TOTALLY HAD IT COMING  1:00 am February 16, 2010

Hero Finally Punches Mitt Romney

by Ken Layne

The best part of 'Game Change' is how all the GOP candidates hate Romney's guts.World-class asshole Mitt Romney was flying back from the Winter Olympics — he must always remind everyone that he worked at the Winter Olympics once — when a fellow passenger tried to punch him out. Already a perfect story, right? WELL IT GETS BETTER, because the reason the guy attacked Romney is because Romney was telling the guy to put his seat up.

The man sitting in front of Ann Romney leaned his seat back, and when Mitt Romney asked him to move it upright before the plane took off, the man became physically violent.

Ha ha, yeah, it surely happened just like that. Or, perhaps, busybody dickhead Mitt Romney just started telling strangers what to do, expecting everybody to take orders from the famous businessman Mitt Romney, who after all once worked at the Winter Olympics. And then the passenger glanced back, saw that helmet of game-show-host hair on that smug tanned face …. the Dalai Lama himself would’ve jumped over the seat and crushed Mittens’ skull.

Anyway, the Canadian Horse Army boarded the plane and gave the attacker a firm what-for and then the jet flew to Los Angeles, where Romney was expected to get his pussy waxed. [My Fox/Boston Globe]

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Hola wonkerados.

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rambone February 16, 2010 at 1:05 am

This story needs more wriggling penises (penii?).

Delicious February 16, 2010 at 1:07 am

I stayed up all night for this?


obfuscator February 16, 2010 at 1:08 am

did the surly airline passenger also refer to ann romney as a “trollopy c-word??”. did he yell “FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, YOU MORMON SHITRAG!!!” before raining left-armed blows down upon mitt’s impenetrable helmet hair?

get on this now, politico!

obfuscator February 16, 2010 at 1:12 am

hey mitt: if you hadn’t shat away $17,413,736 of your own money to stage your 2008 zombie reagan tribute tour, you wouldn’t have had to fly commercial with the rabble.

barneyfunk February 16, 2010 at 1:28 am

Does this mean we all get to punch Mitt now? Let me rephrase that. Does this mean that it is now our PATRIOTIC DUTY to punch Mittlemarch in the mouth at every opportunity?

Both of these are rhetorical, obvs.

Extemporanus February 16, 2010 at 1:33 am

[re=513281]rambone[/re]: “You are now free to move about the colon.”

Iam February 16, 2010 at 1:33 am

From :

“Mr. Romney, 62, and his wife, Ann, were sitting in Row 15 of the economy section…”

Well, hell, there’s the problem! The economy section? WTF? This was destined to end badly.

archaeo-angel February 16, 2010 at 1:37 am

Hmm, seems to me that smug mittens-face is more in need of a knee smashing into it than a fist. I mean, just look at him, what a mug, why does he look like that? His future isn’t all that shit-hot, I mean, who voted for him in the primaries? Seventeen fat old white millionaires and their botoxed and anorexic wives/mistresses and 11 old gay men who had s&m fantasies about kneeing him in the face. Oh, and I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course.

LtColBatboy February 16, 2010 at 1:42 am

Maybe Mittens Magic Speedo was too tight…that… or he imbibed a caffeinated drink.

Hooray For Anything February 16, 2010 at 1:45 am

Was the guy in front of him Kevin Smith?

Jennasaurus Rex February 16, 2010 at 1:55 am

[re=513292]Iam[/re]: Yeah. Everyone gets treated like shit in coach, but when it happens to Mittens it’s “news”. He should have either indulged his prissy self and flown first-class or said “Fuck Mormonism!” and gotten drunk/drugged like all normal coach passengers do to avoid the inevitable assaults.

Brendan M. February 16, 2010 at 1:57 am

I can’t believe we had to wait for some random Canuck/Canuck-sympathizer. I watched most of the Republican debates…*

*(McCain joke, by the way)

skutre February 16, 2010 at 2:29 am

“when Mitt Romney asked him to move…”

Sounds reasonable. Enough Liberty Gin and I’d punch him out for less than that, and even throw up on him, also.

heathenish February 16, 2010 at 2:59 am

I was hoping for some pictures of Mittens with a bloody nose and black eye, at least! It’s too bad the whole damn plane full of passengers didn’t just beat the holy shit out of him, and not say a word. I didn’t know I felt so violent about him, him and his fancy underware and all. Guess I need some anger management or something.

