Utah. It’s one of those states that we just have to deal with. Its legislature has just passed a resolution that… uh… well it tells the fedril gubmints to LAY OFF THEIR FREEDOMS and put a sock in this Climate Change scam, because look. Look at all the fukkin’ snow. Fukkin’ everywhere. Mountains, ground, trees. Highways. Understand? GET IT, GORE? AL GORE? Shoulda passed the original draft with “conspiracy” and “gravy train” in it, cuz that’s what it is, a conspiracy gravy train, Al Gore in the gravy, gravy in the train, splatterin’ all over the fukkin’ snow, hot fukkin’ snowy gravy fukkin’ Gore takin’ a bath all the way to the rich man’s bank… [Guardian]
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{ 67 comments }
Jim, get a grip. You’re maundering a bit.
Jim Newell goes dada.
surreal.
Terminal case of cabin fever.
Emergency.
In a few years, when Utah runs out of water, this piece of legislation should be bronzed and put on a monument on the grounds of their State House.
Utah, it has been substantiated. Many, many times. Just because a bunch of morons like to stick their fingers in their ears and yell “I can’t hear you!” doesn’t change this basic fact.
But hey, since the state legislature seems to thing the Constitution requires federal agencies to listen to state legislatures, their utter ignorance is not surprising. Besides, what do they care; they all have their own, unaffected planets to rule after death.
Fuckers think their magic underpants will save them.
They also want to pass a resolution declaring that solar eclipses are caused by a giant dragon eating the sun.
I know the underpants gnomes joke has been done to death but seriously it perfectly describes right-wing thought on this issue:
1- create vast egghead conspiracy to limit carbon emissions
2- ????
3- profit
Silly Mormons. The Global Warming is in Vancouver preventing the Winter Olympics.
http://www.examiner.com/x-5738-Political-Buzz-Examiner~y2010m2d12-Global-warming-comes-up-again-due-to-unusually-warm-Vancouver-Olympics
In the heat of the debate, the representative Mike Noel said environmentalists were part of a vast conspiracy to destroy the American way of life and control world population through forced sterilisation and abortion.
Shit, they figured us out.
[re=512317]Terry[/re]: That will be the time for the Angel Macaroni to pay them another visit and and serve up the Gold Plate Special.
I am of the opinion that having vast quantities of coal under your house makes you fucking retarded.
In the heat of the debate, the representative Mike Noel said environmentalists were part of a vast conspiracy to destroy the American way of life and control world population through forced sterilisation and abortion.
So that’s why there’s always a mini baby-boom nine months after a snowfall — all those people who were going to get abortions because of climate change suddenly stop and rethink their options. Also — dumbest conspiracy yet.
Nothing says stupid like “I’m from Utah!”
Except, perhaps…”I’m from Texas!”
Most of Utah is a huge dried out bowl of salt. Mormon prophecy teaches that if there’s enough carbon dioxide sweet water from all that snow will fill the bowl again and the Mormons can go back to having 10 wives each. Although there is the opposing view [FACT] that the founders of Mormonism were actually space aliens intent on impregnating as many earth women as possible. (See also Plan 10 From Outer Space)
[re=512318]JMP[/re]: Keep in mind, this is a state that has a monument to seagulls akin to a temple for their great efforts in slowing a famine by eating an assload of grasshoppers. We are not talking good breeding stock here. You can’t expect much.
Why do so many of them use a second “m” when they say they are Morons?
Why should they care? There ain’t no melting ice caps and orphaned polar bears in the Celestial Kingdom
Well…it DOES get cold in winter. Take THAT Al Gore.
Who needs edumacation, anyway?
Mmmmmmmm…gravy.
Every February it snows, somewhere in the USA, and like clockwork these idiots come out to sputter and yell:
“Thee! Thtold you tho! Gwobal Wawming ith a myth!!!”
It’s infantile, at best.
These are the same Right Wing Retards that in recent years, (before Hopey even announced his candidacy), began banging the drum that because the nazis were the National *Socialist* party that’s indisputable proof that they were left-wing Wiberals.
Morans.
And I mean that in the nicest way.
BTW, Rio de Janeiro is in the middle of their worst heat wave in the last 50 years that right now that so far has killed 32 of the Olds this week from heat related illnesses.
Peak temperatures in Rio this week of 115° F were a full 15° higher than those recorded in the Sahara desert that same day.
http://news.google.com/news/story?cf=all&ned=us&hl=en&ncl=dlUH8LteverzE_MDqeUP2ibW9GpUM
[re=512313]sati demise[/re]: He already went dada when he used the terrorist mouse image for the train derailment story, I’d say.
