fun with tautologies

All Anarchists Must Register With South Carolina’s Government, So As To Avoid Breaking The Law

It is now illegal in South Carolina to participate in a violent coup of the U.S. government without first registering one’s intent to do so, according to the “Subversive Activities Registration Act,” or “S.A.R.A. K SMITH.” It states: “Every member of a subversive organization … who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States … shall register with the Secretary of State.” There’s also a $5 processing fee. It is the greatest piece of legislation since health care reform. [Raw Story]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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61 comments

  1. TGY

    “In the long and storied history of utterly retarded legislation in South Carolina, we may have finally found the legal statute that takes the cake for sheer stupidity, which we think you’ll agree is saying something,”

    Brilliant.

    Also, in re: pic – green balloons?

  2. Monsieur Grumpe

    Don’t panic. FOX News can afford the $5 fee.

    That looks like a great movie; anyone know the name?

  3. dijetlo

    Did you think the Army of the New Confederacy wasn’t going to have a draft?
    It should have been named “The Toothless Redneck Selective Service Act”.

  4. BlueStateLibtard

    If only they had thought of this when Sherman had coming marching in, perhaps him and his soldiers wouldn’t have burnt down half the state.

  5. risqueclay

    South Carolina, stop worrying about them anarchists. Back in the 70′s, I lived next door to a commune of anarchists. They were just hippie fuck-ups who wrote graffiti on their own house and used the word “facilitate” a lot. Never mowed their lawn either. But then people who advocate the violent overthrow of the government usually are not into lawn care.

  6. pampl

    Damn, if only the US had this law on its books when Osama attacked we could have busted his ass. Unless he paid the filing fee, I guess.

  7. FlownOver

    Boy, if you’re plannin’ on tryin’ any of that-there treason, y’all better git yer ass registered first.

    Has anybody looked into Reverse Secession, the authority of the US to kick a state out?

  8. chaste everywhere

    The double dose of Maher in the upper right corner’s making me want to overthrow every fucking institution on the face of the earth this morning.

    [re=511142]risqueclay[/re]: Yeah, 70′s anarchist communes, man. “Criticism and self-criticism–but mostly criticism.”

  9. Darkness

    I notice “advocating secession” is starkly absent from that list of things one must register to do. They should reconsider. It would be quite a money maker for the state.

  10. V572625694

    [re=511139]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: I think that was Georgia. That’s why SC remains unrepentant! Gamecocks!

  11. Potater

    Don’t read the Raw Story comments unless you enjoy that aneurysmy fresh feeling to start off your day.

    “Some ‘KKK’ or ‘White Supremacist’ groups are actually fronts for the Southern Law Poverty Center and the so-called Anti Defamation League. Themselves agents of a foreign government.
    Most , if not all ‘White Supremacists’ groups were/are infiltrated by the Feds probably decades ago.”

    What does this mean? I know it’s (officially) written in the English language, but it’s like that famous line from The Sound and the Fury: “Benji’s retarded, chile.”

  12. Terry

    [re=511137]gurukalehuru[/re]:

    Or people who advocate not participating in the Census? Or advocate bringing weapons to town hall meetings?

  13. Buttery1000

    [re=511125]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Don’t worry. SC has the KKK covered. According to the story, “fraternal” and “patriotic” groups are exempt from the law.

  14. Cape Clod

    [re=511129]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: It looks like Peter Graves is the guy. Might be “Killers from Space.”

  15. SayItWithWookies

    Looking at the wording of that bill, it seems to say that everybody has to register. Here’s the wording from the article: “every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States … shall register with the Secretary of State.”

    I mean, don’t we all advocate and practice the control of the US Government? I’m not even sure if the law only applies to people in South Carolina — but still, it should apply to everybody in the state, subversive or not. It’s too bad these idiots can’t even write a law clearly — but considering teabaggy aspect of this, I’m not surprised the author was able to put words together but not able to make them do what he intended. Probably homescholed.

  16. Autoo

    [re=511162]Potater[/re]: It means sometimes a giant, killer robot just needs to choke a bitch.

    Takes the edge off.

  17. Manos: Hands of Fate

    The Raw Story is kind enough to attach a PDF of the registration form and a return address. Five bucks ain’t that much folks. Time to register hundreds of versions of the “TruckNutz Brigade” and the “TruckNutz Armee Faktion.”

  18. SpikeyDog

    Kinda like the1937 Marihuana Tax Act. Register and buy a tax stamp for each bag of pot you sell, or you’ll be fined a dollar.

  19. qwerty42

    [re=511161]V572625694[/re]: No, Georgia was more a warmup for SC (which Sherman moved into after a rest in Savannah). Apparently a lot of the Union soldiers kinda blamed SC for the whole war, so they were not in an altogether good mood.

