PAYDAY FOR THE POST!  1:03 pm February 12, 2010

Lockheed Martin Thinks It’s So Cool, Buying Death Ads All Willy Nilly…

by Jim Newell

Real 'merkin typesettingLook, one of those rare humans who procured a print copy of today’s Washington Post noticed that evil war and death corporation Lockheed Martin purchased a creepy full-page, full-color “In Memoriam” ad to “honor” dead Jack Murtha, replete with company logo! And slogan! Right there!

Jesus. Nothing quite as shameless as a Washington defense contractor dick-measuring contest — as in, “we owned the dickens out of this guy, and we’ll own whoever comes next, and we’re not at all embarrassed to use this man’s death to brag flamboyantly about our prominent role in the military-industrial complex, MMHMM, MMHMM… twunts.”


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Buzz Feedback February 12, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Cremate his ass and stick it in a cruise missile. Oink! Oink!

Cape Clod February 12, 2010 at 1:08 pm

It’s kind of like the people who take ads out in the local paper when their faithful Golden Retriever passes away.

dijetlo February 12, 2010 at 1:09 pm

They should have gone with a cyborg, like the Dick Cheny.
You don’t see Haliburton weeping tax deductible tears all over the WaPo…

Come here a minute February 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

This is just the corporate version of crying on the Senate floor, about staff turnover.

SmutBoffin February 12, 2010 at 1:14 pm

The corporate-sponsored, anti-utopian Amurrica predicted by our nation’s finest (= drug-addled) writers has come to pass as of…now.

One Yield Regular February 12, 2010 at 1:14 pm

You laugh now, but just wait until Lockheed Martin, citing the Citizens United ruling, files papers to run for Murtha’s former Congressional seat.

ManchuCandidate February 12, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Monsieur Grumpe February 12, 2010 at 1:19 pm

It could have been worse. The first idea for honoring the late John (Ka-Ching) Murtha was a solid gold toilet in the Lockheed executive washroom.

WadISay February 12, 2010 at 1:21 pm

Is LockMart buying him a pyramid on the Potomoc, or just the usual Viking funeral?

Tommmcatt February 12, 2010 at 1:22 pm

They’re looking into synergy/ branding options for his coffin.

SayItWithWookies February 12, 2010 at 1:26 pm

“He got us some huuuge contracts — oh, and some other stuff too. And he stayed in Congress so we never had to get him that cushy lobbying sinecure we had always promised him.”

plowman February 12, 2010 at 1:29 pm

How can they can afford a whole page?

hedgehog February 12, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Somebody forgot to tell Lockheed Martin that lobbying is somewhat ineffectual after the target is dead. They should save their ammo for a living pork whore.

Snarkalicious February 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm

[re=512254]plowman[/re]: The space opened up cheap when previous ad buyers were mysteriously blown to kingdom come by stray cruise missles.

Ducksworthy February 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm

[re=512237]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Thank you. We should always keep in mind the fact that the U.S Government ™ is a foreign owned corporation.

V572625694 February 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm

You’re all laughing at Murtha now that he’s dead — Wonkett makes fun of everything — but next time you have to fly into the John Murtha Johnston-Cambria International Airport, you’ll be glad for all he did there.

Ducksworthy February 12, 2010 at 1:35 pm

[re=512257]hedgehog[/re]: This is actually a subtle warning to all living pork whores that, if you’re about to be indicted and thinking about talking, you might just have an accident during gall bladder or other surgery.

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 12, 2010 at 1:35 pm

I can’t wait until David Vitter dies and the whores buy him an ad.

Spike February 12, 2010 at 1:38 pm

[re=512241]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Solid gold toilet seats are extremely heavy. Gold plating is the way to go.

Birdcrash February 12, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Don’t be sad, Lockheed Martin. God will provide.

lawrenceofthedesert February 12, 2010 at 2:00 pm

It was a rags to riches story about a boy who found at an early age that his mother, while preparing dinner, was a Murtha forker.

Aurelio February 12, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Say what you want about Murtha, but he opposed the Iraq War from 2005 on, and took a lotta shit for it. In my book, that redeems him from a lifetime of white collar crime and pederasty.

Escape Goat Nation February 12, 2010 at 2:11 pm

[re=512288]Aurelio[/re]: Amen

V572625694 February 12, 2010 at 2:17 pm

[re=512288]Aurelio[/re]: Agreed. But Pat Buchanan opposed it right from the beginning, thus proving that even a broken clock is correct twice a day.

Paul Tardy February 12, 2010 at 2:23 pm

[re=512288]Aurelio[/re]: “opposed the Iraq War ” -> opposed felt bad about the Iraq War.

The Lockheed Martin company logo is also on his F-35 STOVL themed coffin. A mock second engine is being interred with him too.

Aurelio February 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm

[re=512299]V572625694[/re]: Yep. Even old Pat isn’t wrong about everything.

mcc February 12, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Because what better way to honor the memory of a public official, Lockheed, than to conspicuously draw attention to the corruption that persistently marred his career

DP February 12, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Jeez, it’s like their puppy died. I haz sad….

JooJoo Bee February 12, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Yeah, but it was on a left-reading page. Too goddamn funny for werdz.

S.Luggo February 12, 2010 at 3:40 pm


JooJoo Bee February 12, 2010 at 3:40 pm

[re=512288]Aurelio[/re]: amen again, actually. I forgot about that for a minute.

JooJoo Bee February 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm

[re=512299]V572625694[/re]: It scared me when he did that. The move to the Center was so, oh I dunno, political. Glad he decided to continue sneering from the sidelines instead.

Allyson February 12, 2010 at 7:30 pm

[re=512288]Aurelio[/re]: True. Also, call it pork if you like, but Murtha fought for the well being of Western Pennsylvanians when so many others were willing to write them off as rust belt relics.
As for LMart’s motives in running the ad, my guess is that the ad is a useful reminder to the rest of Congress that despite the F-22 cuts, LMart still has an advertising budget. “You play nice, you’ll get a nice obit in an ad when you die. You mess with us, we’ll run an ad to kill your political career.”

S.Luggo February 12, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Johnstown, Pa.‘s Murtha was an old-time, neighborhood/ethnic pol, and excepting his attempt to beat out Denny Hoyer as House Leader, never strayed far from his local power base (or the notion that, if I gives, then I should gets; not exactly a model for public service). On the other paw, contrast that to Blago’s style, “To gets, you must first give me.”

Regardless, Jack Murtha was corrupt (i,e. self-serving) even if he brought home the bacon.

Rumor has it that whomever the Rebugs put up for Murtha’s seat (e.g. Genghis Khan) will win. When that Repug is a assigned to a junior position on House Agriculture Committee, the seat will switch again in the next election.

seventies_bush February 13, 2010 at 6:09 pm

I thought this only appeared in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette! Holy shit did he make them a lot of Jack. Oh, wait I could put a full page picture of my junk in that paper for under a grand right now.

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