Until this interstate race-to-the-bottom makes its next road trip, Minnesota will now be our Realest American state. Here’s how Timmy Pawlenty wants to eliminate his huge budget deficit (which, to be fair, is a monumentally shitty task for any governor): “Aid to cities, counties and health and human services took the deepest cuts in Pawlenty’s proposal. The governor, who is in his last year in office, pledged to protect programs for the military, veterans, public safety and money for K-12 classroom education.” No recession will postpone the Minnesota Army’s impending invasion of Michigan’s upper peninsula.
Oh, also, minor thing, he wants to cut the corporate tax rate by 20 percent. Minnesota will now have all the corporations! They will stimulate Minnesota’s 5×5-foot, empty, windowless office park units by relocating their “global headquarters” there. Each person will have seven million new Minnesota corporate jobs. (Each person in China or Mexico, that is.)
But think about it! At least three or four non-SEIU janitors will be able to participate in work-share corporate office park programs, however. As long as they understand that the heat will be turned off at all times.
What was that about protecting public safety?
For the first time, the cuts will also affect aid to cities with fewer than 1,000 people.
If the cuts are adopted, Miller said, those communities are left wondering not whether to trim the police department, but “are we going to have a police department at all.”
Hooray! Think of all the alcohol they’ll be able to drink, before driving their cars! Drunk driving, stopping in the middle of the road at noon and snorting cocaine off the median strip. Cooking meth on the median strip, no pants. Stone cold fuckin’ a grizzly bear on the village green.
Pawlenty unveils deep cuts to balance the budget [Star-Tribune]
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Huzzah! Tim may actually be able to live up to his promise to see every bridge in Minnesota destroyed be he leaves office. It’ll be a lawless libertarian paradise, just like Colorado Springs, or Somalia.
Will Michele Bachmann perish in this Apocalypse, at least?
No police force for cities with less than a thousand people? Finally somebody is looking to get big government off the backs of the meth industry.
Well, at least he practices what he preaches with his $8 haircuts.
In true Free Enterprise fashion, crews of Lutheran technicals riding .50cal-mounted GMC trucks will be raiding Winnipeg and Thunder Bay for teh pharmaceuticals and teh loonies!
“Think of all the alcohol they’ll be able to drink” ??
Try the Disney World of meth labs. I’m going to open a butane lighter store in Minnesota and be rich!
Instead of running around the country giving other republicans giant checks, Timmy should bring some of that cash back to his home state.
Though that would be pretty hard, as Timmy rarely graces the state with his presence these days.
I am usually loath to judge by appearances, but Pawlently’s face has “little-boy-fondler” written all over it.
LEAVE T-PAW ALONE!!11!!!!1!
My Italian grandmother used to make a wicked pawlenty.
I’ve often wondered why more states don’t lower corporate income tax rates. How else are they supposed to compete with Club For Growth paradises like Idaho and Mississippi?
So much for the land of the farmer labor party, which has been going downhill ever since Hazelden started operating there and Hubert Humphrey sold out.
How much and why would anyone hate Minnesota, in one word: Pawlenty.
Someone please recap how someone conservative enough to be considered a Republican presidential candidate like Pawlenty got elected in 2002 and re-elected in 2006 in Minnesota. Can’t quite wrap my brain around it. Thanks.
I know how many people hated Mike Hatch, but to all those people who voted for Peter Hutchinson and let this yahoo get in with less than 50% of the vote: how is that “voting with your heart” thing going for you?
I’m going to go drive on our poorly plowed roads now. Pawlenty cut LGA and Minneapolis laid off a bunch of snow plow drivers. Which I feel every day as my car shakes going down the street. Alabama, here we come!
That better be a maritime assault on the UP, because if Pawlenty has any plans to Schlieffen the Northwoods of Wisconsin, he’s got another thing coming.
We will bury you Swedes in Hayward.
So will the common unwashed masses of Minnesota be happy to cough up the dough to cover the shortages from the corporate tax discounts?
I’ll vote for these fucking retards if they promise to legalize pot.
[re=513129]Joshua Norton[/re]: Brand!New!Lotto!Coming!Minnesotans!
(or whatever teh hell they call themselves)
As a general rule the police departments of “cities” with less than a thousand people spend the time cooking meth on the median – but only because they are too poor to snort coke there.
[re=513127]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: The Battle of Little Round Lake? I dunno, both sides in this one might have grudges going back to the Thirty Years War: Germans, Swedes, Poles, a few Irish, Dutch and Belgians plus the Native Americans. Would Minnesota bring in allies from the Dakotas or might they go over to Wisconsin? And would Michigan even try to hold the UP? Geeze, sounds like a game of Risk.
You know what The Onion says about Minnesota, right? Land of 10,000 Ret**ds!!
So why isn’t Sarah Palin all up in The Onion’s face, huh? But it looks like MN voted as the Gov the #1 Ret**d. Just to show how far I am, Al Franken is probably #2.
[re=513123]BarackMyWorld[/re]: 2002: won a three-way race with <45% of the vote. 2006: Shitty candidate. Not Coakley-shitty, but shitty nonetheless. Barely won.
[re=513127]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: We’ll sail our fucking canoes and/or ski across Superior. Or maybe down the Birkie Trail. Any Wisconsin folks edging to win that?