Cabin fever is a bad thing to have; hell, I was actually happy to leave for work this morning after just two days stuck at home.
If climate change is outlawed, only outlaws will drive Priuses.
[re=512330]Ducksworthy[/re]: Upon reflection, the space aliens theory is starting to make more and more sense. What if we have really have been invaded by Lizard People who have been busily reverse terraforming the earth to more closely resemble their hot dry planet of origin? They were bound to be pissed off at efforts to thwart their plan.
Federal Gubmint: do NOT tell us what to do.
Corporate-style church: Regulate every aspect of our lives from birf to baptizing our traceable ancestors a zillion years after they died and before there ever was “Mormonz”. Also non-negotiable taxing, or “tithing”.
“Sometimes … we need to have the courage to do nothing.”
Truly words to live by.
Someone needs to explain to these fucksticks that the spatiotemporal evolution of dynamical systems (e.g. “climate”) has a very sensitive dependence on the initial conditions, and that perturbations to the system (say, in the form of widespread, multiple-degree temperature increases) can cause the system to depart from its accustomed patterns and take it on a tour through regions of phase-space where radical variability is the norm.
I would, but I have better things to do (watch porn).
Okay, that does it. I’m writing a resolution against fat boring white people who reproduce way out of proportion to their value to humankind. Except Canyonlands and Arches are very wonderful.
Have you ever noticed that the standard interior design of Mormon temples, which is supposed to resemble the Celestial Kingdom, also closely resembles the brand new interior of a circa 1965 Howard Johnson’s motel lobby? This helps reinforce the teaching that In the Celestial Kingdom we will all get to stay at Howard Johnson’s.
[re=512345]SmutBoffin[/re]: And after all that they would just stare at you blankly and say, “But it SNOWED the other day.”
Today we’re all wiggling in the hot warm gravy.
This is the same fine body that is creating a program for gun ownership of guns made in Utah and not carried across state lines (thus, in the eyes of said body and several ultra-wingnut groups, not subject to federal gun regulation). The program will be: no license needed, no registration, no nada. Of course, none of those weapons could possibly fall into the hands of extremists, and ATF will no doubt send its blessings and offer hearty congratulations to these alcohol- and caffeine-deprived legislators and their lovely harems.
[re=512327]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hey, I’ve heard bits of that one before. It’s a big conspiracy by the same people who used to support communism, because they hate America and want it to fail. That must be why the people who fight global warming are only asking the US to curb its emissions instead of asking every other country in the world to do the, some of which have done so.
Para-Olympics starting in Vancouver tomorrow … a chance for Rahm to go and clap for the retards.
[re=512324]Gopherit[/re]:
How can there be forced sterilizations AND abortion? Doesn’t the first preclude the second?
Game. Set. Match.
By the authority of the Utah State Legislature it has been proven Global Climate Change to be a hoax. Time for us libtards to pick another battle.
Wow. I feel like I just walked a mile in Newell’s fever-dream. One of many, I’m sure.
Meanwhile, Utah: home of the Mormons and soon to be the melanoma capital of the west.
I would like to give this legislation some time to see if it works.
[re=512351]El Pinche[/re]: wriggling. meme usage FAIL.
An INDEPENDENT investigation. Not one with those darned scientists.
While they are at it, they should pass a resolution declaring that there is a cure for cancer. I mean, when you have these magical powers, what excuse do you have not to use them for the good of mankind?
[re=512329]dijetlo[/re]: “Nothing says stupid like “I’m from Utah!”
Except, perhaps…”I’m from Texas!”
I think you’re ready to spend some time in (as Jon Stewart calls it) Al-Abama.
Graph of the Day: Americans’ Beliefs about Global Warming, by Departure of Local Weather from Normal Temperature
I think if the baseline of your beliefs is that Jesus Christ appeared amongst Indians, the Garden of Eden is St. Joseph’s Missouri, and the sacred texts came from somebody reading something out of a hat, believing in ridiculous conspiracy theories concerning Global Warming isn’t that far of a leap.
[re=512374]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Good point. Mormonism does prepare people very well to accept republican orthodoxy, also.
