the side of the parking lot. Complete with a dark brown papier-machè phallus they can cut off and toss around victoriously. Hell, they could even make it it out of the Bill of Rights and some Elmer’s glue! Horse Hooves for a horse cock! :(

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