Snowpocalypse Now

  cartoon violence

By the Comics Curmudgeon
OH GOD YOU GUYS HAVE YOU LOOKED OUTSIDE LATELY! There is, like, so much snow! Frozen water! Falling out of the sky! And accumulating, on the ground! YOU GUYS! And yet there’s supposed to be this whole “global warming” thing, which was going to turn the entire planet into a palm-tree-lousy paradise? People are angry! They’re feeling betrayed! Especially the ones who never believed in global warming in the first place! Why does Al Gore hate America, so very much?

OK, drink this one in: It is the absolute Platonic ideal of the cartoon about how it’s cold outside and how that means global warming doesn’t exist. Step 1: Depict dude interacting with winter in some way. Step 2: Dude contemplates the opposition between his current immediate experience ( “cold”) and a word-part of the shorthand for a complex scientific theory ( “warm”). Now, if you want to get fancy, you could add, I don’t know, wordplay, or jokes, or puns, or something vaguely visually interesting to look at. But here’s the great thing: you actually don’t have to! I mean, seems like a lot of bother, right? Nope, just shoveling dude contemplating coldness, and warming. BAM.

Of course, in terms of nuance, that first cartoon is the equivalent of an Axe Body Spray ad that’s all like “Spray this stuff on ya and you’ll be fuckin’ in no time.” In contrast, this one is like an overwrought Obsession commercial from the late ’80s, all dramatic shadows and funny camera angles and overloaded signifiers. Observe our climate nerd, wielding his mighty shovel of Science! He emerges from his (carbon-spewing?) chimney, only to find the Snow of Incontrovertible Truth blanketing the land! The sun, low in the west, “manipulates” the length of the chimney’s shadow! But what of the squirrel? What does the squirrel represent, with its beady, inscrutable eyes? Are we meant to know? Or does it represent the complete absence of knowledge, of certainty?

Oh wait you guys, we totally forgot about Al Gore! Al Gore invented global warming, to make money. Now all the Congressfolks are trapped in the Capitol, by the snow, and they’re mighty pissed at him! They were this close to signing the check for the Global Warming Protection Money and mailing it to him when it started snowing. Now they’d like to have a few words with the man, but he’s nowhere to be found! Have they been denied their sweet, sweet vengeance, just because Gore’s Prius is stuck in a snowbank somewhere?

Naturally, the people who were right about this — i.e., Republicans — are pretty smug. And we should give them the chance to enjoy their I Told You So’s! After all, they’re only human! Or, in this case, horrifying obese human-elephant hybrids, but deep within their hulking mutant form beats a human heart of smugness. Anyway, so, yes, it’s all well and good that they’re hyped up about being right, but really, we feel that if you’re going to give an interview to the national press, you should at least wait until your enormous vindication boner has subsided. You know, especially if you’re a freakish mutant elephant-man, wearing a trench coat.

These ideological victories are all well and good, but it’s still, like, snowing a whole fucking lot, you know? Americans in days of yore would grit their teeth, go out into the streets, and clear away the snow, working together for the betterment of all. We, of course, are not Americans of yore, but are instead a bunch of whiny babies. Here we see a typical pusillanimous early 21st century American. Faced with an unstoppable onslaught of snow, he attempts to surrender to it, like a common Frenchman. Silly coward! Snow does not obey your so-called “Geneva Conventions”!

Oh, and good news, everyone! They found Al Gore! Or at least the head part of Al Gore.

(Bonus cartoons: If somehow these cartoons on this theme weren’t enough for you, you’ll want to check out this.)

Share This
 
Related video

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

41 comments

  1. FlownOver

    Thanks a lot for the bonus link. ‘Scuse me now – I gotta go run a hose from the tailpipe into the den.

  2. StrangelyBrown

    Apparently the elephant man is walking around with his hands in his pockets for the same reason I did back in the sixth grade.

  3. thefrontpage

    Don’t they know that winter global cooling and winter climate change and crazy blizzards are caused by global warming and climate change, and it’s all Dick Cheney’s fault?

  4. sanantonerose

    Pusillanimous. Now there’s a word that could stand to work it’s way into more sentences.

    Love the squirrel, also.

  5. JMP

    It’s bad enough having to hear this from idiots in bars and blogs every time it snows; the bad cartoons make the blizzard of stupidity even more unbearable.

  6. Lascauxcaveman

    Josh, the squirrel doesn’t really represent anything. It’s just that when you’re drawing a cartoon that’s stupid, hateful and wrong, it’s always a good idea to throw in a cute little squirrel, to cheer things up a bit.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    The squirrel actually represents the cartoonist, whose pecan-sized brain and lack of binocular vision allow it to comprehend metaphors only if they’re labelled in the most painfully hacktastic way.

