RYAN/PANTLOAD '12  1:45 pm February 11, 2010

GOP’s Nerdy Special Weapon… Just Does Whatever Jonah Goldberg’s Book Tells Him

by Jim Newell

Eh, close enoughEver since Barack Obama called on the GOP’s ranking House budget committee member, Paul Ryan, for a question about health care, and the question was somewhat coherent, Paul Ryan has been considered the smartest Republican in world history, currently. He uses nerd words like “costs” and “Medical inflation,” in sentences! And if he’s so smart, that would make his “ideas guy,” National Review skid mark Jonah Goldberg, extra double-smart, times fifty. Which we knew already.

Ryan said his vote for the bailout was influenced by Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism, a popular book among conservatives that argues that Nazism and other fascist movements were actually left wing in origin, and his belief that a second Depression would threaten capitalism—and rescue Obama’s presidency.

“I’m a limited-government, free-enterprise guy, but TARP… represented a moment where we had no good options and we were about to fall into a deflationary spiral,” he said. “I believe Obama would not only have won, but would have been able to sweep through a huge statist agenda very quickly because there would have been no support for the free-market system.”

How did he learn all of this from a book composed entirely of X-rated Star Wars pencil doodles?

Paul Ryan’s Sacred Cow Slaughter [Daily Beast]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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shadowMark February 11, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Aw, I miss PLUCKY JULI already!!11!

smitallica February 11, 2010 at 1:51 pm

That face has had many, many dicks in it. I’m just sayin’.

Larry McAwful February 11, 2010 at 1:53 pm

I don’t understand. If the Republicans believe that another Great Depression would rescue Obama’s presidency, then why are they working so hard to create one? Consistency, please!

Extemporanus February 11, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Finally, a worthy alternative to lolcats:


“I can haz ass fukk?”

Minnie Mean February 11, 2010 at 1:56 pm

This is EXACTLY what a drag queen looks like when she’s trying not to look like a drag queen! It never really works.

jagorev February 11, 2010 at 1:56 pm

He read a book?

Why does he Sarah Palin and Trig so much?

norbizness February 11, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Hey, pal, your break’s over. Time to rejoin the Dapper Dans at Disneyland.

Monsieur Grumpe February 11, 2010 at 2:01 pm

It’s hard to read lips from a still picture but I’m fairly certain he’s saying “Punch me in the face”.

ManchuCandidate February 11, 2010 at 2:04 pm

In Contard mind: Jonah Goldberg = Yoda

It explains why Jonah writes like Yoda (incoherent babble.)

SayItWithWookies February 11, 2010 at 2:05 pm

“I’m a limited-government, free-enterprise guy”

“…and those are my deeply-held core principles. Which I’m perfectly willing to violate at the drop of a hat if it turns out that enough people can so screw the system that they almost destroy it. It’s the same reason I hired this blind chauffeur — as long as I manage to stop him before he drives over a cliff, my belief that he’s capable of driving without supervision remains intact.”

loquaciousmusic February 11, 2010 at 2:06 pm

He reminds me of Fred Willard’s character in…well, in just about everything.

Crank Tango February 11, 2010 at 2:07 pm

[re=511401]shadowMark[/re]: nevar forgit 2/11! 2/11 changed everything!


ttommyunger February 11, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Yes, Smitallica, and if Jonah just had one, there would be one more dick in it, for sure. As a Georgian of many years seniority, I have information which outsiders do not have: for instance, I happen to know that back in the Seventies, Newt (Senior Doughy Pantload) Gingrich and one Lucianne Goldberg had a sweaty late-night encounter behind the dumpster at an Atlanta Waffle House. The product of that grunting, flab jostling liaison was none other than Jonah (Junior Doughy Pantload) Goldberg. I only recount this gruesome event because I’ve noticed that Jonah has been referred to in this Organ as the “Doughy Pantload”… As Daddy is still among the living, he should retain the “Junior” desigation…right is right, you know.

Extemporanus February 11, 2010 at 2:09 pm

When memes collide, we all lose.

Well, all of us, that is, with the exception of Jonah Goldberg. He just faps. And faps and faps and faps. And faps. Fappity-fappity-chooch. Chooch-fap. Fap-fap fart.

El Pinche February 11, 2010 at 2:28 pm

So one of the Siegfried queens is a wingnut now. cool.

Terry February 11, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Is that Barry Manilow’s younger brother in that photo?

