FUN WITH TAUTOLOGIES  10:29 am February 11, 2010

All Anarchists Must Register With South Carolina’s Government, So As To Avoid Breaking The Law

by Juli Weiner

It is now illegal in South Carolina to participate in a violent coup of the U.S. government without first registering one’s intent to do so, according to the “Subversive Activities Registration Act,” or “S.A.R.A. K SMITH.” It states: “Every member of a subversive organization … who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States … shall register with the Secretary of State.” There’s also a $5 processing fee. It is the greatest piece of legislation since health care reform. [Raw Story]

 
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{ 61 comments }

slavojzizek February 11, 2010 at 10:33 am

Must be a mistake. Why would South Carolina try to harass and round up all the tea-partiers?

TGY February 11, 2010 at 10:36 am

“In the long and storied history of utterly retarded legislation in South Carolina, we may have finally found the legal statute that takes the cake for sheer stupidity, which we think you’ll agree is saying something,”

Brilliant.

Also, in re: pic – green balloons?

Red Zeppelin February 11, 2010 at 10:36 am

I assume the KKK’s exempt from this. And, by the way SC, register this!

Monsieur Grumpe February 11, 2010 at 10:39 am

Don’t panic. FOX News can afford the $5 fee.

That looks like a great movie; anyone know the name?

dijetlo February 11, 2010 at 10:41 am

Did you think the Army of the New Confederacy wasn’t going to have a draft?
It should have been named “The Toothless Redneck Selective Service Act”.

weejee February 11, 2010 at 10:41 am

Whaddabout the good ol’ boys and Fort Stumper SumpPumper Sumter?

x111e7thst February 11, 2010 at 10:43 am

So now we know where the Shrub got the inspiration for the famous Commander Codpiece look.

gurukalehuru February 11, 2010 at 10:46 am

Does that include people who want to drown the government in a bathtub?

RoscoePColtraine February 11, 2010 at 10:46 am

I see the approach here is to hang them on “technicalities.” Clever!

BlueStateLibtard February 11, 2010 at 10:47 am

If only they had thought of this when Sherman had coming marching in, perhaps him and his soldiers wouldn’t have burnt down half the state.

risqueclay February 11, 2010 at 10:50 am

South Carolina, stop worrying about them anarchists. Back in the 70′s, I lived next door to a commune of anarchists. They were just hippie fuck-ups who wrote graffiti on their own house and used the word “facilitate” a lot. Never mowed their lawn either. But then people who advocate the violent overthrow of the government usually are not into lawn care.

Wugou February 11, 2010 at 10:51 am

Toby Ziegler finally gets his way.

pampl February 11, 2010 at 10:52 am

Damn, if only the US had this law on its books when Osama attacked we could have busted his ass. Unless he paid the filing fee, I guess.

FlownOver February 11, 2010 at 10:54 am

Boy, if you’re plannin’ on tryin’ any of that-there treason, y’all better git yer ass registered first.

Has anybody looked into Reverse Secession, the authority of the US to kick a state out?

chaste everywhere February 11, 2010 at 10:57 am

The double dose of Maher in the upper right corner’s making me want to overthrow every fucking institution on the face of the earth this morning.

[re=511142]risqueclay[/re]: Yeah, 70′s anarchist communes, man. “Criticism and self-criticism–but mostly criticism.”

Darkness February 11, 2010 at 10:59 am

I notice “advocating secession” is starkly absent from that list of things one must register to do. They should reconsider. It would be quite a money maker for the state.

V572625694 February 11, 2010 at 11:03 am

[re=511139]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: I think that was Georgia. That’s why SC remains unrepentant! Gamecocks!

Potater February 11, 2010 at 11:03 am

Don’t read the Raw Story comments unless you enjoy that aneurysmy fresh feeling to start off your day.

“Some ‘KKK’ or ‘White Supremacist’ groups are actually fronts for the Southern Law Poverty Center and the so-called Anti Defamation League. Themselves agents of a foreign government.
Most , if not all ‘White Supremacists’ groups were/are infiltrated by the Feds probably decades ago.”

What does this mean? I know it’s (officially) written in the English language, but it’s like that famous line from The Sound and the Fury: “Benji’s retarded, chile.”

Terry February 11, 2010 at 11:05 am

[re=511137]gurukalehuru[/re]:

Or people who advocate not participating in the Census? Or advocate bringing weapons to town hall meetings?