  8. pampl

    Man, even the GOP has mostly left these guys behind. Now they’re on the “if climate change is anthropogenic then why is it cold” phase

  9. Larry McAwful

    We had a big snowstorm, so global warming is a hoax! Also: I found five bucks on the sidewalk, so I’m close to becoming a millionaire!

    Seriously: here in Boston it’s 35ºF, pleasant, and all the snow has melted, almost. Isn’t this supposed to be the middle of winter? Where are the cartoons about this? I’d help, but I can’t draw to save my life.

  10. smitallica

    Yes Amurka, an extreme weather event is just the thing to contradict all those scientists’ predictions of more frequent extreme weather events.

    We are a nation of fucking idiots.

  11. GayInMaine

    [re=512182]Larry McAwful[/re]: I live in Northern Maine. Its 40 degrees and I can see my lawn. Its unheard of. But we’re not New York or DC, so it doesn’t count. Or something.

  12. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=512145]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=512146]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
    so does the shadow represent that we’ll see six more weeks of stupidity from Lisa?

  13. dijetlo

    Before Krakatau erupted it rumbled for weeks, often belching out smoke and ash. Of course, since it didn’t do this constantly, the villagers would use the brief periods of relative quiet to reassure each other that all was well and there was nothing to worry about. The more pressing the crisis, the more effort they put into claiming there was no crisis.
    People never change.

  14. Autoo

    [re=512211]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: so does the shadow represent that we’ll see six more weeks of stupidity from Lisa?

    If she loses both arms in a horrific auto accident in exactly six weeks, its a safe bet. Otherwise, you can count on it going on indefinitely.

  15. gjdodger

    [re=512131]sanantonerose[/re]: Pusillanimous (adj.) 1) Destitute of manly strength; 2) Sen. Harry Reid.

  16. Red Zeppelin

    Al Gore’s head is emerging from “Gobbler’s Knob”? What– do Republicans just have gaysex on the brain?

  17. WadISay

    Meanwhile, they are trucking snow to the winter olympics in Vancouver, but of course if it’s not happening to a hack in the Mid-Atlantic, it’s not really happening.

  18. Cicada

    Funnily enough, the current slew of blizzards in the Mid-Atlantic may have been caused by El Niño. And El Niño is caused by unusually warm ocean surface temperatures.

    So, yeah, global warming can lead to blizzards in some areas. Science! But don’t expect your average global-warming denier to look beyond the evidence in their front yard. They know more than all those pesky “experts” with their fancy “degrees” and years of “experience”.

  19. Scooter

    Can’t wait for Garfield to lock Odie outside in the snow!! OMG!! LOL!! Oh, oh, oh, here comes the paperboy!! OMG!! Page 13, page 13 . . . OMG!! There it is!! ROTFLMAO!!

  20. An American in Toronto

    [re=512196]GayInMaine[/re]: Oh Dude, Gay in NORTHERN Maine. My heartfelt apologies. I got family up there and they’re not the most…open minded people.

  21. boyhowdy

    Last summer my pals told me it was especially hot in Texas. How soon people forget when they are up to their twats in snow.

  22. JesseJB

    Of course here in Seattle, our January average temperature was warmer than Tallahassee’s this year. We haven’t even reached our normal lows once this year. But as others have said, we are not DC so it’s not happening! Time to build a giant snow Boehner!

  23. Dadaio

    Yeah, can we discuss “Gobbler’s Knob” in that last cartoon?

    “Duuhhuhh…Vice Preznit Gore cain’t quit maykin up sahyehnce, cuz he’s a QUEYEER!!!!”

  24. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Meanwhile, the glaciers are still retreating and sea levels are still rising faster. But hey, snow in DC.

  25. FreedomPoodle

    [re=512349]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]:
    Something is weird.
    Last year I had to stomp snow with snowshoes in my backyard. This year, there’s no snow at all. The delivery man for propane gas came twice last month and never had to fill up the thank. My electricity bill is lower by 50$ a month (electricity is really cheap here) and the house is heated by electricity and propane when it is too cold outside. I live 700 miles North of New-York, in Igloostan. The stupid almond tree in the backyard is blooming – saw 12 blooms yesterday! My dog can’t go to play to the doogies’ park because it’s a swamp – He hates me for that because he think I’m the top DOG, responsible for the climate. Here, the normal weather in February is 40 below (Celsius). It is around 0 (Fahrenheit). I went to the car wash yesterday which is usually a No-No in winter because the doors freeze. Climate is weird!
    I fear for next summer, it might rain tree days out of two.

    But as we say in French, tout finit par une chanson …

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHRPwipKJA4
    A song for deniers!

  26. japan_monster

    I’m deeply disappointed by the lack of fetuses in these cartoons. It shouldn’t be too hard to redraw the gob-nobbling Gore head (or the squirrel) as a human embryo. Think of the children!

  27. Beanball

    It saddens me that Garfield has fallen for the rightwingtards’ misrepresentations on climate change.

    I thought cats were smarter than that.

Comments are closed.