Snarkalicious February 11, 2010 at 2:36 pm

[re=511438]Extemporanus[/re]: If what you say is true, we could call him Fap Calloway. Or perhaps Fapid Lee Roth.

Magnus Maximus February 11, 2010 at 2:41 pm

@Manchu: Crappy books not make one great!

Hooray For Anything February 11, 2010 at 2:44 pm

You have to admit that in terms of shoring up your conservative bona fides after doing something unconservative, saying you did it only to help the cause of conservatism is pretty clever. As is saying that you did something in support of big government to stop big government.

Tommmcatt February 11, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Oh Jesus, if I ever become the kind of queen that plucks her eyebrows, somebody shoot me. Promise?

Extemporanus February 11, 2010 at 2:50 pm

[re=511469]Snarkalicious[/re]: “Hey folks, here’s the story ’bout Chinnie the Choocher, he was a big, fat poochie doucher…”

President Beeblebrox February 11, 2010 at 2:51 pm

[re=511421]norbizness[/re]: Ah. Barbershop quartet singing, yet another musical style stolen from southern blacks and co-opted by The Man.

So he taught acting at CBS for 10 years, eh? Then it’s only a matter of time before he starts posting on Big Hollywood along with Adam “Jayne” Baldwin and other minor, conservative Hollywood types.

Hunger Tallest Palin February 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

More proof, if proof were needed, that too much time in a tanning booth fries your brain.

Proof that the GOPers’ need to swagger and claim they are the real Manly Men is definitely a case of the lady protesting way too much. Also.

Guppy06 February 11, 2010 at 2:55 pm

So, to save capitalism, he voted… against letting capitalism take its natural course. Brilliant!

Flat-out communism would be more capitalist than TARP; at least the people, then being owners of the industries, would have a chance at a return on investment.

It’s so hard to not be cynical when I drive by the building that says “Merill Lynch Wealth Management.”

bryan j February 11, 2010 at 3:08 pm

This guy is my parents rep, and he is a BONERFACE. You heard it here first.

MzNicky February 11, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Wow. How many facelifts has that guy had? He looks like the totally-not-gay dude who was married to Liza Minelli that time.

maximumneanderthal February 11, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Hmmm, “Taught acting at CBS for 10 years”- Is that any relationship to “Active in musical drama” gee-ay-why in chief chairperson his holy campness himself. Is anyone else sensing a pattern here?
Just sayin’…..

Captain Jack February 11, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Sorry for the reality check, but that photo is of some other dirtball, perhaps with the same name. Paul Ryan, Congressman from 1st District of Wisconsin, is a toasterhead with a bad Conan haircut (Bing him!). And he resembles a bag of dicks. Also.

bryan j February 11, 2010 at 4:03 pm

[re=511559]Captain Jack[/re]: Yeah, he doesn’t look like that. The real Paul Ryan is more smug. I signed a petition once to set aside some wildlife habitat and he sent me a form letter telling me that I’m a moron and that he is a douchebag. After that I have contemplated running against him, but the Dems in the 1st district are also douchebags and get in my way.

slowuncle February 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm

a turtleneck????

LittlePig February 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm

[re=511483]Extemporanus[/re]: “He was dumb as a ten-penny nail, and Chinnie was as big as a 40 ton whale…”

The Church of Realism February 11, 2010 at 4:17 pm

[re=511575]slowuncle[/re]: I’m sure its just a dickey…

Mr Blifil February 11, 2010 at 5:07 pm

But how much does he listen to the purple brother?

Veritas78 February 11, 2010 at 8:17 pm

I do find it unnerving that my exact TransUnion, Experian, and Equifax credit scores are announced alongside this and other Wonkette posts for all the world to see. Whatever happened to privacy? The intertubes are double-edged, I now see.

What Fresh Hell is This? February 11, 2010 at 9:20 pm

There is something stylistically troubling about the vertical stripes of his jacket and the horizontal stripes of his head.

CanadianBacon February 11, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Instead of buying a copy of Liberal Fascism I have decided to wait until one of our dogs craps out a copy. I think the biggest difference would be it is not signed.

obfuscator February 12, 2010 at 12:28 am

i just heard this knob being interviewed on npr. his “plan” includes a proposal to scale back medicare benefits for future recipients as a way to control entitlement spending. right after he explained his plan, he said it was a way to avoid government controlled statist socialist rationing of health care. how the fuck is arbitrarily cutting benefits not a form of rationing? jesus, why does anyone take this kind of nonsense seriously?

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