Bearbloke February 16, 2010 at 3:01 am

[re=513305]skutre[/re]: If you had Victory Gin, would you have attached a rat-cage to the face of ol’ Willard in Seat 101?

gurukalehuru February 16, 2010 at 3:04 am

He’s got enough money he could buy a damned airplane, or a damned airline for that matter, and he flies in coach. What a poser.
My suspicion is that he managed to provoke the guy just to get the story in the papers and let everybody know that he was flying in coach because Scott Brown drives a fucking truck and how is he supposed to top that.

Jim89048 February 16, 2010 at 3:09 am

I think it was a perfectly understandable reaction to being proseletyzed to in such a confined space as the economy cabin. Extra points if Mittens was wearing his “Elder Romney” nametag.

S.Luggo February 16, 2010 at 3:15 am

“Anyway, the {Royalist] Canadian Horse Army boarded the plane and gave the attacker a firm what-for and then the jet flew to Los Angeles, where Romney was expected to get his pussy waxed.”
[Spit take.]

This has gone from “threatened” to “assailed” to “monkey air rage attacked“. Hence, due such inexactitude, I shall never believe the MSM ever EVER again. About anything. Nope. I thought that it was only that Mittney had was once more barfed bails upon by Ann … after refusing to share his 3rd minty fresh Grasshopper before the landing gear came down.

S.Luggo February 16, 2010 at 3:19 am

[re=513295]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Smith was in Fed-Ex cargo.

[re=513291]Extemporanus[/re]: Win.

Smoke Filled Roommate February 16, 2010 at 3:57 am

How dorkily Mormon. “Excuse me, Sir? Sir? You need to put your seat in the upright position just as the pilot has instructed. Did you not hear the announcement?” BAM!

villageatrois February 16, 2010 at 4:02 am

Romney is a bad dude. He punched me once, long ago, just for fathering his first two children.

skutre February 16, 2010 at 4:10 am

[re=513317]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]:

Just makes you want to shove a bicycle up their ass and start pedaling

Bearbloke February 16, 2010 at 4:15 am

[re=513317]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Not all Mormons are ‘dorks’ – whilst at Uni, I had a Mormon neighbour who did his Mission in SE Spain, and would make “special outreach” trips to remote hamlets like Ibiza, and even some out-of-the-way distance villiage the natives called “Amsterdam”…

But, yes, Mormons are dorky.

Potater February 16, 2010 at 5:04 am

Onion did it first:

C’mon, Wonkette, stealing gags? For shame.

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 16, 2010 at 5:40 am

Hell, if you looked back and saw Mittens pulling on his rubber gloves, you would have no choice but to defend yourself. If this had been an American plane, shots would have been fired.

The big question is did anyone check Mittens underwear? Why is the Obama administration so soft on obvious terrorist?

[re=513292]Iam[/re]: Rumor has it that the fight started when Mittens started complaining about being offered peanuts instead of his preferred caviar in coach.

ServiceJervixJuice February 16, 2010 at 5:51 am

May I suggest a vigorous bitch slapping followed by a magic underwear wedgie. I hear those magic underwear wedgies are really uncomfortable.

Johnny Zhivago February 16, 2010 at 6:30 am

Economy section? Was Mitten’s dog at least riding in the luggage compartment or did they have him tied to the wing?

TGY February 16, 2010 at 7:09 am

This should give him practice.

Scooter February 16, 2010 at 7:22 am

Isn’t it ironic that the guy had named his fists Urim and Thummim?

V572625694 February 16, 2010 at 7:25 am

The arc of the universe is wide, but it bends toward justice.

Not sure how tall Mittens is but if he’s more than six feet, its not hard to sympathize. When the douche bag in front of you in coach insists on cranking his seat back so you can regard his bald spot in all its glory, and you can’t use your laptop, it’s easy to get mad. That’s why I never fly coach. Why in the world does hedge-fund zillionaire Mittens not use his own Gulfstream V? Has the market been hard on him lately? That would be so…delightful!

Jumping Jim February 16, 2010 at 7:50 am

Once I was on a flight to Green Bay and reclined my seat. The guy behind me said he did not have enough room and I turned around to tell him too bad and looked into the chest of what was obviously a Green bay Packer football player (mostly, because for the life of me, I can not figure why else a huge Samoan man was flying to Green Bay).

And yes, I put my seat back up. Better a live Pussy than a dead Penis.

El Pinche February 16, 2010 at 8:34 am

Mittens like to put his family in economy sections, ask the family dog.