Buttery1000 February 11, 2010 at 11:05 am

[re=511125]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Don’t worry. SC has the KKK covered. According to the story, “fraternal” and “patriotic” groups are exempt from the law.

betterDeadThanRed February 11, 2010 at 11:07 am

When anarchists are outlawed, only outlaws will be anarchists.

sezme February 11, 2010 at 11:07 am

Sounds pretty straightforward. Is there some sort of catch?

Cape Clod February 11, 2010 at 11:11 am

[re=511129]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: It looks like Peter Graves is the guy. Might be “Killers from Space.”

F*T*S* February 11, 2010 at 11:11 am

Look at the codpiece on the robot! Terrifying.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla February 11, 2010 at 11:11 am

I feel safer.

WadISay February 11, 2010 at 11:14 am

For $5, do you get the Mark of teh Beast on you?

SayItWithWookies February 11, 2010 at 11:14 am

Looking at the wording of that bill, it seems to say that everybody has to register. Here’s the wording from the article: “every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States … shall register with the Secretary of State.”

I mean, don’t we all advocate and practice the control of the US Government? I’m not even sure if the law only applies to people in South Carolina — but still, it should apply to everybody in the state, subversive or not. It’s too bad these idiots can’t even write a law clearly — but considering teabaggy aspect of this, I’m not surprised the author was able to put words together but not able to make them do what he intended. Probably homescholed.

Autoo February 11, 2010 at 11:16 am

[re=511162]Potater[/re]: It means sometimes a giant, killer robot just needs to choke a bitch.

Takes the edge off.

Manos: Hands of Fate February 11, 2010 at 11:17 am

The Raw Story is kind enough to attach a PDF of the registration form and a return address. Five bucks ain’t that much folks. Time to register hundreds of versions of the “TruckNutz Brigade” and the “TruckNutz Armee Faktion.”

Joshua Norton February 11, 2010 at 11:18 am

So does the RNC have to register just once or per person?

SpikeyDog February 11, 2010 at 11:23 am

Kinda like the1937 Marihuana Tax Act. Register and buy a tax stamp for each bag of pot you sell, or you’ll be fined a dollar.

qwerty42 February 11, 2010 at 11:28 am

[re=511161]V572625694[/re]: No, Georgia was more a warmup for SC (which Sherman moved into after a rest in Savannah). Apparently a lot of the Union soldiers kinda blamed SC for the whole war, so they were not in an altogether good mood.

Mr Blifil February 11, 2010 at 11:32 am

So this is a way to preemptively send Demoncratz to FEMA camps? “You want to elect whom? Are you a registered subversive overthrower? TO THE HOOSEGOW!!1!”

President Beeblebrox February 11, 2010 at 11:38 am

[re=511189]SpikeyDog[/re]: Lots of state still have those laws, except the tax stamps cost a shitload of money, and the fines for not having tax stamps are even higher.

bopumofu February 11, 2010 at 11:47 am

Well the Sedition Act was never ruled unconstitutional, whatever Jefferson thought about it.

WhatTheHeck February 11, 2010 at 11:51 am

So for $5, the Iranian government can be a legitimate, registered group in S.C.

Katydid February 11, 2010 at 12:05 pm

From now on FitsNews (“In the long and storied history of utterly retarded legislation in South Carolina…”) is on my daily must-read list. That’s one of the funniest, and most accurate, grafs I have ever read, esp. since I lived in SC for awhile (I content it’s still better than Georgia).

More fun SC laws:
Until 1991, a man could not be charged with raping his wife. Sex was considered to be a husband’s right, making sexual assault part of the marriage contract. “Do you promise to love, honor, obey, and spread your legs in the name of Jesus?” “Ah do.”

SC finally made all rape illegal in 1991, leaving only OK and NC. NC was the last to recognize marital rape as a crime in 1993. (To be fair, lots of states didn’t outlaw marital rape until the 70s. But 19 fucking and 91? 1993?)

Interracial marriage was still technically banned in SC until 1998, when the state finally changed its Constitution to allow it.

As they say all over the fucking place in SC, it’s God’s Country.