[re=513144]Dangerous[/re]: By ret**d you mean retard, right. RETARD RETARD RETARD.
[re=513127]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]:
Bring It Biaaatch!
By weeks end we’ll got thousands of Lutheran Jihadis comin’ north out of the Missouri Synod in am armada of heavily armed, rusted out ford F-150s.
Make your peace, you Godless Papists, we’re gonna settle this thing once and for all.
[re=513139]qwerty42[/re]: At this point, the mineral wealth of the UP is prolly worth more than the LP’s total worth. So, yes, I think Gov. Granholm would dispatch her own forces to defend da Yoopers. (Not to be confused with the jokey, hokey polka-rap outfit Da Yoopers.)
TwItTer is down!!1!!
crap.
Was going to tweet this Chris Hedges interview about corporate rapin’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv_quWaFkY
[re=513151]dijetlo[/re]: I’m pretty sure that “Get a brain, Morans” guy will have wired himself for suicide-bombing about as successfully as Farouk (Farouk) Farouk is on fire, so I’m not worried about your “reinforcements”.
Is that his official state photo or whatever? Didn’t anyone bother to tell him he looks like a huge, smirking, petulant dickface in that picture? It’s not like yearbook photos, I’m pretty sure it can be redone–or does he only photograph the one way?
It would serve this little, suburban, Catholic twerp right if the first corporation that moved its HQ here was Abortions-R-Us.
[re=513168]WadISay[/re]: More likely, Tom Monaghan will relocate Domino’s hq to Minnesota. Maybe open a branch office of the Thomas Moore Law Center in the Twin Cities.
C’mon, Jim! No tipster cred? I send relevant things all the time and the ONE TIME you post about the thing I send, I get no credit.
Also, I know I’m the only one who sent that it, ever, so don’t play that card!
Boo hoo hoo I wish I was dead.
[re=513133]rocktonsammy[/re]: ll vote for these fucking retards if they promise to legalize pot.
I prefer voting for Dems because they promise health care reform
[re=513152]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: oh ya, Da Yoopers and their classic Second Week of Deercamp. Right up there with The Rodeo Song (not sure who did that — a Canadian band, I think).
Once Minnesota is fully armed, Obama should declare war on it, that’s his best hope of getting re-elected.
[re=513177]qwerty42[/re]: I am just glad the rivalry with C.W.A. — Cheezheadz wit’ Attitudes — never rose to the level of guns. But, then, no one knows where the hell Neenah is, let alone a Yooper, so they wouldn’t have been able to find CWA anyway.
[re=513145]ddenby[/re]: I looked up the numbers…you’re right, Gov. Pawlenty keeps scraping by with election numbers in the mid-40s.
Funny how shitty the GOP presidential field’s gubernatorial records are. But, hey, as the Republican talking heads taught us when Palin was nominated for VP: one day as governor of any size state is more valuable that years of service in the legislative branch. Executive experience!
No grizzly bears in Minnesota. Only black bears.
No invasion of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We don’t want to add Yoopers to Minnesota territory.
[re=513174]The Unfairman[/re]: I send in tips occasionally, most but not all get used…you can’t do it for credit, you do it for the luv of wonkett.
Get Jesse Ventura to beat him up!
Ol’ Pawlenty has been wrapping himself in the flag since 9-11. He’d rather talk about our Brave Fighting Men and Women than actually govern the fucking state, which would require making decisions and doing work.
Why is he our governor? Because the DFL (that’s Democrat Farmer Labor and if that sounds like a bunch of commies, why yes, it used to be…) puts up a bunch of boring pussies for governor every four years and they get their asses handed to them, as they should. God I hate this place sometimes.
This is good new for John McCain. And Sarah Palin, also.
My only defense: Hey, we vote Muslins and SNL writers into office, too! Also, please fix these goddamned potholes, T-Paw.
[re=513149]ddenby[/re]: no, we say home-schooler now.
http://wonkette.com/413608/whatever-you-are-thinking-right-now-it-counts-as-making-fun-of-trig
[re=513237]Chuckie Jesus[/re]: Bachmann cancels out Ellison. Foisting “deficit hawk” Vin Weber on the nation cancels out Franken.
God, I hate Vin. He was Paul Ryan before Paul was done with his Miami of Ohio degree.
[re=513200]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: …no one knows where the hell Neenah is …
It is one part of the awesome twin cities of Neenah-Menasha.
[re=513123]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Hey, we elected Jesse Ventura and Al Franken. Hell, there was a bag of hair that made a pretty strong showing in the DFL caucuses. Nothing says “smug, self righteous shitheel” like a native Minnesotan.
Welcome to Timmy Pawlenty’s new state Mississippi of the North! Where all the schools are below average and anarchy is the governing philosophy; guns for everyone health care for none.
When this prick leaves office at the end of the year, Minnesota will have a larger deficit than California when adjusted for population. Some said that there couldn’t be a shittier governor than Jesse Ventura, but Pawlenty makes Jesse look like a statesman by comparison.
[re=513369]qwerty42[/re]: Great Sponge song, too.
[re=513206]Barcode of the Apocalypse[/re]: But Yoopers have Pasties. Say ya eh.
Exactly what is so bad about being a corporation?
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