Long Form Def Certificate February 16, 2010 at 8:36 am

[re=513336]Jumping Jim[/re]: That would have been Esera Tuaolo. He later played for the Vikings, & was prolly the one Larry Craig was hoping to meet in the Minneapolis airport bathroom.

getoffmylawn February 16, 2010 at 8:37 am

Mittens’ attacker was subsequently tied to the roof of a US Marshall’s car and transported to the SuperMax in Colorado.

Long Form Def Certificate February 16, 2010 at 8:38 am

Also: the puncher was prolly a Massachusetts ex-pat, upset at the “upset” victory of Scott Brown, whose path to Bay State electoral success as an hairsprayed, fake-tanned GOP with an “overachieving” brood was laid by Mitt Romney’s two (?) terms as governor.

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2010 at 9:04 am

No wonder Mittens nor any of his boys went to war.


All it takes to get an asshole to move his seat is to jam your feet into the seat and ever so gently push it back. It’s a passive aggressive signal saying if you’re going to be a dick about it then I’m going to be, too and a hint that if I’m willing to physically move your fat ass then I’m also physically willing to take a swing your face if you want to.

Monsieur Grumpe February 16, 2010 at 9:13 am

I hope he got at least one punch for putting that dog on the car roof.

You impregnated Mittens??????

I finally understand entropy. Thanks.

F*T*S* February 16, 2010 at 9:17 am

I’ve been mulling this one over now for many hours. I can not decide where I want to land on this one. On the one hand, I hate everyone who pushes their seat back on airplanes. On the other hand, I love the idea of someone trying to punch Mittens in the face. Very difficult decision. The most difficult decision I will face all week.

BeWoot February 16, 2010 at 9:22 am

The guy’s seat actually leaned back? I want to start flying on that airline. Even if it means sharing a tube with Mitt, a seat that reclines more than 4 centimeters is worth the horror.

libwakman February 16, 2010 at 9:29 am

Insider sources say mittens overly medicated wife urged him to chastise the seat-leaner hoping for a roundhouse return because she was too fucked up to smack the bitch herself.

mayor_quimby February 16, 2010 at 9:44 am

Awesome, this dickhead was reduced to flying in economy on a little regional jet, and chose that time to get chippy. Why wasn’t he using his share of a NetJet timeshare?
Map of the scene of the crime, for future animated recreations is here:

smashy smashy February 16, 2010 at 9:56 am

This will really increase his Q quotient with America’s short-fused, indignant-to-be-traveling-economy travelers.

Prommie February 16, 2010 at 10:01 am

Airlines are the proof that hell is other people.

MzNicky February 16, 2010 at 10:09 am

Today we are all waxed pussies who want to punch out the smug tanned face of a game-show-host-haired slumming flying Mormon.

jetjaguar February 16, 2010 at 10:11 am

“Gov. Romney did not retaliate, but instead allowed the airline crew to respond to the incident,”

It’s after 9/11. A guy becomes violent on a plane, and Mittens just sits back and lets the stewardesses take care of it.

Ducksworthy February 16, 2010 at 10:14 am

[re=513349]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Hmmm. Yes yes a 300# gay samoan defensive lineman. Thank you.

macewan February 16, 2010 at 10:15 am

What a wonderful birthday gift this morning. Thank you Wonkette.

DanDDiver February 16, 2010 at 10:26 am

What a bunch of whiney losers you all are.
You immediately take the side of the violent a**hole, which
makes me think you all are a bunch of angry, liberal pussies
whose only courage lies behind a computer screen.
This site is for you, pussies. Keep forming your little
hiena packs — it’s safer that way.

Hound February 16, 2010 at 10:30 am

[re=513281]rambone[/re]: “I” is plural only for words that end in “US”. So suck it.

sarcasticusername February 16, 2010 at 10:39 am

this couldn’t have gone any better for mittens, now the whole world gets to see just how big “a man of the people” he is; obama’s recession has forced the man to fly coach for god’s sake! how much more does one gazillionaire have to suffer? make him president already!

ManchuCandidate February 16, 2010 at 10:48 am

Yes, that’s what we are, Romney Relative.

I’ve been of the view that if one is going to cheerlead about war and violence on other people especially at a distance (like Mittens has) then that person should be willing to do something up close and personal about it when the necessity arises instead of waiting for the stewardesses to otherwise one might get the impression that one is a pussy.

jetjaguar February 16, 2010 at 10:53 am

[re=513424]DanDDiver[/re]: YEAH YOU PUSSIES

If only you all would man up and take control of the situation like Mitt…

GeneralLerong February 16, 2010 at 11:07 am

[re=513424]DanDDiver[/re]: “hiena packs”?? Is that the same as “hyena packs,” as in those giant bone-crunching maned dog-like animals whose females sport penises?

