Well hello!

A brief note from your Tuesday and Thursday morning editor: Today is my final day at Wonkette, as starting on Monday I will be blogging for Vanity Fair‘s VF Daily blog, so please come hang out there, too. It’ll be just like old times! Thank you times a million to Ken, Jim, Sara, Riley and Arielle, the best people in the entire Internet, even factoring in all the robots and whoever writes the “Twitter” Website. And thank you, readers and commenters, for reading and commenting, and for tipping and for being far, far better at grammar than I than me. I will miss everyone.

First-person singular,

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  1. So with Ken apparently still on hiatus writing his book or whatever, and Sara still “raising” her baby instead of letting the TV do it like real Americans, are we stuck with Jim?

  2. It’s funny. Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

    I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.

    Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell.

    Nonetheless Vanity Fair sucks.

  3. WEEEIIIINNNEEERRRR!!! Good luck, Juli. Perhaps VF can return your life to normalcy after a stint dealing with us ragamuffins. Maybe they can even pay you enough to afford a final “e”! Wink, wink, you betcha, also, too!

  4. Aw, Juli! We’ll miss you. You’ve done a great job, and hopefully will carry your snarkiness to VF. NEVER FORGET..your time at Wonkette. Take care Juli!

  5. Well, that didn’t take you long to throw Wonkette under the bus to go to work for some hoity toity blog!

    Seriously, good luck & try to keep Graydon’s ego in check.

  6. Oh, how sad — thanks for brightening up this little corner of the interwebs and many of my mornings, Juli. I wish you’d stay, but realize that all experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world. Godlessspeed.

  7. [re=511250]Come here a minute[/re]: This news is like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

    Spend some time in the joint, and I’m sure you’ll learn to turn those 10,000 spoons into 10,000 seriously deadly shanks.

  8. Juli, you’re always funny, but this isn’t funny. So you’re saying I hafta point my internet at Vanity Fair now? Does that mean you’ll get one of those artsy line drawings of yourself at the top of your columns? You should probably get a monocle.

  9. [re=511220]Rosie Scenario[/re]:

    Nnononono. I (implied subject) thank you (object) for being far, far better… than ME (object).

    She was right the second time. “ME” is the object form of the personal pronoun “I”.

    /off to opress my co-workers with the proper use of the word “lie”

  10. Damn. Does this mean I have to remember yet another sekrit password in order to follow the drunken ramblings of my favorite pretend intarweb grrlfriend? Good luck over there, Juli…

  11. Wait, there are people involved in posting on this website?

    Wishing you good times in your next gig! We’ll miss you. Wait, what was your name again?

  12. My edit focused on end of the sentence and I still think I’m correct, or at least not wrong: You are better at grammar than I (am). But the “am” is left off. “You” are not better than “I” or “me” but better than “I am at grammar.”

  13. Juli just remember…you can take the truknutz off the truck but you’ll still have nuts in your hand. You hate It, I hate it but that’s the way that it is. Also Buttseks. Also.

  14. [re=511272]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Jeeze I just went there and was happy to read a piece by Henry Rollins and the comments were filthy with wingnut diarrhea. Gah!

  15. If your leaving, can I have the trucknutz dangling over you’re desk? Bon Voyage, ma cherie. Tell ’em to treat you write, or they’ll have a bunch of Wonketteers to answer to.

  16. We had so much fun together
    I was sure that you were mine
    But leavin’ you, baby, is drivin’ me crazy
    It’s got me wonderin’ all the time

    Juli, Juli, Juli, do ya love me?
    Ah, Juli, Juli, Juli, do ya care?
    Juli, Juli, are ya thinkin’ of me?
    Juli, Juli, will ya still be there?

  17. [re=511262]Tommmcatt[/re]: No! It’s a conjunction so the sentence could be written “Thanks for being better at grammar than I (am).” Saying “Thanks for being better at grammar than me” could be implied to mean we are better at grammar than we are at (being) her/the speaker/Juli.

  18. Oh and a special thank you for those of us who have long entertained fantasies of lying down with Juli on a field of pretzels and lightbulbs, and whatever those poop shapes are, I think they are potatoes and I would not actually like to lie down on those of course.

  19. [re=511294]Crank Tango[/re]: I just looked at that too. Jesus Keerist.
    Who knew girls and gay boys were so vicious.
    Do you know what your getting into?

  20. Vanity Fair? Are you kidding me? Jeeze, I haven’t looked at Vanity Fair since the last batch of nekkid Kate Winslet photos, and what was that, like, two weeks ago?

  21. Good luck with your little Vanity project, you human-posting blog, you!

    Should you ever grow weary of doing the Conde Nast-y with that lesbian powdered wig-in-chief who’ll be signing your whore diamonds, my raging weinersickle-on will be right here waiting for you.

  22. Have fun and good luck.

    Can’t imagine why you’d want to move on from our little pit of jaded sarcasm for a nationally recognized brand like Vanity Fair, but hey, that”s alright. Some people are weird like that.

  23. Didn’t they do a Levi Johnston spread with but WITH clothes on? Just proves they have no business sense at all. He would have shown them his ass for the same money.

  24. [re=511368]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Now that the iPad is going to save the print media all the hip kids are trying to get their share of those giant dinosaur media bucks.

  25. I was on a month long trip to Europe and sooooo many has changed. I guess nt much since the left is still eating its own but Juli leaving that sucks. Good luck, Juli! I will sure visit you from time to time.

    Is Sarah still raising baby K. Smith? Is he not a full fledged socialist yet? Is Jim pregnant because he does not post as much? I need update.

  26. /Snark Off

    Bye, Juli! Best of luck!