  20. Mr Blifil

    So this is a way to preemptively send Demoncratz to FEMA camps? “You want to elect whom? Are you a registered subversive overthrower? TO THE HOOSEGOW!!1!”

  21. President Beeblebrox

    [re=511189]SpikeyDog[/re]: Lots of state still have those laws, except the tax stamps cost a shitload of money, and the fines for not having tax stamps are even higher.

  22. Katydid

    From now on FitsNews (“In the long and storied history of utterly retarded legislation in South Carolina…”) is on my daily must-read list. That’s one of the funniest, and most accurate, grafs I have ever read, esp. since I lived in SC for awhile (I content it’s still better than Georgia).

    More fun SC laws:
    Until 1991, a man could not be charged with raping his wife. Sex was considered to be a husband’s right, making sexual assault part of the marriage contract. “Do you promise to love, honor, obey, and spread your legs in the name of Jesus?” “Ah do.”

    SC finally made all rape illegal in 1991, leaving only OK and NC. NC was the last to recognize marital rape as a crime in 1993. (To be fair, lots of states didn’t outlaw marital rape until the 70s. But 19 fucking and 91? 1993?)

    Interracial marriage was still technically banned in SC until 1998, when the state finally changed its Constitution to allow it.

    As they say all over the fucking place in SC, it’s God’s Country.

  23. SmutBoffin

    Ownership of Crass albums to be punishable by up to 60 days hard labor in SC’s chewin’ tobacky mines.

  24. comicbookguy

    More groups we need to register in SC:

    The Kiss Army
    TruckNutz Army
    Dick Army
    Palin 2012 (honestly, does she stand a chance outside a violent coup?)
    US Americans Need Maps
    Appalachian Trail Naked Hiking Brigade
    Citizens United for Yelling “You Lie” at the President

  25. Darkness

    [re=511181]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m sorry, the “teabaggery aspect” in what way? As in, getting a really good mailing list going for the next convention?

  26. An Outhouse

    How much lazier can Southern fried red necks get? Too lazy to infiltrate the anarchists groups, the head of the S.C intelligence decides itself is an oxymoron and asks the anarchists to save them the effort and just register themselves. It is smart to set the fee low enough so that will not be a barrier to registration.

  27. Hello Sunshine

    [re=511165]Buttery1000[/re]: “According to the story, “fraternal” and “patriotic” groups are exempt from the law.”

    So as long as you’re planning to overthrow the government for patriotic reasons it’s fine; you’re only in trouble if you’re overthrowing it due to a selfish streak or just for fun.

  28. gradgrind

    [re=511226]Katydid[/re]: God can have it. I think it’s His “warming center” for sinners expelled from the Garden who’d still like to go back, even tho’ it’s been, what, 5,000 years?

  29. NYNYNY

    I love sentences like that. If you’re some semantics scholar tell me: the way that sentence is structure is it saying that it is possible to “practice the propriety of conducting the government of the united states.” If so, what would that entail?

  30. Pithaughn

    Does someone have Chomsky’s cell phone number? He may want to avoid this beacon of enlightenment in his future travels.

  31. SayItWithWookies

    [re=511277]Darkness[/re]: Teabaggy aspect as in, 1) they’re overly concerned that someone’s going to try to overthrow the government or secretly grab power, and 2) their oh-so-simple solution is going to expose these horrible rogues. Teabaggy in that it’s written for the inane by the inane.

  32. Mr Blifil

    [re=511245]SmutBoffin[/re]: Hah the only Crass album to see the light of day in SC fell off the truck on the way to an album burning bonfire.

  33. TubeCity

    [re=511181]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thank you for providing the full text. So, not just members of subversive organizations, but everyone who “practices the duty … of conducting … the government of the United States” has to register. That means Barry and all his czars! And his Chicago thugs! Everyone who works in the federal government!

  34. One Yield Regular

    [re=511184]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Did I not just last week hear one “Sarah Palin” publicly call for a revolution? PDF printing out now…

  35. Lake Affected

    Notice it doesn’t require you to register if you advocate watering the tree of liberty, which is traditionally done with the blood of one’s heads of government. I guess that’s considered the patriotic kind of violent insurrection, and therefore okay?

  36. comicbookguy

    So many groups I need to register. The Judean People’s Front, the People’s Front of Judea, The Popular People’s Front… Jaguar’s earlobes, anyone?

  37. Apocalyptic Supermarket

    comicbookguy: “Wolf’s nipple chips. Get ‘em while they’re hot. They’re lovely!”

  38. heathenish

    South Carolina, isn’t that where they don’t wont to feed the stray children? It must be a great place. I wonder if the Black Block has any body they are willing to register in SC. Registering is kind of anit-anarchist, isn’t it? Who the hell wrote this law?

Comments are closed.