Or were you thinking “hiney packs,” those sorta medical things that you use daily?

lawrenceofthedesert February 16, 2010 at 11:13 am

Mitt’s logic was clear; he asked himself, “What would Brigham Young do in this situation?” Since Young has been dead since 1877, he would have remained motionless with his eyes shut. Which is what Mitt did until the flight attendants rescued him.

kobidog February 16, 2010 at 12:00 pm

I was on this flight, and this is not at all the truth. Mr. Romney was very polite and the gent in front was already warned by a flight attendant once.

Funny how people take a lie and run with it

Snarkalicious February 16, 2010 at 12:09 pm

[re=513479]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Nice!

[re=513424]DanDDiver[/re]: So…you’re a fan of Mitt Romney? I love to ask this question because, you see, no matter what your answer is (yes, no, stony silence, taking the moral high road, whatever) I win. Hump your ass over to FDL or HuffPo or some shit, bone up on your trolling skills for about 3 years, come back and try again. Twit.

Snarkalicious February 16, 2010 at 12:12 pm

[re=513507]kobidog[/re]: I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with the meme you’re using for this bit of snark…please to enlighten?

Red Zeppelin February 16, 2010 at 12:31 pm

[re=513281]rambone[/re]: That is always true, about everything.

apeman February 16, 2010 at 1:04 pm

LOL, ok, so i would love to hear your version of the abamarama google racist ‘pology…

Michelle Obama racist image sparks Google apology

Top 10 Obama Apologies

So don’t be discouraged by what’s happened in the last few weeks. Don’t be discouraged that we have to acknowledge potentially we’ve made some mistakes. That’s how we learn. But the fact that we are willing to acknowledge them and then move forward, that is precisely why I am proud to be President of the United States, and that’s why you should be proud to be members of the CIA.

smellyal8r February 16, 2010 at 3:35 pm

Note that the guy in Row 15 had his seat “leaned back” while still on the ground, where it’s legal. Seats have to be upright before take-off. I suspect this was Boy Scout Mitt telling the guy he “had to do this” rather than alerting the flight attendant (or tattling as the kids call it). Also, the guy was in Ann’s space, not Mitt’s, so what did he care? And yes, Wonkette, Mittens flew out there just to remind whoever that he ran the “ninth most successful Olympics in American history ever so there” before becoming “Governor” of Mass. What a douchebag. Too bad our hero didn’t knock him out cold.

Darkness February 16, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Too bad it wasn’t the flight to Kolob.

slowuncle February 16, 2010 at 4:57 pm

[re=513424]DanDDiver[/re]: Yeah you liberal hyena pussies, I’m on Dan’s side ‘coz he sounds like a big, burly, manly no-nonsense military type who could prolly kick all your asses. Unless he’s just some doughy, pasty World of Warcraft combat vet who wants us to believe that his balls are bigger than the callous on his game-controller trigger finger.

slowuncle February 16, 2010 at 5:00 pm

[re=513507]kobidog[/re]: I was on that flight too and I must say, Mitt is even MORE handsome in person

ServiceJervixJuice February 16, 2010 at 5:18 pm

[re=513424]DanDDiver[/re]: I’m not sure you’d recognize a hyena if you saw one, but go ahead, pet it.

lawchic February 16, 2010 at 10:58 pm

Wait, Mittens had millions to blow on his failed campaign attempt, but he couldn’t come up with the cash to bump him and his wife up to the business section at least? GTFOH. This dude is so transparent it is sad. His “attempts” at authenticity and down homeliness just make me dislike him even more.

libwakman February 17, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Yo DanDickDiver..Sorry to insult one of the manly men you fantasize about. If you cum out of the closet I promise to allow you to sniff my nutzsack.

Captain Swing February 18, 2010 at 1:20 am

[re=513424]DanDDiver[/re]: As far as I’m concerned, anyone who shapes up to give that draft dodging, flip flopping douchebag Willard a poke on schnozzle should immediately be shortlisted for the Wonkette Man of the Year award, especially if he ties him naked to a roof and takes him for a long drive in the snow afterwards.

Oh, and if you’re going to come here looking for a verbal fight, it’s a good idea if you can spell. Otherwise, you might be eaten by the hyenas…Also.

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