HIS HAIR? INNOCENT  9:18 am February 11, 2010

The Truth Will Set Blagojevich Free So Hard

by Juli Weiner

Besides maybe—maybe—like, “swift-footed Odysseus,” has there ever been an epithet more memorable or enduring than “disgraced former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich”? D.F.I.G. Rod Blagojevich is pleading not guilty, baby, for the numerous felonies he was recorded committing and planning to commit. Yesterday in court, he said this: “I challenge the government, if you’re on the side of truth and justice like you say you are, and if this was a crime spree like you claim it was, then don’t hide behind technicalities. Play all the tapes.” Right-o!

This is so, so not even close to the worst one:

Wall Street Journal, ten Illinois senate seats for this kicker: “Mr. Blagojevich was asked by Judge Zagel during the proceeding if his medication had changed. The former governor said he wasn’t taking any.”


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AllHat February 11, 2010 at 9:25 am

re: byline: “His Hair? Innocent.” I’m really not so sure.

norbizness February 11, 2010 at 9:27 am

Doesn’t Bill Maher look like just the world’s worst human being? And two of them is no picnic either.

UnattendedConsequence February 11, 2010 at 9:28 am

He’s a savvy guy and Americans don’t begrudge a man his success. So the judge should stop prosecutin’ on Blaggy. Remember, you’re not guilty if you never admit that you’re guilty.

ManchuCandidate February 11, 2010 at 9:29 am


EdFlinstone February 11, 2010 at 9:30 am

Rod is superman and his hair in immune from the effects of kryptonite.

Sparky McGruff February 11, 2010 at 9:31 am

Yeah, play all the tapes, baby. I just can’t hear enough of R-Blag. They need to play the remixes, too.

I’m waiting for the “greatest hits” album. I hear that it’s going to have a new track, “Don’t Mess Wit Da Luv Gov (Featuring T-Pain)”. Hopefully the new single will drop in time for the trial! Word!

Berkeley Bear February 11, 2010 at 9:37 am

500 hours of that Serbian bastard will make you not only want to spring him, but kill the first Albanian Muslim you find in the name of pan-Slavic nationalism. Or at least eat Maxwell Street Polish Sausages until your anus explodes.

weejee February 11, 2010 at 9:47 am

[re=511094]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Rod is the epitome of Maxwell Street daze. Ya need a watch, suit, or senator give him a call.

bitchincamaro February 11, 2010 at 9:52 am

Yummy! I loves me some Chicago sausage-making in the morning.

TGY February 11, 2010 at 10:01 am

Like Odysseus and the Odyssey, some day Rod will have an epic poem composed about his adventures: the Blagodyssey. Or perhaps the Rodyssey. Whatever. Has he stopped being black, now?

Red Zeppelin February 11, 2010 at 10:05 am

[re=511094]Berkeley Bear[/re]: I feel like riding the El to a windowless bar and drinking a pitcher of Old Style.

TGY February 11, 2010 at 10:07 am

… and the judge’s question foreshadows a sentence to a Place of Psychiatric Rehabilitation or Las Vegas, whichevs.

4tehlulz February 11, 2010 at 10:08 am

The dead air at the beginning set up the rest of the call really well.

Carrabuda February 11, 2010 at 10:12 am

[re=511105]TGY[/re]: Rodyssey FTW.

Pithaughn February 11, 2010 at 10:19 am

Needss the CC. Us oldsters, ya know? Perhaps one of those “Call the Big Hammer to get your money, if you were a uranium miner” TV lawyers could sponsor the CC.

x111e7thst February 11, 2010 at 10:27 am

[re=511105]TGY[/re]: He has to stop being black before The Blagophagy can be written. An epic poem cannot be about a black person. Not in God’s US Murika.

NewAlgier February 11, 2010 at 10:44 am

Enduring epithets: “Panamanian strongman General Manuel Noriega.” It sings.

chaste everywhere February 11, 2010 at 10:53 am

[re=511105]TGY[/re]: [re=511112]Carrabuda[/re]: Or how about Blago’s Inferno? With, say, Mayor Daley Senior as our Virgilian guide: “Halfway along our hairline’s beauteous path, I found myself in a foetid swamp of graft . . .”

Lascauxcaveman February 11, 2010 at 11:26 am

[re=511089]norbizness[/re]: Doesn’t Bill Maher look like just the world’s worst human being?

I think Bill Maher and Kathy Griffin should get married and have a dozen beautiful, beautiful children.

Maybe if they converted to Mormon, they could work Paris Hilton into the marriage too; a ‘Big Love’ kinda deal.

riverside68 February 11, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Blago reminds me of my public defender days. The six foot two, 250# defendant demands that the 911 tape of the terrified 5 foot 2, 110# victim be played so the jury could hear what a manipulative witch she was. It didn’t usually end well for my client. (But hey, it was his defense, who was I to try to talk him out of it?)

Bye Bye Blago

Roy Dillon February 11, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Odysseus is not “swift-footed.” He is resourceful (polumytis).

girlhat February 11, 2010 at 1:52 pm

[re=511375]Roy Dillon[/re]: I am so glad you said that shit first so I didn’t have to be that person. The Classicist’s burden of assholery is a heavy one indeed!

Roy Dillon February 11, 2010 at 1:55 pm

[re=511413]girlhat[/re]: Gentleman asshole, at your service, m’am! But really, I just couldn’t let that one go.

Chet Kincaid February 11, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Notorious D.F.I.G.

(which one?)

morecowbell February 12, 2010 at 4:26 am

[re=511147]chaste everywhere[/re]: Which gaming platform will it be on?

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