[re=512355]JMP[/re]: If other countries are doing it, that’s all the evidence some people need that it’s clearly wrong. Also part of an internationalist conspiracy. Glenn Beck loves this one too, though he usually comes at it from the angle of MSNBC’s parent company, GE, doing it to corner the market on wind turbines. Which means that if you love fair and balanced journalism, you’ll drive your Hummer around aimlessly just to stick it to Keith Olbermann.
The Utah legislature gives us all an idea of what government would look like if the Tea Partiers took over, as guided by postings from redstate.com. In addition to the Climate Change game changer, they have also proposed the following legislation:
Having the state exercise eminent domain over federal land http://www.sltrib.com/ci_14377307?
Eliminate 12th grade (why not the 3rd grade — good question!) http://www.sltrib.com/ci_14361726?
Legalize pet monkeys (HB 376) http://www.sltrib.com/ci_14360459?
Eliminate the use of car seats for kids http://www.sltrib.com/ci_14367084?
Privatize State Parks http://blogs.sltrib.com/slcrawler/index.php?p=11002&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1
[re=512378]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Except that Fox’s parent company, Communist China, is making more turbines than GE.
Fucking Mormons.
Utah is meth heaven. If it wasn’t for meth, meth addicts, and all things meth related, the Mormon Church would be bankrupt.
[re=512354]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: In light of your fine example of Utah’s love affair with intra-State commerce, I suggest some Blue State legislature pass a resolution stating that since it rained a couple of times in Utah this year, there is no need for water conservation in Utah and thus no need for Utah to import water from outside its borders.
What did Utah ever give us, really, except the Osmonds and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? Is their motto The Hokey Music State?
So Utahns want to do Al Gore in the gravy?
[re=512378]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yeah, I also forgot that doing anything other countries like is automatically bad for America for some reason.
[re=512412]ella[/re]: Utah’s got some cool canyons that can be fun to visit. The people of Utah, on the other hand, haven’t really given us anything useful except easy mockery.
[re=512354]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: As long as they’re going to sell artillery and anti-aircraft guns, I’m all for the resulting insanity. Nothing says impotent like hysterically defending the right to bear the kind of arms that haven’t actually been militarily useful against a government since the Boer War (and even then the Boers lost eventually).
Just for this, the next Mormom that knocks on my door is getting the Double Extra Crazy Mr Grumpy Rant… with GRAVY!!!!!!!!!
Climate change is NOT WELCOME in Utah buster!
Git offa mah land! Git oughta my sky!
In the heat of the debate, the representative Mike Noel said environmentalists were part of a vast conspiracy to destroy the American way of life and control world population through forced sterilisation and abortion.
Controlling the population by banning polygamy?
[re=512400]Fox n Fiends[/re]: But that’s an oxyMormon.
[re=512412]ella[/re]: Five-countem-five ROCKIN national parks in the south of the state. I almost quit the rest of my life to sell postcards at Bryce Canyon. Lefturds should move in and take over that part of the state. It’s to die for.
Yeah, an independent investigation. These fuckers probably think “peer reviewed literature” means you peer over the other guy’s shoulder while he’s reading The DaVinci Code.
Years ago I considered moving to Utah. The company that offered me a job sent a brochure explaining all that Utah had to offer. There was a long section on all the hoops you had to jump through to register your car, boat, motorcycle etc. There was one line that said you could bring in explosives and guns with no restrictions. I didn’t move there.
Is this a revelation from the Mormon God?
Utah. All those idiots. All those cliffs, canyons, and ravines. Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?
“Carbon dioxide is “essentially harmless” to human beings.”
Test: Put your teenage brides in a room filled with CO2. Ooopsie. Suddenly all be day-ed. Must not of been huymins.
Next flock of ewes, step forth. Grab your Golden Tablets. Just don’t fucking breathe.
BTW: How’s that Great Salt Lake thing going?
[re=512631]S.Luggo[/re]: “How’s that Great Salt Lake thing going?”
Really. Worst fishing ever!
[re=512378]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Glen Beck is Mormon (he converted to it!) so there you go.
Beware a slack response to Global Warming.
That Russian flag under the North pole ice is not there for nothing.
As the ice melts longer each warm season the Russians will be toll gating the North pole trading routes of ships.
Then when the Earth’s crust convulses so much extra than it used too because of different pressures on the crust from the sea rising and winds pressing on the mountains you will have to be in one of their Nuclear Submarines to feel safe.
Such things of Earthquakes are in that Book of Books.
Lets hope someone can compose some good content for interstellar messages in time.
Surely we must be quicker than computers and robots like the things between identical twins perhaps.
May Jesus have patience in us again some how. Amen
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