SmutBoffin February 11, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Ownership of Crass albums to be punishable by up to 60 days hard labor in SC’s chewin’ tobacky mines.

comicbookguy February 11, 2010 at 12:21 pm

More groups we need to register in SC:

The Kiss Army
TruckNutz Army
Dick Army
Palin 2012 (honestly, does she stand a chance outside a violent coup?)
US Americans Need Maps
Appalachian Trail Naked Hiking Brigade
Citizens United for Yelling “You Lie” at the President

Darkness February 11, 2010 at 12:31 pm

Oh, I want a pet robot.

Darkness February 11, 2010 at 12:34 pm

[re=511181]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m sorry, the “teabaggery aspect” in what way? As in, getting a really good mailing list going for the next convention?

teebob2000 February 11, 2010 at 12:45 pm

[re=511172]Cape Clod[/re]: “Jimmy, have you ever seen a robot naked?”

An Outhouse February 11, 2010 at 1:04 pm

How much lazier can Southern fried red necks get? Too lazy to infiltrate the anarchists groups, the head of the S.C intelligence decides itself is an oxymoron and asks the anarchists to save them the effort and just register themselves. It is smart to set the fee low enough so that will not be a barrier to registration.

Hello Sunshine February 11, 2010 at 1:14 pm

[re=511165]Buttery1000[/re]: “According to the story, “fraternal” and “patriotic” groups are exempt from the law.”

So as long as you’re planning to overthrow the government for patriotic reasons it’s fine; you’re only in trouble if you’re overthrowing it due to a selfish streak or just for fun.

gradgrind February 11, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=511226]Katydid[/re]: God can have it. I think it’s His “warming center” for sinners expelled from the Garden who’d still like to go back, even tho’ it’s been, what, 5,000 years?

NYNYNY February 11, 2010 at 1:30 pm

I love sentences like that. If you’re some semantics scholar tell me: the way that sentence is structure is it saying that it is possible to “practice the propriety of conducting the government of the united states.” If so, what would that entail?

Pithaughn February 11, 2010 at 1:38 pm

Does someone have Chomsky’s cell phone number? He may want to avoid this beacon of enlightenment in his future travels.

El Pinche February 11, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Forgive me if someone already pointed this out, but hubba hubba, that robot is hung.

SayItWithWookies February 11, 2010 at 1:46 pm

[re=511277]Darkness[/re]: Teabaggy aspect as in, 1) they’re overly concerned that someone’s going to try to overthrow the government or secretly grab power, and 2) their oh-so-simple solution is going to expose these horrible rogues. Teabaggy in that it’s written for the inane by the inane.

crookedE February 11, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Why is that man feeling up that robot?

Mr Blifil February 11, 2010 at 3:03 pm

[re=511245]SmutBoffin[/re]: Hah the only Crass album to see the light of day in SC fell off the truck on the way to an album burning bonfire.

TubeCity February 11, 2010 at 3:27 pm

[re=511181]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thank you for providing the full text. So, not just members of subversive organizations, but everyone who “practices the duty … of conducting … the government of the United States” has to register. That means Barry and all his czars! And his Chicago thugs! Everyone who works in the federal government!

One Yield Regular February 11, 2010 at 4:49 pm

[re=511184]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Did I not just last week hear one “Sarah Palin” publicly call for a revolution? PDF printing out now…

Lake Affected February 11, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Notice it doesn’t require you to register if you advocate watering the tree of liberty, which is traditionally done with the blood of one’s heads of government. I guess that’s considered the patriotic kind of violent insurrection, and therefore okay?

TubeCity February 11, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Hot erotic asphyxiation threesome action photo, there.

comicbookguy February 11, 2010 at 7:06 pm

So many groups I need to register. The Judean People’s Front, the People’s Front of Judea, The Popular People’s Front… Jaguar’s earlobes, anyone?

Apocalyptic Supermarket February 11, 2010 at 8:47 pm

Does “retarded” count as satire here? Just wondering.

Apocalyptic Supermarket February 11, 2010 at 8:48 pm

comicbookguy: “Wolf’s nipple chips. Get ‘em while they’re hot. They’re lovely!”

ladymacbeth February 11, 2010 at 9:46 pm

this picture-gram reminds me: where ARE our jet pacs?

jesus.

heathenish February 11, 2010 at 9:58 pm

South Carolina, isn’t that where they don’t wont to feed the stray children? It must be a great place. I wonder if the Black Block has any body they are willing to register in SC. Registering is kind of anit-anarchist, isn’t it? Who the hell wrote this law?

boyhowdy February 12, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Is this because Stephen Colbert is the President of South Carolina?

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