    If you ever want advice on the best shotgun to use on an idiotic editor or co-worker, I’d be happy to help!

    /Snark On

    VANITY FAIR? Oh, BARF. (If you ever can put Tina Brown in your sights, CALL ME IMMEDIATELY!!!!!)

  27. Well isn’t that just a kick in the….ass. Thanks for ruining my Thursday JULI (if that’s your real name).

    Haha…jk Juli. I really enjoyed your posts. Good luck and I’ll try to remember to read your VF but it’s highly unlikely.

  28. Aw! You’re great, Juli! I really like your stuff! I hope you’ll come back to visit!

    Does this mean Sara’s going to have to work full-time again? Jim Newell can only do so much…

  29. you see people! This is what being snowed in for a week can do to ya. For god’s sake Juli, go outside and have a smoke.

    also, much enjoyed your posts

  30. You’re leaving?

    It’s the snow, right? Come on, this is very unusual weather; it won’t be like this for another decade, at least.

    Oh, and tell Wollcott to blog more about media and politics and a LOT less about ballet and opera and ‘birding’ (whatever that is).

  31. Juli I wish you all the best, but wow, I just looked at the VF bloggie thing and I think you’re going to be very very busy making it interesting. May I suggest a liberal sprinkling of trucknutz?

  32. Bon chance, Juli! We’ll miss your meta-witty and meta-grammatical commentary on the meta events of the day. You may need to dumb it down a little for the poor slobs over at VF, though. Graydon Carter – sheesh…

  33. Well, I’m sure you’ve learned a lot here; well maybe not, but I’m sure your vocabularly of bad words has been considerably expanded from just reading the comments here. Thanks for the laughs and best of luck.

  34. Of course, you realize this means you’re going to have to force a smile on your face when you bump into Wolcott at the coffee machine and he launches into one of his stories about what the cats did last night, and the ballet thing he’s going to, and how you really have to catch the Rita Hayward marathon on TCM on Tuesday.

  35. Hey, Juli, we’ll miss ya! You can always come back and hang, but don’t do it! Yur too cool!
    “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” -Les Brown

  36. [re=511306]anonymousryan[/re]:

    Still “You” (subject) are better than “Me” (object). Would you say “You are better than we” if the object was plural? No, you would say “You are better than us”.

    We can agree to disagree, as long as you admit I’m right.

  37. First they came for the Cox, and I did nothing, because now she’s a Playboy contributer or something, and “Cox contribute to Playboy” is the best headline, ever.

    Then they came for the Weiner, and I did nothing, even though Wonkette without the Weiner is, like, half a Wonkette.

    Then, they came for me, and I was out of hilarious dick jokes, so nobody really cared.

    Also: We’ll miss you Juli!

  38. [re=511478]Tommmcatt[/re]:
    Would you say “You are better than we” if the object was plural? No, you would say “You are better than us”.

    You mean YOU would say that. And you still would be incorrect. The “object,” as you call it, in this case is not a direct object, but rather, the subject of the implied “we are.” As in, “You are better than we [are]”.

    Sheesh! And I had a public school education for crissakes. Of course it was about 100 years ago, when English teachers made you memorize pronoun cases and stuff, but still.

  39. By the way, you’re hot. Not hot enough for me to want to watch the Newell-Weiner sex tape (no one is hot enough for that), but if you’ve got any Prejean-y solo material, here’s hopin’ and prayin’ whoMever you sent it to decides s/he really hates you. I mean that in a good way!

  40. Vanitas vanitatum! Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? Or having it, is satisfied?

    Oh, wait… a paid blogging job, you say? Good luck, young Juli!

  41. Ms. Weiner (a particularly evocative familial name for a princess of the persuasion), in the new decade virtual employment can be gainful, as you demonstrate. Mazel tov! The Wonkette corral has prepared you well for the rhino-hided world of entertainment journalism. May you never ask an actress her favorite color.

  42. I realize it’s selfish to say so, but it’s still sad to see excellent and witty writers leave for greener pastures among the pros. Wonkette will be just that much less of a snarkatorium without you.

  43. If we commenters are fuses, you dear Juli have been our spark blowtorch. Sure, go make some scratch now, your job is done, here. xoxo

    P.S.: Using “me” instead of the brain-dead “myself” = one brainy broad. Huzzah!

  44. All the best to you, Juli, from your grammar policegrrl. Don’t worry about that subject at VF. If they don’t like something you write, just show ’em your tits — Grayson loves that.

    And do you get the extra points for that lovely Milton on the hanger, or is that Jim’s contribution? If so, for your parting shot feel free to tell him there’s a comma after “woods.”


  45. Welcome, g*damn fuck. I thought everyone was leaving for a minute. GQ for the first wonkette, now VF for Juli. What’s up for Sara?

    Too bad that nobody seems to want the men around here.

  46. WAIT! Does this mean Wonkette will now be Weiner-less? Weiner is the only reason I read wonkette. Its not like Ginger, Beardy, Babymaker or those not-worthy-of-mentioning interns can compensate for Weiner time.

  47. Juli, I just want you to know that all that disgusting horn-dog shit I wrote when you first came on board that got me in so much trouble with Newell– well I meant it all sincerely. Good luck at VF. (BTW, I love the whole 60s straight hair Janis Ian thing.)

  48. Juli is a very young! Are you legal, even, Juli? I feel dirty for drooling at you. How can such a young be so smart and witty? It took me decades to become the drole raconteur you all know and love. Now I feel like an underachieving loser, again.

  49. In my role as a dirty old man, I have to say I will miss the hot young Juli, ah makes me reminisce about my younger days when hot young women would still talk to me. Now it is just dirty looks for the learing old woof. Ah sigh but what where talking about again?

    Good luck Juli.

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